Happy V Day: I am retarded.

I find that I compartmentalize my friendships and relationships into to very broad categories: 1. Those in which fatness may be discussed and 2. Those in which fat is a taboo subject.

Today I crossed that very important line in a moment of utter stupidity.

While taking a break from studying I found a Craigslist ad from a man who wanted to have sex with a fat girl with a big belly. The guy who wrote the ad said he worked out 4 times a week.

I attempted to email Emily and ask her why a man who worked out 4 times a week wanted to fuck a fatty with a big belly. I then included a link to the ad.

And then I pressed send.

And then I realized to my horror that I didn't send the email to Emily. I send it to my uptight, East Coast, Republican, NON fat discussing friend, James.

And then I felt like puking. Because I enjoy my cubby holes.

I am obviously fat. Everyone who looks at me knows that. But I like choosing with whom I discuss fat topics. And I do not like when that line is crossed.

So now James has an email waiting in his inbox where it seems like I ask him to write to some random guy off CL and ask him why he likes fat girls if he is a gym bunny.

This sucks.

Am I The Only One...

I don't think I am the only one, but I often wonder if I am the only person who does this. You know when the news talks about fat people and puts up random shots of fat people walking? You know how they either do front shots with the head of the person cut off or a shot from the back? And, mostly, they are frumpy and, in my opinion, don't really show the fat demographic. At least I hope not.

It is such a fear of mine to recognize my pannus on the evening news. I know it will probably never happen and these are just stock footage from 1987, but I can't help but examine these people to see if they are me, or someone I know.

Who are these people? Do they know that they are on the news? Have they seen themselves?

I think this is going to be a mystery for a long time coming, but I will forever be on the lookout for myself on the news...I just can't help it.

Expense Reports: Bring 'Em On!

Part of my job consists of me doing expense reports for various people, including myself. Example, when someone goes out of town, they will give me all of their receipts and I will create a report so they can get their money back from the company. It's a very small part of my job, but I must admit, it's my favorite.

Call it creepy, but I love lists. I love year books. I love directories. I love things that feed my little voyeuristic ways of seeing into someones life. And, what better way to see into someones life than to see what they eat!?

Because the company gives you a per diem of what you can spend each day, people, I'm thinking, usually eat more than they would if they were just at home. But, this way, you can see what people would really eat if money and everyday life didn't get in the way. It's great.

Take Lena for example. She just got back from a trip to Chicago. She had McDonald's at the LAX airport. She obviously likes to booze it up a little bit and doesn't shy away from meat entrees. She also likes her dessert.

I didn't think much about Lena before, but I think we could get along. She happens to enjoy cheeseburgers for lunch.

One girl in my office likes to skip breakfast and lunch so she can go to a really fancy restaurant at dinner time and spend her whole per diem there. I respect this. I'm not much of a breakfast person ( a fault I would like to correct). I also could do without lunch. I love that she treats herself to a $50 dinner, where she is dining alone.

Every time Lindsey calls me at work I will let her know what so and so is eating. She thinks I'm crazy. I think I'm a little crazy too, but that's okay...unless I end up in a mental hospital, rocking back and forth quietly saying to myself that Judy likes a side of horseradish with her fries.

Ohhhh...Ahhhh...FASHION!

With all the complaining we do about not having enough clothes to cover our ample bodies, we need to take a moment out of our day and praise Igigi.

A wonderful woman named Ozlem sent Lindsey and I both two of the cutest dresses in the world and therefore I'm going to pimp her and Igigi out as if I had a feather in my hat and a cane by my side.

It's, finally, so refreshing to be able to find a dress that's:

1. Pretty (Who knew larger ladies could wear pretty clothes??)

2. Cut for a woman's body (not just a fat body)

3. Appropriate! ( I can't stress this enough. The clothes cover where they should, expose where they should and flatter where they should)

Lindsey and I each got the Alluring dress. I've never really written a fashion review before, but I must say, with a cardigan and flip flops, I look cute at work. With a wrap and some heals (which I can barely walk in) I can go out at night. I read InStyle Magazine...I know all about work to evening looks! And this, my friends, is definitely one of them.

So, go to the website. Buy something and let us know what you liked.

And here is a coupon...enjoy!

