I remember a time when I was around 8 years old and my friend Natally and I were sitting on the floor of my room playing with Barbies. I also remember each of us had a fruit roll-up that my mother had bought for snacks. We both opened them at the same and I devoured mine as I thought she did as well.
Natally was one of the most skinniest friends I've ever had. Pretty and skinny. She lived across the street from me and we were best friends. And as best friends, especially when you're very young, you compete. Jump rope, hopscotch, even playing Barbies becomes a competition. But, little did I know, eating was also a competition.
After I finished my fruit roll-up I saw Natally look at me, and then take what appeared to be the rest of her fruit roll-up from behind her and start eating it right in front of me. Now, this is as childish as children get. But, playing the "look what I have and you don't" game still goes on today now that we're adults.
I notice that when I'm with a friend eating I still find that I sometimes play the "look what I have and you don't" game. It's not healthy and I know this, but it still happens. I notice this mostly happens with my friend Melissa. Melissa usually comes over once a week to watch Laguna Beach with me because we might be in our mid-twenties, but there's that 16 year old girl deep down inside all of us. We'll go and pick up dinner and come home and watch. And I also notice that Melissa will eat half of her meal and stop eating. Then, like clockwork, as soon as I am done with my food, she'll pick up hers and continue her meal. And, sick as it may seem and even when I'm stuffed to the gills, I'm still jealous. It sucks when someone has something you want...I just can't believe it continues into adulthood, and with eating no less.
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OMG! I totally did that with my friends when I was a kid...and I have to admit, I still do it. I thought I was the only one!!!!!!
mmmmmmmm... bacon.....
My mother used to taunt my uncle that way with ice cream cones. She didn't hide it or stop eating it, but he would take bites and she would lick hers. She would tantalize him with it after his was gone.
Post says:
"It sucks when someone has something you want...I just can't believe it continues into adulthood"
If that state did not exist, I don't think anyone who works in fashion would have a career. The entire industry is built on envy - as we've discussed here at length at various intervals.
That said, on topic -- I can't remember what you're posting about ever happening. I'm usually harrassed because I eat so slowly (or, perhaps, talk so much) that I'm always the LAST person at the table to finish eating even a small helping.
I've heard it's better for your digestion, but I'm not sure how good it is for your social life -- at least here in the US. I've heard it's de rigeur to linger for hours over dinner in Europe -- perhaps I should look into relocation.
FMGee, I think I'm noticing a pattern - might you just tend to gravitate toward rather competitive people?
why don't you just stop half was like your friend? or slow down?
i don't understand how they have something you want? didn't you just eat the same thing? or had your own thing? and before you finished you didn't want any of theres?
I would do the same thing as her some week. Eat half, then quit eating. Or else find some other friend to watch the show with... she kind of sounds like a bitch.
I don't understand this at all. Fatty's a pig who inhales her food, then wants more. Tell us something we didn't know
How can you really want to eat more even after you're full? To the point of envying someone else's food? You give fat people everywhere a bad name.
What if the 'scarfing down' part of the meal was the competition and it was your friend who wanted to disengage from that competition with you, wait until it was over?
ok.. have ANY of you (the ones you are jelous of the 'slow' eaters) ever took a minute to stop and think.. "Hmmm, maybe they aren't trying to make me jelous?" i know that when i eat super slow (which is always infront of others) i do it to NOT look like a pig inhaling my food!
maybe the slow eaters don't want to look like a pig eating.
Wow. I don't see how someone who has the pink power ranger as her avatar and a screen name of "paperdoll princess," or someone who chooses to post nastygrams under an anonymous banner has much room to criticize anyone for 1) lacking moral fiber or substance or 2) being honest about what goes on in the mind of a fat person. Don't remember fatty mcgee saying the food competition thing or her perception of it wasn't messed up--I think she's trying to say that the mind games and food games we play or perceive are being played have some broad, personal, maybe societal roots. Don't you think we know that what goes in our heads wouldn't be perceived as normal by people who don't know what we're going through?
