Hogzilla!

Emily sent me an email today Subject: Enjoy! with a link to this article. I would suggest you read or at least skim it before reading this post. The basis of the article is a practice of certain men in Cleveland(?) called "hogging" or "sweat-hogging" which basically boils down to men who go to bars and find "desperate fat girls" to give them head in the parking lot, or take home to have sex with only to leave as quickly and quietly as they can in the morning because to them fat girls are not worthy of a morning after.

Most of the article is pretty disgusting and disturbing, and the only thing that makes me feel slightly better about it is that the men interviewed seem like caricatures of men who I would never like to meet anyways: beer guzzling yokels who have bad grammar and missing teeth and probably value the 2nd amendment over our other civil liberties.

The article provides such lovely images as tricking a fat girl to come over and have sex with you as your friends hide out in the closet and giggle as you mount her doggy style and ask her to call you Mr. President, to which she obliges because she is so fat and lonely and pathetic that she is grateful for any kind of physical attention from a man.

Hogging is made out to be some sort of underground tradition, a boys club type of activity that is passed from generation to generation, something you do to boost you self esteem or because you don't want to go home alone.

While I have no basis on which to make this claim, I think that the actual act of "hogging" is not a widespread phenomenon as a conscience activity. I doubt many men end the night thinking, "It's almost closing time, time to go hogging!". Yet, I can't help but feel that many of the cruel and humiliating activities that the hoggers do is an exaggerated example of the way many men feel about sleeping fat women.

I think what made me so sad about it was that they would use tactics like being mean and degrading to the girl, to actually get the girl. The fact that a girl would go home with the guy after he repeatedly put her down speaks volumes about how sad some fat girls act and feel about themselves. I cannot help but wonder what triggers a larger girl to go home with such a guy and uphold the stereotype that fat girls will take it when they can.

I know that many of our readers seem to have had a different experience with men then I do, but I find that (some? most?) men:

1. Might sleep with a fat girl but;
2. Won't be seen with a fat girl in public and will most certainly not;
3. Tell his friends that he has been with a fat girl.
4. View fat girls as easy prey and expect her to be thankful for opportunity to suck a mans dick.
5. Will enjoy or even prefer sex with a fat girl but won't admit it to himself or others.
6. Will leave before it could even be considered morning.
7. Many won't even view fat women as actual women but as large objects of ridicule.

Hogging is obviously gross and demeaning, but at least they are somewhat honest with themselves. Maybe it's just my current state of mind, but after reading this article, I can't help but wonder if most sexual encounters I have had could properly fall under the category of hogging...and yes, that does say something about the men I have been with.

Or is hogging just a frat boy way of rationalizing the fact that he went home with an overweight girl because the skinny ones wouldn't give him the time of day?

Sibling Flabory

I came across this article in the LA Times today and I wanted to share it with all of you. I have some opinions on it and I wanted to get your feedback. The article was about two morbidly obese siblings, a brother and a sister, who each choose to have the lap band surgery. The article describes their journey and compares their weigh loss success.

Something really bothered me about this article though and I think it had to do with the fact that they point out so many times that the brother had lost a lot more weight than the sister because his diet was more militant than hers. While he stuck to proteins and veggies, she would indulge in her cravings and therefore, lost her weight more slowly. The brother worked out at a gym everyday while the sister tried her best to not talk herself out of walking on the treadmill for 10 minutes a day. The brother was married with children while the sister was single.

Maybe I felt so strongly about the article because of the brother/sister dynamic. I have an older brother myself, but he's not fat. Actually, he's a perfect. 6'1, 195lbs. And, I think it's always been a strange dynamic between the two of us. He's always so in control of his weight and diet (I see how he restricts himself), that it makes me wonder what he thinks of me. I know that siblings are different creatures...but I find it so strange that one can possess so much control while the other one, well, has no control.

Does anyone else deal with sibling rivalry in terms of weight?

So I'm Mean. Wanna Fight About It?

Everyones favorite tall skinny girl Laura made my day and didn't even realize it. I know I comment on her a lot on this blog, and while she doesn't know I actually have a blog, I think the ribbing is fine. (Get it? Ribbing! Because I can see her ribs!).

Laura, for those of you who don't know, is my 5'11, 125lb., friend who drives me crazy on a daily basis because she complains how fat she is and how she shouldn't have put non fat milk in her coffee because, "it's really just a waste of calories." Why am I friends with her? Not sure, refer to previous posts.

So, Laura made my day when she emailed me pictures of her mother when she was our age. And guess what? She looked just like Laura! And guess what else? She don't look like that any mo! She's fat now. And guess what that means? Laura's got nowhere to go but UP!

I can just imagine it now. Laura and I when we're 60 years old...me either bed ridden or normal looking, depending on how my life actually turns up and Laura...FAT! I almost want to invest in a time machine so I can make this happen pronto!

I emailed Laura back saying something fake like, "Oh, wow, you guys are like twins!" When really I wanted to scream from the roof tops:

"You're totally going to be a fat ass like me! HAhahahahaha"

The Famous Bowls!

I prefer to eat at home as apposed to eating out in a restaurant. I know that many fat people feel similarly. In my case, it's not simply because I am a fat girl and I hate when people watch me eat because I feel constantly judged, but because the way I eat is peculiar and complex and I can execute the act of eating in a more precise way when I am at home eating alone.

In one of our first posts Emily wrote about the art of preparation. She wrote, "Lindsey says I do an excellent job, but I feel she is far superior to me. She takes her time, gets things set up in perfect order, and has precise execution. It's a dance if you ask me. Preparing our food is a time honored tradition. I'm not talking about the actually preparation of the food, the cooking, the cleaning...I'm talking about preparation after the preparation.Take sushi for example. Sushi takes a lot of preparation because the ratio of food to sides is high. Sushi has the soy sauce, the eel sauce, the incredibly amazing spicy mayo and the ginger. Each of these sides must take their place in an assembly line of goodness. Same goes with any feast that includes sauces. Sauces are of most importance. Fries, sandwiches, salads, etc., all need sauces, different sauces, combined sauces, sauces, sauces, sauces. Some sauces are dressings, some are dipping, but all are sauces and all make or break a meal."

I couldn't have put it better myself!

I went out to dinner twice in the past week with friends, and while I love my friends, I know I would have enjoyed the actual meals more if I had eaten them at home. I feel really self-conscious preparing my food in a restaurant, yet I know that my meal tastes better if I take the time to create the perfect bite with the right amount of sauce, meat, carb, veggie, etc.

Which brings me to my point: KFC, a restaurant I loathe and would never eat at has created a genius product...The Famous Bowl. Now, I basically dislike KFC with as much passion as one can muster against a second tier fast food restaurant. Yes, I have a reason, but believe me that's an entirely different post. In general, I don't eat fast food (maybe once every few years), but I still have to give a shout out to my new obsession which I will never try, The Famous Bowl.

The Famous Bowl is, "Freshly prepared with layers of your KFC favorites - a generous serving of our creamy mashed potatoes, sweet kernel corn, bite size pieces of all-white meat crispy chicken, topped with our homestyle gravy and 3-cheese blend. All the KFC favorites you know and love served in a convenient easy-to-eat bowl"!

It's like KFC packaged the way I eat and is selling it to the general public. Their layered bowl of goodness is basically designed to allow one to create the perfect bite with minimal preparation! So, kudos to you KFC, you've won this round!

Just Wondering...

A few questions for our readers:

1) Who is our fan in Dubai? You check on our blog a few times a week, and I really want to know who you are and how you found our site. Are there many fat people or fatty lovers in Dubai?

2) Why do people keep finding us by googling "Are bananas fatty?" Answer: NO! Why do so many people wonder about that? Is the American educational system in such disrepare that we don't know that bananas are a nutritious food???

3) If you hate fat people, why do you read this blog?

4) How many of you are fat or overweight?

5) Are any of our readers men?

6) How many of you have had the duodenal switch surgery?

7) Are there any topics you wish we would write a post about?

If any of you are interested in answering any of these questions, feel free to leave a comment in the comment section or email us.

Lindsey Called Me Fat!

I've been looking for a new job for quite some time. And when an exceptional offer came my way, I knew I had to take it. But, it's hard. I've been at my current job over 3 years. I love the people here and I do basically no work at all. But, Baby Emily needs to get all growed up.

To make things a little easier, because it's not so easy to leave a job you actually enjoy, I made a pro/con list and I'll give you a little taste of it.
PROS

• Benefits...at the present moment, I receive NO benefits and pay my own health insurance which is a very large bill because I am very large myself.
• Commute...this job is considerably closer to my home
• Opportunity...This is America after all, land of opportunity! I'm basically in a dead end job now, viva la opportunity!
• Salary...It's a hike up from what I make now, but not by much.

CONS

• The People...The people at the new job are, to put it kindly, the most boring, old, unfunny, skinny people in the world. My job now is full of characters! Joy!
• Taxes...Right now I get paid "under the table", which is nice!
• Fatties...There are basically no fat people there. I swear! I looked. I found NOTHING!
• Food...I'll miss my lunches here. Everyday a different place to eat, ah, how I love it. They have a cafeteria, but that's not the same...or is it???

I forgot to mention one thing...My friend Laura...skinny ass Laura...works at this place. So, I emailed her and asked what exactly they serve at this cafeteria. So, she emailed me a 5 day menu that the institution puts out on their website. I, of course, then forwarded that email to Lindsey. This is how the conversation went, via email.

Me: What did you think of the Menu?

Lindsey: It looks good.

Me: I know, I'm totally going to take the job now.

Lindsey: Because of the menu?

Me: Yeah! Cream of Asparagus Soup on Mondays! Cheeseburgers everyday!

Lindsey: You're fat.

Well, thanks Lindsey! I just needed something to push me over the line and help me make a decision. So, that push just happened to be about Cream of Asparagus Soup, so what? Right?

Let's Give It Up For Lindsey!

Today, our very own Lindsey is graduating from Grad School. I wanted to give her a big shout out for a job well done. Think of all the things Lindsey can do for us! I vote that we send her to Washington DC and fight for fatty reform across the country. But, that's just me.