"I Feel So Degradatated"

It seems as though I have lost my Weight Watcher weight tracker booklet. Knowing that it's somewhere like a trash bin now is pretty logical, but my mind is stirring up images that leave the land of logic and put me in a horrible, paranoid state of being. Someone out there has found this and is making copies and going to plaster them around town...at work...in restaurants...at my Weight Watchers meeting.

I know that's not going to happen, but that booklet, that stupid little booklet that's really a crappy piece of folded paper with little stickers on it stating my weight is out on the loose. And I'm not okay with it.

I noticed that I lost it when I went to weigh in on Saturday...where I was the only person to take my shoes off by the way. It wasn't in my purse. It wasn't in my car. It wasn't stuck between the pages of a book I've kept in my purse for the past couple of months that I haven't opened but will.

So, here I'm sitting at my desk at work and every time someone walks up to me I'm convinced they know what I weigh. And, to those who say, "you're fat...they know you're fat...get over it..." I hear what you're saying...but I have to disagree.

So, if anyone finds my Weight Watcher booklet...tear it up. It says Emily on it and it's out on the prowl.

Blood Oranges and Fatness

I'm not an everyday talk radio listener, but I found this and I wanted to share it with all of you.

Click on the link and try to get through the talks about blood oranges, (which are delicious), and LA's best restaurant (which I looked at the menu and it doesn't look so good...but that's me). Once you get past all of this you will first listen to a doctor describe what Gastric Bypass is and then to what I thought was one of the best descriptions of being fat.

The woman, who had gastric bypass, tells her struggle with her weight and what her relationship with food was like while at her biggest. Maybe I'm the only one who feels exactly like her, or maybe not, but I wanted to share it with all of you because I've never actually heard anyone, besides on this blog, say exactly how I feel...even though she's all skinny now.

This is the link: http://www.kcrw.com/etc/programs/gf/gf070106microflora_teens_foo

Press listen and enjoy.

If you're like us...

If you find yourself loving Lifetime movies about eating disorders and whatnot, I think you will enjoy what the channel for women is premiering tonight. It's called To Be Fat Like Me and it stars some girl from some show I never watched and Caroline Rhea (who still holds a place in my heart for making a joke about how her mother told her every time she felt bad about herself or her life to just "put on a little lipstick" and then proceeds to mimic herself scribbling lipstick all over her body).

The made for tv movie is about a high school girl with a fat mother and a fat younger brother who thinks they are lazy and doesn't get why they just don't lose the weight. What's so hard about being fat she asks herself? Well, obviously she'll find out. Oh and there's also something about a scholarship and her doing some documentary. But, lets get to the point: she wears a fat suit to school to see the responses she gets living the life of a fat girl. Sort of like that movie Just One of the Guys, but it's Just One of the Fat Girls.

I often have problems with shows where someone puts on a fat suit and feels how hard it is to live as a fat person only to be able to take the fat suit off and forget everything they've learned and felt. Don't even get me started about Shallow Hal. But, I'm going to watch tonight. I sort of can't wait. And not to go too much off topic, but who can't tell that someone is wearing a fat suit? Maybe from afar...maybe...but I'm not buying that. But, it's tv and I will let it slide.

So, I thought it would be fun to let you all know about the made for tv movie and tomorrow, or even after the movie premieres, we can talk about it. Sounds like a good time to me.

Tonight, Monday, January 8th, 2007 at 9pm on Lifetime...check your local listings.

Happy New Years and 1-800-FREE-411 (All in One Night)

Lindsey and I spent New Years together on my roof. I made a new years resolution to not swear as much and well, I'm not sure what Lindsey's was. I wasn't going to make the same resolution I have for the last decade though, and we all know what that was...lose weight. I'm not going to make a resolution I know I'm just going to break within a matter of hours. So, I'm going to swear less...oh, and I'm going to drink more water. Yeah.

But, I do want to change in 2007. I know I said this, at least to myself 1994-2006, but, hey, it's always the truth. And Lindsey feels the same way I think.

