The Fat One

I hosted my sister-in-law's baby shower last week. I looked pretty good. Gap tweed skirt, (thank you extended sizes on Gap.com) and a black sweater. I was hot shit.

But, guess what her two tiny, thin, sisters showed up wearing?

Yeah, you guessed right.

If you split the picture we took together in half, it would look like an ad for weight loss surgery. Before and After. Sad.

Question of the Day

How fat is it to eat while watching The Biggest Loser?

Bruiser

Last weekend I had the 1st of 2 baby showers for my sister-in-law, (the next one is this weekend). I bought a skirt online at a brand new fat girl website called, www.alight.com. I really liked their stuff and was lucky to find an adorable skirt. It was shipped and I wore it. But, the problem with the skirt was that it was a fuller skirt and therefore made me look fuller than I really am. Solution? I stuffed myself into a girdle and tying that skirt so tight around me that I couldn't breath. We all need to suffer for fashion sometime, and this was my time.

The result: 3 hours later when I returned home I had a huge bruise, as if I was wearing a big bruised belt. It's been almost a week and it's still there, but I must say it looks lovely with my brown belt.

Pannus

As I have stated in previous posts, the pannus is the part of your stomach that, if you are fat, hangs over. This is also known as an apron.

The Poop Routine

So, every time I go to the bathroom, either to pee or drop a deuce, I sit there and squeeze my pannus. I can't help it. I do it every single time. Even when I'm not at home. I don't know what it's accomplishing, but I can't get enough of it. It's fits so perfectly in my grip. Then I flip it over to see the under-workings of my pannus. Then I look at the top again. I don't do this with my upper pannus.

My conclusion...I love my pannus. I mean, what do skinny people on the toilet do?

Rant of the Day

I try to be very calm and cool most of the time, but last night was unbearable.

I have class from 4pm to 7pm and then from 7pm to 10pm. It's a pain in my ass considering I also have to go to work that day. I'm not asking for pity, but I am requesting that the skinny man in my 7-10 class stop eating Del Taco in front of my fat ass.

I have problems eating...I know, sounds strange, but I do. I basically starve myself a lot of the time...not on purpose. I'm usually on the verge of throwing up. I'm nauseous about, let's say, 70% of the time. It's a vicious cycle. I can't eat because I'm nauseous, but I'm nauseous because I haven't eaten. I've tried everything for it: Forcing myself to eat breakfast, drinking tea, ginger...whatever they have on the market, I've tried. I'm pretty sure it stems from my anxiety and therefore, that's how my body deals with it.

But, last night, after not eating since lunch time and around 9pm, this guy broke out Del Taco. I've never had Del Taco, but I've never seen such an amazing advertisement. This guy, who probably thought nothing of it, ate these tacos slowly and made them look amazing. And, I hated him. I hated him for being skinny. I hated him for being able to eat Del Taco in public and not worry what people think of him. I hated him because I was starving, but on the verge of throwing up as well.

I envied his skinny, Del Taco eating, non nauseous life.

FAT P.W.T

I used to drive a very old car. It was my baby and I loved it. It took very good care of me. And, one night, it even broke down between my house and a AAA truck so I wouldn't have to worry about getting home. How sweet is that? But, what I didn't know was that even my car had a secret. I thought we shared everything, but I was wrong because when the AAA man opened my hood, I finally learned the truth about my car:

It had an eating disorder.

My car had been eating packages of dried Campbell's soup. Chicken noodle and tomato and had been drinking powered iced tea to wash it down.

I know what you're thinking. My car doesn't eat anything but gas and that I'm crazy, but it's true...well, the part about the AAA man finding packets of dried soup and iced tea is true. And maybe I left out the part where the AAA man questioned me about said packets of dried food because he thought I had put them there hoping the engine would cook them and I could chow down???? My theory happens to be rats in my car dragging the soup into my warm engine so they could feast amongst warmth and class.

But, the AAA man wouldn't let up on his theory about me being a little piggy. A poor, white trash piggy who couldn't wait to go upstairs to eat so I had to cook dehydrated soup on my cars engine.

Alas, the car died and I got a new one, but this car doesn't have an eating disorder.

Holy Shit

I want to get a high colonic. I've wanted one for a while. I have many reasons.

1. I feel that with all the junk I've put into my body, my colon needs a good cleaning
2. I often feel sick in my tummy and think it's caused by residue.
3. It looks very interesting
4. You can lose like, 8lbs doing nothing but laying there!

So, I have a trip planned to NY to visit Lindsey sometime at the end of this month, maybe early next month. We want to get colonics.

I'm a little nervous because I don't know much about them. While I will do my research before hand, the thing I'm most worried about right now is being on foreign ground while getting one. I'm willing to take the risk though.

My main concern, though, is very simple. I don't want anyone massaging my belly. I don't want anyone ever to touch my belly. I've been in relationships that lasted years without the guy ever touching my belly. And, that's the way I like it. My belly is sacred ground.

When they preform the colonic, you lay in fetal position with a tube up your ass. Now while I don't find that a pleasant sounding thing, the part that I'm deathly afraid of and wish I could avoid is the part where the person that preforms the colonic massages your belly to get the stomach active so the shit will come out. I'm wondering if I can ask to do this part myself. Odds are that it's not going to work out like that.

Another thing is, this person will know what I've eaten. There is no lying to this person. I will have to admit that I drink diet coke all day long and get maybe only 2 glasses of water in. Yes, she will know my love all things fried and the fact that the only fiber I get is consumed by accident.

So, I'm going to suck it up. I'm going to get that colonic, (one day), and I'm going to let some stranger massage my belly. Then I can lay back and relax while she tells me that I've ruined my body forever because I can't get enough cheeseburgers down my throat.