Anyway, Congrats Lindsey! I'm very proud of you! Sorry you have to wear that gown that makes fat girls look like walking camping tents!

Someone Tell Me I'm Not Horrible...Please

About 90% of the time, I use the handicapped stall. I would never, ever, in a million years do this in front of an actual handicapped person, but, I'm always afraid that a handicapped person is going to come in while I'm in there and have to wait. I do this mostly at work because, well, that's the only public restroom I'm usually in. There are two stalls. One is a normal stall and one is a handicapped stall. And, I swear that even if I was 110 lbs, the non-handicapped stall...is small.

I use the handicap stall whenever I can because they're bigger and, therefore, it allows me to maneuver better. I admit it. But, I feel badly. I'm in no way (knock on wood) handicapped. I'm just fat. So, it's wrong right? It's wrong that I use the handicap stall to do my business in because it's bigger and therefore I'm more comfortable? Right? What's the verdict here?

Must...Eat...Last...Piece...

I think I'm finally getting this whole, "I'm eating too much" thing and I've decided to focus my blame, not on me of course, but on America! Yes, although 100% of what I do to my own body is my own fault, I like to shift the blame from time to time and this time America gets the brunt of my anger.

The portions are OUT OF CONTROL. And, because I'm not one to back down out of a challenge, if a 10 pound plate of food is placed in front of me, my lord I will do anything to cross that finish line. I must finish what I eat, no matter what. This, sadly, often leaves me feeling ill...but sort of in that good, "I just gorged myself with deliciousness and love" kind of way.

I bet if I only ate half of what was presented on my plate, I'd lose at least some weight. Wasn't there a commercial that stated this? What is it about me that makes me think I must finish what's on my plate. Why am I a member of the clean plate-ers club? I know I'm not breaking any new ground, but I wish I could get my focus on and restrict myself. But, if I could restrict myself, I wouldn't be such a fat ass in the first place...ah, such is life.

Meet My Fat New Best Friend

I went to a wedding last weekend for a cousin that I don't ever see and who might weigh 98lbs. The wedding was nice, but, what I realized and saw was much better than any chocolate covered strawberries they were serving. (Tangent: Have you experienced the wonders of a chocolate fountain? I'm having one installed in my home ASAP). My cousin, all 98lbs of her, had a lot of fat friends. And, her fat friends had even fatter friends. And therefore, I'm giving up on dieting and, in turn, getting new, better, fatter friends.

Lindsey and I weigh the same, give or take 5lbs. So, when we're together, we're basically just two fat girls walking around. This is why I shipped her to New York. But, if I had a bigger, much fatter friend than me, I'd look awesome. Skinnykins almost. Sign me up!

Anyway, more about the wedding. It's safe to say that even the fat girls had fat friends...it was like fat girls in descending order. Each fat girl had a fatter girl to accompany her.

At one point, a girl who I would estimate to be around 210lbs started dancing. She was sort of shy about her dancing...until her bigger (I'd say around 315lbs) started dancing with her. Then, and I could tell because only another fatty can, that her self esteem was boosted because she knew she looked better dancing than the fatter friend that had started dancing right next to her.

This idea is pure genius. Therefore, I'm putting it out there that I'm on the hunt for a new, improved, fatter Lindsey.

And, to Lindsey: I'm sure you understand why I'm doing this. Maybe you could get a fatter friend and then, maybe I could see you again because we'd look skinny together compared to our newer, fatter best friends. Love ya!

Harder HARDer!!! yes yes YES! RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!!

I am in finals right now, and I am majorly stressed out! I can feel the stress in my entire body, but I think most of it has accumulated in the upper right portion of my back. I keep doing that thing where you try to contort your body so your back cracks and suddenly you get a moment of pleasure when everything pops into place, but it's just not happening...I NEED a massage.

I used to live with this one particularly hilarious/crazy/lovable Russian Girl who constantly offered to give me massages, so of course, I let her. She would do this thing where she would stick her elbow in the knots in my back and the pain and pleasure were exquisite! It was like a schadenfreude back orgasm. But I haven't live with her in quite a while and I haven't had a back massage since then.

Yesterday during my 4 hour final I kept wanting to get up and ram something hard into the spot on my back that is bothering me, but that would have been insane. Today I decided I needed to get a massage, but I can't bring myself to so it. Why? No, it's not the money. NY's Chinatown is very accessible to me, and they offer cheap massages (not all of them with "happy endings!"), but I cannot bear the thought of taking my clothes off in front of someone right now. Especially in Chinatown, all of the masseurs are tiny Chinese women who have no problem talking shit about huge American who expect to get massages. Why do I care what they think? Why do I expect one of then to call me fat to my face?

A few months ago Nicole Kidman was on Oprah and she told Oprah that she had been a massage therapist in Australia. Oprah then asked her if big fat people ever came to her for massages, and what Nicole thought about that. Nicole said that, yes, big fat people did come to her for massages, and yes, she did in fact (only sometimes) think nasty thoughts about them as she gave them their massage.

Now, of course, Nicole Kidman isn't going to be the one massaging me, but I can't help but think that whoever does is going to be intimidated and disgusted by the size of my back. Lately I feel like I have gotten so fat that it is getting in the way of things I want to do in my everyday life. I am so stressed out!

On a side note and slightly related topic, here is what a professional, the student adviser from Massage magazine said about actual masseurs who are obese,

"Now, about obesity. If there is one deal-breaker in massage school, I’d have to say it’s obesity. I’ve done my best to work with obese students, and it rarely works out. Why? Because, as I’ve said, massage therapy is an athletic profession. If you come to it slightly out of shape, well, we can work with you and get you ready. But if you come to the profession out of shape and obese, it’s going to be tough on you.

For one thing, with the high ethical standards we have regarding steering clear of inappropriate client body contact, it is very difficult for an obese massage therapist not to lay part of her body on the client while working. Usually, with obese students, I have to constantly remind them that their bosom or belly is touching the client. It is embarrassing for the student, the instructor, the client, and fellow students.

Body mechanics can only do so much when oversized bosoms, bellies and arms make inappropriate contact with the body on the table.

If you are obese and seriously thinking of becoming a massage therapist, I will tell you the program will be tough for you, if not impossible. Before you start the program, why not use it as your incentive to get down to a healthier body weight? Then you can dive right in with strength and confidence."

Wow. I guess the moral for today is to try not to let your belly or boobs touch someone inappropriately today!

Desperate times call for...

I have been aware that there are BBW nights at certain clubs for a while. There is Club Bounce and Club XL and a few others, but I am sort of offended by the names! Club XL makes me want to cry! Even though I think they are a good idea, the whole concept still creeps me out really really badly. But I am still rather intrigued about what it would be like to be in a room full of men who are actually into my rolls...almost intrigued enough to actually go to one of these events (but not quite)!

I imagine a dark room filled to the brim with fat women dressed in as little as possible while toothless men masturbate in the corner. I know it won't be that bad...right??? Why do I think they will be toothless? I have no idea...but please don't get all offended in the comments section because it's just my imagination!

Have any of you ever been to any of these events? Are the men totally fatishistic?

I hate that I have to go to special meeting places in order to meet men! I feel like a leper! What I really want is to meet a man who likes me for who I am, and not because I am fat!!! Is that too much to ask?

Aren't there any cute fat loving Jewish men under 35 who read this blog?

I realize I sound desperate and complainy today, but my birthday is around the corner and I am feeling the pressure...

The High Cost of Being Fat

They say the diet business is a gajilllion dollar industry, but they never mention that the eating industry probably makes a lot more money.

I don't know how much I spend on food a week, but come next Monday, (everything I start has to start on Monday), I will be recording how much I spend on food down to the $1.50 I spend on diet coke from a random vending machine. I've always known I spend more than the average bear on food. I don't really cook and everything I buy is take-out. Thus, the only house I will ever be able to afford is one made of gingerbread...and then I'll eat it.

My work environment doesn't help my situation. We order in lunch every single day. And, when you work for men who make hundreds of thousands of dollars each year, it's literally hard keeping up with the Jones', especially with the choices of restaurants that deliver to our office suite. Our choices include, but are not limited to: Cheesecake Factory, PF Chang's, Sisely, El Torito, Macaroni Grill and so on. Thus, each meal averages to be around 10 dollars plus tax and tip, which is basically $13-15 a meal. Not a lot to people who can afford it, but a mass amount to a struggling student like me. Let's do the math:

$13 x 5 = $65 for the week, excluding dinner.

Geez, that's a whole lot of money. That's basically $260 a month. I don't pay that much for my car. AND I'M NOT INCLUDING DINNER!

Yesterday, I went on a little something therapists and fat people like to call, a binge. It wasn't pretty and it wasn't right, but it sure tasted good. It basically came down to the fact that I was preparing myself for a diet and when I do so, I order basically what could be considered, The Last Supper. But, yesterday, I couldn't make a decision, so, I ordered both things, from two different restaurants...not one of my proudest moments. And, my dinner came to be almost a total of $40. FOR ONE MEAL. Well, two meals, but crammed into one.

Easily assumed, I think I spend around $150 dollars a week on food. That's basically a quarter of what I make a week. NOT COOL.

This doesn't even include the caloric intake I expose myself to because my meals are not made at home and therefore, cannot be counted. I've gone online and investigated some nutritional facts from several websites, but most don't offer them, (Yes Cheesecake, I'm talking about you).

Basically, I'm spending mass amounts of money and consuming mass amounts of calories eating out. There's an obvious solution to this problem, buy food at the market, prepare it myself and take lunch to work. But, let's be honest here, I'm not the type of person to do that...that would take a "life-style change" and, I'm just not ready for something like that.

So, I'm figuring, maybe I need to be shocked into saving money. I could see what I'm missing out on by being such a fat ass. In the time I could have consumed 50 meals, which doesn't take me that long, I could have afforded to lose some weight and buy myself this Gucci purse I've had my eye on.

Now, that's some motivation.

Someone Needs A New Marketing Director

I love catalogues and magazines, but, because I'm creepy I like to play a little game called: Who Sold My Name????

