FAT SEX. Two words which some people think should never be combined. But sometimes they are...birds do it, bees do it and even us fatties get down and dirty sometimes.Ever since that eventful night years ago when I lost my virginity to the Rabbi's son (seriously), I've been a little bit obsessed with fat sex. He was fat, I was fat. Our bodies slapped together in the most horrifying fashion. After dishing the dirt to Lindsey about it we decided to do a little investigation on the topic of Fat Sex. We even found out about something called family assisted sex, for those who are very, morbidly, morbidly obese. Amazing. People actually have to have friends and family come over in order to hold rolls, legs, etc., away so that the man can penetrate the woman. I don't know what happens when a man gets too fat? How does one hold a man's pannus up so that he can be with his girl? But, I digress.
Sex was something that was difficult for me at first because of my body. I was in constant fear he would see my body and be completely grossed out. I would never get on top. I would take my clothes off under the covers. It took me a while to realize a very important thing about fat sex: If a guy is dating you, or has at least taken you out for dinner, he's expecting, well, at least wanting sex. No guy in the history of guys has ever told a woman to get off of him because her thighs are too big. He might not talk to her afterwards, but he is not going to pass up the opportunity for sex because of it.
I remember being so deathly afraid of being on top of a man because he would see my body or that I would crush him, that it took me a long time to muster up the courage to do so. Obviously, laying down makes your fat belly flatter, your tits stand at attention, etc. But, being on top sure makes the guy happier and your boobs actually look nice that way too.
The sounds that are made during sex are not one's that are the most...flattering. The slapping, bumping and groaning all sound sexy in the moment, except when you realize that it's your bellies making those noises...especially when you're starving afterwards and your stomach growls.
The last boyfriend I had lived with his brother. I'd usually go over to his house when my class got out and we would hang and then naturally, get busy. While we were going at it one night, his brother walked in on us and saw me in all my glory. Flab Galore. Body flapping in the wind. Normally, I would have died of embarrassment. It's one thing to let someone you want to see you naked see you, but when a person who you don't want to see you naked does...it's humiliating. But, for reason I didn't care. Maybe because it was at the end of the relationship? I don't know...but that poor boy must have gotten an eyeful...and a very important lesson on how if there is a foreign car in the driveway...KNOCK ON YOUR BROTHER'S DOOR BEFORE BARGING IN!
I think the greatest paradox in my life is how much confidence I have out of my clothes. I know that I do a good job (is that nasty to tell all of you?), and I think that since I know I'll be doing a good job, it doesn't matter what I look like naked. He may even think my rolls and bellies are attractive...but if he dare tries to touch my belly...he's in serious trouble...
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114 comments:
I have never had anything except for fat sex! But I totally understand...touching of the belly is off limits!
Is that Emily in the picture? That is sort of how I imagine her. YUMMY!
Hilarious. Love the Picture. Great Post. I can't believe you got walked in on!
Wow. Your boobs stand to attention when you're lying down? I'm impressed. Mine never did, not even when they were brand-spanking new.
Also, if someone likes you enough to want to be intimate with you on a regular basis - if they care for you even - why wouldn't you let them touch your belly? They wouldn't go there if they didn't like it.
fat people shouldn't have sex...ever. The thought of it makes me want to vomit.
Anon 10:49 why are you on this blog? And why shouldn't fatties have sex? You sound like you might be retarded. And we all know that retards shouldn't procreate...
Uhhh...okay...I'm fat, and I enjoy fat sex with my fat boyfriend. That said, this post was worded so yuckily that I can't imagine getting busy for at least a week. You make it sound absolutely repulsive and humiliating, which it shouldn't be.
Anon 11:28
I don't think the post was anything like you said. I get, like this blog, it wasn't the most positive at points because she talks about her insecurites, but at least she was honest about them. And it seems she likes sex-can I say that?-
N-E-Ways, while I know it's not uncommon to feel that way while being intimate, I'm glad I know someone else feels that way.
Dear God....
Scary but good entry. Gave me pause.
This is a TMI question, but...why don't guys like to have missionary position sex with fat girls? Is it more "romantic" than other positions and they don't think fat girls are worthy?
Or do guys just generally not like missionary and it actually has nothing to do with the girl's size?
I'm just asking because, as a fat chick, I've yet to date a guy who likes missionary...the last guy I talked to about sexual fantasies said he wanted to get busy "from behind," and I got mad at him because I took it as his only wanting that position because I was fat. (The "hogging" post says something about guys only doing fat girls from behind, which is partly why I got mad).
Just asking...since we're talking about fat sex, after all.
I understand about being on top... my husband would like me on top but to be completely honest, at only 5 feet tall, my knees don't completely reach the bed/floor/whatever and it makes it really difficult for me to, uh, move. So it's my height more than my weight that causes that problem, oddly enough.
Since I've been fat, I don't have a problem with my tummy being touched, but there's a place just below the ribs that I HATE having touched, or having any weight on. No idea why, or why being fat makes a difference.
I despise the missionary position. I much prefer woman on top or doggie-style and it has absolutely nothing to do with the weight of the woman involved.
Speaking as someone who has been- and fucked- all over the weight spectrum, fat sex is better than skinny sex. When I was 110 pounds and attempting missionary sex with a 120 pound man, all I could concentrate on was the uncomfortable poking of hip-bone into torso-muscle. Fat sex is delightful and warm. Skinny sex is anything but.
I have had some guys admit they don't like doing missionary because their arms get tired.
My mother (with whom I'm very close) actually gave be the best advice I've ever gotten about sex and body image:
When you are naked, you will be the best looking naked woman in the room because you are the only naked woman in the room.
This post made me laugh out loud--because I have been there. Why are we so insecure that we always, automatically think that the reason the dude wants it doggy style is because he does not like to look at us. For me, that way is the quickest way for it to be over because it is so hot--my husband is more of an ass man (remember that Seinfeld?) and he loves it...and I have the cliched tattoo right above my tush...