So, at 12:07am on January 1, 2007 Lindsey and I used 1-800-FREE-411 to dial our local Weight Watchers to see if there was a meeting on Monday. We couldn't stop giggling. The woman at 800 Free 411 couldn't stop giggling. How many people had called her in that 7 minute period to ask for the local number to Weight Watchers? Jenny Craig? NutriSystem? (By the way, has anyone tried NutriSystem...I'm curious about it)

How many people, right after the ball dropped, spend their new years calling Weight Watchers? Were their phones flooded? I'm dying to know. I'm also a little scared to go to the meeting tonight. I'll most likely have to get there an hour early to secure a seat.

I also spent most of yesterday watching every dieting program they had on...Biggest Loser Marathon, Discovery Health Fatty Marathon, etc. (By the way, I'm still so impressed with everyone at BL. Though, I looked at Poppi's diet journal, and I think staying under 1,000 calories everyday is a little scary. I'm going to have to research that more.)

So, here's to a great year of swearing less and drinking more water and maybe, just maybe...losing a little bit of weight along the way.

Yawn...

The following is a comment we got this morning...if you haven't already read it...take a looksy:

I've been a frequent reader of this blog for a while, finding it funny, touching and interesting. But lately I haven't check it much because of the attn whores, looser trolls that are annoying and repulsive, having nothing better to do than state to online strangers what they wouldn't dare to say to strangers on the street.

I've also grown a bit tired of the fatty girls, not of them exactly, I should say, but of their obsessiveness and then their whining and their pessimism towards their goals. I don't believe in diets, I believe that fat can indeed equal healthy, I also believe that one should do with one's body what one wants. But with the fatties...yeah, it's come to a point where I've said: Enough.

And it came today, upon seeing the amount of disrespect some of their brightest fans endured - upon seeing how the McGees have allowed trolls and regular a*holes to leave their crap all over the comments section.

Shame on you McGees. Shame on you for disrespecting your readers this way, for allowing pathetic nothing-better-going-on-in-their-life trolls to poop all the place, for allowing disrespect of this nature.

Your credibility has seriously been dwindling with every whine and moan after your binges. Your credibility I think took a serious toll after you allowed pathetic posters to run away with the comments section.

Good Job.

You've lost one more of your faithful readers, but are left with about 10 new trolls. Your logic and loyalty is as good as your diets.

And what do I, Emily, have to say about this? YAWN. And now, I will make my rebuttal!

I've been a frequent reader of this blog for a while, finding it funny, touching and interesting. But lately I haven't check it much because of the attn whores, looser trolls that are annoying and repulsive, having nothing better to do than state to online strangers what they wouldn't dare to say to strangers on the street.

Funny, touching and interesting...stop it, you're making me blush!

I've also grown a bit tired of the fatty girls, not of them exactly, I should say, but of their obsessiveness and then their whining and their pessimism towards their goals. I don't believe in diets, I believe that fat can indeed equal healthy, I also believe that one should do with one's body what one wants. But with the fatties...yeah, it's come to a point where I've said: Enough.

I can do with my body what I want to? Thanks...appreciate it...and my body has chosen to have a blog with my best friend where I can laugh, tell funny stories and sometimes, yes, sometimes, complain about crap. Show me the person who doesn't complain about something and I will buy them diamonds! Fancy!

And it came today, upon seeing the amount of disrespect some of their brightest fans endured - upon seeing how the McGees have allowed trolls and regular a*holes to leave their crap all over the comments section.

Allowing trolls and regular assholes to leave crap all over comment sections eh? Hmm...well, I guess showing others enough respect to express their opinions, even if they don't reciprocate that same respect back, is a bad thing? From now on, I will never let Republicans, Scientologists or Marxists ever tell me their opinions...because certainly I have now learned that if you don't agree with something, erase it and ban it!

Shame on you McGees. Shame on you for disrespecting your readers this way, for allowing pathetic nothing-better-going-on-in-their-life trolls to poop all the place, for allowing disrespect of this nature.

Seriously now...really? Shame on us? Because we were the ones who fed the trolls? We honestly have just tried to just ignore them...by not acknowledging them. Yes, sometimes, (ie The Tucker Max Escapade), we do play along...but, come on. Sometimes, even though they lack the same respect that we feel we all obtain, they spark interesting conversations and if you don't want hear it, don't read the comment section or just ignore what they have to say...they will go away. Though, don't you find it funny that they read a blog about being fat, when they hate fatties? I just know they are writing that mean stuff with tube of cookie dough in their hand...I just know it!