When I sign up for something, like a magazine or a survey...anything, I always correlate my middle initial with what the magazine's name is.

Example:

If I sign up for Cosmopolitan, I'll put that my name is Emily C. Smith (My middle name doesn't start with C and by the way, my last name isn't Smith). But, if, lets say I get a catalogue addressed to Emily C. Smith, I know that Cosmopolitan Magazine has sold my name. Like I said, I'm a little creepy.

So, when I received a catalogue called Body Central, and saw that it was addressed to Emily L. Smith, I knew that it had come from my many orderings of clothes from Lane Bryant.

"A new fat girl catalogue?" I thought to myself "Awesome."

But, to my shock and to the shock of fat girls around the country that received this catalogue at the same time, it was for skinny girls. Wait, I should clarify, it was for really skinny girls. This catalogue didn't even go into XL, like many skinny catalogues do.

I'm sure there is a simple explanation for this, like the LB happens to be owned by the same company or something, but I just want to know who the genius was who wasted postage and paper to send someone who obviously shops at Lane Bryant a skinny girl catalogue?

Gonna Get That Feeling!!!

Emily and I recently recently embarked on one of our more hilarious "diet" fiasco's in recent memory. But first, a little background information about a small bit of our "diet" history...

Normally, we keep away from the fad diets. We have been around long enough to know that they don't work, and if they do work it's either psychosomatic or it leads to some sort of heart issues (*sigh* I miss you phen-fen, you made 11th grade speedy), or you just end up gaining the weight back. The last fad I tried was when Anna Nicole went all extra creepy and showed up on literaly every subway poster in New York proclaiming that she lost all of her reality show weight by taking TrimSpa.

Yeah, I got suckered into the hype and shelled out like $60 bucks or something about 3 years ago and attempted to take TrimSpa. But the problem is that I can never seem to take pills with any regularity. So I ended up taking Trimspa for about a day and a half before giving up, and forgetting about it. About a year later I remembered that I had a full bottle of expensive TrimSpa somewhere in my room and decided I should give it another shot. I tore my room apart looking for the bottle. I looked everywhere to no avail, and then I promptly forgot about it again. Forgot about it until I was my old flatmates room a few months later and saw my TrimSpa in his open boxer/sock drawer! I was so confused (and still am), how did it get there? Did he steal my TrimSpa? Did he take it? But it's not like it's something I can ask him, but I really do wonder.

Anyway, that was a few years ago, and was my last fore into the fad diet industry. Other then that when Emily and I are really trying to lose weight we do WeightWatchers which I know for a fact really works if you follow the program, and I don't consider a fad (but that's another post). Anyway, a few weeks ago Emily started yapping in my ear about Hoodia and how she's heard great things about it and how we should try it. I made fun of her for a few days, but then something clicked in my head, and suddenly we were on the path to Hoodia. I actually think it's the word HOODIA which pulled me in. It just rolls off the tougne and sounds silly, and I like saying it. Hoodia. So, I did some internet research and found (as far as I can tell) a reputable dealer, and told Emily that we should buy some. I knew it would be a waste of money, but hey, sometimes fads are fun.

We settled on Desert Burn as our dealer, a website worth checking out if just for the comedy. First, you are greeted with an 80'sish theme song which Emily thinks says "Let's Get Skinny!", but I think says "Gonna get that feeling!". We agree to disagree and occasionally sing it to each other. Then, if you scroll down to the bottom of the page, there is a skinny "African tribesman" looking fellow in a loincloth holding some sort of instrument in one hand and a bottle of Desert Burn in the other hand. The tribesman cemented it...a week later we each had a $70 bottle of authentic Hoodia delivered to our respective homes. (Emily was really sad when the tribesman wasn't the one who delivered it...)

Let me tell you, we were excited! The next morning we each took 2 Hoodia and called each other to check on the effects: Nothing. Nothing bad (jitters, nausea, etc) and nothing good(not feeling hungry). I took my Hoodia twice a day for 3 days. Emily took hers twice a day for 6 days. And then we sort of stopped. It was TrimSpa all over again! I have serious commitment issues to pills! But not only that, I felt really ravenously hungry while taking the Hoodia on days two and three. There was like a serious compulsion to eat which I am not accustomed to. I told Emily, and she said that she was going through the same thing?!?! So, obviously, we stopped taking it.

But if in the next few months I begin to feel badly about wasting money again and decide to give Hoodia another shot, and I can't find it anywhere ... I am going straight to my old flatmate and confronting him because someday I need to find out how my TrimSpa got into his drawer!

The Marble and The Watermelon

If there is one thing I hate, it's having my picture taken. I'm not, what the model's would call, "photogenic". It's been plaguing me my whole life. Even when I was at my thinnest, (6 years old was an awesome time for me), I still didn't photograph well.

And now it's even worse, because every time I take a picture it appears as if a marble, (my head), is resting nicely atop a watermelon, (my body). Stick a carrot in where my nose should be and you could call me Frosty because I do a lovely impression of a snowman. And, of course, every time I take a picture, I have to have that moment of initial shock where I ask, "Am I really that big? Because I don't feel I'm that big". Guess what? I am.

I think the picture above perfectly replicates every single picture I have taken from 1986 to the present. Usually I'm clothed, but you get the drift. And, to be fair, I only squeeze my pannus in private. And I only look nauseatingly full half of the time.

Usually, in group photos, you will find me in the back looking like a floating head. The back of a group picture is prime location for fat people. It's an ideal spot because you can still be in the picture and camouflage the rest of your body with other people's bodies. To put it mildly, I will go out of my way to void my body out of any picture ever taken of me. And sadly, this is why there are really no pictures of me in recent times.

While over at my brother and sister-in-law's house one day I made a comment about how, all over their house, there are pictures of her and her sisters and no pictures of me. I was joking around of course and this led to them taking a horrible picture of me and my brother and placing it in prime location for people to see how fat I am. Skinny people will put up the worst pictures of you because they don't see the difference between a good fat picture and a bad fat picture. To them, you're just fat. In the right light and in the right black clothing, one can almost look skinny fat...that's a good picture.

So, until I can afford to have every picture of me ever taken and photo-shop it so my head is proportional to my body, I will forever be, the marble and the watermelon.

A New High For Not Being Low

I've been on and off jdate for years. It's sort of like craigslist, but a bit nicer because the guys actually pay for it. I know, pretty effin classy. I'm not a member, but sometimes, on occasion, I'm contacted by a Jewish boy who claims to be nice and claims to think, from what he's read, that we'd get along and that I'm pretty funny. Then they ask what Rubenesque, the body type I have chosen to reflect my personal weight, means and for some reason, I sit there and try to defend myself. So, the following is, verbatim, what was emailed from one of these men, to me.

Him: What does rubenesque mean in your book?

Me: Rubenesque in my book? I'm not thin by any means, but I'm also not grotesquely large... I have a belly and I have thighs and all that jazz...I hate the term BBW though. Do you like girls with curves?

Him: Thanks for your honest depiction of your body. Honestly, I start with the face and the eyes. Sure, I would like to be dating a model and would prefer girls who are in shape, but nobody's perfect. I guess there is "a tolerable range". I don't have it committed toa #, b/c I have no concept about women's weights. I know when I see. I don't mean to sound superficial, but every relationship is built on some type ofinitial attraction. Of course I like curves.

I'm still unsure as how to respond. Why, in all that is sane, would a boy who sees a girl that obviously isn't thin, and then write to her, if he's looking for a thin, "modelesque", girl? I think my favorite part of what he wrote was that nobody was perfect. "I like super models, but nobody is perfect". Well, obviously supermodels are perfect to him, which, by the way, is hilarious to me. I also don't know what ofinitial means...seems as though we don't have a real winner in the spelling department. But, above that models are perfect, he then goes on to state, that of course he likes curves.

A little memo to men out there...there is a difference between girls that have curves and girls that have curves. All girls have curves...we all have hips because of that little thing called child birthing, and yes, some hips are wider than others, but I hate when a guy says he loves curves and means that he loves when a girls hips jaunt out. Maybe, next time, a guy can just specify if he likes hips or he likes multiple curves in multiple areas....because that's what I seem to be packing.

Can you blow me where the Pampers is???

This probably isn't the right forum for this sadly pathetic plea, but Jeremy Piven, if you have even a passing interest in fat Jewish chicks, we should get married (I mean hang out). No, I mean married. But for you Jeremy, I'll break my own rule and have sex with ya just because I want to. Have you ever had sex with a fat girl? No? You are totally missing out! I'll gladly show you the wonders of fat sex. And I bet you are sort of freaky in the sack, and honestly, I could really be into that right about now because I am bleeding and horny and writing to you on my little blog which you will never read. Sad.

I am watching The Travel Channel's Jeremy Piven's Journey of a Lifetime, and I have fallen in love with him all over again. I mean, he is always the highlight of any movie or tv show he is in, but watching him sort of stumble through the streets of Bombay has given me a greater appreciation for the wonder that is J.Piv.

Sorry folks, just had to get that out...the next posting will be about what a fat ass I am. Promise.

Hooray For Boobies!

Every now and then, I like to think about something positive about myself or my body, which, as we all know, is sometimes not so easy for a fat girl to do. And, every time I feel down in the gutter and need a pick me up, I think about how my being fat has contributed to the best assets money could buy if I had to, but since I am fat, I don't...ha ha ha.

I have fuckin' AWESOME tits. They're amazing.

I couldn't imagine life with my girls. It's true that sometimes they restrict me from wearing button down shirts, but hey, the trade is certainly worth it. My boobs give me the confidence that sometimes I lack because of my size. They lead, and I follow. They give me an awesome shape and something to be proud of.

I'm often asked if my boobs are real. I think this is mainly due to their perfect round shape I can thank to the little extra fat stuffed into each of them.

If there is anything I have learned from being friends with skinny girls it's this: They wished they had big tits too. This, my fellow fat women, is what often gives us the upper hand when dealing with no very nice skinny women. (For you nice skinny women out there, I'm not talking about you).