The sounds, the awkwardness, the sometime limited options as far as positions go--I have seen it all, just like you. Also like you--I LOVE sex. I am good at it, and always have a great time...the one thing that is weird about me and fat sex is, by the time I ever got naked with anyone, I knew them well enough that i knew it was all going to be fine--fun, and loving. Maybe the difference between being a fatty and a skinny is that fatter girls have fewer options for one night stands (okay, that is just my experience--don't flame me, k?) so it follows that it is less likely that we will bed down with someone we know so little that we could not even talk about the experience. I was in law school, with what you would think were bright young women...they would have sex with guys, and then not be able to talk about the fact that they had sex. How lame...talk about insecure!
Kudos for you once again for your candor...that pic is a scream!
This post is revolting.
I'm sorry, but it's fucking gross.
I don't understand why so many people find this post to be so "revolting" and "gross".
It's honest. It's the nature of this blog.
Get over it.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels these things. Even though I'm married, I still won't get on top because I'm afraid of not being able to do it right in that position. STupid, but true.
Good post.
very interesting post. the whole part about family members HELPING *you* have sex. Umm EWWW!! if your THAT fat, *your* main concern should be LOSING WEIGHT, not trying to get laid!!
I really HATE body giggle when I'm getting all randy. It's very distracting to me!!
*I puts you and your btwn *'s to indicate that I am using those words in a genernal sence and not typing about/to any specific person.
WHY IS IT THAT FAT CHIC'S ALWAYS "BRAG" ABOUT BEING GOOD IN BED? WHATS UP WITH THAT!?!
I love this blog, it always brightens my day. It's true and and funny and I love it.
For what it's worth, that "family assisted sex" is apparently a joke. The link specifically says a magazine "facetiously" suggests that fat people get friends and family to help out. I couldn't find any legitimate links about "family assisted sex" but did find something similar mentioned in fat fetish porn. So don't get too grossed out, paperdoll princess, I don't think it's real.
Why are all girls who are over like 140 pounds always convinced they're going to crush men? We aren't delicate creatures - we routinely do things like play football & rugby, where we will frequently be landed on by 300+ pound men hitting us at full sprint - one fat girl positioning herself on top of us ain't gonna do us any damage!
With the whole from behind thing, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to look at your front, it's just that there ain't many things out there that are sexier than a nice curvy fat girls ass.
Missionary position - personally, i'm not the most well endowed bloke in the world, and tend to find i'm barely penetrating in that position with a fat girl. Maybe that's why most blokes don't like missionary with a fat girl? In my humble opinion girl on top is the way to go, but i guess that's a personal preference thing.
Stacia - if you'd like to try on top, put a couple of thick dense foam pillows on either side of your partner; that should make it possible for you to reach. You don't want fluffy pillows; you want dense couch-type pillows without much give.
Honinterrupted, your mother is a very wise woman.
Gina - I hear you. I still feel awkward with it; it's my current partner's preferred position, and my least favorite. I feel awkward and I have less control in that position than in any other position. :P
I love that pic, it is hilarious! I had no idea there was a difference in 'fat' sex and 'skinny' sex. I just thought sex was sex, LOL. Thanks for the insight, you always make me chuckle. Hugs, Paula F
I must admit. I think I would like fat sex a whole lot better if I could have skinny sex boobs.
k.c. what are skinny sex boobs?
loved, loved, loved this post! I'm surprised that no one has thought to mention the big big love. It's a book by a fat person about having sex as a fat person. Check it out - http://www.amazon.com/Big-Love-Sourcebook-People-Those/dp/1890159166
Emily and Lindsay, I think you should read it and then write an entry on it.
Re: positions. My current boy loves, loves, loves missionary. and doggy style. And I'd say me on top is his least favorite position. And then another guy I was with who loved fat girls and loved looking at every inch of my body was most into doggy style b/c of the feeling of penetration and of looking at my ass. Nothing to do with not wanting to look at my face.
The naked aspect of sex and lying in bed part never gets to me. What gets to me is the naked other stuff. The naked walking around the room, getting dressed, trying to find your clothes on the way to the bathroom, etc... That's the stuff that I get embarassed by. B/c then you're just naked and there's no distracting sex.
And about belly touching. I don't have an issue with it. I think it might be b/c the first guy I was ever with wanted to kiss my belly b/c he thought it was beautiful and when we spooned he always clutched my belly. Now the guy I'm with always clutches my breasts when we spoon which actually bothers me - like spooning is just a way to cop a feel. Is that ridiculous to think that?
This hilarious post made me think about something: do you think fat girls are the "victims" of one night stands more so than skinny girls because guys think they can get away with it...like the hoggers?
marcia, I'd have to say that using my friends as a sample, it seems that all women are equally likely to be "victims" of one night stands. But other people may have other experiences.
bloomie - I guess what I meant was that *my* fat sex includes *my* huge pancake boobs flapping up and down. I never know if I should be covering up my boob fat or my belly fat. I know the answer is none of the above, I should let my fat flag fly. But... alas, I'm only just now accepting my fat self clothed. So... I think that I'd be mutch more at ease with sex if my boobs were somehow duct taped pointing upwards and forward. Your view may differ.
LOL, KC! I'm with you! I don't *like* my belly fat, but I can tolerate that a little more than my gross eggplant-sized boobs swinging like frickin' pendulums!
Everyone says I should "accentuate the positive," but I don't see anything sexy or positive about boulders of mass destruction!
Hee hee! Great post. I feel like I'm at a slumber party where everyone is asking the questions they always wanted to know, but were afraid to ask ;)
Thanks for the explanation k.c.
Even at my fattest I suffered from the fat girl, but small boobs phenomenom so flapping boobies have never been my concern. Also why I like doggy style b/c thanks to gravity my boobs look bigger.
But for those uncomfortable with their bodies during sex, I don't really understand why they like doggy style. I think it accentuates my belly/panus more than anything else.
anon 2:11, you're so right. it is like a slumber pary - one for fatties. I call dibs on sleeping on the couch.
I was only 180 (5'9") when my bf of over a year said mid sex, me on top, that he couldn't come because 'my stomach was laying on him.' He'd never said anything about my weight before that but 15 years later I hear that in my head everytime I think about being on top esp cuz of how much fatter I am now. :(
anon above:
oh my god! that's the worst thing I have ever heard. I feel for you! We all feel for you!
