Whoa There!

I have two bosses. They are both about 5'2. One must weigh 105 and the other must weigh, at most, 125. Both, obviously, are not fat. The "bigger" boss, we'll call her Stacy. Stacy's only flaw is having a meaty bottom half. It's nothing really noticeable and she can cover it up pretty easily with the right clothing, but she insists on talking about her weight with me at all times. As if, per say, we're even close to the same weight. Like we're in the same club or something. We're not.

The other day Stacy came to my office, sat down and went on and on about how her friend came over, forced her to order dinner and watch the Biggest Loser. She hated her evening and then went into a 20 minute tailspin about how her friend said she couldn't be her bridesmaid (the girl isn't even engaged) because she, Stacy, is too fat. And supposedly this girl is fat as well.

And Stacy told me all of this...because I'm fat?

I know, It's Been a While...

...but rather than go into it I'm just going to ignore the fact and start off as if we've never had time apart.
I started a new job about 2 months ago. It's very business-y and therefore, I can't wear any sort of thing I wore to my previous job like jeans or t-shirts. Because of this, I'm pretty regulated to black pants and dresses.

Side note, dresses are amazing and I encourage you all to go online to Target plus size and buy some. And yes, I'm wearing one right now. And double yes, I have bike shorts under so I don't cause my thighs to rub together and start a forest fire.

I've been wearing dresses pretty much all the time. They're easier than pants in the morning because I don't have to find a top and they're more comfortable. I learned this lesson the hard way.

Yesterday I put on my only black pair of pants and one of the only tops I have and went to work. The pants were a little snug, but they're my normal size 24 Old Navy pants and I didn't think much of it. That was, until I got to work. OMG you guys, pain ensued. What was my first hour of work felt like 5. These pants were going to be the death of me. They felt as if a python had attached itself to my waist and was showing me no mercy. There was nothing I could do. I tried going to the bathroom several times to relieve the pain but that didn't do much. At one point the inside button (and I seriously want to know who fastens the inside button!?) dug itself so far into my skin that I started to bleed. I was starting to look tie died and wondered how any blood flow was getting to the lower half of my body.

I'm proud to say I made it through the day, blood and all.

What had happened to my size 24 pants? Could I have gained that much weight in such a short period of time? It hadn't been that long since I wore them? Anyway, my conclusion is this: I want a pair of pants with an elastic band.

Is this giving up? Is there a separation between fat girls who wear zippers and buttons and those who wear elastic bands? I don't know, but I need your opinion.