Driving down the street one day with my rail thin, often rude about weight friend, we got on the topic of, of all things, penis size. To me, it doesn't matter, to her, she likes a larger penis (WOW she actually likes something larger!). She then went on to say that: "It's not like boobs where men don't care about the size. A man isn't going to pick you over me because you have big boobs. Boobs are boobs. " Uh, actually, my little friend, yeah, guys like big boobs* any way you slice it...it's actually why there's such a huge demand for breast augmentations...read the statistics little lady.

I'm often really shy to show off my goods. Lindsey, another girl with some awesome knockers, isn't so afraid. I often wonder that if I wasn't so big and I still had big boobs, would I show them off? I'm not sure. Maybe I like to keep them to myself and share them with a chosen few. They're my best diversion from men looking at my faults also, because I can distract them with my boobs...and then my mind of course!

So, in conclusion, I'm going to take a minute to 1. Thank my genetics and 2. Thank my fat (a rarity for me) for giving me something to hold my head up high to.

Yay for big, fat boobs!!!!

*I'm sure there are men that like small breasts, I'm not denying this...I'm going on the majority though.

Fat Girls Guide to Books

One thing I hate about being fat is fat girl books. I'm not referring to Fat!So! or Fat Girl's Guide...I'm referring to books like Good In Bed, She's Come Undone and Jemima J... These books start off awesome...Fat girl trying to make it in the cruel, thin world. But, then, and this always happens...they get skinny!

I love reading about fat girls. But, I have yet to come upon a book in which the fat girl character doesn't either lose weight for a man, happen to just lose weight by accident or have visions of mold growing all over her food so she stops eating. If I ever wrote a book, I'd have the fat character stay fat, win the lottery, find love and have babies, and maybe gain a few pounds along the way.

I don't know much about the author's of the above mentioned books, besides Wally Lamb who is a guy (can't blame him for not knowing about what would piss a fat woman off and She's Come Undone is one of my all time favorites), but the other authors happen to be women...are they fat? I don't know, but I, for one, am annoyed.

And, not to be all pro-fat here, but it really bothers me that these woman seem to get their lives together only when they lose the weight. They find love, they get better jobs, they start living the life. Well, screw that.

If any of you know of a fat girl book in which the fat girl stays fat, finds love, wins the lottery and maybe gains a few pounds in the process...let me know! I'm looking for a new book. In the meantime, I'm going to pretend there's mold growing on my food and see how far that takes me.

Save Jarrid!!! (No, not the Subway guy)

I am one of those creepy people who wants to own a dog that is so small that he fits comfortably in a tea cup (like the fluffball to the left). Of course, I am not really at a point on my life that owning a dog should come to fruition, so I make due by visiting websites where cute tiny dogs are featured...and then I torture my friends by sending them emails with picture attachments proclaiming that "I have officially found the cutest puppy ever"! I find the "cutest puppy ever" about twice a week.

So, I am a regular on a site called DivaPup, and it has come to my attention that there is some size discrimination going on here, and I am hoping that one of our readers might take it upon his/her self to stop the sadness. Most of the puppies featured on this site are either "tiny", "teacup". "toy", or "micro-mini", and generally the smaller they are the more money they sell for. I have already admitted that I am one of those people that want a supper tiny puppy, but it's mostly because I live in a super tiny New York City apartment, and I just don't have the room for a bigger dog.

There is a part of the website that is devoted to "special priced" dogs, and it is this page I call your attention to because there lives Jarrid (the cutey to the right). Jarrid is a puppy who has been on the site for a while, and who has been relegated to the special priced section. He is really cute and looks very sweet, but he is bigger then the other puppies, and subsequently hasn't been sold. Seriously, Jarrid has been on the website for longer then any other puppy they have.

If anyone is interested in buying a dog and lives on the East Coast (or doesn't mind paying for humane shipping), PLEASE consider taking a look at Jarrid (scroll all the way down, he's the last puppy on the special prices page) and taking him home with you. He deserves a good family...it shouldn't matter that he's bigger then his brothers and sisters, should it?

Seeing Jarrid on the site tonight almost made me cry. For reals. I get really emotional about puppies. If I had the room and the time right now I would love to own him, but I don't, so please spread the word and let's find Jarrid a home!

Mortification!

There is a girl who attends my school who is either suffering from the most severe case of anorexia I have ever seen, or who has another form of illness. I have no idea what is wrong with her, but it is clear that all is not well in her physical life. And truth be told, I am obsessed with her...Yes, that sounds cruel and rude and hypocritical, but we here at Fatty McBlog aim at being honest, even if we sound like jerks, because sometimes the truth is rude and cruel and hypocritical.

Like I said, I am obsessed with her. She cannot weigh more then 75 lbs on a 5'6 frame. And believe me when I tell you that 75 lbs is on the high end of her possible weight. I watch her every time she walks past me. I constantly expect her to just fall over, unable to support herself or the heavy books she is carrying. And it's not just me...when she walks by it's like all conversation comes to a stop. Everyone stares at her and comments after she passes. I keep wondering if she is anorexic or has another illness because I have a feeling that her parents or doctor or friends would stop her from being in my very rigorous graduate program if she were so severely anorexic.

I feel so lame staring at her because it is the exact same thing that I feel is often happening to me: People staring because of my weight. But in this day and age, everyone is sort of used to what a fat girl looks like while, and I am willing to bet, most people aren't used to seeing anyone who is as emaciated as this girl is. Think Nicole Richie at her twiggiest minus 20 lbs. Her thigh is purely femur. Her arms are the most delicate twigs. Her face is skeletal.

Now, I have never actually spoken to her or had any contact of any kind. We have never shared an elevator or smiled at each other in the hallway.I am scared of her. And no, not because she is ill or tiny or anything like that. I am scared of her because if she is anorexic, then I shudder to think of what she thinks of me. I must look like a huge mound of quivering flesh to her, complete with rolls and chins and handles. I must be her worst nightmare. What if she looks at me and thinks to herself, “Thank god I don't look like that!”I know in reality she probably has enough on her mind that she never gives me a second thought, but still, I don't like to be in her direct line of vision. And that worked well enough ... until this afternoon...

I saw my friend Ana who recently had a baby (Super cute baby Milo!) and has since transferred into night classes. I hadn't seen her all semester, so I waited by the cash register until she was done buying her lunch. So, I’m standing there and Ana is getting her change and suddenly ...DISASTER!!!!

I somehow managed to knock the 75 lbs girl into a huge rack of chips sending her flying and causing her and a lovely assortment of Doritos, Cheetos, and Sun Chips to fall to the ground!!! I think she walked into my purse as I was adjusting my body and the force was enough to push her over and into a huge pile of calories!

What I imagine in my mind is that she was staring at this rack of chips, on the verge of buying a bag, asking for a sign not to fall to temptation and then a big fat girl (me) gives her a huge sign by knocking her into the rack. What if, at that moment, she was going to start eating again and I ruined that for her?

She looked stunned for a few second, but then she managed to get up and sort of stood there while I stammered my apologies, but all I could think about was that I (the fat girl) had just pushed a possible anorexic skeleton into a wall of chips! Serious mortification!

Regurgitation

It's strange, but every so often on this blog we find the need to re-explain our viewpoint on Fat. It seems amost as if you are either pro-fat and or pro-diet, and that there isn't any room for other viewpoints. Well, we don't think that is that case. Big Fat Blog wrote about us yeasterday and we consequently have a lot more readers today, so thanks Big Fat Blog! We love new readers! So, for you new readers out there I have included below a comment I made on the Big Fat Blog site. I hope it clears up some of the confusion about our site and that many of you keep on reading...

I am writing this comment in response to Paul's comment that, "Fatty McBlog probably won't be seen by a large number of people here as totally pro-fat". Now that may be true, we probably aren't "pro-fat" in a conventional sense, but what we are are two fat girls who have varied and complex feelings about our size, and our postings reflect that. We are not always happy about being 100 lbs+ overweight. We get our feelings hurt and have shitty encounters with other members of this society, and lots of the time we wish we were not as large.

That being said, we also realize that we have no choice but to embrace our lives and live fully as fat women. So, while that might not make us "pro-fat" in some people's eyes, I have to say that what "pro-fat" means necessarily must be defined by each person individually. After all, the opposite of pro-life is not pro-death, it is pro-choice. We choose how to navigate this world as fat women, and try to write a blog that shows our truths including things that are funny, quirky, depressing, sad, banal, and confusing.

A Fatastical Experiment ... Would You Ever?

We here at Fatty McBlog occasionally like to embark on pseudo-scientific experiments to see if we can shed some light on living life as a fat girl. Obviously there is much emphasis on the word pseudo...

We posted an ad on New York's Craigslist which asked men to respond about their feelings regarding dating a fat woman.

Our ad, entitled Would You Ever? said: "Would you ever date a fat girl? What if she were "perfect" in every other way except she carries a lot of extra weight? What if she were intelligent and funny and interesting and pretty and had a great job, but she was a bbw (and not just a little chubby)? Would you ever consider dating her? Would you rather date someone really ugly or really fat? If you wouldn't date a fat girl, please include your reasons. I am interested in this topic since an overweight friend of mine recently told me that none of the men she knows treat her like a "woman" aka they don't find her attractive and none of them ever think of her in a romantic way. Please send me your honest responses. Thanks! "

I found that many people will be more honest in this medium because it is sort of anonymous and you can respond with what you really think without any repercussions. I think the answers we received are interesting because I am fascinated with how people think about the overweight in this society. And it's sort of shocking how many people responded to this ad in the first few minutes of it being up...I guess there are a lot of men who want to weigh in on the subject.

These are some of the responses we have received, hope they are enlightening (about how men who read CL ads view fat women) or at least entertaining (I didn't correct any grammer or spelling mistakes):

- because fat girls are ugly?

- to me, it's un-attractive and indicates a hellava lot of selfish,self centered type of behavior.

- well sweetie there are men you are chubby chasers and enjoy a cubby woman , But theres also and its the majority of men who feel cubby/fat women are like a motor scooter they 're fun to ride till your friends see you on one :) horrible I know but come on you did chuckle enjoy and keep smiling !