We may be Fatasses, but we're not Dumbasses, sweetiepies.
Laura
I do the 'eat halfway through then stop' thing, with nearly every meal. It's not because I have the subconscious desire to taunt everyone else with my extra food; it's just that I like to pause to give my stomach a chance to catch up. If I do this, my stomach realizes I'm filling it up, and I stop being hungry much faster.
How about just ordering an extra meal secretly, and then hauling it out when she starts eating again?
OR
How about also eating half of your meal and not eating the other half ever?
OR
Instead of having take away, make big salads and Crystal Lite ice tea.
The reason I eat half my meal and then sit around for a while is because I give my hunger a chance to catch up with my gut. Most of the time, if I chill for a while I find I'm fuller than I thought. OR, sometimes I'll feel full right away, and then turn out to be hungry again. Overall, I end up eating less this way. Give it a try.
Firstly, Fatty Mcgee never says she scarfs down food. Actually, she's said before what a slow eater she is.
And
"Don't remember fatty mcgee saying the food competition thing or her perception of it wasn't messed up--I think she's trying to say that the mind games and food games we play or perceive are being played have some broad, personal, maybe societal roots. Don't you think we know that what goes in our heads wouldn't be perceived as normal by people who don't know what we're going through?"
BRAVO! Someone gets it!
Wait, are you pissed she has food and you don't, or are you pissed she has self-control she flaunts in your face?
Presumably it's the latter.
Personally, I'd be pissed because gutless morons like you take every opportunity they can to make someone feel bad about their size.
If you were yourself a paragon of self control with a selfless committment to contribute to the betterment of those of us with food/fat issues, I suspect you would have conTROLLed your hateful little fingers into not typing such negative little messages.
Laura
Maybe the doesn't care about your food. You might be fat, but other people don't revolve around you.
Yeah, but those of us with big gravitational fields tend to attract trash and assorted garbage that can be difficult to ignore.
Laura
Laura - do you have your own satellites?
I'm sitting this one out, as I've never had this particular experience - but....
Goooooooooooooo, Laura!
Anonymous,
Let me congratulate you on your wit. I suspect it is as inconsequential and unsubstantial as the rest of you.
Do I have satellites? No, you moron. I'm a person, not a planet. But if, by your question, you meant to suggest I have a celestial body, let me rescind my initial comment and congratulate you on the quality of your deductive faculties.
I suspect you would prefer to let my initial comment stand as it is.
Laura
And Paper Princess--I checked out your blog and reread your post and I think I was too harsh to you. My comments were really aimed at the ubiquitous "anonymous," anyway.
That said, I do have to wonder why, when someone bravely gives us a window into his/her mind, those of us who have similar struggles on a superficial level sometimes feel the need to ridicule the person who's opened up to us? 'Cause sometimes it sounds like, "How warped you are. Although it clearly hasn't worked for me--seeing as how I still have a weight problem--Why can't you just stop eating (insert subject matter qualifier as appropriate)?
Other people are willing and eager to wounds us. Why help them?
Laura
I am fat and I honestly have never experienced this. I feel bad that fatty mcgee feels this way. It's really sad. I commend her for her honesty though and I'm glad to see her loyal readers understand the point of this blog. If you don't like fat people or their underlying psychological issues, then this site is probably not for you. You are entitled to your opinion but please don't get nasty about it. That never helped anyone.
my older sis did this to my bro n i when we were kids. dunno why she did it. we had fun savoring our stuff together, talkina botu how good it was, or sayin, 'wait til u get to the creamy center!' to each other. it actually made her feel worse to hear us havin fun, cuz she had already made the choice to enjoy it way after the overall thrill was gone.
what u describe with ya friend sounds like she was waiting to see if u would eat the whole thing, before she gave in to temptation and ate her whole thing.
sometimes i wait to see if the folks im with are eating just appetizers, or just drinks or dessert, before i decide if i'm ordering an entree. maybe she was checkin to see if u were gonna take half home, n then when she saw u weren't she decided to eat all of her food.
