Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Holy Shit

I want to get a high colonic. I've wanted one for a while. I have many reasons.

1. I feel that with all the junk I've put into my body, my colon needs a good cleaning
2. I often feel sick in my tummy and think it's caused by residue.
3. It looks very interesting
4. You can lose like, 8lbs doing nothing but laying there!

So, I have a trip planned to NY to visit Lindsey sometime at the end of this month, maybe early next month. We want to get colonics.

I'm a little nervous because I don't know much about them. While I will do my research before hand, the thing I'm most worried about right now is being on foreign ground while getting one. I'm willing to take the risk though.

My main concern, though, is very simple. I don't want anyone massaging my belly. I don't want anyone ever to touch my belly. I've been in relationships that lasted years without the guy ever touching my belly. And, that's the way I like it. My belly is sacred ground.

When they preform the colonic, you lay in fetal position with a tube up your ass. Now while I don't find that a pleasant sounding thing, the part that I'm deathly afraid of and wish I could avoid is the part where the person that preforms the colonic massages your belly to get the stomach active so the shit will come out. I'm wondering if I can ask to do this part myself. Odds are that it's not going to work out like that.

Another thing is, this person will know what I've eaten. There is no lying to this person. I will have to admit that I drink diet coke all day long and get maybe only 2 glasses of water in. Yes, she will know my love all things fried and the fact that the only fiber I get is consumed by accident.

So, I'm going to suck it up. I'm going to get that colonic, (one day), and I'm going to let some stranger massage my belly. Then I can lay back and relax while she tells me that I've ruined my body forever because I can't get enough cheeseburgers down my throat.

14 comments:

tr1c14 said...

Emily, first of all I love your blog. Before reading you, my pannus was an evil that had no name. Learning that it was something that enough people have that there's a word for it was exhilerating, and I went around talking about my pannus for days, just because I finally *could*. So thanks for empowering and liberating me, lol :-)

Not to be a naysayer though, I think you should be wary of the colonic scheme. Not only will it not make you lose any *real* weight, it can be harmful.

"Colonic irrigation, which also can be expensive, has considerable potential for harm. The process can be very uncomfortable, since the presence of the tube can induce severe cramps and pain. If the equipment is not adequately sterilized between treatments, disease germs from one person's large intestine can be transmitted to others. Several outbreaks of serious infections have been reported, including one in which contaminated equipment caused amebiasis in 36 people, 6 of whom died following bowel perforation [7-9]. Cases of heart failure (from excessive fluid absorption into the bloodstream) and electrolyte imbalance have also been reported [10]. Yet no license or training is required to operate a colonic-irrigation device. In 1985, a California judge ruled that colonic irrigation is an invasive medical procedure that may not be performed by chiropractors and the California Health Department's Infectious Disease Branch stated: "The practice of colonic irrigation by chiropractors, physical therapists, or physicians should cease. Colonic irrigation can do no good, only harm." The National Council Against Health Fraud agrees [11].

from http://www.quackwatch.org/01QuackeryRelatedTopics/gastro.html

In any case, I *heart* you and please keep up the good work for fattie solidarity!

Tim said...

You don't like belly massages? You don't know what you're missing, but I understand your hesitation. We're taught to hide, and be ashamed of, our bellies and we're spending so much time sucking them in that it's hard to let them out to get rubbed and massaged. My girl's given me belly massages for years and it's almost better than sex, almost ;)

Nana said...

Wow, a colonic. That sounds scary, but you will have to blog about the experience to tell all of us who don't have the nerve how it went. Now to the belly rubbing. I love a belly rub. Don't get me wrong, I have just gotten comfortable with the belly rub. I think it is the fact that I have finally found someone who I'm comfortable with rubbing my belly. When my boyfriend rubs my belly I wouldn't say it is better than sex, but it is definitely better than a cheeseburger, and that says a lot.

emily pound said...

You actually WANT to do this????

Not me, no way.

emily pound said...

You actually WANT to do this????

Not me, no way.

Anonymous said...

I agree with what the first person said. It is just best to let your colon function normally without invasive treatments. Our bowels are so vital to our health, and if yours are in good working condition don't mess with 'em.

dani said...

if we needed colonics to be healthy and cleaned out we wuld have died off as a species milennia ago.

Anonymous said...

Why not wait until you are 50 and combine your high colonic with a colonoscopy. It could save your life. Colonoscopy can find and remove small polyps (think mushrooms) that can one day become a killer cancer.
Before I got used to being fat, I almost wished I could get cancer. It seemed like an easy way to get thin.

Gusto said...

you guys are pretty cool...for girls...you should try The Gusto Diet™...one joint, a half-fifth of cheap bourbon and a hit of exctasy...problem solved. don't thank me...i'm here to help. i'm a giver!

Regina said...

Colonics are fine. I'm surprised that you've only received discouraging comments here. I've known lots of people who've had them -- and even tried one myself once -- and some people swear by them, have standing appointments, etc. I'd say try it at least once and decide for yourself. Chances are, it'll be fine and might give you another way to feel like you're releasing what you don't need.

Anonymous said...

Regarding the belly.

You should remember that men, are shallow. They seldomly date a girl just because she's got a great personality. If he's interested in someone with a belly, chances are he likes the belly. Don't discourage him if he wants to mess around with the belly.

Anonymous said...

Those things freak me out. A co-worker got one, she said it was amazing, and now does them on a regular basis. She lost 5lbs the 1st session, and 3 the next one.


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Anonymous said...

It sounds like a colonoscopy, which is extremely uncomfortable. And if you have any slight tendency to claustrophobia, it's worse, since you can't move, even though the restriction is internal, not external.

littlem said...

Um. No.

What tr1c14 said.

An alternative - external massages (you wouldn't believe how all the rubbing loosens up the toxins we take in through our skin and then - *ahem* - out they come), lots of water, and fiber pills you can get at the health food store. Five a day. Quick and painless. And you don't even have to give up Fritos, if that's your bag.