Your credibility has seriously been dwindling with every whine and moan after your binges. Your credibility I think took a serious toll after you allowed pathetic posters to run away with the comments section.

Credibility? As what? Fat girls? Because, besides having lives, that's what we are...fat girls...and you know what comes with the life of a fat girl, at least in our case, binges, bad days, days where we don't like ourselves because we chose to eat a burger instead of going for a walk. And what do I call that? I call that REAL. I call that life. I do call that credibility as fat, 20 something year old girls trying to live their life the best way they know how to at this point. As far as the comments section running amok, well, we don't control the comment sections...those are for comments...we control the part where we write little diddies about our personal lives. Oy!

Good job.

Thanks!

You've lost one more of your faithful readers, but are left with about 10 new trolls. Your logic and loyalty is as good as your diets.

Well, that does make us sad. We don't want to lose readers...because we like you. All of you. Even the mean trolls who shouldn't be so mean. We're full of love. Hey, maybe we're not fat with fat, we're fat with love!

Basically, we do apologize if people get their feelings hurt here. It is not the intention of this blog. I wish the comments were nicer, that people who have no interest in what we write would find a blog that suits their needs more, but we can't control that, and we're not about to censor people. So, to the trolls, feel free to express your opinions any way you would like, but think twice about the type of person you are being when you tell people, who you obviously don't agree with, that they are fat and that they are losers.

Sticks and stones may break our bones, but names will never hurt us because, and I truly believe this, we're all pretty good people, and ideally, that is all that should matter.

The Biggest Losers

Last nights season finale of the Biggest Loser was, to say the least, amazing. That girl Poppi made me do a triple take. Erik was a completely different person and Brian, well, he's about to border into manorexia land (I thought he was hot as a fat man by the way). It was the best two hours I've had in a while. And, of course, (and this happens after every episode of the Biggest Loser), it made me want to go to the gym and start sweating. Will I? Probably not. Though, I like to think that I will one day.

Lindsey and I talk about the Biggest Loser often and we also talk about auditioning for the show. And, the reason we don't is very simple...we know we'd have an excellent chance of making it on the show. As many of you state in the comments section...those who aren't too busy making other's feel badly that is...we'd be awesome on the Biggest Loser. And, we would. We're funny, charismatic... I know that I could throw down some of the biggest excuses in Biggest Loser history to good old Bob the Trainer.

I also want to be pushed like that. I want to have nothing to do all day except train and count calories. I would love to focus 100% of my energy into changing my life. But, it's not practical for us at the moment life and job wise. And, well, there's that whole part about being on National TV.

I got to give it to the contestants for exposing themselves the way they do. I do not know how they gather the courage to look like fat pigs on television. Ever notice how at the beginning of the show the women have to wear sports bra tops exposing their huge bellies. Then, at the end of the show when they're skinny they can cover it all up? I don't need John Smith from high school seeing me at that state, even if I get hot looking at the end.

I know, it's all stupid, BS excuses I'm throwing out at you. Pretty pathetic. But, the truth is, we don't have the guts to do...no pun intended.

So, I ask all of you...our readers...send letters to NBC and The Biggest Loser and have them contact us.

MAKE US HAVE THE GUTS! (The good kind!)

The Double (X) Standard

Most days, work days that is, I gather enough energy to put myself together and look nice and presentable. On the weekends, I'm lucky to get my bra on. I just don't like having to look nice on the weekends. It's the weekend for heaven's sake, let me relax.

I guess the thing that bothers me most about being fat is the double standards. This is in no way saying I don't like skinny girls (and we, here at Fatty Mcblog, definitely don't think that every girl who is skinny has an eating disorder...that's just dumb logic), or that skinny girls have perfect lives...but skinny girls can do one thing us fatties can't and it's really the only thing that bothers me...they can dress like hobos and it's chic. I dress like a hobo and well, I'm just a fat hobo.

Mary-Kate and Ashley drape themselves in fabric and it's boho chic. Girls in Beverly Hills wear very loose sweatpants and t-shirts with holes in them and go eat at the Ivy. I wear sweatpants and a shirt with holes in it and I'm just a fatty who is dirty and uncouth.

It's just not fair. I just wanted to say that. I'm done now.