What did having your belly on him have to do with coming anyways?
I hope you now have a new boyfriend...
yes, new bf now! We were both really tired and he immediately looked stricken when he said it and never mentioned it again, so I don't think he was trying to be hurtful just too tired to not say what he should have filtered. He had only ever slept with tiny girls before me and I know my mini pannus was swinging on him. Ugh, fatty sex mishaps! Another bf and I were having tipsy sex years after that and he reached out like he usually did to grab onto my hips but instead grabbed and held onto my fat roll. That was bad to. I'm surprised I ever get on top at all now!!
Missionary can be very hard on the guy's back.
As for the breasts - that used to be an issue with me. Lying on my bach, they'd be in my arm pits or going upwards and restricting my breathing. Upright, they'd swing all over. After my reduction (a medical necessity, not cosmetic), it's make life so much better, I don't miss them at all. My husband, however, pines for them every now and then. ;-)
Belly touching has never been an issue with me. We both like to give/recieve full body massages, so it's never been much of an issue. They do tend to get in the way in the middle of things, though... LOL
Oh, my - sorry for all the typos!
You girls are funny and seem to forget, or not acknowledge, but some guys like fat girls, i.e. they like fat sex. I'm one of them. It bothers me that so many of you are so insecure that when a guy finally shows you the attention you deserve you hide your fatness by being on the bottom or keeping the lights off, etc. believe me, not only does it do no good, we still know you're fat, but it is a bg turn-off for the guy if he can't see you. Then when he doesn't call back you think it's because of your weight. it isn't, it's because of your insecurities.
And God knows, Tim, that that's a really good way to help a woman overcome her insecurities. "I didn't call back because you're too insecure." Well, DUH - what do you suppose contributed to that insecurity in the first place??? Do you (the hypothetical you, let's say), the gentleman who likes fat women, make the girl feel special? Admired? SECURE? You know, as if she can trust you not to stop calling without any explanation? These insecurities you find so unattractive are usually a lifetime in the making; if you find a girl you think is attractive, and funny, and you'd like to spend time with her, has it occurred to you that, oh, I don't know, it's something you could actually help her with? I'm not talking about an entire Rescue Operation here; it's just sincere, quiet, continual reassurance might actually help her overcome her insecurities. But an evening, or a week, or even a month, of "Honey, I think you're beautiful," isn't going to be enough to overcome a lifetime of abuse. It takes patience, and time, and it's worth it, if you're interested in a relationship with someone.
WHY IS IT THAT FAT CHIC'S ALWAYS "BRAG" ABOUT BEING GOOD IN BED? WHATS UP WITH THAT!?!
COZ THEY ARE BETTER IN BED!
Dolley, all I'm gonna say is that sometimes it's impossible to win with you all. I praise you all and you take one word from my paragraph and harp on it. Why not take the positive aspects? Why go right for the negative and pick it apart? I think you just demostrated my point.
Tim, I, for one, appreciate being reminded that there are men who like large women. In my neck of the woods they hide. DC is as bad as Hollywood about image = worth, and no man with any ambition at all is willing to be seen with a fat woman. Look at the ridicule Clinton got about his taste in women.
I can't speak for anyone else, but from this woman's perspective, having been told for an entire lifetime by family, peers, and society at large (pardon the pun) that I'm not good enough the way I am, simply because I don't fit a socially-idealized mold, it's really difficult not to be insecure. If a guy just disappears without explanation, I have no basis on which to expain his leaving but my own experience. I simple "I think you're great, but your insecurities are tedious" would hurt, but at least I would draw accurate conclusions to why he left.
Tim, I picked on the one section (not "word") of your post that needed picking on. Do you not see any circular behavior patterns, in terms of cause and effect, with the concept of "fat girls are insecure, so guys leave" ? God knows, I think it's great that there are guys who like large women. I'm lucky that my guy likes me the size I am - has specifically said that he doesn't care if I'm 90 pounds or 300 - but most of us have issues that we struggle with as a result of the fact that there are a lot of people, male and female, who have told us over and over for years that they don't like us as we are. It is perfectly normal that it takes work on both of our parts, his and mine, for me to overcome those issues - just the way it takes work on both our parts to help him overcome his issues. His issues are different from mine, but they are issues, nonetheless. Most people, fat or thin, have issues of one sort or another. For a lot of fat women, their issue is insecurity about the way they look. For the guys who can't deal with that, I'm going to suggest that it's possible that their issues may include lack of patience and an unwillingness to commit. I think it's self-defeating for the guys who like fat women, but who don't like insecure fat women, to go from woman to woman to find the one who's totally secure about herself, despite anything she may have had to deal with in her life. It's a way to guarantee that there will, in fact, be a lot of insecure fat women.
The truth is, of course, that there are also a lot of insecure thin women, so good luck to the guys, generally, who think they're going to find a woman who doesn't have some issues - God bless the ones who don't, but most of us do have insecurities of one kind or another.
after reading this I finally had sex with mu hubby after a very long time of not having sex. I got off...He didn't get off...I cried, looks like it will be another long time till I try again.
Hey Kate, I know what you're talking about as I also live right outside DC.
anonymous 1:07
your comment broke my heart. is the situation with your husband beyond repair?
Oh I love love love adore this website. Your posts and all your commenters' additions are insightful and fascinating.
I recently went on an online date, my first, with someone I had exchanged (honest) pictures with and he emailed me the next day, "I didn't feel a love connection..." but I knew from the gitgo he thought I was too big.
I'm not morbidly obese, but I do live in LA and I am no size 2. I have some big Texas thighs, I'm easily a size 16 on a good day (an 18 on a bad pants day) (a 20 on a Bad Month). I like myself, and yet I'm struck by those who ask, "Isn't it better to give up the eating/comfort of food/current body in order to have a smaller body that is more attractive to men?" Every single fat woman struggles with this, I think, in some way.
If only it were so easy, this idea that we ate cupcakes all day and merely had to give cupcakes to be fabulous looking.
Part of me is MAD that someone can't like me just as I am. And part of me knows I should lose weight.
