Thursday, November 30, 2006

The Best Thing I Have Ever Seen

Living in Los Angeles, there is basically a mall 10 minutes from wherever you are. It's quite convenient. But, there is only one mall in particular that, I feel, basically caters to fat girls. That mall is The Fox Hills Mall. It's a little out of my way, but it's worth it. And there is little possibility of me running into people I know there, so, that's a bonus.

There is an Old Navy that has a fat girl section and there is a Lane Bryant, which is great, but they also have fat girl stores that sell, well, slutty fat girl apparel. Not exactly my style, but I have to admit how fun it is to see the girls trying things on. I personally feel like I'm exposing too much if I'm wearing a V neck t-shirt, but that's just me. (Read: Prude).

A couple of weeks ago I went there to: A. Return an online order mistake from Old Navy and B. Get dinner from this Mongolian BBQ place inside the mall. So, I was just minding my own business, waiting at my table in the food court while my meal was being prepared. Two women sat down at the table next to me with their food and started to eat. They were both bigger girls and we smiled at each other.

Then the best thing I have ever seen walked by.

A man, who couldn't be taller than 5'6 and couldn't weigh less than 350lbs walked by with a woman on his arm. She was, to put it nicely, a very large girl with a very little top on...not to mention a very little skirt just like one of the girls in those slutty fat girl stores I mentioned above. Like I said, I have no problem whatsoever with this look, it's just not for me and honestly, I think it's fun watch. They obviously were girlfriend/boyfriend and his hand was very much on her rear end.

Now, why is this the best thing I have ever seen? I'll tell you. The man had the following written on his shirt:


As soon as this caught my eye my jaw hit the floor. This was hilarious. I'm so angry Lindsey wasn't there to see this with me. So, I did the next best thing. I looked at the girls next to me to see if they had seen what I had, and they did. You could tell they couldn't believe their eyes. And, this prompted one of the ladies to say to me, "Oh my God. Did you see that?", to me, a perfect stranger. Yes, lady, yes I did.

Sadly, my food order was ready and it was time for me to depart. Depart, but not forget.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Brownies or Divorce: You Decide!

I watch a lot of crap TV dealing with weight loss. Lindsey got me hooked on that I Lost It and everyday at 3:30 in the morning, my little DVR goes off and saves a 1/2 hour of escapism for me. Not to mention my love for The Biggest Loser and all the other fat to thin shows there are out there. And, like always, there is always something that really bothers me. This time, that something is the wife/husband relationship.

I've always figured in my messed up little head that some day I would lose a ton of weight, meet a man and get married. Seldom do I think I'm going to meet a man looking the way I do right now, at least not a man worth marrying. I know that's not a very optimistic thing to say, but hey, I'm being honest. But, then I realize that even though I'm more than likely going to tell this man that at one point in my life I weighed more than a linebacker on the Raiders, there is still a possibility of me getting big again. He'll then say that he'll love me no matter what I look like, but it will be a lie.

A common thread I have seen in these weight loss shows is the fact that the husband marries a thin/thinner lady and then 25 years later ends up married to an obese woman. The husbands usually end up losing interest in their wives, sleeping in other rooms claiming the bed in the guest bedroom is better for their back, but telling the cameras that he was just not attracted to his wife anymore. That she made him disgusted and embarrassed. Yeah, I think they're asses too.

In the relationships I've been in I've lost lots of weight. Call it being uncomfortable eating in front of a boyfriend or whatever, it's just a silly fact about my life. But, knowing this has me think that I must marry a man that has seen me at my fattest, has loved me at my fattest and who knew me at my fattest. Therefore, if I lost weight, great...if I gain it back, that's okay too because he's seen me fat and obviously, liked something about me fat.

Is this possible though? Can marrying someone, at least for me, be the ultimate diet of them all? And here is a question to all of you: If you are married or in a relationship, what does your man or woman think of your weight? Were you big when you met? Has your body changed and what do they think of that change?