- I have dated an overweight girl. I have dated an ugly girl. It wasn't that bad. The ugly thing, that's just skin deep. However, the overweight thing is a matter of health.

- Well I would get a nice Blow job from her cause I know that she givesreally good head.....But not date her ........Maybe take her home froma bar and let her do it!!

- maybe b/c when she takes her clothes off and we see all he cellulite dripping from her bod it will make us throw up. and if your desperate enough to put up with that then we would never want her to be seen by our friends and family who might think she is gross too......thats my honest opinion

- uhhmm, I think you know the answer to this one. Why don't you date short guys? There has to be some physical, sexual attraction. I think you're wrong anyway. Some guys see fat girls as an easy score.

- Sexuality and attraction go hand in hand with dating. Someone who is perfect in every way, except for being visually and sexually appealing, would make a wonderful friend. But, since I am not in the least bit attracted to seriously overweight women, I would never date one.

- Attraction is not a choice..

- thats because the men she knows are very chidish,there is nothing wrong with a fat woman is the person inside that matters. life is to short to judge people on the way they look is pretty sad if you ask me.

- i would definitely date a fat girl not as easily as an ugly girl. i think people do give characteristics (non physical) a big role, sometimes the 'big momma' complex, the more cushion for the pushin, yet for being ugly (which is harsh to say) is definitely becoming the 'new' discrimination. deep down inside i think all men have even fantasized about a fat girl...look a the fetish world there is even a fat XXX mag out there...

- Hey there, I love BBW’s if they have a cute face and proportional weight distribution. Tell your friend that there are events exclusively for BBW’s and men that love them all over the city, just search the internet.

- I've dated fat girls but there are some issues.. they are too overweight or out of shape to make love with and that them being fatis not the issue but it's a reflection of themselves (unable to takecare of themselves, etc.) One of the ones I've gone out with had amessy apt, never cleaned the coffee maker... that kind of thing (I rarely see it with thin girls)

- I’ve always looked beyond the exterior and dated the person, not the body.

- It's the friend complex. You want your friends to think yourgirlfriend is hot or cute. Would you date a guy if all your friendstold you he was ugly? You might, but it would definitely put someunwanted strain on things right? I dated a larger girl once and yeahmy friends cracked jokes, but that's not why I ended it.Now, personally I like to work out and take care of myself, so I'd liketo date a girl who does the same. It's a common interest thing. I'dwant to do active things with the girl I date. It's the same reasonwhy I won't date someone who's supermodel-thin but won't do anythingbecause she might break a nail.

- cuz chubby girls stink down there

- hmm all pussy tastes the same i date both

- It's a simple matter of attraction - 98% of guys are not attracted to big women. You can't deny men love hot chicks...

- I'm 23 and for me it doesn't really make much of a difference. I'll date any kind of girl if we get along. For guys in general, they want to keep their image in check. They can't be seen dating a "fat" chick because he'll be abused to no end by his friends. Besides that, the "fat" chick doesn't fit the general stereotype of what kind of girls guys like. Hopefully that helped out. Anything further you'd like to know, feel free to email me.

- they are insecure and they give off that vibe soon as a thin attractive women comes into the room. Fat girls always assume we are comparing looks and shit. We (men)don't compare, that is down right shitty and not cool, no one like to be compared to an one else. most fat girls are warm fun and even attractive when you get past the whole insecurity thing.

- why don't women date short guys? usually, tall is the first thing they mention in their list of qualifications -- tall, dark and handsome. statistically, there just aren't enough tall guys to meet all that demand. women might be able to get slimmer, but guys can never get taller... those are the breaks.

- I would date any type of girl as long as she can stimulate my mind and there has to be chemistry. Looks wise, I’ve dated almost every kind of girl there is. I am really leaning more toward genuine people who can carry a conversation.

- honestly i would not date a fat girleven if she is 23even though im in my late 40sbecause her being fat demonstrates that she doesnt respect herselfand if she doesnt respect herself, i know that down the road that she wont respect meand second, it just isnt attractive from an evolutionary standpoint...the fat people move slower and are more sedentary and more likely to be attacked and injuredwhich is why there is a very natural aversion to fat people..men or women...women might have it harder because men are attracted to the hourglass figure..which gets them turned on..whereas women are more likely to accepta heavier man since they look more for security and power and money which even a fat man can do...my advice is for her to get off her fat ass, dont expect men or quality men to want to walk with her on the street or even in private if she doesnt start to respect herself...its easy..put on her sweats..and do cardio...30 or 40min..once or even twice a day..eat 3 normal meals and 3 snacks...DONT EAT JUNK FOOD DONT EAT JUNK FOOD..the last thing a man or woman can stand is looking at a fat man or woman eat..it is not PRETTY!

- Well I think every man is different and exactly howfat is fat? Some guys think its 130lbs and some thinkits 190lbs. But pretty much if you are over 220 thenthat is defiantly fat!Now most foreign men for the Middle East like theirwomen bigger, some black guys too especially blackguys form Africa, so may be if you know what you arelooking for it will make it easier to find.

- I would so date a big girl. I would rather datesomeone who is big with flesh on their bones and softcurvy corners than date someone who is skinny. Now ifyour are 5 7 and 150 lbs you are skinny for me. I would date someone who is cute and verychubby over someone cute and thin. Infact I have neverdated anyone who is thin or skinny. I am simply notattracted to them. I believe bigger girls have more to offer. Lol..

- I would and have dated girls who are bbw's, above avg, are more well roundedthan most. Though it's hard to find one that can balance sex appeal andconfidence with all the other beautiful traits they possess.Most were intelligent, funny, interesting, pretty, had a great job, greatlovers, and great to be with...but most also lacked confidence, did notcarry themselves as high as they could, always said but made no efforts tobetter themselves even with my help and motivation. In short they lacked sexappeal. A woman is a woman, but unless she feels like a woman most men will nottreat her like one. Do it for yourself first, then when you find someonethat can and will appreciate you for you, be a woman to that man. Theromance will follow.

- I just recently met a woman who responded to my ad on CL. The first time I called her we wound up talking for over three hours.The next day when I met her to go to a dinner party with her I met a very pretty,and cute woman.She is very well rounded,and I've never been with a woman as such.But,to tell you the truth I already like her very much.And her roundness does'nt make me like her any less.In fact I feel it would be very comfortable sleeping with her.
I may not be like most guys,but to me a persons personality is what makes a person beautiful.
Have a wounderful day.

- First, many men may find your friend unattractive...and that's okay. However, she really only needs to find one man (I assume) who will dig her. I'd offer that her perception might be skewed a bit by her own self esteem. Personally, a woman either is sexy and charismatic or she's not.If she's funny and she's good in bed...there are ALWAYS quality guys (not assholes) who will want to get to know her.I am not a physically attractive man. I'm tall with broad shoulders and built like a football lineman. However, I have small chin and my face is, well...I'm no Brad Pitt. Plus a 4.5" dick. However, I REALLY like women. I like everything about them...and it shows. It's all about confidence.Are there women who will stop dating me because I have a small dick? Sure. Just like there are guys who won't date a fat chick. I'm VERY good with my tongue and I'm sure your friend has talent and assets that make her attractive.For a long term relationship...I would have concerns about her health and mobility.

- Because it's repulsive. "Really" ugly is also repulsive. But, there's more latitude as to face than as to obesity. Obese is obese, flab is flab, girth is girth, -- even in the dark it's repulsive.
... and in 99% of the cases, it's voluntary. A woman has little control over her face, but she can take care of her weight -- diet, exercise, etc. So, if she's really fat, she doesn't care about her health or appearance, or pleasing her boyfriend. She stuffs her mouth to satisfy some neurotic desire other than normal hunger for food and nutrition. So. it goes to issues of character too -- the fat girl has a character defect. Of course men are excited by the visual and the svelte woman is more beautiful. But, it's not just that a woman in the normal weight range excites more lust.

- no


So, there it is, the responses we received in a little over 45 minutes on Craigslist. I had to take it down because this post is really really long (our longest ever!). What do you guys think about what they had to say? Were you surprised, amused, saddened, or could you care less?

Type Cast

So, lately, along with Lost, I've sort of been really into Gilmore Girls. Okay, I've been super into it. So much, that I locked myself in my room with a cheeseburger, french fries and season five one glorious Sunday. It was wonderful. For a girl who feels horribly guilty if she doesn't leave the house at least once a day, this was monumental. So, on Monday I was on Gilmore Girl withdrawal. I couldn't concentrate at work, all I wanted to do was get into bed and watch my girls.

Besides periodically writing posts for the blog, I also email back and forth with Laura constantly at work. Laura is my 5'11 125lb friend that I can't get rid of because well, we've been friends forever. We usually fight a lot about dumb stuff like, how I don't care what she ate that day, (2 carrots and an apple), and how I'm not going to weigh in on whether or not she should go to the gym that day. So, I try to keep the conversation light. And, what better light conversation is there than discussing Gilmore Girls?

So, the email conversation rolled on quite nicely, until, acting like we were 13, I told her I would be Rory (the main, tiny character) and she could be anyone else. This would just not do for Laura. She said that she was more like Rory and I could be...SOOKIE!

Sookie is an awesome character. In reality, I'd totally love to be Sookie. She's a master cook, married, has two babies and lives in Stars Hollow. Sounds awesome to me. But, I don' t think that's why Laura said I could be Sookie. She said I could be Sookie, because, well, Sookie is Fat. Rory is thin and Sookie is fat and how could I be Rory if I'm fat as well?


I don't want to be an actress, but I now know that I can only be cast as the fat best friend.

Scaredy Fat

While catching up on some missed television, I came to the conclusion that being fat might kill me in more ways than the usual coronary, I can be killed because I'm too fat to out run a killer or fit through a tiny hole after an avalanche.

I know that the two things I just mentioned are probably the least of my concerns, but I can't stop thinking about what would happen if there was some sort of natural disaster and Darwin's theories pop into place. This life is simply survival of the fittest and well, I'm not exactly at my physical peak.

