Monday, June 12, 2006

Hogzilla!


Emily sent me an email today Subject: Enjoy! with a link to this article. I would suggest you read or at least skim it before reading this post. The basis of the article is a practice of certain men in Cleveland(?) called "hogging" or "sweat-hogging" which basically boils down to men who go to bars and find "desperate fat girls" to give them head in the parking lot, or take home to have sex with only to leave as quickly and quietly as they can in the morning because to them fat girls are not worthy of a morning after.

Most of the article is pretty disgusting and disturbing, and the only thing that makes me feel slightly better about it is that the men interviewed seem like caricatures of men who I would never like to meet anyways: beer guzzling yokels who have bad grammar and missing teeth and probably value the 2nd amendment over our other civil liberties.

The article provides such lovely images as tricking a fat girl to come over and have sex with you as your friends hide out in the closet and giggle as you mount her doggy style and ask her to call you Mr. President, to which she obliges because she is so fat and lonely and pathetic that she is grateful for any kind of physical attention from a man.

Hogging is made out to be some sort of underground tradition, a boys club type of activity that is passed from generation to generation, something you do to boost you self esteem or because you don't want to go home alone.

While I have no basis on which to make this claim, I think that the actual act of "hogging" is not a widespread phenomenon as a conscience activity. I doubt many men end the night thinking, "It's almost closing time, time to go hogging!". Yet, I can't help but feel that many of the cruel and humiliating activities that the hoggers do is an exaggerated example of the way many men feel about sleeping fat women.

I think what made me so sad about it was that they would use tactics like being mean and degrading to the girl, to actually get the girl. The fact that a girl would go home with the guy after he repeatedly put her down speaks volumes about how sad some fat girls act and feel about themselves. I cannot help but wonder what triggers a larger girl to go home with such a guy and uphold the stereotype that fat girls will take it when they can.

I know that many of our readers seem to have had a different experience with men then I do, but I find that (some? most?) men:

1. Might sleep with a fat girl but;
2. Won't be seen with a fat girl in public and will most certainly not;
3. Tell his friends that he has been with a fat girl.
4. View fat girls as easy prey and expect her to be thankful for opportunity to suck a mans dick.
5. Will enjoy or even prefer sex with a fat girl but won't admit it to himself or others.
6. Will leave before it could even be considered morning.
7. Many won't even view fat women as actual women but as large objects of ridicule.

Hogging is obviously gross and demeaning, but at least they are somewhat honest with themselves. Maybe it's just my current state of mind, but after reading this article, I can't help but wonder if most sexual encounters I have had could properly fall under the category of hogging...and yes, that does say something about the men I have been with.

Or is hogging just a frat boy way of rationalizing the fact that he went home with an overweight girl because the skinny ones wouldn't give him the time of day?

69 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh my Lord! What is that in the picture? Is that real?

Plain_Jane said...

I have most certainly been hogged. I know I have. This made me want to cry.

Anonymous said...

I feel like you can post a picture of every guy I have ever slept with over the picture of the guy next to that hanging hog.

Sam said...

Who are those fat women who claim that men are all over them? I am fat and I get catcalls and stared at, but no men ever approach me like a ladt and want to "date". I have been hogged.

january said...

God, that was awful. I'm hardly Mary Sunshine, but it's hard to believe that people that hideous really exist. It makes the vengeful part of me come out...like I'd like to have one of those guys try to "hog" me, then find some way to humiliate the shit out of him. Awful.

There are some good guys out there that will love us for who we are...my husband, fortunately for me, is one. He's not attracted to fat women just for being fat, I guess just this fat woman. In fact, he has a work function this week and I didn't want to go. Just feeling ashamed and like I don't want him to be seen with me.

He was so mad that I felt that way, assured me that I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him and he's proud of me. He also said I should never say anything like that again. He never talks to me like that, in a strong tone. But it was fine by me. :)

So, ladies, there are good guys out there - guys who will love us for us and would be equally horrified by animals like the ones in the article. Keep your eyes open.

january said...

And don't settle. That's really what I meant to say. Whoever, and whenever, the right guy comes...he'll be worth the wait.

(Aaaaaand...these past two messages are Proof that Prozac Works. Woo!)

