Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy V Day: I am retarded.

I find that I compartmentalize my friendships and relationships into to very broad categories: 1. Those in which fatness may be discussed and 2. Those in which fat is a taboo subject.

Today I crossed that very important line in a moment of utter stupidity.

While taking a break from studying I found a Craigslist ad from a man who wanted to have sex with a fat girl with a big belly. The guy who wrote the ad said he worked out 4 times a week.

I attempted to email Emily and ask her why a man who worked out 4 times a week wanted to fuck a fatty with a big belly. I then included a link to the ad.

And then I pressed send.

And then I realized to my horror that I didn't send the email to Emily. I send it to my uptight, East Coast, Republican, NON fat discussing friend, James.

And then I felt like puking. Because I enjoy my cubby holes.

I am obviously fat. Everyone who looks at me knows that. But I like choosing with whom I discuss fat topics. And I do not like when that line is crossed.

So now James has an email waiting in his inbox where it seems like I ask him to write to some random guy off CL and ask him why he likes fat girls if he is a gym bunny.

This sucks.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Am I The Only One...

I don't think I am the only one, but I often wonder if I am the only person who does this. You know when the news talks about fat people and puts up random shots of fat people walking? You know how they either do front shots with the head of the person cut off or a shot from the back? And, mostly, they are frumpy and, in my opinion, don't really show the fat demographic. At least I hope not.

It is such a fear of mine to recognize my pannus on the evening news. I know it will probably never happen and these are just stock footage from 1987, but I can't help but examine these people to see if they are me, or someone I know.

Who are these people? Do they know that they are on the news? Have they seen themselves?

I think this is going to be a mystery for a long time coming, but I will forever be on the lookout for myself on the news...I just can't help it.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Expense Reports: Bring 'Em On!

Part of my job consists of me doing expense reports for various people, including myself. Example, when someone goes out of town, they will give me all of their receipts and I will create a report so they can get their money back from the company. It's a very small part of my job, but I must admit, it's my favorite.

Call it creepy, but I love lists. I love year books. I love directories. I love things that feed my little voyeuristic ways of seeing into someones life. And, what better way to see into someones life than to see what they eat!?

Because the company gives you a per diem of what you can spend each day, people, I'm thinking, usually eat more than they would if they were just at home. But, this way, you can see what people would really eat if money and everyday life didn't get in the way. It's great.

Take Lena for example. She just got back from a trip to Chicago. She had McDonald's at the LAX airport. She obviously likes to booze it up a little bit and doesn't shy away from meat entrees. She also likes her dessert.

I didn't think much about Lena before, but I think we could get along. She happens to enjoy cheeseburgers for lunch.

One girl in my office likes to skip breakfast and lunch so she can go to a really fancy restaurant at dinner time and spend her whole per diem there. I respect this. I'm not much of a breakfast person ( a fault I would like to correct). I also could do without lunch. I love that she treats herself to a $50 dinner, where she is dining alone.

Every time Lindsey calls me at work I will let her know what so and so is eating. She thinks I'm crazy. I think I'm a little crazy too, but that's okay...unless I end up in a mental hospital, rocking back and forth quietly saying to myself that Judy likes a side of horseradish with her fries.