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

And We're Back

So, these past two weeks haven't been the best. Lindsey started a job that basically has her working 7 days a week from 8 to 8...good thing about that is her office is above a really good diner. Bad news is that my father, at a young age, passed away and I have been dealing with that. It was sudden and horrible and I'm still very looney from the whole thing, but people have been bringing over food by the tons, so that's nice. And that got me thinking about just how comforting food is and the traditions that are situated around food.

All holidays have food involved, unless you're a Jew like me and can't eat on yom kippur, but then it's all about breaking the fast, so I guess it's about food after all. Food plays such a vital role in life it's amazing and the comfort it brings during such sorrow times is something that I will never put down.

During the first few days following my father's passing I couldn't bring myself to eat. The few bites I would take sat heavy in my stomach. It just felt wrong to enjoy anything while my father, who enjoyed food with a passion, wasn't able any longer to enjoy it and to me, food lost all meaning. But, just as fast as my hunger disappeared, it came back with a vengeance and the amazing pastries and deli platters crept back into my life. It still feels wrong though.

My father was an amazing man who loved to cook, but most importantly, he loved to feed those around him. I don't know what I'm going to do without my father around...probably lose 50 or so, maybe not.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Wanna Talk About Fat?

I'm in a state of conflict. A hypocritical one at that. I was recently on the shuttle at work when a larger girl, who I don't know, made a comment to me that in reality, wasn't rude. If Lindsey had said it to me I wouldn't have even thought about it twice, but when this probably nice, fatish lady who I don't know personally made a comment about how they just don't know how to make bras for "us larger girls", I was in a state of shock.

I'm all for keeping it real. And, when I make comments about my fatness to others, it's okay, because they are my comments about my fatness, but when someone says it to you in a total surprising way, it throws you off a little bit.

What is it about fat girls, some, not all, that makes it okay for them to say fat things to other fat girls. It's one thing if it's your friend, but to a stranger, I don't know. And I'll admit it, I've done the same thing probably more than once, like the time I told Lindsey's friend Aimee some semi-retarded theory I once had about fat girls and tampons. I might have said something along the lines that most fat girls I knew wore maxi-pads instead of tampons and if there was some sort of connection. Neither Lindsey or I wear maxi-pads but that's besides the point. This girl looked at me like, "did you just classify me in your fat group?" I've felt a little bad about ever since, and this was over 4 years ago, but I digress.

I know there is a certain bond between fat girls that not one of you can deny. It's a bit of a sisterhood, a sorority of you'd like and sisters should be able to be open with their sisters, but there is a line that should not be crossed. If a woman fatter than me made a comment that put us in the same group, of course I would think, "Hey lady, I'm like, smaller...sort of...back off". But, should I feel this way? Should I embrace the fat sisterhood for all it's worth and not look back?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that fat girls feel it's okay to talk about their fatness with other fatties and I guess that I'm strangely for and against it all at once. Though, and I'd like to point out, I have yet to see a skinny girl go up to a skinny girl and lament or glorify aspects of their skinnydom...or have I just not been paying attention?

Thursday, November 02, 2006

She wore an itsy bitsy teeny weenie big ol' black bathing suit

I am leaving for a 2 week cruise in a few weeks and I am really excited about the trip, but I have put off the bathing suit issue for as long as I can...and it's time I come to a decision and purchase a new bathing suit, or swim naked on the ship.

I enjoyed my old suit. It was black and a halter and totally nondescript. It didn't look great on me, but it didn't make things worse. Unfortunately I somehow spilled bleach on it, so I am on the hunt for a new one. I don't expect bathing suit miracles because my body isn't pretty, so I tend to stick to simple shapes, dark colors, and no frills. I am an hourglass shape with all of my weight in my boobs and belly, so the little skirted suits don't hide much for me.

I was thinking about purchasing my suit from this store, Swimsuitsforall. Have any of you purchased a suit from this site before? I have found that some of the other sites that sell plus size bathing suits have generally poor quality clothes, so I am going to trust that an estore which only sells bathing suits has better quality merchandise.

These are a few I am considering:

Any thoughts on these? Let me know which one you guys like of these six options, or go to Swimsuitsforall and pick out another one. This is like group shopping! Maybe I should stick with all black as usual...