The Best Thing I Have Ever Seen

Living in Los Angeles, there is basically a mall 10 minutes from wherever you are. It's quite convenient. But, there is only one mall in particular that, I feel, basically caters to fat girls. That mall is The Fox Hills Mall. It's a little out of my way, but it's worth it. And there is little possibility of me running into people I know there, so, that's a bonus.

There is an Old Navy that has a fat girl section and there is a Lane Bryant, which is great, but they also have fat girl stores that sell, well, slutty fat girl apparel. Not exactly my style, but I have to admit how fun it is to see the girls trying things on. I personally feel like I'm exposing too much if I'm wearing a V neck t-shirt, but that's just me. (Read: Prude).

A couple of weeks ago I went there to: A. Return an online order mistake from Old Navy and B. Get dinner from this Mongolian BBQ place inside the mall. So, I was just minding my own business, waiting at my table in the food court while my meal was being prepared. Two women sat down at the table next to me with their food and started to eat. They were both bigger girls and we smiled at each other.

Then the best thing I have ever seen walked by.

A man, who couldn't be taller than 5'6 and couldn't weigh less than 350lbs walked by with a woman on his arm. She was, to put it nicely, a very large girl with a very little top on...not to mention a very little skirt just like one of the girls in those slutty fat girl stores I mentioned above. Like I said, I have no problem whatsoever with this look, it's just not for me and honestly, I think it's fun watch. They obviously were girlfriend/boyfriend and his hand was very much on her rear end.

Now, why is this the best thing I have ever seen? I'll tell you. The man had the following written on his shirt:

NO FAT CHICKS

As soon as this caught my eye my jaw hit the floor. This was hilarious. I'm so angry Lindsey wasn't there to see this with me. So, I did the next best thing. I looked at the girls next to me to see if they had seen what I had, and they did. You could tell they couldn't believe their eyes. And, this prompted one of the ladies to say to me, "Oh my God. Did you see that?", to me, a perfect stranger. Yes, lady, yes I did.

Sadly, my food order was ready and it was time for me to depart. Depart, but not forget.

Brownies or Divorce: You Decide!

I watch a lot of crap TV dealing with weight loss. Lindsey got me hooked on that I Lost It and everyday at 3:30 in the morning, my little DVR goes off and saves a 1/2 hour of escapism for me. Not to mention my love for The Biggest Loser and all the other fat to thin shows there are out there. And, like always, there is always something that really bothers me. This time, that something is the wife/husband relationship.

I've always figured in my messed up little head that some day I would lose a ton of weight, meet a man and get married. Seldom do I think I'm going to meet a man looking the way I do right now, at least not a man worth marrying. I know that's not a very optimistic thing to say, but hey, I'm being honest. But, then I realize that even though I'm more than likely going to tell this man that at one point in my life I weighed more than a linebacker on the Raiders, there is still a possibility of me getting big again. He'll then say that he'll love me no matter what I look like, but it will be a lie.

A common thread I have seen in these weight loss shows is the fact that the husband marries a thin/thinner lady and then 25 years later ends up married to an obese woman. The husbands usually end up losing interest in their wives, sleeping in other rooms claiming the bed in the guest bedroom is better for their back, but telling the cameras that he was just not attracted to his wife anymore. That she made him disgusted and embarrassed. Yeah, I think they're asses too.

In the relationships I've been in I've lost lots of weight. Call it being uncomfortable eating in front of a boyfriend or whatever, it's just a silly fact about my life. But, knowing this has me think that I must marry a man that has seen me at my fattest, has loved me at my fattest and who knew me at my fattest. Therefore, if I lost weight, great...if I gain it back, that's okay too because he's seen me fat and obviously, liked something about me fat.

Is this possible though? Can marrying someone, at least for me, be the ultimate diet of them all? And here is a question to all of you: If you are married or in a relationship, what does your man or woman think of your weight? Were you big when you met? Has your body changed and what do they think of that change?

And We're Back

So, these past two weeks haven't been the best. Lindsey started a job that basically has her working 7 days a week from 8 to 8...good thing about that is her office is above a really good diner. Bad news is that my father, at a young age, passed away and I have been dealing with that. It was sudden and horrible and I'm still very looney from the whole thing, but people have been bringing over food by the tons, so that's nice. And that got me thinking about just how comforting food is and the traditions that are situated around food.