It's tough. If I had to choose, I'd been born a woman whose natural tendency is skinniness. But I didn't choose, skinny, or even average, is hard work for me. Is it rewarding enough work to land a man who appreciates my waistline?
Hard to say.
Anonymous said... COZ THEY ARE BETTER IN BED!
what a waste of space! you could of atleast put some thought the question or NOT have answered it at all!
Dolley, all I'm gonna say is that sometimes it's impossible to win with you all. I praise you all and you take one word from my paragraph and harp on it. Why not take the positive aspects? Why go right for the negative and pick it apart? I think you just demostrated my point.
Tim - Give Dolley a break. Her daily diet of apple danishes (for the roughage and Vitamin C, you understand) makes her blood sugar fluctuate like crazy and this makes her cranky.
Everyone, I am very sorry about nonstickpam's devotion to sitting at her computer and humping the FattyMcBlog site. You know how those inferior races can be.
nonstickpam
12:12pm
What's your excuse? For being preachy, sanctimonious, and one hell of a bitch? Maybe if you would consume a bit more food, and not deprive yourself so much, you wouldn't be such a biatch. I for one, do not give a rat’s ass if you eat health food all day and if you’re skinny. The added nutrition you’re consuming is obviously NOT nurturing your brain cells. Also, find something to feed your personality! Your crankiness and preachiness is really unbecoming and tiresome. Oh, and it’s quite boring too.
Mcgee,
I think the greatest paradox in my life is how much confidence I have out of my clothes. I know that I do a good job (is that nasty to tell all of you?), and I think that since I know I'll be doing a good job, it doesn't matter what I look like naked.
You shouldn't have to worry about what you look like naked, good in bed or not. I don't think this is the real point of having an intimitate relationship. Sex should not only be about pleasing the other person, it should be about getting equally pleased, while leaving the worries and concerns of life aside during that moment. So, you're good in bed, ok, is (was) your partner good at pleasing you too?
TO:Emily Pound 2:38
we have been together 20 years and 3 children. It has been going sour for years, but I would rather be a widow than a divorcee. So I will just wait, stop nagging him to quit smoking, and hope the smoking makes him quit breathing. He smells bad and I am fat, so we both have something that turns the other one off, but every now and then we try to get that "loving feeling" back. It seems to make it worse each time.I feel humiliated, but he says he feels humiliated because I cry. I cry because I don't think he found me attractive. It is a vicious circle.
Size doesn't matter - we can all feel nervous about our bodies. I am considered slim, but I am still very self-conscious about my body, and for this reason don't like to get on top, even though my BF loves it.
I think ultimately, and I know it sounds like a platitude, that you radiate beauty from within, and you either have confidence or you don't, regardless of the packaging.
Anonymous 7:15 - That sucks - Are you sure divorce is not an option?
Okay, I hate to do the TMI thing here...but my spouse is rather heavier than I am, he has what I guess you'd have to call a pannus, and during intimacy that flesh touches, and rubs, in exactly the right place. Exactly. :-)
The last other guy I had sex with was skinny, skinny, skinny. His hip bones hurt my thighs. His spine stuck out, which was kind of creepy. He didn't keep me warm, he wasn't good to snuggle with, and he didn't know the right place from the proverbial hole in his head.
I feel confident you all have deduced the moral of the story: maybe the guy's just with us because he WANTS to be with us, the way I love being with my husband. I'd die before trading him for any guy I've ever seen, skinny or otherwise.
WHY IS IT THAT FAT CHIC'S ALWAYS "BRAG" ABOUT BEING GOOD IN BED? WHATS UP WITH THAT!?!
Isn't it obvious? They're so lacking in self esteem, they think it makes them appear sexier. It's sad really. If you're great in bed and you know it, it should be your own private little secret - just between you and your guy.
For what it's worth: my boyfriend, who has had sex with many women, says most women prefer having sex with the lights out and it has nothing to do with how attractive the woman is; it has to do with how attractive she THINKS she is. A definite minority of women like sex with the lights on.
Wow. No offense, but it's clear Nanny 911 is getting a little bit jealous of her "gal pals" having *ahem* more to talk about than her. It's typical: friends of various sizes are talking about sex and she can't contribute to the conversation, so she freaks out because the attention's not on her, and omg, she didn't get the hot kinky sex the patriarchy owes her for being born with a fast metabolism...or an eating disordered environment (Though wanting hot kinky sex is atypical of the anorexic sort).
Either that, or her "guy" is seriously cold and uninterested. Skinny bitch defense mechanism #423: "But *I'm* skinny! I just don't talk about how AWESOME my sex is (for real! I'm not lying!)'cause I don't have to! I'm modest like that. I'm like, too skinny for this fat conversation. Fatty fat fat...fat?"
I agree with anon at 9:35, but I also have to say all this knee-jerk skinnychick emotional reaction has to do with the fact that they are, by societal standards, the alleged "winners" of the game. Therefore, I can promise you that this "outrage" all stems from the moment(s) their men made them jealous by looking at, flirting with, or wanting a fat girl. "C'est impossible!" they think. They have in so many ways hurt and sacrificed themselves in order to "fit in" and "win" their partner, that when he throws those rules out of the window by lusting after a fat chick he sees walking by in the mall, they are enraged. Instead of turning their anger at the man, they (of course) project their hatred onto the fat girl. Thus all this "who do you think you are with your good sex?" talk. Women need to stick together; instead some will tear down the outsiders to justify the patriarchy they are enslaved by.
So now women who aren't fat are "enslaved by the patriachy"? Oh please!
Anon 7:02--it's called hyperbole...Thanks to Nekeela...your post came right out of my head. Isn't that the truth that we JUMP when someone touches one of our parts--and we practically have to do deep breathing to calm our pounding hearts...oh my God--he is touching a flabby bit!!! The bummer is, I still cannot really calm myself down and enjoy it.
As for fat chicks *bragging* about it--I do not think it is really about the bragging. When I said I was good at it, really I meant that I am able to relax, let go, and REALLY enjoy myself...in spite of my fat belly and thighs. That is what it is really about anyway--I doubt that anyone here is really advertising the fact that they give good _____ (fill in the blank).