Eh, I'm with the troll-like anons on this one. I think that it's probably, at this stage, not deliberate what this girl does. I often save a bit for later after my bf scarfs all his food down. Unless the girl is waving her food around and saying, "Nyah, nyah!" I realy wouldn't think about it. Or simply order more food if you're unsastified with your amount.
Laura- don't worry about it :) we are all intitled to our opinion.
so reading what everyone has written here and rereading Mcgee's post.
"It sucks when someone has something you want..."
what is that WANT? perhaps it's NOT food that Mcgee wants. maybe its control she wants. maybe mcgee wants to be the one to finish eating last? perhaps mcgee can explain better by what she means about "something you want..."
I will say that I don't think I have this particular hang-up either, but I think there's a root in it I do recognize--and it's the hunger & envy issue. There's a feeling of being deprived. There's resentment that someone else either seems to have more than you do, or knows how to manage what they have better. And the hunger isn't actually for food, even if that's how I try to satisfy it. What I can definitely relate to is the feeling of "not having enough," and looking at other people who seem to have plenty and wondering 1) what's wrong with me and 2) why are they so lucky? or good? or so obviously better than me, because look--they have plenty . . . . and I'm starving . . . . What I have is never enough, because I'm not hungry for food.
What I can relate with fatty mcgee about is remembering an actual instance as a child when I first felt that feeling--in a lunch room with other kids, watching them leisurely drink their sodas and eat their chips and candy bars, while I ate my whole wheat bologna sandwich, drank my milk, and ate my apple--but I was thinking, why am I the fat one, when they eat like that? So, I can definitely relate to the hunger-envy-competition thing, even if it doesn't manifest itself in my life like it does in fatty mcgee's.
Laura
Maybe it's more of a feeling that part of the social process has been dispensed with more than the actual food. I know I try to match my eating companions bite for bite because I feel awkward when I finish eating first, as there's nothing really to do except watch the other person finish his/her food.
I saw a cartoon about something similar to this a few years ago. A kid bugged his parents to let him open his X-Mas presents at the stroke of midnight on Christmas Day. They tried to talk him out of it, but he insisted, and they let him go ahead. He opened all his gifts, and then hours later, when all the family woke up to open THEIR gifts, he felt left out because he'd already gone through all of his and there was nothing left for him to "do" except stand there and watch. He felt left out - he didn't necessarily "want" any of his family's gifts. I think the resolution was that the mother pretended that there was another gift under the tree for this boy and gave it to him. It actually was a gift for the father, but the mother recognized that the boy had learned his lesson about starting before everyone else.
That's what McGee's situation reminds me of - not that she's pissed that her friend has more food, but that at some point, she thought that the food part of the socialization was over, and later, her friend has more to go and McGee is sort of left out in the process. I would suggest saving some food if it's that much of a problem.
Anon 5:42. I totally think you have something there. I try to not finish my plate before other people because then I'll have nothing to do while they are still eating.
I know I'm like this with my food but I'm also like this with smoking. If I bum a cig from someone I NEED them to start smoking first so that I can be the last one who is smoking. If I finish and they're still smmoking *or* they smoke another one I'm left feeling totally lost.
I'm always a little embarrassed to be the last one eating - like people must think I'm just eating and eating and eating.
From the last sentence it's ambiguous if you're upset at your friend and your perception that she's eating after you on purpose, or if you're upset at yourself for still caring about food in adulthood enough to be jealous of her food even after you're stuffed.
From my personal perspective I doubt that she stopped eating on purpose to taunt you. It's possible I suppose, but based on my own experience it's more likely based on your perception of the situation.
I tend to space off or stop eating in the middle of a meal ESPECIALLY if I'm doing something else like reading/watching TV/talking with friends. Sometimes doing so allows my head to catch up with my gut and I'm done. Sometimes I just start eating when I think to again.
That's why my sister and me always coordinate when we are going to eat soemthing yummy. That way it's over at the same time and no one is jealous of the other. We've done this since we were little. Now that I think about it, it's kind of weird.