Lindsey has me watching the first season of Lost, which I'm enjoying and trying to get through at a nice pace. In one scene, a cave some people were sitting in collapses and they're trapped. The other people dig a tiny hole and they're rescued. But, I couldn't fit through that tiny hole. I'd die.

Also, let's say I was being attacked and had to out run my killer. There is no way in hell that I would be able to do so. I imagine myself running as fast as I could for about maybe 4 minutes and then just turning to the guy and telling him to just do what he has to do because I just can't run anymore...I also couldn't hide in any small spaces to avoid my attacker.

I know this all sounds dumb, but it's weighing heavy on my mind (get it, weighing heavy).

Reverse Q&A

Lindsey and I were on the phone for 4 hours last night, (totally cutting into my Gilmore Girl Tivo'd marathon by the way), and we were discussing the possibility, as best buddies, to get gastric bypass together.

Lindsey is all about it. I'm, on the other hand, really nervous and unsure. I mean, it's a big deal. And the thought of becoming less fat, is really scary to me. Being fat is safe. It's also an excuse to not live the life I would be living if I were thinner. I'm all about comfort and boy, being fat is certainly a comfortable state to be in psychologically.

"But", I asked Lindsey, "exactly how do we go about getting the surgery with insurance and all?"

She didn't know the answer and thus, I'm writing this to all of you, our readers, who have had gastric bypass or the lap band to chime and let us know what the hell is up with it. I mean, before we go to the Dr. and ask, we thought we'd go to you.

Questions we have:

What's the first step in getting GBP/LB?
What about insurance?
What about recovery...how long does it take to feel better?
How much is it?
What about the after effects, is it dangerous?
What's your eating routine afterwards?
We have a relationship with food, what happens when that relationship is severed?
And anything else you think we should know...

Curious minds want to know...cough it up!

My Jolene's

I don't know if I've written about this before, I probably have, but I'm also too tired to take a look back. But, If I'm willing to write about it again, you must know how serious I am about this. I'm talking about skinny women and fat men. Nothing angers me more.

Now, I know I should have a better attitude about the whole thing, but I can't stop thinking about how angry it makes me. So, no comments about a better attitude, or how I need an attitude adjustment. Yes, I do...I know this.

As most of you know, I'm attracted to fat men. I'd be attracted to them even if I were skinny, which is sort of hypocritical, but I'm not skinny so it's not a issue.

It just really seems to bother me. I don't think fat people should only date fat people, because I don't have a problem when a fat girl dates a skinny guy, but I find myself very hot headed over the sight of a skinny girl/ fat man combo.

For the most part, I'm upset because I feel that fatter men are, mostly, more accepting of dating larger girls (probably not true, but it's sounding good in my crazy head right now). So, if these skinny mini's are cutting into my man pool, well, that's just less Jewish fat men for me, and that's just not going to fly.

Also, skinny women already get to wear better clothes, they don't have to deal with the ins and outs of being fat and can eat a burger without totally feeling guilty, so why should they be able to snag my fat men?

I probably sound very irrational right now and Lindsey will probably read this and call me and ask me if I've gone crazy, but I just had to get it off of my chest.

If you're skinny and reading this, I have nothing against you per-say, just don't be all Jolene about it. And, if you don't know who Jolene is, refer to your Dolly Parton...I'm pretty sure she's talking about skinny women and fat men...well, at least in my head she is.

The heat is on!

I stepped out of my building today and was shocked to find that overnight NYC went from a winter wonderland to some sort of muggy warmish purgatory. Seriously, the change in weather made my inherent fear of summer heat come out of it's winter slumber! I plan for months what I will wear when the weather is nice and the thin girls are wearing their tank tops, but I wasn't ready to feel the heat so early this year... I am wearing a huge wool coat and sweating my ass of in it today!

And please, no comments about how I can wear tank tops even though I am fat ... I am attached to my arms and have to occasionally look at them, and I'll tell you right now that they are not ready for short sleeves!

Isn't winter weather supposed to last until May in New York City?

So, in conclusion, President Bush, global warming is real, it's queer, get used to it!

Mmmburgers!

I'm a little bit upset at Lindsey. She really didn't do anything wrong per-say, but, if you ask me, she's disappointing me. Why? Because she's not Oprah.

I don't Tivo Oprah on a daily basis, but I saw that she had a show coming up in which she sent her BFF (that's best friend forever), all over America to find the country's best hamburger, so I pressed record faster than I can walk. If there is one thing to be said about me, it's this:

Hamburgers, (Cheeseburgers really), and french fries are my favorite meal in the world. Living in Los Angeles, I've been to some of the best restaurants in the country, (Mmm....Mastros), but I've got to tell you, cheeseburgers and french fries are number 1 in my heart.

So, back to why I need a new best friend...Oprah sends Gayle, her BFF, all over the country with GQ Magazine's Top 20 Hamburgers in America and basically pays for her to travel and eat hamburgers. The closest Lindsey and I have come to that was when she offered to pay the tip if I ran down three flights of stairs to get the sushi we ordered for delivery. Sadly, only two of the top twenty burgers are in my area, so that leaves 18 hamburgers that I will almost never know the glory of...why? Because Lindsey isn't Oprah, and therefore can't afford to fly me on her private jet to eat delicious burgers.

I'm not really angry at Lindsey...but seriously, if Oprah every tires of Gayle and needs a new BFF, I'm totally going to audition for the role and then tell her a good subject for her show would be Emily's search for the best food in the country.

The Real Fat World

Ever since I was 10 years old, I have wanted to join the cast of MTV's The Real World. But, I can't. And, it's not even because I'm too old now (seriously, how did that happen?). The reason I could never be on The Real World is because I'm fat.

Besides Heather B. from NY and Sharon from London, can you name a fat, white girl on The Real World? Yeah, I didn't think so.

The new cast proves no different. I saw the season premiere of The Real World: Key West last night and not only do they not have fat people, but they've gone as far as to put an anorexic/bulimic girl on the show. Now, it was enjoyable to see this anorexic girl be told that he breasts were like mosquito bites and that she should gain a few pounds from her new roommates, but, for the next Real World I think it would be hilarious if they threw a couple fatties into the mix.

I'll set the scenario up for you:

This would be the story, of 7 strangers, picked to live in a house and have their lives taped, to find out what happens, when people stop being polite and start eating.

If I were producing this show I think it would be hilarious to get 3 "MTV style gorgeous hunks" and then watch them as they go to this beautiful mansion where they think the hottest girls will be their roommates only to find out that they've cast 4 fat girls. The shock and horror on these boys' face would be enough for me to rate that the best Real World in MTV's history.

The excitement in the house would never end, not with such topics as:

"Who ate my peanut butter?"
"Who broke the chair?"
"My roommates are such dirty pigs...no, literally"
"Let's skip the clubs and go to Denny's"
And finally,
"Who broke the other chair?"

Since I'm not too old for the Amazing Race, maybe Lindsey and I will try out for that. Then you guys could see that instead of completing challenges, they would show Lindsey and I in our hotel room beds, ordering room service saying we'll catch up tomorrow.

Shakin' That Ass

A little while ago I told you all about Bill, my co-worker who's very large. I also told you that Bill was solving his fat problems by drinking shakes and eating one meal at night. Finally, I told you how much this bothered me and how much I wish he'd get off the shakes.

Bill's a really nice a guy...almost a father figure to me in the office, but during this shake fiasco Bill has been anything but nice. He's cranky, ornery, and pretty much miserable to be around. I'm no mathematician, but I know what this equation is:

Bill + Shakes = One unhappy fat man.

My co-worker noticed this too...so much that he emailed me to ask what was wrong with Bill. I wrote back "Shakes". Something had to be done.

After one of Bill's angry episodes my co-worker and I told Bill flat out that these shakes were not only making him miserable, but they were making us miserable, too. Bill took this information in stride and then asked what we should have for lunch. I've never been so relieved.

A couple days latter Bill's wife called. We've always been chummy and talked a little bit, but this time she asked me if Bill was still drinking his shakes. I didn't know what to do, so I did the thing I do best, I lied about food. Yes! Of course he's still doing the shake thang, and loving every moment of it. I'm not letting this woman know that part of the reason her husband is still a sumo wrestler is my fault.

I don't know how long I'm going to have to keep this charade up, and I wonder how long it's going to take his wife to realize that Bill is, in fact, not dieting whatsoever. My thoughts? Bill will go down as the only man in history to "cut" his calories down by 3/4 and still not lose weight.

Fatty McCarroll

Gay, fat, and funny are 3 of my favorite 5 things in a man and I found them all in my re-ignited obsession with Jay McCarroll.

Can I just say that for my next crush, I would really like to enjoy a straight man. I mean, I love all my gay men, but I would like to have a crush on a guy who might want to have sex with a girl. I am like the worlds most perfect gaydar...if I like you: You're gay! It's been true since high school, and it continues to this day. Case in point: Jay McCarroll, last seasons Project Runway winner...

Holly crap!!! I can't get enough of this man. He's funny, creative, chubby, bitchy, adorable, and of course gay! He is all of my favorite things rolled into one entertaining package. Tonight he was featured on Project Jay on Bravo tv, and he sang a little ditty about about how he is a chunker, and I seriously wanted to make love to him in the back of the cab he was sitting in. That would really be a sight worthy of reality tv, let me tell you!

So Jay, if you decide to google your name (we all do it) and you happen to come upon this site, this is me wooing you: I live in the city and while you won't want to fuck me, I really do think we would have a hilarious time together, and maybe I could get you to design something fabulous for this here fat girl... Think about it, I guarantee that if you make me something (with all of the free time you have) that all 500 of the people who read this blog daily and have a vagina will buy your (fictional) awesome fat girl clothes. Which you would hate since you are a designer and thus take an oath to only clothe skinny chicks, but show us fat girls some love...give us some hot fat girl clothes!!! I love buttons and hoodies! (and apparently exclamation points)!

Email me Jay!!!