Thank you (well, most of you) for your heartfelt posts--this blog is a joy to read!
Most of these comments are incomprehensible to my (typically male) point of view, which is why I love reading this blog. If I was self-conscious of my body enough that I had to do deep breathing to calm down after someone touched it, my first thought wouldn't be that I need to dedicate decades to achieving full acceptance of my body - it would be that I need to change my body pronto.
Maybe the reason it's easy for us men to lose weight is that we're too dumb to realize how difficult it is? When my doctor told me "lose 10 pounds" at my last physical, my first thought wasn't that he was part of a brain-washed patriarchy, it was that I needed to get my butt off the couch more. It seems that 90% of the fat acceptance is women, does this speak to a difference in psychology rather than physiology?
While I have never experienced the joys of "fat sex", I would like to say that it should not matter. Fat, skinny, hangups, lights off, whatever, sex is meant to be pleasurable for both partners. An intimate moment between two people who care about each other. So all the rest should fall to the side. Of course, not saying that it does, hey, I'm a fat girl with hangups too. I'm just saying that when it happens for me, he darn well better love me for who I am and not give a shit what I look like in or out of clothes. If he does, he may show himself to the door.
Ahem, bigeasy, I don't know how many times it has been said, this is NOT a fat acceptance blog. It is just honest true stories of two women, who happen to be fat. And when my doctor told me I needed to lose 10 pounds, I did. And I kept it off thank you very much. Kindly keep your judgemental thoughts to yourself. We know we are fat, and we should lose weight. Fortunetly, we don't care what you think. As rude as it sounds (I just read it over, sorry about the tone) it is juts a fact. I am not trying to be rude, just realistic.
bigeasy, I can see where you're coming from with that. Men do look at their bodies differently (I really wouldn't go so far as to say men are 'dumber', lol); it is indeed psychological, and probably sociological as well. I think I recall from my sociology course that men are brought up to view their bodies as 'instrumental' and women to view theirs as 'ornamental', which even if this isn't the case for all men and all women would naturally lead to different approaches to body image, and different attitudes around weight loss and the like. I think I've also heard that women are more likely than men to believe themselves heavier or less fit than they actually are, whereas men are actually inclined to judge themselves as MORE fit than they actually are.
anonymous 9:35, has it ever occurred to you that the vast majority of slim women weren't "born with a fast metabolism...or [have} an eating disordered environment"? They just eat sensibly and exercise.
But hey, if that helps you sleep at night...
heather, but your post still brings up the question: is the reason you believe in all these difficulty factors (muscle mass etc) mainly because you are a woman?
Quite honestly, your average male wouldn't make a checklist of all the reasons why weight loss is difficult like you just have. He would just assume it's something he can do, like changing the oil in the car or replacing the smoke alarm batteries. Now if someone told me repeatedly that 98% of people who try changing their oil burn to death in a fiery blaze, well then, it might all of a sudden seem a bit more difficult.
hackdoll has a much more concrete understanding of this than I do. I really haven't studied psychology or sociology, but the "instrumental" makes sense to me.
So what do the men on here think?
Bigeasy, in the first instance I would suspect your attitude has rather more to do with the fact you've never been fat, rather than your being a man. If you had you would realise that 10lbs is pretty negligible to the majority of chubsters of either sex. Granted, it would probably make a visible difference to me but then I'm shortish and only moderately fat. I cannot for the life of me imagine why your doctor thought it was a big deal unless you're three feet tall.
I suggest you try talking to some fat men regarding sex and body image in order to gain a true perspective on the issue. For what it's worth a fat boyfriend, who couldn't get enough of me at the time, was far more inclined to turn the lights out than I was - and it certainly wasn't because he didn't like looking at what God gave me. (I'm not going the TMI route. You'll just have to trust me on that).
I'd also take issue with your theory men find it easy to lose weight. Strange to relate, my father was a bloke - and he battled with his weight all his life. Both he and my mother were stigmatised for being fat from childhood and, between the two of them, they managed to convey to me, from a very young age, that a fat body was something to be deeply ashamed of.
Um - I think you'll find patriarchal brainwashing, as a general rule, tends to work in favour of men. That's probably why you've never given it much thought. My mother bought me my first all-in-one corset at the age of 14. (Imagine the ignominy of that in the let-it-all-hang-out Seventies when all my little mates were wearing cutesy little floral training bras). I wasn't even fat at the time but, having been conditioned to think that I was, viewed the corset as just punishment. In addition, my far-from-feminist mamma, having come of age in the Post War let's-shove-women-back-into-the-kitchen-before-they-start-getting-ideas-above-their-station Fifties, genuinely believed "wives should always be lovers too", (a song sung by Jack Jones - also a man, if memory serves me right), was a wise and noble sentiment and did her damndest to ingrain it into me. So...crappy self-image combined with the ancient diktat a woman's primary role is to look pretty and girlish for men. Might that give you any insight at all as to why, for some decades, women have had the lion's share of body issues?
It will be interesting to see just how significant a number of men continue to develop eating disorders and poor self-image in the light of the new wave of "health" oriented lad-mags now doing their damndest to make their readers feel as lousy about themselves as women's mags have done to their readers for decades).
Watch and learn, bigeasy.
Bigeasy - I bet you didn't know that fat people are making a "political statement" did you?
Bigeasy, there are quite a few fat men out there. Why aren't they just "changing the oil" and be thin?
Those damn tricky psychological factors about eating seem to affect men as well.
(I still don't believe that it is a near impossibility to lose weight, you are right there.)
I once read that men need to look good in a suit and women need to look good naked.
(But that is changing and male eating disorders are on the rise...).
In order to have hang-ups about how one looks naked it is not necessary to be fat. It is not even necessary to have "real" flaws.
So losing the weight alone would not do the trick.
to all you Anonymous
GET A NAME!!!!
Therefore, I can promise you that this "outrage" all stems from the moment(s) their men made them jealous by looking at, flirting with, or wanting a fat girl.