Laura,
If you are a person and not a planet, then why does the sun go dark when you make your annual trip from in front of your computer to the fast food joint across the street?
I bet a guy can pull a superman on you. And he only wishes he could fly to turn back time.
Wow, I know exactly what you mean. I used to do this to my little sister when we were little, like 6 and 4. Now I have this thing about eating at the same pace as everyone else. I usually eat fast and I'm ok with finishing first usually, but I hate having food left in situations where everyone is like, ready to get up and leave.
I think you fat people project things onto thin people that aren't there.
I've never had this happen to me before, but I admit being an only child who didn't have a lot of friends over for various family reasons.
I do get irritating looks and comments because I eat slowly, though. I always have, my parents yelled at me about it, co-workers would get upset waiting for me to finish, etc. And like someone above mentioned, people often assume I'm taking longer because I took several portions and am just eating more, which isn't the case.
If you think your friend is deliberately pulling a neener-neener, then I would wonder about whether she's really a friend. Maybe she's just waiting to fill up and when you finish, she realizes she's behind and better hurry up to get done?
Anonymous 3:28:
Sigh.
1) You are implying I eat fast food once a year? I wish. Maybe you need to look "annual" up in a dictionary and make sure that's what you mean.
2) Huh? A comic book reference? (Which really makes no sense whatever, for that matter.) What are you, twelve? Let me the lower my level of discourse for you so that you can understand:
You--"Assorted hateful and stupid nonsense."
Me--"Yeah? Well, yo' mama."
That's it for me, anonymous. I've pored enough venom into the comments section of this revered sane and healthy blog for the time being.
Have fun playing with yourself!
Laura
I'm with Anon 12:58 and Anon 12:23 AM (despite the way 12:23 AM phrased it; it sounded kind of trollish).
I've never noticed this before. Heck, I didn't even know there was such a thing going on.
Either I'm not paying attention, or maybe I'm just seeing it as everyone eats and feels full at different rates.
ok now everone is just getting to be childish on here!!!
Weird, my life growing up was always about finishing first.
If you didn't eat all your food right away and hesitated; someone else in the family would eat it.
We talked before and we talked after, but once the food was there; it was every man (and woman) for themselves.
Maybe some of you should buy me meals, I can be the one you can say, "nyah, nyah, I have something you don't have."
Right before I pass out from eating too quickly.
If you obese fucks stopped for a second to stop stuffing your mouths you'd see that not everyone is concerned with the amount of food you eat. And if you're getting jealous over people's bacon after youve finished yours thats really fat i mean wow...
anonymous if you don't like jiggly people why are you reading this blog ? go home !!!!!
Well anonymous 9:56, it's obvious that you're concerned with how much these "obese fucks" are eating.
www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com
I just found this blog, and I love it! I noticed though that there used to be posts many times a week, and recently it has only been once a week. Is everything ok? Will you be increasing your posts? I can't wait to read what you have to say next!
Sigh. I just can't understand why people have such a virulent hatred for fat people. I suppose people of color or various minorities through history were similarly bewildered.
I just found this blog and read the bit about feeling jealous of your friend for having something you don't.
I felt the same way sometimes, especially when well-meaning attempts to help me lose weight (usually spur-of-the-moment) singled me out and made me feel like a bad person. Like friends' parents giving all the kids a popsicle, but telling me I couldn't have one for my own good (as if 25 calories and some food coloring would really make that much difference!). I don't think I will ever have a "normal" perception of food and eating. When I was a kid I was *always* the last one done eating, sometimes nearly an hour after everyone else was done, although I never took any more than anyone else. I used to play games or fantasize that I was stranded on a desert island and had to ration out my food. I even put little morsels on a separate plate or into a box sometimes, or hid it under the table to eat later.
I'm still a slow eater--it makes me choke and gives me terrible, painful hiccups if I eat or swallow too fast. It drives my friends crazy. Usually I end up only eating part of my dinner when I go out, because I don't want to be the last one eating.
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