My Eyes Have Seen The Glory

This past weekend, I experienced something, well, it's hard for me to put into words, but it was something almost magical, very informing, and left me thinking of a childhood lost. I'm talking about Fat Camp which premiered on MTV. If you didn't catch Fat Camp, I'm sorry, because I checked my Tivo and I don't see an upcoming showing of it, but I could be wrong...I hope I am for your sake.

Fat Camp centered around 5 young adults, ranging in age from 14 to 18ish during their summer at fat camp. We watched them come, we saw them weigh in, and we saw them through two months of work-outs, relationships, and eating small portions of food. It was, for lack of anything better, amazing.

And throughout watching this program, which deserves many awards(Dianne, I'm looking in your direction), I felt sad for myself. Sad about the fact that now, in my mid-twenties, I'm too old to go to fat camp. I know I can go to a fat farm, but not camp. I feel that I lost out on a major experience in my life. One where as an awkward, fat teenager, I could have gone and been around other awkwardly fat teenagers, instead of the skinny friends (one being 5'11" and 125lbs and one being the track star of our school) I acquired in high school. I really feel, looking back, about how amazing an opportunity something like that is, and I was totally jealous of these kids.

For some reason, unknown to me, I seem to surround myself with skinny folk. Actually, really skinny folk. I can't help it and I don't know if I do it on purpose. I cannot imagine how AWESOME it would be to go to a place where everybody knows your name, they're always glad you came, and where troubles are all the same. The boys didn't seem to mind that the girls were fat and it would have been a perfect place for me as a teen because hey, I like fat guys anyway.

I could seriously go on and on about it, but, I'll spare you. I will say this though:

If you happen to be a fat camp director, Hi! I'm Emily and I'd love to be a counselor!

Fat Girl Dictionary

Lindsey and I have wanted, for months now, to create some sort of "fat girl dictionary". We came up with this while talking in code one day about seeing a "muffin top" talking to a "skinny fat" and how one was "making love" to her burrito.

But, last night I got a disturbing email from an ex, asking if I wanted to see him. No, I didn't and yes, I know what "wanting to see him" meant. But, when I told him I wasn't down for the casual sex he informed me he just wasn't looking for a girlfriend, (funny, because I never asked to be his girlfriend). Funny enough, this EXACT same thing happened to Lindsey a month or so ago when a guy she was casually seeing told her that he just didn't want a relationship at that point in his life.

So, this got me thinking and I've come to the conclusion that:

If a guy tells you he wants to be, um, intimate, but then says he doesn't want a girlfriend...and your fat, the "fat girl dictionary" would define his statement as such:

"I'm not looking for a relationship right now" (n.) Origins are Latin for, "I'm an asshole"
Definition: You're a cool girl, we had lots of fun together, but I can't be seen in public with you because you're fat.

Shake It Up!

My co-worker, Bill, has started a new diet. I've mentioned Bill before. He's big man...I'm going to say he's maybe around 400lbs. In an effort to not be such a big man, Bill has taken to drinking two shakes a day and having one meal at night. It's a been a week. I'm sure he's lost some weight, but when you're that big, you can't really tell that quickly with the naked eye.

I'm really conflicted about this diet approach. I'm just not a believer in fad dieting. Yes, I think it will show you quick results and yes, they "work", but, in the long run, not so much.

I asked Bill if this was his first time trying this method and he responded by saying no, that he had tried it once before and well, while he lost 130lbs in 3 months, he has since gained it all back plus some. Isn't that always the case?

I just know in the deepest part of my soul that these quick solution diets DO NOT WORK. So, why even try them? I refuse to lose all my weight, only to stop drinking shakes and gain it all back. And, let's be realistic, drinking shakes all day long is no way to live. I keep telling him to eat those Progresso soups if he's looking for a 100 calorie meal, because I've seen those commercials and those ladies make eating soup looking like they're eating a five star restaurant.

I guess what my point is, is that, if I'm going to go on a diet, (finally), it's going to have to be a lifestyle change I can stick with. And that lifestyle change is going to have to include french fries and chocolate in large doses...and yes, I've tried Weight Watchers.

I love these...

We tried to promote our little blog when we first motivated to write about our fat, and that effort is perhaps how many of you found Fatty McBlog. But a few others just happened onto this site, and these are a few of the search phrases used to find us. I get a kick out of these search terms:

- skinny people poop more
- where to get flaming hot cheetos in nyc
- are bananas fatty?
- fat horsey play
- eating belly button zipper
- fat pannus fat
- mariah is fat now
- chocolate addiction treatment
- pepperoncini pronounce
- how to become bulimic and be skinny

Like Sausage

There is something about jeans that are a fat girls best friend and worst enemy. Jeans, the right jeans, look good on about anyone. For this, I am grateful because jeans are my fashion staple. But, if there is one thing I hate about jeans, regardless if they are stretch or not, is putting on a freshly washed pair of jeans.

I go to great lengths to not have to wash my jeans, but, in the end, they get to a certain point where they are just way too stretched out, and that's just not flattering. What is a fat girl to do? Sadly, when I finally wash my jeans it will take me a couple of days of considering to wear them in order for me to actually put them on again. And I know what's in store for me when I finally squeeze into them and I know what I have to do.

I have a couple of solid strategies as to how to make this freshly washed jean syndrome less of a problem.

First, the squat.

I can't take full credit for the squat, for my mother taught me and I will, one day, teach my own daughter, (if I ever have one), the very same thing. When I have finally buttoned my jeans, I grab hold to something sturdy, and slowly squat down and stay there for a good "10 Mississippi's". This usually does the trick in making the transition from totally uncomfortable to mildly uncomfortable.

My second strategy, and this is simply for moments where I don't have a lot of time and I need to be lookin' good. For me, it's all in the legs. I would actually prefer that the legs of my jeans stay at tight as possible and that only the waist area loosen up, but that's never going to happen, even in this modern world of ours. So, instead, I take my jeans that have been stretched out for days and simply soak the legs in water and then place then in the dryer. This actually works about 90% of the time and leaves the waist loose, but the legs tight; a beautiful combo.

It's amazing how the right pair of jeans can affect your mood. Today, I actually feel that my jeans have reached the end of their wearing and must be washed in order for me not to look like gangsta. And so the cycle will repeat...

Ed. Note: I, Emily, personally wear Gap Long and Leans, Size 20, which they have available on their website only, because heaven forbid The Gap actually sell their larger sizes in the stores and make the skinny folk feel uncomfortable.

Arkanfat or North Fatolina

It's pathetic how much I let my fat run my life...

Last year I had a friend visit New York who I hadn't seen in nearly 2 years, and I pretended to have the flu so I didn't have to meet up with him just so he couldn't see ... HOW FAT I HAVE GOTTEN!!! I did that for no reason! It's not like he's an ex boyfriend or anything!

And now I am faced with the same thing yet again! I have another friend coming out to NY and I am basically setting the situation up so that I don't have to see him. I mean, he knows I'm fat!

Being fat sucks! No one EVER says, "Oh my god, you gained so much weight! You look great!" ... well, they don't day that unless you are Lindsey Lohan or one of the Olsen twins. In fact, no one says anything at all ... like they don't notice the 40 extra lbs.

If so many fucking Americans are obese these days, then why is Emily my ONLY fat friend?!?!? Maybe we need to start a new state: an all fat paradise where I could wear tank tops and get a boyfriend ... we could rule with a pudgy fist! And then anyone who came to visit would be on notice that I am fat, and I wouldn't want to crawl into a hole every time I had a friend visit. Hmmm....

***Warning: I am really fat***

I've been talking with this boy who sounds really good on paper...nice, smart, cute, employed.

What's the problem then? I have this need to sabotage myself. It's like I have this obligation to pre-warn men that I am fat. It sounds so lame and pathetic, but I would rather be let down earlier on, then start seeing someone and learn later that the guy only privately likes fat girls.

I'm supposed to have a drink with him on Thursday, and I have now given him a, "Just so you know, I'm really fat" email, so he can get out of it if he wants to.

Is that what I am supposed to do? Is it sabotage or just self preservation?

And with Valentines Day looming in the distance, I have to say that I would really like this to work out because a date on V day sounds lovely at this point.

Should I stop giving the warning?

Oral Fixation

Last Friday I started to get a horrible toothache where, more than 7 years ago, I had a root canal. By Monday, I was in so much pain that rescheduled the dentist for that day, instead of waiting for Friday.

Like most people, I hate the dentist. So, when my dentist said what I had was technically an emergency and that I was to see a specialist that same day, I was a bit startled. As mentioned before, I'm a hypochondriac, so when a Dr. says it's an emergency, I flip the fuck out. Long story short, I had an infection in my jaw bone and something had to be done ASAP about it. So, two days later, I drove myself to the doctor's office, had my surgery which was nasty and painful, and went home. But, because I'm a little sick in the head, I kept thinking, through a vast amount of pain I must add, about how this is sort of going to be awesome because I wouldn't be able to eat!!! I could lose some weight and maybe that would kick start me into full on diet.

But, that didn't happen. First of all, I keep taking advantage of the fact that I have to eat with my meds or I'll totally get nauseated. And, I found out that not matter what ailment, I can find a way to eat. Even though my mouth only opened a certain amount because of a sore jaw, I could still compact the food into small bites and stuff them into my mouth and chew on the opposite side of the surgery area.

I actually ended up eating more with this ailment than on a normal day. I amaze me.

Oh, I forgot to mention that Super Model RACHEL HUNTER was at the dentist as well...so, that made me feel even fatter...Nothing like sitting next to a super model to make you feel fat!

Emily

Fashion Forward!

I have a new business venture that I would like to start, but of course, I’m not going to, so, I’ll let one of you wonderful readers make millions of dollars while I, Emily, sit and stare.

Placing your napkin on your lap is for skinny girls without boobs and stomachs to block their laps. I’m not a sloppy eater, and I don’t eat in a rushed manner, but I will say this: I drop food on my boobs maybe 4 out of 5 times I eat. My shirts are always stained and well, it’s just embarrassing to stain your shirt at lunch and have to live with that until you get home. I call my boob area my Shelf. And, what I want to become the new fashion, the new hip thing is:

Designer Bibs!