Maura said...

Hogging is obviously gross and demeaning, but at least they are somewhat honest with themselves.

Are you kidding me? I mean, Hitler was probably honest with himself, too, but come on. These guys get credit for being proud of being cruel, misogynistic assholes? Give me a break!!

They're assholes, pure and simple. Borderline sociopathic horror shows. They deserve nothing but scorn, and certainly not credit.

Rachel said...

Maura,

I agree with the original quote, Hogging is obviously gross and demeaning.... I would rather deal with an honest asshole than a subtle bigot. You know what you're dealing with right up front with an honest asshole. The subtle bigot lets you get attached and begins to care before you find out they're ashamed of you or their attraction to fat girls.

Yeah, the honest asshole is deserving of scorn, but at least you know where they're coming from.

Marly said...

This is very possibly the most horrifying thing that I have ever read. The sheer fact that these men have a NAME for this demeaning practice and are proud of themselves for doing it makes me angry and depressed at the same time. I have many obese/overweight friends, and I'd kick the ass of ANYONE who even thought of doing that to them! Thank god they have more self respect and self confidence than to go home with some loser who insults them.

But, there are assholes who prey on desperate thin chicks too- "look for the nerdy one" "spot the virgin" "seperate the antelope" "get the drunkie" etc. Some guys are just assholes.

pepa said...

Does this article describe pathetic people or what?! I feel sorry for the girls that these hoggers talk about. These girls must have zero self-esteem to end up with these pigs (because the real pigs are the guys that have this "hobby" - no doubt).

The hoggers are right about one thing: The girls have to be pretty desperate and instinct-defficient to end up with guys like them.

I've struggled with my weight in the past but I am so thankful that I never had such a degree of low self-esteem! A friend once told me that I acted "normal for a fat chick". What she meant is that I had the mentality of a normal-sized girl. :-) No I was never in denial about my weight, but I just didn't let my weight define my behavior and I certainly never let my weight dictate what I deserved and didn't deserve from life. I always knew that I deserved the best and that's why I think I attracted the best: In terms of love and friendship this has certainly been true for me.

I think these people in the article are a product of their society and it's becoming more apparent than ever that society needs some deep reflecting on how it relates to fat people and on how it's been breeding some serious dysfunction and misogyny.

ShortDave said...

The 'being rude to a girl to get her to like you' thing isn't solely for fat women, it works incredibly well on skinny girls, actually the more a girl fits the 'ideal woman' physique, the more insecure they usually are.
Making fun of them makes them second guess themselves and become interested, I do it myself, never mean-spirited like the guys from the article, but playful and fun. But the end result is the same.

floradoragirl37 said...

My Ex boyfriend had told me that there was a scientific theory that when us, as humans developed, an offshoot of the neanderthal actually survived and evolved amongst us. This article proves that to me.
I guarantee that the men who were proudly telling their "hog tales" that they were ugly, toothless, with low IQs, and probably had penises so small one would actually need a magnifying glass to find it.
It doesn't so much shock me as it saddens me about how big people are so much still treated like trash. It seems, when we read these kinds of articles that the fat movement has barely moved us an inch.
If this were an article about a religious or ethnic group, these jerks would be hung from the highest tree.
;0(

dani said...

It's hard not to have the freedom of speech when guns are legal. Anyways I digress:

I guarantee that the men who were proudly telling their "hog tales" that they were ugly, toothless, with low IQs, and probably had penises so small one would actually need a magnifying glass to find it.

I can guarentee they're not. Not only have I seen this happen, and the guys looked like your average everyday normal attractive guys, but I KNEW guys who took part in this stuff. Nothing identifying about them at all. Some people are just mean spirited. Generally, they are your average looking to good looking guys who never grew up past high school.

littlem said...

Marly said,
"But, there are assholes who prey on desperate thin chicks too- 'look for the nerdy one', 'spot the virgin', 'seperate the antelope', 'get the drunkie', etc. Some guys are just assholes."

Pepa said,
"The hoggers are right about one thing: The girls have to be pretty desperate and instinct-defficient to end up with guys like them."

More than anything, I think these two things are the issue.

floradoragirl37 said...