All holidays have food involved, unless you're a Jew like me and can't eat on yom kippur, but then it's all about breaking the fast, so I guess it's about food after all. Food plays such a vital role in life it's amazing and the comfort it brings during such sorrow times is something that I will never put down.

During the first few days following my father's passing I couldn't bring myself to eat. The few bites I would take sat heavy in my stomach. It just felt wrong to enjoy anything while my father, who enjoyed food with a passion, wasn't able any longer to enjoy it and to me, food lost all meaning. But, just as fast as my hunger disappeared, it came back with a vengeance and the amazing pastries and deli platters crept back into my life. It still feels wrong though.

My father was an amazing man who loved to cook, but most importantly, he loved to feed those around him. I don't know what I'm going to do without my father around...probably lose 50 or so pounds...eh, maybe not.

Wanna Talk About Fat?

I'm in a state of conflict. A hypocritical one at that. I was recently on the shuttle at work when a larger girl, who I don't know, made a comment to me that in reality, wasn't rude. If Lindsey had said it to me I wouldn't have even thought about it twice, but when this probably nice, fatish lady who I don't know personally made a comment about how they just don't know how to make bras for "us larger girls", I was in a state of shock.

I'm all for keeping it real. And, when I make comments about my fatness to others, it's okay, because they are my comments about my fatness, but when someone says it to you in a total surprising way, it throws you off a little bit.

What is it about fat girls, some, not all, that makes it okay for them to say fat things to other fat girls. It's one thing if it's your friend, but to a stranger, I don't know. And I'll admit it, I've done the same thing probably more than once, like the time I told Lindsey's friend Aimee some semi-retarded theory I once had about fat girls and tampons. I might have said something along the lines that most fat girls I knew wore maxi-pads instead of tampons and if there was some sort of connection. Neither Lindsey or I wear maxi-pads but that's besides the point. This girl looked at me like, "did you just classify me in your fat group?" I've felt a little bad about ever since, and this was over 4 years ago, but I digress.

I know there is a certain bond between fat girls that not one of you can deny. It's a bit of a sisterhood, a sorority of you'd like and sisters should be able to be open with their sisters, but there is a line that should not be crossed. If a woman fatter than me made a comment that put us in the same group, of course I would think, "Hey lady, I'm like, smaller...sort of...back off". But, should I feel this way? Should I embrace the fat sisterhood for all it's worth and not look back?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that fat girls feel it's okay to talk about their fatness with other fatties and I guess that I'm strangely for and against it all at once. Though, and I'd like to point out, I have yet to see a skinny girl go up to a skinny girl and lament or glorify aspects of their skinnydom...or have I just not been paying attention?

She wore an itsy bitsy teeny weenie big ol' black bathing suit

I am leaving for a 2 week cruise in a few weeks and I am really excited about the trip, but I have put off the bathing suit issue for as long as I can...and it's time I come to a decision and purchase a new bathing suit, or swim naked on the ship.

I enjoyed my old suit. It was black and a halter and totally nondescript. It didn't look great on me, but it didn't make things worse. Unfortunately I somehow spilled bleach on it, so I am on the hunt for a new one. I don't expect bathing suit miracles because my body isn't pretty, so I tend to stick to simple shapes, dark colors, and no frills. I am an hourglass shape with all of my weight in my boobs and belly, so the little skirted suits don't hide much for me.

I was thinking about purchasing my suit from this store, Swimsuitsforall. Have any of you purchased a suit from this site before? I have found that some of the other sites that sell plus size bathing suits have generally poor quality clothes, so I am going to trust that an estore which only sells bathing suits has better quality merchandise.

These are a few I am considering:



Any thoughts on these? Let me know which one you guys like of these six options, or go to Swimsuitsforall and pick out another one. This is like group shopping! Maybe I should stick with all black as usual...

I Lost It!

As many if you know, I will watch and/or read just about anything relating to fat people. And I just found a new show thanks to the amazing invention known as tivo!

Monday through Friday my tivo records for me a show called "I Lost It!". It's on the Discovery Health Channel and it's basic format consists of chronicling the stories of two people who have had weight related issues and the different ways they dealt with their issues and their weight. It's pretty sappy and there is a makeover portion where they get new clothes for their new bodies (in my opinion the new clothes are often really ugly), but I can deal with a little bit of cheesiness.

