Friday, December 23, 2005

Taking a Bite of the BIG APPLE...

...but I'd rather that apple be dipped in caramel.

I (Emily), am leaving for NY on Tuesday to visit my dearest Lindsey although she really doesn't deserve a friend like me. She also says that she's not going to be eating while I'm there. I can't wait to order from so many of my favorite NY spots and eat in front of her. Yes, we have a sick relationship.

It's been a crazy week...full of shopping and eating and everything festive.

When I was at the mall the other day trying to find parking, it was crazy. The aisles were jam packed with people searching for spaces and I was one of them. The only spot left was the pregnancy spot. For those of you who don't know what that is, the pregnancy spot is painted pink and is reserved for expectant mother, much like a handicap spot. Although, unlike a handicap spot, you don't need a permit to park there. It's a free-for-all.

Do you know how tempting that mother fucker was? I was soooooo about to park there, arch my back and rub my big belly so I could obtain a space next to the elevator. But, I didn't...I'm a good citizen like that.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Two Things

I heard the most wonderful conversation when I was at the LB (Lane Bryant) this weekend. All the fat employees were standing in a circle talking about different times they were mistaken for being pregnant. One girl said she didn't care, one woman said it hurt her self esteem and the other woman said, and I quote:

"I tell 'em I not pregnant...I'm obviously just fat!"
Then she started grabbing parts of her body and saying:

"This ain't baby, this is fat" "This ain't baby, this is fat"

So, that's totally my new mantra.

2nd thing

I saw my friend Laura's father this weekend. I've known her and her family for around 13 years. Her father, Jeff, has lost some weight, (I know, big fuckin' whoop), so I told Jeff how great he looked. Then he said:

"You can do it too Kid-o!"

Seriously, I was about to kick him in his fucking balls.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Auntie Em

I became an Aunt on Tuesday. It's all very thrilling and the baby is cute and all and blah blah blah. I was really trying to pay attention to the new baby, but all I kept hearing was my sister-in-law and her sisters talking about how much weight she already lost just from having the baby and what she was going to do to lose the rest of the weight and weight, weight, weight. This was like, 20 minutes after pushing this child out. I don't know why but it bothered me...I had to thank you.

Monday, December 12, 2005

You Asked, We'll tell...sort of

So, because all of you are fabulous people, I'll let you guys in on our little weight secret. I'm not going to give you the exactly numbers...but I will tell you that we're both 5'7 and both between 250 and 300lbs.

As for the person who left this comment:

"My guess is 180 and 165. I am always entertained by your writing but you don't sound like you really know fat. I am at 255. I know fat. "

1. Lindsey and I laughed out loud at that!
2. We KNOW fat...we live fat...we ARE fat... fatter than you at least
3. If we weighed 165, do any of you think we'd have a blog about fatness? No, we'd be too busy shopping in normal girl stores.

So, I hope that answered everyones questions...if not, we'll we're sorry, (but not really).

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Read All About It!

I've been looking for a new job for a while. I'm done with school soon and I decided it was time to finally be an adult. So, I sent about 800 resumes out and, surprising to me, I got a call from a very famous fashion magazine. They want to interview me. Could I be anymore excited?? Probably not.

I was driving home from work thinking about what an amazing opportunity this would be and it hit me. I'm fat. Fat and fashion, mainstream fashion that is*, don't mix.

So, this man who is interviewing me next week has no idea what I look like and I'm nervous. Not nervous because I'm not qualified. Not nervous because I won't have anything to say, (I actually rock at interviews), but, I'm really afraid, for the first time apart from horrible boys with hairy chests (you know who you are!), that he's not going to like me because I'm fat.

My plan is to hire a girl that looks like me but is thin, have her do the interview and then when I'm hired, I'll show up...they can't fire a girl for gaining like, 150lbs in a week can they?

*Please don't leave comments about how fat girls can be fashionable. I know this, you know this, sadly, America doesn't.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Creepily Yours

In response to some interesting and colourful emails we have received, I invite all of our readers to put in their 2 cents and add a comment to this posting regarding how much you think both Emily and Lindsey weigh. I find this interesting because of how vastly different peoples internal pictures of the written word can be, and how people interpret "overweight" as such a broad category.

Please feel free to write a comment with your guess. To all of our readers who think that numbers and scales make no difference, well, good for you and I am eternally jealous, but I just can't see it that way at this moment.

Thanks. Creepily Yours, Fatty McBlog

Thursday, December 01, 2005

In Memoriam

We here at Fatty Mcblog want to take a minute to remember actress Wendie Jo Sperber. Wendy passed away after a long battle with cancer. Wendie, literally, was one of the first larger ladies I ever saw on television that was cool. So, here's to you Wendie, we'll miss you!!!!