From what I read in the article, these guys were nothing fabulous, and they probably had the iq level of a tapeworm. You can disagree with my hypothesis, but I believe what I believe because I read between the lines.
Leave it to someone on this blog to contradict what some of us say.
I have seen some guys who despise fat girls, and the ones I have noted were insecure about themselves, to the point where they feel they need to tear another human being apart to make themselves feel better.
I have found (where I come from) that a lot of the attractive men don't seem to mind a little flesh on the bones. I think in Canada, we are a little more open minded about people with differences.
If you disagree with me, that's fine. This has been my personal experience. I have never had difficulty finding a man, nor keeping him. I have never been desperate enough to do what some women may or may not do.

floradoragirl37 said...

Also,
I am speaking only of the men I read about in the article...I don't know any of the men you know, but I am very sad for them. No matter what someone actually looks like, if they have that kind of attitude, to me, they become instantly ugly.
Mr. Mustache is a prime example.
Any guy who announces he's "Goin' Hoggin' doesn't sound like he is wrapped too tightly.

Stacia said...

I think this happens more often than the article wants to admit. In college picking up the fat girls at a bar at the end of the night was common.

My anecdote: I was split from my husband for a time and a guy I barely knew emailed me, wanted to go to a bar, and I said yes. He was on his best behavior and seemed normal. I got too tipsy and went home with him. The sex was horrible. He wanted me to stay over afterwards but by then I was sober and just not interested in him. A few days later he wanted to go out again. When I hesitated, he immediately showed his true colors. He was using techniques from the old Usenet group alt.seduction.fast which said you should demean the woman and she'll fall all over you. It was sad and when he asked me out again I must have looked horrified.

And he was honestly hurt for a moment that I turned him down. All this talk of these men not getting their feelings hurt if it's "just a fat chick" are way off the mark. For many of these guys with low self-esteem, they're MORE upset that someone they think is desperate would turn them down. Sure, Tyra Banks would turn them down. But a fat chick? They figure they must be terrible people if even a fat chick doesn't want them.

What bothers me is the women who go home with men who show their true colors from the very beginning. I would wonder if these men in the article really are insulting from the get-go or if they're just bragging for the reporter. I bet they pretend to be nice at first and then turn into dickwads.

William said...

I think that if this reporter was a Man she would be a hogger too! She seemed too in these guys culture.

William

BBWInTheCity said...

Now I see why you ladies dont post much on dating as a bbw.
Between this article and the informal craigslist survey, well its enough to scare any of us.
In my humble opinion, I have seen some BBW's act slutty simply for male attention. They need to follow the rules of dating and expect to be courted like any other thin woman.

Maulleigh said...

I've degraded myself on many an occasion for a man and it hurts!!

Anonymous said...

How does anyone here know they've been hogged? Or rather, how do you know it wasn't just a one night stand? Did the guy say degrading things to you? And if so, why in the hell did you blow and/or sleep with him?

I am fat and always have been, but have never been hogged. I have, however, had four really wonderful relationships with terrific guys who loved and cared for me.

Anonymous said...

Growing up in Bay Village, Chris and his football pals only joked about hogging. In a town where most of the girls were pretty, there wasn't much more to do than talk.

Having grown up in the Cleveland area I found this comment disturbing as well. Why? because Bay Village is well known in the Cleveland area as being affluent and wealthy. So this statement shows the author's own biases against fat women - fat women couldn't POSSIBLY be from that part of town.

Laura said...

Men seem to have this hard-wired instinct to find the biggest weakness of someone and exploit it. That is horrible. Rather than figuring out what they really want and go after it, they take the easy road.

This has never happened to me, and I won't let it happen. I don't take that kind of shit from anyone.

If I ever met a guy who admitted to doing that, I truly think I would beat the shit out of him. It is demeaning, misongynistic, and downright wrong.

Katharina said...

What gets me is what they described as being "fat"... average height, 160 or 170? What the hell!

JessiferSeabs said...

Katharina, that's EXACTLY what I thought... further proving that men actually have NO IDEA what women weight. I think my boyfriend thinks that at my heaviest I was like 180 lbs. Sucker. I was 250, and I'm STILL only at about 188 lbs.