Darling, I hate to tell youu this, but my husband does not want a fat girl. He married me when I was fat and we've been through thick and thin together - but he far prefers the thin. In fact he said to me the other day, "I used to think fat chicks were cool. Now I just think they're fat".
Sorry.
[Cue head-shaking about how I have been "diminished by the patriarchy" or some such BS]
Oh, so Nanny911, when you chub out again, you've already resigned yourself to the knowledge that your hubby is going to be dipping his wick in another (thin) gal's candle wax? GOOD TO KNOW!
GOOD TO KNOW!
Dear anonymous(es) - Sorry to burst your delusional little bubble but there's no way on the face on the earth I'm ever going to chub out again. I have learnt how to manage my weight - and no, that doesn't involve puking, starvation, or excessive exercise.
Try it, you might like it! :-)
Anonymous @ 4:19 here.
Doll, I'm 5'3, 110, and a personal trainer at NYSC, so I've kinda got the managing my weight thing down - THANKS ANYWAY :D. I come here because I applaud the honesty of these bloggers, though I would suggest exercise for both of them because they could benefit from the endorphin boost.
But, love, I have plenty of clients who come in who want to be thin for hubby, because they know his eyes are roaming for his next piece of cream pie. I almost always convince them to get fit for THEMSELVES first.
I just find it HILARIOUS that you're being so holier-than-thou when you used to be fat yourself, and your husband is more or less telling you that if you pork up again, he'd be leaving your ass.
Dear Personal Trainer aka Anonymous @ 4:19
Once again, I find I have been misrepresented. I lost weight and got fit for myself, thank you. The positive attention from my hubby has been a side effect. And my hubby has in no way ever implied that he'd ditch me if I regained weight. He has always been extremely supportive and loving of me, whatever my size. :-D
And what kind of personal trainer are you anyway, if you go around telling women who have successfully lost weight and kept it off that they're "going to chub out again"?
Since this is blog about being fat, I guess I shouldn't be surprised at the level of hostility shown to "normal-sized" women here. If you're not accusing them of inducing vomiting and exercising 24/7 to keep their weight down, you're gloating at the thought of their men lusting after fatties.
Anyone need a reality check?
Nanny911, I would suggest that the reason the personal trainer suggested you might chub up again is because, being she's seen it a billion times. Indeed, the health and fitness industry, along with the diet industry, wouldn't be the lucrative businesses they are if the majority of punters didn't regain the weight they'd lost time and again with interest.
I would also suggest the reason your husband used to think fat girls were cool is because you were one at the time and, like most people in love, he had shit in his eye where you were concerned. The fact he has since denounced them proves little other than he still does. Or - and I suggest you think on this – that he is seeking to reassure you that he still loves you and finds you attractive, even though you no longer resemble the woman he married. (Proof in itself that ordinary guys fall in love with fat girls all the time).
Lisa, the only hostility shown to "normal sized" women, (and I take issue with that term since, 50% of the female population in my country take upwards of a US size 14 in the light of which I consider myself normal), is in response to these women - and men - coming here to hurl abuse on the grounds of physical appearance and assumed character flaws.
If you want to to see how we conduct ourselves when we're not constantly interupted by sadistic, sermonising arseholes, I would refer you to the thread named "The F Word'. You might also learn something about how fat people view themselves in a culture which encourages self-loathing in people of every size.
OK, this is unbelievably coincidental. Today's post, in the blog below, is basically a conversation between two guys who have no idea that this blog exists, or that they're answering questions we have about the various positions:
http://standingonthebox.blogspot.com/
Lisa, the only hostility shown to "normal sized" women, (and I take issue with that term since, 50% of the female population in my country take upwards of a US size 14 in the light of which I consider myself normal), is in response to these women - and men - coming here to hurl abuse on the grounds of physical appearance and assumed character flaws.
Interesting. Thanks for that BuffPuff. I put "normal" in quotes because I didn't want to describe slim women as "thin" as so many people do here. I live in Australia, where the average female dress size is an Australian size 14 (US size 10).
Hello ladies. My name is Miguel, and I appreciate the honesty and thoughtfulness of this particular post. By the way the pic is absolutely beautiful. Is it of one of you? Just curious.
I have dated mostly rubenesque women and find them very appealing. Did you ladies know that up until the late 19th century, the rubenesque women was the physical model for women to be in general?
When it comes to "fat sex" if you enjoy the company of a nice lady on a night out on the town and the feeling is mutual, "when there is a will, there is a way", as the saying goes. I am pleased to mention that I have done many positions when it comes to sex, including the missionary position, whether it is the lady on top, or me on top. As long as the sex is enjoyable by both partners, that is all that really matters. Keep up the good work.
I've always been curious about thin people and their relationships with food. I know they aren't all eating disordered or excercise addicts, but I've always been curious about how skinny chicks are well....skinny. How do they fit in all that excercise? Not eat ice cream when they're down? Do things like split hamburgers and a small order of fries? Have the gall to complain that they're a size 8 instead of 6?
On topic, In my heart of hearts, I think my husband would love me more if i were smaller -- say a size 10. Not to say that he's bad, but he's a man, and re:fifi and mcgee, as much as I'd like to think my 'inner beauty' matters, when it comes down to it, I just can't believe that he's all that excited to be with a fat chick.
The idea of men that are excited about it are mystifying and slightly scary to me. (even though I'm fat.) I want to believe it, I just can't imagine how it could be true. After all, they're living in the same world that I am, and here, all the "pretty on the inside" isn't going to have men beating a path to your door.
Just my (rambly, late-night) opinion.
Hi Gina
Speaking purely for myself here, my answers are:
How do they fit in all that excercise?
Fit everything else around exercise, rather than fitting in exercise.
Not eat ice cream when they're down?
Not use food to deal with feelings. I do other things, like reading a trashy magazine in a bubble bath. Sulking is good too. ;-)
Do things like split hamburgers and a small order of fries?
I don't eat fast food in the first place.
Have the gall to complain that they're a size 8 instead of 6?
It takes work to stay a size 6 (see above). It you want it badly enough, you'll do it.
