And I guess that's really fat of me. But I have noticed that there is a direct correlation between how much I eat and how much Food Network I watch. During my last attempt at Weigh Watchers I could not stop watching the channel. I watched any and all shows even the ones I hate like Emeril. I think I may have even watched shows hosted by Sandra Lee and Giada De Laurentiis, two women I normally avoid with a passion! But while dieting I will watch anything to do with food. It's like I am simultaneously torturing and satisfying myself. When I stopped going to my WW meeting I didn't watch the Food Network for a month. I think I OD'd.
Normally I prefer the educational and travel shows to the actual cooking shows. Some of my favorites are A Cooks Tour, $40 A Day, and Good Eats. Sadly, A Cooks Tour is only on like once a week. And I used to hate Good Eats and refuse to watch it, but I have since seen the error of my ways. And $40 A Day is the only Rachael Ray show I can stand to watch. Probably because it's the only one in which she doesn't actually cook on. I know she is America's newest sweetheart and Oprah loves her cooking, but I once watched the woman cook something called a Mug Topper which is one of the most unappetizing thing I have even seen . It was basically spam mashed up with yellow mustard on an english muffin and floated on some soup. Maybe it's that I grew up in a ham free home, or maybe you just had to see how it turned out, but it was pure grossness. Emily and I use the term "mug topper" to refer to anyone we don't like or sometimes as an alternative to muffin top.
But I also have much love for my surrogate godmother and fake grandma Ina Garten and Paula Dean. These two women seem so inviting. Ina is really warm and cuddly and she seems like she has the most comfortable life. She lives in a pretty home in the Hamptons and has an awesome garden and has a line of credit in every store she goes into so it seems like she gets all of her ingredients for free. Personally I find her marriage to Jeffrey suspect, but Emily swears they are still in love. Emily has said, in a morbid fashion, that if she ever had a terminal illness and the Make a Wish Foundation asked what she wanted as her last, dying wish, she'd take a weekend with Ina. And Paula Dean seems like she would really usher you into her home and offer you butter muffins and a side of butter sprinkled with love and maybe some hot butter in a mug to drink by the fire. I am not even into that type of heavy southern food, but I love her all the same.
My favorite part about the Food Network is that they have programming that runs until 5 am which is a godsend for an insomniac like myself. The shows they play at that hour are pretty random and I miss some of he old ones that are out of rotation like Mings Quest.
I used to change the channel sometimes when my old flatmates came into my room, like they would suddenly realize I was fat if they saw me watching a cooking show. I wonder if anyone else feels the same way about the Food Network or if it's just indicative of my dysfunctional relationship with food.
And now for a rundown:
The Secret Life of...is a show that I should like more. I enjoy your premise, why are you such an over-actor? It's really had to watch you sometimes. You are like an adult with ADHD who is also pretending to be straight all while you fake orgasms over BBQ. And now you're on those Internet commercials. (C+)
You should be a favorite. I have a softspot for chunky red heads. But I am just not into Italian. (B)
Alton, you teach me things everyday! You are totally entertaining and I am sorry I shunned you for so long! You are one of my favorites! (A-)
I wish I had this job. (B+)
So serene. So content. So pampered. Someday Ina, I will be like you. (A)The badboy. You were too surly for this channel, but I love you anyways. There is no way anyone else would eat a still beating snakes heart on television. Unless it was on like Survivor of Fear Factor. I love your new show on the Travel Channel, No Reservations. You are also really hot for an old guy! (A-)
I disagree with almost everything you order with your $40 a day, but I still love this show! Stay out of the kitchen, and I'll watch any city you take me to as we pretend that spending only $40 a day on food is a hard thing to do. (A-)
I love the garbage bowl idea. It's the food I hate. Stick with traveling and giggling. And for gods sake if you are going to abbreviate and say EVOO, why do you always have to say extra virgin olive oil after that? Doesn't that detract from the point of abbreviating?? (C)