I really think that if Chanel and Gucci made these bibs “cool” then, I could save a lot on new t-shirts.
MAKE IT HAPPEN PEOPLE!


















UPDATE (sort of)!!!! For more proof that this is an awesome idea, I must mention that I just went to the dentist (see story above) and I managed to keep my shelf clean while spitting mass amounts of blood into a sink and into napkins...the second I get home to eat, food, all over my chest region. Go figure.

The Golden Globes

I love award shows. And, last night, the Golden Globes aired. It was like heaven. I had my Golden Globes, a chocolate chip muffin, and a diet coke. I was totally ready to watch emaciated starlets make their way down the red carpet. Natalie Portman was skinny, so was Marcia Cross…but you know who wasn’t? Pierce Brosnan’s wife! She totally rocks my world and, if I were a lesbian, she’d be my lesbian fantasy. I always remembered her as a svelte woman, but, she’s really grown into a voluptuous, gorgeous woman. Kudos to her.

So, this is the gossip on her. Her name is Keely and she used to be very thin, but after two kids, she’s filled out and looks awesome. Now, I’m not saying she’s fat, because, lord knows that a size 10 or 12 (which she probably is), isn’t fat in the least, but this is Hollywood. So, she’s “Hollywood Fat” which pisses me off to no limit. I googled her and it seems that Pierce loves her curves, (so, now I love Pierce as well).

They’re my new fantasy couple who, if ever asked, I’d totally be a part of their threesome.

We're Getting HUGE!

It's true, we're getting huge...in all meanings of the phrase. About a month ago we received an email from a lovely lady urging us to try Dannon Light 'n Fit yogurt. I like yogurt as much as any other person, and to be quite honest, my morning oatmeal has become so routine that it's just plain boring now. So, I'm willing to try anything new.

This lovely lady sent me a huge box filled with Dannon Light 'n Fit yogurt this morning. And you know what? It's really good and such a nice break from my morning oatmeal. I know I sound like a pimp, but, I'm just being honest. I like the Strawberry/Banana personally and it's like, 60 calories which I could work off by walking up a flight of stairs...not that I'm going to, but I could.

Another thing this great lady told me about, taxes!!!! Check this out:

H&R Block will kick off the tax season by launching National Tax Advice Day, a nationwide initiative to raise public awareness of the major changes or missed credits that have the greatest impact on taxpayers. H&R Block tax professionals will be hitting the streets across America all week, delivering free advice on how you can deduct the cost of losing weight!

http://nationaltaxadviceday.com/lose-weight-fatten-wallet.aspx

That's right, deduct the cost of losing weight. Now, because I'm a pack rat, I sadly have all my receipts from Weight Watchers...(I know, I'm creepy), but HELLO! I'm not so creepy anymore!

So, this lovely woman is my new best friend, (sorry Lindsey). Thank you lovely lady for my yogurt and for my tax deduction!

Emily

The harsh harsh truth

I got a new digital camera over the holidays, and last night I was compelled to strip down and take naked pictures of myself... It's not good. Not good at all.

If I didn't have other flatmates I would print them and put them on the fridge, but let's face it I order in more then I cook, so that wouldn't do much good anyways.

They are in fact traumatizing. I don't have a full length mirror so I guess I really wasn't prepared. But, in my opinion, pictures are harsher then a mirror, and the pics I took didn't lie. I look terrible naked.

Rolls and puckered skin and stretch marks and more rolls. My breasts looked pretty awesome though, so I'm thankful they take up so much room.

And I really want think that I am not simply giving into the whole worlds fat can't be beautiful attitude. But the fact is that these pictures were not beautiful to me. They repulsed me. I wouldn't want to bed or date or marry someone in this body. And if I have no esteem or appreciation for my own body, then can I really expect someone else to find beauty in it?

This blog is not about weight loss, and I am not about to say that these pictures inspired me to shut my mouth to fattening food and start walking 3 miles a day because that would probably be a lie, but I couldn't make this post funny for you all because there was nothing funny about the pictures. I am 25 years old and my body shouldn't look like it does. There would be tears running down your computer screen right now if this post could convey the way I feel about my body.

And a surprise from an angle I don't normally see ... it turns out that I may also be in possession of the worlds fattest back. Lucky me.

Magical Fat

There is a restaurant very close to my home that I frequent. The place has very good food and, believe it or not, is a very healthy eatery. So obviously, it's very trendy and very Los Angeles and if it weren't for the good food and the location, I'd never go there. They have great chicken, great healthy salads*. Basically, it would be very easy to go in there and eat a low caloric, low fat meal.

But, I'm fat and when I go there I somehow manage to order the most fattening thing on the menu (This chicken wrap with mayo, cheese, avocado, dressing and more cheese...and for fun, pasta on the side that's basically in a mayo sauce). I'm still in shock. I still don't know how I do this. I think I have super powers that make everything I eat at least 1,000 calories and about 50 grams of fat more than what it originally was.


*I don't know about you, but I can eat a salad that's over 5,000 calories very easily

Eye of the Tiger

Lindsey and I had a great time in NY. Well, I did. And, while I was there, Lindsey and I discussed how this year, 2006, was going to be THE year of losing weight. We've said this many times before on previous new years, but this time we REALLY mean it. We'll we really hope we mean it.

So, because I'm so into this weight loss I went online to try to find some sort of exercise equipment. Because, let's be realistic, you can't lose weight without exercise...right?

Now, this is the fucked up part. All of the exercise equipment, that's in my price range that is, has a max weight limit of 200lbs. WEIGHT LOSS EQUIPTMENT NOT MADE FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT.

I'll let you marinate in that for a while.

Taking a Bite of the BIG APPLE...

...but I'd rather that apple be dipped in caramel.

I (Emily), am leaving for NY on Tuesday to visit my dearest Lindsey although she really doesn't deserve a friend like me. She also says that she's not going to be eating while I'm there. I can't wait to order from so many of my favorite NY spots and eat in front of her. Yes, we have a sick relationship.

It's been a crazy week...full of shopping and eating and everything festive.

When I was at the mall the other day trying to find parking, it was crazy. The aisles were jam packed with people searching for spaces and I was one of them. The only spot left was the pregnancy spot. For those of you who don't know what that is, the pregnancy spot is painted pink and is reserved for expectant mother, much like a handicap spot. Although, unlike a handicap spot, you don't need a permit to park there. It's a free-for-all.

Do you know how tempting that mother fucker was? I was soooooo about to park there, arch my back and rub my big belly so I could obtain a space next to the elevator. But, I didn't...I'm a good citizen like that.

Two Things

I heard the most wonderful conversation when I was at the LB (Lane Bryant) this weekend. All the fat employees were standing in a circle talking about different times they were mistaken for being pregnant. One girl said she didn't care, one woman said it hurt her self esteem and the other woman said, and I quote:

"I tell 'em I not pregnant...I'm obviously just fat!"
Then she started grabbing parts of her body and saying:

"This ain't baby, this is fat" "This ain't baby, this is fat"

So, that's totally my new mantra.

2nd thing

I saw my friend Laura's father this weekend. I've known her and her family for around 13 years. Her father, Jeff, has lost some weight, (I know, big fuckin' whoop), so I told Jeff how great he looked. Then he said:

"You can do it too Kid-o!"

Seriously, I was about to kick him in his fucking balls.

Auntie Em

I became an Aunt on Tuesday. It's all very thrilling and the baby is cute and all and blah blah blah. I was really trying to pay attention to the new baby, but all I kept hearing was my sister-in-law and her sisters talking about how much weight she already lost just from having the baby and what she was going to do to lose the rest of the weight and weight, weight, weight. This was like, 20 minutes after pushing this child out. I don't know why but it bothered me...I had to vent...so thank you.

You Asked, We'll tell...sort of

So, because all of you are fabulous people, I'll let you guys in on our little weight secret. I'm not going to give you the exactly numbers...but I will tell you that we're both 5'7 and both between 250 and 300lbs.

As for the person who left this comment:

"My guess is 180 and 165. I am always entertained by your writing but you don't sound like you really know fat. I am at 255. I know fat. "

1. Lindsey and I laughed out loud at that!
2. We KNOW fat...we live fat...we ARE fat... fatter than you at least
3. If we weighed 165, do any of you think we'd have a blog about fatness? No, we'd be too busy shopping in normal girl stores.

So, I hope that answered everyones questions...if not, we'll we're sorry, (but not really).

Read All About It!

I've been looking for a new job for a while. I'm done with school soon and I decided it was time to finally be an adult. So, I sent about 800 resumes out and, surprising to me, I got a call from a very famous fashion magazine. They want to interview me. Could I be anymore excited?? Probably not.

I was driving home from work thinking about what an amazing opportunity this would be and it hit me. I'm fat. Fat and fashion, mainstream fashion that is*, don't mix.

So, this man who is interviewing me next week has no idea what I look like and I'm nervous. Not nervous because I'm not qualified. Not nervous because I won't have anything to say, (I actually rock at interviews), but, I'm really afraid, for the first time apart from horrible boys with hairy chests (you know who you are!), that he's not going to like me because I'm fat.

My plan is to hire a girl that looks like me but is thin, have her do the interview and then when I'm hired, I'll show up...they can't fire a girl for gaining like, 150lbs in a week can they?

*Please don't leave comments about how fat girls can be fashionable. I know this, you know this, sadly, America doesn't.

Creepily Yours

In response to some interesting and colourful emails we have received, I invite all of our readers to put in their 2 cents and add a comment to this posting regarding how much you think both Emily and Lindsey weigh. I find this interesting because of how vastly different peoples internal pictures of the written word can be, and how people interpret "overweight" as such a broad category.

Please feel free to write a comment with your guess. To all of our readers who think that numbers and scales make no difference, well, good for you and I am eternally jealous, but I just can't see it that way at this moment.

Thanks. Creepily Yours, Fatty McBlog

In Memoriam

We here at Fatty Mcblog want to take a minute to remember actress Wendie Jo Sperber. Wendy passed away after a long battle with cancer. Wendie, literally, was one of the first larger ladies I ever saw on television that was cool. So, here's to you Wendie, we'll miss you!!!!