Now everyone's going to say I lead a joyless life! *rolls eyes*
On the contrary, Marla, I can only say that if I were living your life it would be a joyless one, give that I prefer to dedicate my spare time to friendships, books, movies, exhibitions and writing. Exercise is a necessary evil I endure under sufference and I prefer to get it over with as quickly as decency allows. As long as you don't have a problem with our differences or assume they represent some kind of plea for help I'm cool.
Have to say something from a fat-gal perspective though: I'm assuming, when you make mention of trashy bathtime reading, you're referring to the usual fashion/celebrity/gossip type magazine? As a youngPuff, I always found dwelling on the non-existent cellulite, lightning-fast turnover of impossibly handsome boyfriends and dubious fashion choices of models, actresses and pop stars far more likely to encourage feelings of bitterness, inadequacy and discontent than cheer me up. Personally I recommend tea, chocolate cake, a Buffy DVD and a staunch girlfriend to beat the blahs any day. (It may interest you to know that the friend I most often do this with is a size 6 and that chocolate cake forms a mainstay of her diet rather than the treat it does in mine). While it's one of the great tragedies of my life that all bubble baths ever did for me was give me cystitits!
Er...make that cystitis. I dread to think what cystitits feels like...
I'm assuming, when you make mention of trashy bathtime reading, you're referring to the usual fashion/celebrity/gossip type magazine?
Guilty as charged, LOL! I enjoy them simply because they're so.... trashy. Intellectual content = 0. Social worth = zippo. My trashy mags are your chocolate cake!
I speak only for myself, at this moment (has not always been like this):
I know they aren't all eating disordered or excercise addicts, but I've always been curious about how skinny chicks are well....skinny. How do they fit in all that excercise?
I don't exercise that much. Sometimes not at all, sometimes I take a class at the gym (3 times a week * 1.5 hrs), and during the summer I walk a lot. Sometimes, you couldn't peel me off the couch with a crane, other times I feel like I'll go nuts if I don't work out.
Not eat ice cream when they're down?
I do. But I try to compensate later, or the following day/week by eating less or moving more.
Do things like split hamburgers and a small order of fries?
I eat fast food rarely, but I don't really like it, so I can't claim some sort of spartan self discipline.
Have the gall to complain that they're a size 8 instead of 6?
It's all relative. Not everyone has the same view of themselves, also, not everyone feels comfortable at the same weight. I prefer to keep my weight lower (when possible), and being higher than a certain weight makes me uncomfortable, so I try to avoid it. Not because of Barbie, or Cosmo, or patriarchy, but out of experience. That being said, there are many other things that bother other people and that I've never has issue with. I'm not a Cosmo girl and hopefully never will be. It really irritates me when women complain about having a "bad hair day", being seen without makeup on, having bad skin, and a few other things. I just want to shake them and say "It's just hair, get over it!". However, I have seen many overweight women who took extremely good care of themselves (makeup, hair, manicure, clothes etc.), who would complain about hair/nails/makeup/clothing, but I never thought "How can she complain about that when I'm wearing chipped nail-polish and I got all my clothes at a thrift-store? Oh my God, how vain." I guess my point is that we pick different things to be anal about. It wouldn't bother you to be an 8 instead of a 6, but I'm sure there are other things that I consider irrelevant (hair, makeup, skin..) that you spend a lot more time worrying about.
Oh, and I'm far from being skinny naturally, have not always been skinny , but at the same time I don't feel like what I'm doing is torture, or excessively strict. It also does not make me unhappy.
p.s.
given that I prefer to dedicate my spare time to friendships, books, movies, exhibitions and writing.
Note that what I'm doing does not exclude any of the above. I am not dedicating my life to working out and not eating fast food, it's just part of it.
Cherree, I made that specific comment in response to Marla's recomendation to "fit everything else around exercise, rather than fitting in exercise". Given the choice between exercising or lunch, a chinwag and a movie with a friend, the latter would win hands down. Exercise bores me to my Nikes. If didn't live in London, where the roads are hazardous in terms of pollution, heavy traffic and road rage, I'd cycle. But there are few cycle paths here and most local authorities take a dim view of people riding their bikes through parks, which is a pisser. So I aimlessly pound the pavements of suburbia instead. Thank God for the invention of the iPod - if I work up enough speed I can almost convince myself I'm dancing.
I made that specific comment in response to Marla's recomendation to "fit everything else around exercise, rather than fitting in exercise".
BuffPuff - I just want to clarify that I did not make that comment as a "recommendation". I was merely answering Gina's question, "How do they (skinny chicks) fit in all that excercise?" I also stated that in giving my answer, I was speaking purely for myself.
...as was I, Marla.
Hey everyone, just thought you'd like to see what I found on craigslist
Cute, Hilarious Guy Seeks BBW for Roadtrips, Sarcasm, Making Out etc - 28
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: pers-219676578@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-10-12, 3:28PM EDT
Hi,
Ok, so, here's the deal: I'm tired of dating skinny women. I don't know what it is; cosmic radiation, thermo-dynamics, the current geo-political climate, or my friends always setting me up- but I always end up dating these waif-like skinny creatures that just really do not do it for me. I think a large part of it is the fact that I tend to put physical characteristics at the bottom of the list when it comes to what I find attractive about a person. I hope you see the irony then, in this posting. Irony, hypocrisy ... whatever. Well, maybe I'm learning that I deserve to be a little selfish now and then. Don't get me wrong, I've had a couple (3) of very fulfilling long term relationships with girls who were pretty thin and included an intense sexual aspect- but I need to be honest with myself here- towards the end of those relationships, when things began to deteriorate, and I was looking towards the future, I found myself checking out girls with, well, a little extra weight on them. But before long my friends would force me into these situations where I meet someone who actually stimulates me intellectually, emotionally ... and that's usually enough for me to fall head over heels ... and then that's it. But not this time. No! I'm putting my proverbial, cliché foot, where is it? oh yes, down! And I'm not going to stand for this anymore. I'm telling those heathenish, imposing bastards who I call friends that this is quite enough! I need not their bony-female-courtship-tutelage! I want a real woman! With something to hold onto! That doesn't have those Indy film-euro-boobs - y'know the ones I mean? And curves! Actual curves would be so nice. I need a girl with some extra meat on her! That loves her body the way it is! Is uninhibited! Witty! Sarcastic! Intelligent! Who knows how to read, and enjoys exercising that skill on newspapers and books! And who knows how to make a real goddamn White Russian for fuck's sake! I need craigslist! ....
