Friday, December 18, 2009

Cinderellas Come In All Sizes

Just a heads up that tonights episode of Say Yes To The Dress is titled: Cinderellas Come In All Sizes. You know what that means! A fat girl wedding dress episode. I've been waiting for this!

So, 9pm TLC

Have any of you had the horror of looking for a wedding dress? Wish you could wear black?

Also, click HERE to see a great collection of videos posted by TLC honoring the issue of weight and wedding dresses.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Like Sausage When You Don't Want Sausage

Since we're on a major 'fashion' kick, (see below), I'm going to continue this trend. This time though, we will be discussing Leggings. I want some. I just don't want to look like meat stuffed into it's casing.

Now, being a fat girl I cannot just go out and buy a pair of leggings, plus size or not. I mull over this fact daily. No matter how long the shirt, which by the way is not flattering, I can't get away with wearing leggings outside of the house. Oh, I wish I could.

And to embark on another tangent I must tell you that when I envision myself in these black leggings I'm averaged sized (I'm taking that phrase from Little People, Big World). Why? Who am I kidding? And, aren't I just lying to myself? Whatever.

Back to the leggings. Can I wear leggings or not. I have a nice shaped leg. Two actually and I think I might just say "what the f" and go for it.

Maybe I can wear them with my high heels.

PS. I just googled fat girl leggings and came across myriad of website yelling NO!!!!
I especially enjoyed this

Friday, December 11, 2009

Fat Girls in High Heels

Here's a question: Can fat girls wear heels?
Fortunately, I do not suffer from canklitis ( I just made that term up), but still feel I can't wear heels because I'm fat. Let me tell you why. A major part of it is adding to my size. The higher I am, the bigger I feel. The bigger I feel, I swear the fatter I am or appear to be. Maybe this is why I am always feeling fat in the shower?
Anyway, I own about 3 dozen pairs of flats, but no heels. And I really want some.
Now, I know I can just say F it and who cares, but let's be serious...I care. They wouldn't look dumb because of cankles (which according to google even Barbie has), but I've seen fat girls in heels and I just don't like the look. BUT, and this is a big but, (ha!), the girls I have seen wearing heels look as if their heels don't fit properly. Regardless of their size, that shoe was not supposed to fit. I would of course get heels that fit.
BUT ALSO! I think because I am fat that wearing heels hurts 10x more 10x faster than skinnies.
Let me know what you think...I'm seriously curious about this.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Yes, You Can Sound Fat Over The Phone

So, today I proved the age old question if someone can actually sound fat over the phone. Victory is mine. And, of course it had to be while I was calling....LANE BRYANT!
Yesterday I attempted to buy some bras and underwear, (TMI?) basically, because they were having an amazing sale.
SIDE NOTE: Bras. Man. Aren't they the worst?
Anyway, yesterday when I tried to purchase said bras online I kept getting this annoying error message making it impossible for me to get them. Quite annoying if you ask me. Finally, I gave up and resigned to call the next day, (today).
I guess I must have been really excited about this deal ($25 off, free underwear with bra purchase, free shipping!) because it was one of the first things I did today. While I was eating breakfast.
It was Cherrios damn it! They were from Trader Joes. It was healthy!
Regardless, my starvation interfered with my over the phone ordering and finally the woman told me she couldn't understand me.
Me. Ordering fat girl bras and panties...stuffing my face.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

"Oh, I didn't know" (Say it in a creepy stereotypical asian lady voice)

Should I save the whole hoopla about how we didn't write, but then we saw the error of our ways and now are going to write again...again? Yes? Good.

This is the story of Emily and Lindsay who innocently wanted to go get sushi at our favorite, favorite sushi restaurant. I wish it was as easy as it sounds.

I pulled up to Lindsey's home to find her on the phone waiting in front. Normal: she was just ordering our food. Not normal: her face. I got a big OMG!!! from outside the car. Apparently, she was on the phone with the owner.

Back story:

The owner of this sushi cafe is tiny little Japanese women who counts the soy sauce packages and has a camera hooked up so she can watch her employees when she's not there. She also runs marathons. Her restaurant also makes really good sushi. Real Crab! Spicy Mayo!

Anyway, seems as though as I was pulling up the owner was letting Lindsey know that she would, in fact, not be giving us our two orders of spicy mayo because mayo = fat. It's not as if I am discounting this fact. It is true. Mayo does make you fat. But, we're her customers. She charges like $2.50 per side order thus having an extra $5 made from just us. I don't remember what Lindsey said to her next, but it was something like, we're your customers, give me my fat mayo.

The owner had told Lindsey that she just got back from Japan and people are skinny there and she doesn't want fat customers.

Lindsey wouldn't go in to get the food. She was degradatated. Obviously I had to go in and get it. Great. I go in and try to act cool.

Back story II:

We love this place. It's our regular sushi place and eat there about once every three weeks. We know the waiters and up to this point, everyone has been normal and nice.

As I walk up to the woman to give my name her eyes widen. She knows who I am and she knows my order. (Why she didn't know this on the phone baffles me). And, you can tell, she's sort of embarrassed. And the only thing she can bring herself to say is:

"Oh, I didn't know" and then raises her hands width wise as if she's showing me what two feet look like and repeats, "I didn't know".

I didn't know you were so big on the phone! I would have kept you skinny but you're too far gone. Ok, she didn't say that but she might of well have.

Needless to say, we got the food and I put a ban on our place.

After 5 months and various attempts to find another sushi place I crumbled. I had to have it. I didn't care that I was funding her extravagant lifestyle, I needed my spicy tuna. Lindsey and I once tried to figure out how much we were actually giving this woman annually, but honestly, to tell would just way too shameful.