Lame.

This is still one of the most disturbing things I've ever read, but honestly, I think that the last line sums it up... just a frat boy way of rationalizing the fact that he couldn't get a skinny girl.

JessiferSeabs said...

Other thoughts...
There is a fine line between "pulling her pigtails at recess" and demeaning / putting down women who you are interested in, but perhaps this is where it stems from? Didn't the boys who chased us and teased us on the playground ALWAYS ended up being the ones that liked us?

Other thoughts... not sure if I've been intentionally hogged before, but I know that when I was really heavy, I based my self-worth on whether or not I could GET the guy. It was really MY problem, not somebody else doing it to me. It was a very convoluded way of denying that I needed to lose weight ("well, I can get laid, I must not really be fat, unhealthy, and unattractive"). It kept me from losing weight fot a long time... until I woke up and realized that, gasp, none of these one night stands ever materialized into anything of substance...

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I was really taken aback that a hog is, apparently, an average-height woman who weighs 160. People! 160? And that's a so-called hog?

This whole article depressed me. Is kindness and human compassion just gone forever?

Gloria said...

I have to agree with Jessiferseabs, men just have no clue how much women weigh. These women they thought were in the 160 range were probably in the 200's.

Anonymous said...

Let's not forget that the guy "Rick" in the article is obviously attracted to fat women and is just fucked up in the head about it, and too chicken to go against societal standards and actually date one.

alice said...

Ditto on the weight thing - where are they getting their #s from? I doubt they're logging into myvirtualmodel or anything like that, so it's probably extrapolating from what they see on drivers licenses, etc. (which are almost always lies. I'm 250, but most of my friends are shocked to hear I'm over 200 - 200 is HUGE! Not really, folks.)

I agree that 'hogging' as a conscious activity probably isn't all that widespread, but the 'go home with someone who'll have you when you're drunk at the end of the night' phenomenon is. (FWIW, I've had 2 bad experiences that I'm pretty sure are in the latter category, but I may be one of the deluded hogs who doesn't think that it could happen to her.)

I think that there are various degrees of shitty that this behavior can take, though - denigrating someong from the start is being an unmitigated tool, although it has the plus of being honest. Hiding the fact that you're planning on denigrating someone later is awful, since it's being a lying unmitigated tool. But I think that there are some guys who don't really know what they're thinking, and while they don't plan on doing the denigrating, they're not strong enough to refrain, either. (Mark in the article.)

How do people get to be like this? Why do women (as a whole, not just heavy women) put up with being directly insulted? I'm going to go and read some feminist theory, since my mind keeps answering all of these questions with 'misogyny,' although it seems like there should be a more specific answer than that.

emily pound said...

I am sure I have been "hogged" (ugh) before, as when I was in my late teens and early 20s, I had such low self-esteem and was so desperate for male attention that I would fool around with anyone who bought me a drink or showed interest in me. I actually had very little intercourse but had a lot of oral sex. (At least I got some practice out of it and I perfected my technique for deserving lovers, so that's one positive.) It's horrifying to me now, and if any one of these pieces of shit so much as looked at me now, I'd probably punch him in the face. Or knee him in what passes for his balls.

I will say, at least, that I never intentionally made out or slept with anyone who was outwardly disrespectful and insulting to me ... at least I had that much self-esteem. What they said to their friends afterward I have no idea, but can pretty well imagine, since I never saw them again.

Personally, I think they should institute the death penalty for this kind of behaviour.

Anonymous said...

I am sure I have been "hogged" (ugh) before, as when I was in my late teens and early 20s, I had such low self-esteem and was so desperate for male attention that I would fool around with anyone who bought me a drink or showed interest in me. I actually had very little intercourse but had a lot of oral sex. (At least I got some practice out of it and I perfected my technique for deserving lovers, so that's one positive.) It's horrifying to me now, and if any one of these pieces of shit so much as looked at me now, I'd probably punch him in the face. Or knee him in what passes for his balls.

I will say, at least, that I never intentionally made out or slept with anyone who was outwardly disrespectful and insulting to me ... at least I had that much self-esteem. What they said to their friends afterward I have no idea, but can pretty well imagine, since I never saw them again.