I discovered this show late last week so I have only seen a few episodes so far, but I am really enjoying the stories. I think a lot of fat people think that when and if they ever lose weight suddenly their lives will magically be better and all the obstacles in their way will suddenly disappear...and I know it's bullshit. But in many ways it's hard not to hold onto that hope because even though I know my life would definitely not be perfect if I lost weight, it's hard to imagine that many aspects of my life wouldn't be easier. I don't imagine that I would have a perfect life if I were thin, but I still cling to the hope that it would be better then it is right now.

And the show "I Lost It!" seems to glorify weight loss in a way that both resonates with me and pisses me off. During the half hour you hear the story and see the pictures of a sad fat person, listen to how and why they changed their eating/exercise habits, watch a lame makeover, and see how their life changed from when they were fat. It's both hopeful and depressing.

Has anyone ever seen the show? What part of your life do you think would be better if you lost weight? What part of your life do you think it would have no effect on?

The World's Fattest Twins

Emily and I recently got manicures together. It was uneventful except that I managed to ruin 7 out of 10 nails over the next few hours...(they just wouldn't dry!). We had the last appointments of the day and we pretty much closed the place down. As I was attempting to dry my nails by the little fan before we were rushed out of the door, the ladies who worked in the salon started chatting us up. And they asked us a question we get all the time: "Are you sisters?" or "Are you twins?".

I can't tell you how often in the course of our friendship we have been asked that. And the reality is that Emily and I look nothing alike! The only things we have in common is we are both 5'7ish and we are both fat. Yep, that's it.

I just find it really annoying that the only thing people seem to see in us is our fat bodies. It's almost like we lose all other form of physical identities, and all that is left is that fat. Because there is no other reason to assume that we are sisters let alone twins.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? If you are fat and you have fat friends, do you feel like your combined fatness takes over so that is all anyone can see?

How She Got Thin!!!!

We don't usually post things like this, but something said, Emily, say what's on your mind...and I will. How Brit Got Thin?? How she lost 26lbs in one month??? Um...well...huh...let me take a wild guess here...SHE HAD A FRIGGIN' BABY!

My new diet will consist of me getting pregnant, having that child, and then presto chango: I'll lose at least 20lbs that week. BRILLIANT US Magazine...BRILLIANT!

Oh, and don't you love the before picture of her pregnant...almost as if they are avoiding the fact that there was a human being living inside of her?

To Praise, Or Not To Praise

I've been on and off Weight Watchers ever since I was 15. It's usually about 1 month on, 3 months off, 1 month on, 3 months off. I can see how I've gained weight all these years. I'll gain 10 and lose it, gain 15 and then lose 10, etc. It's a cycle that I'm used to having done it so many times. And I like Weight Watchers, as I've mentioned here before. I think it's the only way I'll ever lose my weight...if I ever fully commit to it...which this week I am. My meeting leader was named Elaine and I really liked her. A no nonsense Jewish mother whose daughter actually attends her meetings. It's a dynamic I like and I thought she was great.

She actually started her meeting by saying that someone recently told her that she didn't praise weight loss enough. That other meeting leaders would spend the first 10 minutes giving stickers to those who had lost weight that week and could brag about it. I had a leader once that referred to it as bragging stickers. Because we're all still in kindergarten and need stickers to make us feel better.

Even when I lose weight I never raise my hand when asked "who lost weight?". It's embarrassing and I'm not the type of person who needs that sort of validation or a pat on the back. When Elaine told how she didn't believe on spending 10 minutes of a 30 minute meeting on praising those who lost weight, I felt like applauding. Another girl in the meeting spoke up and told Elaine that she liked that she (Elaine) didn't spend much of the meeting praising those who lost weight because it made her feel, if she didn't lose weight that week, that she was a failure. That she was there to learn and evolve and the scale should reflect if she should feel good about herself that week or not. Bravo to that girl.

So, there I sat, thanking Elaine for having the chutzpah to say that your weight loss for that week is just a number and not a reflection of your self worth. I thank you Elaine...thank you for making me want to come back, even if I gain 4 lbs that week because cheeseburgers are just that good.