Anyway, if you've made it this far, here's a little about me:
-I'm 27
-Office drone by day, musician by night.
-I enjoy: intelligence, sarcasm, loquacious self-involved ramblings, wit, non-sequiturs, old movies, white russians, history, nonsense, large pancake breakfasts, jusssst making the subway, music, kinky sex, reading, cooking, learning new things, going new places, the sound of a kalimba, my family, and the history channel.
-I dislike: irrational thinking, selfishness, ignorance, cowardess, delusions of grandeur, K-fed, Michael Bay, people who steal tips off the bar, the confederate flag, cocksucking nazi fascists, the long island bar scene and most of those who frequent therein, plastic surgery, reality shows, sitcoms, fox news, and tanning salons.
If this made you laugh, you should probably email me.
While that may sound nice, but trust me, what this guy is saying in a witty, disarming way is, "I am looking for a size 8, maybe 10, instead of a 4 or 6." That would exclude most of the women here, including myself, so I am really not impressed.
Well maybe, in the cause of the Greater Good, someone should try responding to his ad to find out? Better still, refer him to the original Fatty McBlog Craigslist challenge and see if he comes up smelling of roses. He may well mean what he's saying.
Yeah, I recently went out on a craigslist date with a guy who declared, "I like a real woman with curves! No skinny bones!" blah blah blah.
When he met me I guess I was not the curvy, voluptuous, "big girl" size 8 of his dreams (I am a size 16).
Guys who say "curvy" usually mean "size 8 with big boobs" IMHO.
Interesting point, anonymous @ 11.00 am. And men who say they like a woman "who enjoys her food" usually mean "a SLIM woman who enjoys her food."
the man said he didn't want a skinny girl. he used the term "BBW". no man says that unless he wants a fat girl. why be cynical?
if he wanted only "big breasts" or a "ssbbw" he would have said so.
My hubby is about 30 kgs lighter than I am. He loves that I have soft curves, real boobs and am not a skniny bones. We have amazing sex when together.
Thank you for this post. Thanks.
I once weighed 300 lb. Still weighs 300. Couldnt get sex then. Cant get any now. Am a happy virgin and dont know what you guys are talking about. (Dont pitty me though)
I'm just curious, and maybe this is because I'm a virgin. I don't get the whole, don't touch the belly thing. What's up with that?
This blog is amazing, it's really nice to hear so many diferent opinions, they are helping me to understand my wife a little more. I have always been attracted to larger women, my wife is a size 20 and absolutely gorgeous. We have been married almost 7 years, have two beautiful children together and am more attracted to her now than ever. She does have some confidence issues, which she had when we got married that I thought would dissappear over time. I'd like her to act more like a woman, especially in the way that she dresses. She usually just wears jeans and t shirts that hide her stunning physique. I always make it a point to compliment her beauty and make her feel special. I love wrapping my arms around her in public, in short I love to show her off. What I don't understand is why she still feels the need to dress so sloppilly? She makes comments about other fat women when we are out together like "she shouldn't be wearing that" when I'm thing "damn she looks good." but I'm afraid to say anything of the sort out loud in fear that it might hurt my wife's feelings. I actually enjoy going to the mall with my wife to pick out clothes. She still comes home with very plain jane stuff but at least I can keep her out of the men's section. Anyone have any advice that they might be able to lend me on giving my wife the confidence to be proud of her sexy body, and dress it in a way that accentuates rather than hides?
I too think this blog is amazing. (Aside for the mean people who come here just to hurt people under the delusion of honesty.)
My advice to the last anonymous is to buy her something. You know she's a size 20, get something you think is delicious and ask her to wear it in private. Maybe once she tries sexier clothing she will realize she looks good in it.
I hide most of the time too but sometimes when my confidence is blossoming I put on this one little black dress and strut it!
WOW. OK ... Someone replied to my add and alerted me that my post was added to this page. Interesting. What are the odds. Probably pretty good, but still.
So, to address the skeptics- I like fat women. I'm not fluent in sizes, but I know I like, big, big women. When I posted that on Craigslist (which was only hours ago, jesus!), I was definately not looking for a skinny or slightly bigger girl. I think large women are incredibly sexy.
If anyone reading was interested ... I guess you could argue about my intentions here, or you could email me and find out for yourself.
Also, this blog is pretty great... glad I was pointed here.
Oh yeah, and Happy New Year!
Re: to the anon whose BF said her belly was keeping him from getting off while she was on top:
This is about the time you hop off, ask him to leave, and go make friends with your shower head. Hows that for putting a damper on his ability to get off.
fat people say fat sex is better
skinny people say skinny sex is better
who the fuck knows?
As a sexperienced guy, the missionary is difficult with fat women, as I can't get in as far and my arms are tired. I'd rather hit it from the back and see all the motion in her ocean.
"Kristyl said...
Anonymous said... COZ THEY ARE BETTER IN BED!
what a waste of space! you could of atleast put some thought the question or NOT have answered it at all!"
Why are you so aggressive? Is it a crime to be confident in one's own performance? You isolate fat people, but a lot of "thin" people brag about their sexuality too, in both genders. I think it's a shame that you are not confident enough in yourself to ridicule fat women for their own confidence... as if fat women don't deserve to be loved, appreciated, confident, and sexual. Get over yourself.
I love firing one off in a fat chick. I like pumping that lard and riding the waves when I pump that shit. Lemme know if you want a thick dick up your fat hole, and you got it.
women look better with extra fat then men because the fat adds to the sexy areas like butt, boobs, etc. what fat areas on a man are considered sexy as they get bigger?? I can't think of any either.
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Totally agree with all these. Unfortunately, I have met men who have had all of these traits. I am by nature a pleaser and love giving to my partner, but have learned to back off a bit and reserve that for the man who is deserving and not selfish. When a man is really into pleasing me, it makes me want to please him even more, and it's a win-win for everyone!
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