Personally, I think they should institute the death penalty for this kind of behaviour.

floradoragirl37 said...

In a very sad way, this article was a good thing. What I mean is that if we are made aware that this kind of behavior exists, then we can somehow prevent ourselves from going down that path with someone. In a backhanded way, these idiots (including the reporter) actually did us a kind of favor.
I love Judge Judy. I watch her every day. One thing she said really struck me: (pp) "If you touch every third person you see on the shoulder, chances are you are tapping on the shoulders of idiots".
I also agree with William that the woman who wrote the article was a bit "overzealous" about the whole hogging thing. I have never read the word "hog" so many times in one article! GRRRRRRR ;o(

laurie said...

Well this assured me I should NEVER let a man know my true weight, since he's somehow conditioned to think women above ... what? 130 maybe? are "hogs." If only they knew! Dumbasses.

And I don't get this concept AT ALL that if you say demeaning things to someone (of any size) they'll be more interested in you. People do that?? People respond to that kind of behavior?

me = living under a rock, apparently.

ShortDave said...

Laurie, the concept goes like this, most women are used to being treated well and are used to having guys do whatever it takes to please them, buy them drinks laugh at their unfunny jokes, compliment them on inane details.

BOOOORING!!!

These guys are known as "nice guys" they are the ones you may have heard about. They finish last.

Enter a man that pokes fun at the girl, but in a nice way, doesn't treat her differently than he would treat an old friend, but piques her interest by being different than "the nice guys". This man will almost always go home with something. Phone number, Email address, the girl, something.

The guys in the article are malicious but they are doing basically the same think as the other guy, just to an extent that is uncivilised and incredibly demeaning.

SDave

Nana said...

This is why I no longer date men from Ohio. I dated one and he was an asshole. This article confirms my hunch that the whole state is fucked up. They gave us my asshole ex, Dubya and now this. Just a shame.

The Magnet said...

This article depresses me.

Please don't judge the male species on those two freaks of nature. I'm ashamed to share a gender with them.

Sheila said...

You know, I actually disagree with the people who think that the reporter was buying into this -- I think she was simply stepping back and letting the subjects hang themselves in the most effective way possible: with their own words. She made them look stupid, backward, socially awkward, ugly, and neck-deep in denial; but she never said they were those things, she just chose the quotes that made it clear what they were. i thought that she actually did a very nice job.

That said, I finished the article, came back and read the comments here, and just felt furious and unclean. I went in and hugged my husband really, really hard for about five minutes and told him how glad I was to be with a good man who would never do that -- and I know he wouldn't, I know it, and he confirmed that with the look of absolute horror, disbelief, and repulsion on his face when I told him about the article.

emily pound said...

I agree with Sheila. I think the reporter did a good job just sitting back and let these fools hang themselves. I don't think she was sanctioning or approving of their behaviour at all. It was more like she was just sitting back going, "Can you believe these fucking Neanderthals?"

hoggin'-ain't-so-bad said...

Ok, here's an insight into the world of the XY chromosone. You won't like it, but trust me, this is the no-bullshit version. I am not saying it's right or wrong, but as a male I can assure you that this is how it's laid out.

Men want two things from women: Sex and Social Status. That's it. Nothing else, not romance, not love, nothing. You're kidding yourself if you think different. A fat girl can provide the former, but most men perceive that he can't get social respect by having a fat girlfriend. Women are just trophies that men use as symbols of their own status and success - but getting a top model woman is hard work, and very competative. Since men also want sex, accepting a lower status female is an easy way to skip out the problems associated with winning a status-enhancing girl. "Hogging" is the obvious tactic open to men seeking sex whilst avoiding the damage to their social status that would result from a public relationship with a fat girl.

That's the male side of things, and I guarantee it's true. As to the female side, I'm less certain, not being a chick myself. But here's a guess. Women want roughly the same as men, but they're less logical and have a strong emotional sense that they also want respect and love as well as sex and status. This confuses them. So, they get all whiney when they think that the guy sleeping with them doesn't respect or love them. They don't realise that they are getting the same thing from the deal as the man: sex, but no status. It's a level playing field in hogging - the both the guy and the girl are getting the same thing. But women are driven crazy by the emotional fog that overrides their logical faculties, and they think that they are being exploited. The male is probably no prize himself - if he were, he wouldn't have had to settle for a fat girl - and so is not in a position to "exploit" the female anyway. It's a mutual agreement, a contract between equal parties. If you think of it this way, hogging is not a bad thing, and certainly not exploitative. It only seems that way because fat chicks are constantly obsessing about pointless issues like respect, instead of asserting themselves and taking what they want.

JessiferSeabs said...

Hoggin', while I think you might be partially correct in asserting that men DO want both sex and social status from their wives / girlfriends, I refuse to believe that is ALL they want. Maybe they don't know it until they have it, but for example, my boyfriend never spoke one ounce about his feelings, goals, dreams, ambitious, past, sadnesses, emotions, etc. before he met me. He was just ball of unvalidated emotions. While he might not have been looking for that sort of validation going INTO our relationship, he acknowledges that it is there (and is thankful for it!), and I have to believe that if we were to break up and he was to go looking for another relationship, that need / desire would be forefront in his mind.

There is a genetic desire with a man to start a family and "spread his seed" so to speak (barfy expression), and part of that is naturally being biologically attracted to those who are biologically suitable for reproduction and survival. It's a basic "survival of the fittest" or "Natural selection" theory.

But I refuse to believe that it makes men pigs who only care about how hot their girlfriends ass is.

Anonymous said...

That's the male side of things, and I guarantee it's true.

Sweet. Hoggin asserts that his opinion:

A. Speaks for all males worldwide.
B. Is true.

Hoggin, all females think you're a neanderthal. I guarantee it's true.

Kate said...

I don't think he's a neanderthal. I think that the neaderthals were more advanced than that.

Tim said...

Unfortunately this practice is wide-spread as I've known some guys to do it. being a fatboy and liking fatgirls I of course don't participate and have even gotten in fights with former friends who do. there's a lot of guys that know sex with a fatgirl is much better than with a skinny, but they don't want their frtiends/family to know thast they're banging a 'hog' as they refer to them. It's partly their fault and partly the girls fault to hook up with an obvious @ss and put themselves in that situation.

Stephb0b said...

I guess I’ve been living under a rock since I’ve never heard of this game before- but -I’m not surprised one bit by it! It’s nauseating to think that there are people out there that don’t give a second thought to treating another human being with such disrespect. I think the thing that really made me cringe while reading the article is the wording the one guy likes to use: “I violated her every way” and “there’s something about violating this little pig that makes me happy”. Gag.
Any hoot, in response to Mr. Hoggin’s comment above, I think that’s crap. I think that if every man played by those rules everyone of them would be living the Tom Leykis lifestyle.

Kate said...

Tim, that implies that the guy actually shows his true colors before he gets sex (or a blow job, or whatever). They don't always. It's always the safest policy, no matter what your size, to know someone long enough to have at least an inkling of his true character before sleeping with him/her.

Of course, that's not always sure-fire either. My sociopathic grandfather married my grandmother because he thought she had money. (She had an aunt who had married money, but personally, she made a churchmouse look like the Donald.) Before the ink on their marriage certificate He showed his true colors. They weren't pretty.

Stephb0b, those phrases horrified me, too. The need to "violate" another person is certainly not a symptom of sterling mental health.

Obesio said...

Another excellent and interesting post. I am always fascinated by the desire to degrade and the conscious or unconscience aquiescence of those being degraded.

Marly said...

Hoggin'-

Men do want sex, and a lot of women do too. But sex and status aren't all that all men want. Some want love, connection, and hell, some want your money.

You look at the world of sex and love and relationships like a game of monopoly, instead of a spontaneous unwritten play. Any man who degrades women like these "hoggers" do is disgusting and lowering himself in many people's eyes.

But, I do wonder- why does a girl go home with a man who insults her? Low self esteem can't be all of it... Can it?

Hong Fu said...

True, true, degradation is one of life most painful sadness. Strange, but sometime best way to heal lost of pride is for moist cute fat girl to post picture on interweb with no bra or panty. Not dirty if show love self and beautry of human form.

Hong Fu

Anonymous said...

ewwwwwwwwwww

Stacia said...

jessiferseabs: I think my boyfriend thinks that at my heaviest I was like 180 lbs. Sucker. I was 250

Ha! That's so true, my husband thinks I weigh much less than I do. It reminds me of a guy I used to play RPGs with, who made his women 6 feet tall and 120 pounds but with huge breasts. He had no concept of weight and based it all on some X-Men video game, which even listed big tall muscular men as being 160 pounds. Makes me wonder what those people weigh or if they ever got on a scale.

Tim said...

Kate, I just meant that if a girl's gonna sleep with a guy immediately after meeting him, worse at a bar, then she's also to blame. Not for the 'hogging' but just to have low morals like that to hook-up with anyone in sight. If a guy's in it purely for hogging then it shouldn't be too hard to spot, just say 'no' to sex and see what happens with him.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Tim. These guy's attitudes about the women they "hog" seem to derive from the not only the weight but the way they act, dress, and from the fact that they are willing participate in random hookups. After all, they're not targetting, say, conservatively dressed fat woman shopping at Nordstroms. They're going after women who hang around bars at 3 in the morning and are willing to blow strangers in the parking lot. I think that many guys are in relationships with fat woman that they like and respect, but one-night stands don't make for lasting relationships.

Melissa said...

Tim and Kates posts remind me of the various date rules (10 dates, 2 months, 6 weeks) to give you a better clue about the person you are seeing. They vary in time, but the point is for the woman to see if he'll stick around for whatever the random number of days/dates is before sex, and for the man to actually get to know the girl and see who she is as a person before he sleeps with her.

If it doesn't lead to a relationship, it will at least keep you from sleeping with a hogger.

Kate said...

For all those who replied, that's what I meant by It's always the safest policy, no matter what your size, to know someone long enough to have at least an inkling of his true character before sleeping with him/her. I think we're all in agreement.

I have read that relationships in which the sexual aspect begins too soon are more likely to fail. I know that's true in my case (although, historically, they haven't failed quickly enough).

Anonymous said...

This article struck me as very strange. Maybe I've been living in some strange parallel universe or under a rock or something but most fat women I know seem to be in happy relationships. Also, I notice that more than half the women (and men) I see are fat and so are quite the norm. What gives?

Marly said...

I noticed too that most of the women I meet who are in long-lasting, secure, loving relationships happen to be overweight. Is it because there is less pressure on physical looks or because all men secretly love fat women?

Fidgreen said...

I'm a bloke and I love cute fat chicks... and it's probably fair to say that for the last 12 years or so everyone who is even halfway acquainted with me knows it... I've written&performed songs/poems on the subject... I'm not "settling" (grr!) as far as I'm concerned beautiful fat girls are IT! I'm proud to be seen with my lady in public and with my friends...

I'd cheerfully club "hoggers" like baby seals...

Kate said...

fidgreen, consider yourself soundly snogged!

littlem said...

"fidgreen, consider yourself soundly snogged!"

I'm sayin'.

Heather said...

OK,so here's my question. How long do you need to be involved with a guy before you sleep with him? I mean, obviously if it's the same night you meet him, there is a very good chance that you will never see him again regardless of weight (you know...there is the kind of girl that you f--k vs the kind of girl that you marry). So if you're a fat girl, does not sleeping with him for several dates (weeks, months, whatever) guarantee that you are not being hogged? Or is it just more of a challenge for the hogger?

What's sad is, this article just reaffirms to me (correctly or not) that any guy who comes and speaks to or dances with me at a club is only doing it on a dare or as a joke.

Haystacks said...

I can't say who I am angrier with, the pieces of shit who treat fat girls like she is less than human, or the girls who allow themselves to be used that way.

I remember someone in middle school (all fat girls remember middle school, right?) telling me "No one can make you feel badly without your consent." It took me ten years to fully realise the power of Elenor Roosavelt's statement. But the facts are, these shitheads can only do this because we are not strong enough to stick up for ourselves.

I have never been "hogged"--most likley because if some drunk at a bar asked me to screw around with him I would laugh in his face. But I can sympathise with thoes who have been victimised. My only advice would be if mid-coitus a guy refers to you as anything but beautiful, punch him in the face, then while he is stunned, grab his balls and twist. I assure you that fellow will not be including you in his "hogging" boasts in the bar the next day.

sarah said...

excerpts from my entries about hogging:

you know what hogging is, right? i always have, because i am the 'hog'. but reading an essay yesterday made me realized that i was ALWAYS the hog. that not one of the people that had sex with me ever wanted to have sex with me, they were doing it as a dare, a joke, or just because they wanted to have sex and couldn't have sex with anything but a hog. of course i always knew that to some extent, and have said that before, but i always thought at least a couple of the people wanted to have sex with ME. but, they didn't. they were hogging. and i was a joke, something to degrade, something to fuck and then tell to fuck off. and of course, i used a couple of them too. but still. to know that i was always the butt of the joke sucks. i'm glad i'm not still out on the bar scene, trying to get laid. because i would, and then i would have to wake up with the realization that the guy i just let fuck me was playing me.

and,

then there was "big game hunters," the one about hogging.

Many guys claim the hog should be, and often is, grateful for their attentions. "Fat chicks never get liad, because no one wants to see 'em naked" ... "They feel appreciative just because a guy will let them give him a blow job" ... "The understand their place ... they know they're pigs. They don't get it like a normal girl could. They're desperate."

let them give a blowjob? let? what the fuck. no one's clamoring to give a bj. let. pfft. but, this is what men think of fat women. not all men i'm sure, but all the men out in bars every night. they're out to use and degrate the fat women because it's easier to get a fat woman to put out, because then the guy doesn't have to try. and it's true. unfortunately. i've been the hog and i know it. i hate that i've been that thing. but at least i realize it. i hope other women do too.


the article you linked to was in a book i got called 'scoot over skinny' which prompted both those entries last december.

Undine's Soul said...

I am so depressed by this.

Anonymous said...

I know this entry was almost a month ago but I want to comment on it. I was appalled when I read the article. I went and asked my husband about it and he just laughed and said he heard about it. It is the same thing as "dogging." Basically looking for the ugliest girl. I just stood there telling myself and this is the guy I married. He confessed that he never has done it but just heard about it. He tried using the excuses of well if a girl sleeps with a guy she just met then she is asking for it; especially if they are throwing insults at her and she still goes. He also said it is just like with drunks they know what they are doing but yet they do it. He says it is just like when a girl asks a guy she met if he has a friend for her friend. She is pawning the girl off but from a women’s perspective I see this as just not wanting to leave the friend and don't want her to sit alone; to be the third wheel. It has happened more than once to him either him being the one with the friend or just there accompanying the other friend. I am not sure we are talking about the same thing. These men actually seek out fat girls to humiliate and insult and just get satisfied with and leave or give their friends a good laugh. I think he is talking about how at the end of the night you haven't found someone so you go up to another and asks him or her if they want to come over or go somewhere. That is where both parties know it is just for the night and it is going nowhere. Neither is given false pretenses. I do not agree with either and especially do not agree with "hogging", "dogging" or any other act that is at the expense of another. My husband smirked and said I can't believe I am talking to you about this. I just really don't know why someone would do that to another. As some say it is just because they are insecure themselves and need to make someone feel just as bad as they do inside. Also could be just because they are pigs and have not matured. The only thing that I can say is that they will have their day too; if not on earth in heaven.

Anonymous said...

When I read articles like this I think our society is so wounded.

And a quick answer to Marly's question: "But, I do wonder- why does a girl go home with a man who insults her? Low self esteem can't be all of it... Can it?"

My two cents on this--it has a lot to do with what kind of relationship a woman had with her father. If a woman doesn't feel loved and/or validated by her father, then dating and relationships are going to reflect that.

Anonymous said...

I went hogging with my friends last night. It was great fun. I won second place cause my buddy found one of those rare behemoths with a gargantuan front butt.... Fucking gross. This fat tub of lard was so grateful that she let all 5 of us have sex with her. It was a hog gang bang. When we were leaving we threw cake at her and dumped ice cream from her freezer out onto the floor and told her to eat it up like a pig. Se cried and we went home for some more beers and laughs. Oh, it was so much fun!

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