Sunday, April 16, 2006

Gonna Get That Feeling!!!

Emily and I recently recently embarked on one of our more hilarious "diet" fiasco's in recent memory. But first, a little background information about a small bit of our "diet" history...

Normally, we keep away from the fad diets. We have been around long enough to know that they don't work, and if they do work it's either psychosomatic or it leads to some sort of heart issues (*sigh* I miss you phen-fen, you made 11th grade speedy), or you just end up gaining the weight back. The last fad I tried was when Anna Nicole went all extra creepy and showed up on literaly every subway poster in New York proclaiming that she lost all of her reality show weight by taking TrimSpa.

Yeah, I got suckered into the hype and shelled out like $60 bucks or something about 3 years ago and attempted to take TrimSpa. But the problem is that I can never seem to take pills with any regularity. So I ended up taking Trimspa for about a day and a half before giving up, and forgetting about it. About a year later I remembered that I had a full bottle of expensive TrimSpa somewhere in my room and decided I should give it another shot. I tore my room apart looking for the bottle. I looked everywhere to no avail, and then I promptly forgot about it again. Forgot about it until I was my old flatmates room a few months later and saw my TrimSpa in his open boxer/sock drawer! I was so confused (and still am), how did it get there? Did he steal my TrimSpa? Did he take it? But it's not like it's something I can ask him, but I really do wonder.

Anyway, that was a few years ago, and was my last fore into the fad diet industry. Other then that when Emily and I are really trying to lose weight we do WeightWatchers which I know for a fact really works if you follow the program, and I don't consider a fad (but that's another post). Anyway, a few weeks ago Emily started yapping in my ear about Hoodia and how she's heard great things about it and how we should try it. I made fun of her for a few days, but then something clicked in my head, and suddenly we were on the path to Hoodia. I actually think it's the word HOODIA which pulled me in. It just rolls off the tougne and sounds silly, and I like saying it. Hoodia. So, I did some internet research and found (as far as I can tell) a reputable dealer, and told Emily that we should buy some. I knew it would be a waste of money, but hey, sometimes fads are fun.

We settled on Desert Burn as our dealer, a website worth checking out if just for the comedy. First, you are greeted with an 80'sish theme song which Emily thinks says "Let's Get Skinny!", but I think says "Gonna get that feeling!". We agree to disagree and occasionally sing it to each other. Then, if you scroll down to the bottom of the page, there is a skinny "African tribesman" looking fellow in a loincloth holding some sort of instrument in one hand and a bottle of Desert Burn in the other hand. The tribesman cemented it...a week later we each had a $70 bottle of authentic Hoodia delivered to our respective homes. (Emily was really sad when the tribesman wasn't the one who delivered it...)

Let me tell you, we were excited! The next morning we each took 2 Hoodia and called each other to check on the effects: Nothing. Nothing bad (jitters, nausea, etc) and nothing good(not feeling hungry). I took my Hoodia twice a day for 3 days. Emily took hers twice a day for 6 days. And then we sort of stopped. It was TrimSpa all over again! I have serious commitment issues to pills! But not only that, I felt really ravenously hungry while taking the Hoodia on days two and three. There was like a serious compulsion to eat which I am not accustomed to. I told Emily, and she said that she was going through the same thing?!?! So, obviously, we stopped taking it.

But if in the next few months I begin to feel badly about wasting money again and decide to give Hoodia another shot, and I can't find it anywhere ... I am going straight to my old flatmate and confronting him because someday I need to find out how my TrimSpa got into his drawer!

29 comments:

Brad is Rad said...

Fatties, you are all pathetic.

Anonymous said...

First of all, fuck you Brad.

Second, that story was really funny! You should ask your friend why he had your Trimspa and then report back and tell all of us.

Jenna said...

I wish you guys had stuck it out and could tell us if Hoodia worked for you if you had given it more of a chance. I have wanted to try Hoodia for a while, but it's really expensive if it's the the real stuff. I checked the desert burn website and it seems legit.

Has anyone else tried Hoodia?

Did it work for you?

Anonymous said...

I've never tried Hoodia before but I would if the tribesman was the one who delivered it! Too funny!

Anonymous said...

Why do people like Brad read this blog?

I check this blog nearly everyday hoping there will be a new posting, and if you can't appreciate Fatty McBlog for the great writing, humour, and honesty ... DON'T READ IT!!!

Anonymous said...

Brad needs to get a life.

I tried Hoodia and had the same effects - I was starving by day 3, not exactly what I was hoping for!

GoBetty said...

I lost about 25 lbs using Hoodia. That was about 2 months ago. I have kept it off and am still "using".

I didn't order it online, I just walked into a store that sold nutricianal (sp??? - I spelled that word using "anal" as the last four letters!) supplements. I buy Flora brand hoodia pills.
http://www.florahealth.com/flora/home/usa/products/61312.asp

I buy it at this place, which is in any mall
http://www.nutritionhouse.com/
(in Canada)

What also works great is Bija Hoodia slimming tea. For me, it's stronger than the pills.
http://www.papanature.com/store/ProductDetails.aspx?c=Herbs&pid=FLO-63988

Both the pills and the tea just about killed my appetite. But I was totally eating very carefully as well. Dieting, as it were.

The only side-effect was like this feeling in my mouth like I had eaten celery. Isn't that weird?

Sam said...

That's some funny ass shit. I wish it had worked for you. I went to the site but can't figure out for the life of me what it says.

If you start it again, let us know.

Christi Nielsen said...

I have so done that! Finding pills that you forgot about is like finding a 20 dollar bill in your pocket. Why in the world am I so excited about a pill?

Adalmin said...

I can't believe I was actually thinking of using those pills. I'm a "skinnyfat", I guess. But every time I see girls who weigh 20 pounds less than me (and believe me I'm a skinny size 6) I get the urge to take TrimSpa.

bettina said...

mcfatty girls: it seems that your mentality is already programmed for failure. If you took a weight loss regime more seriously then your body might eventually change along-side with a mindset towards change.

EatingAin'tBad said...

You really should take your dieting more seriously. I mean, just look at Anna Nicole Smith. It's clear she took her TrimSpa experience seriously and now she is like totally hot and shit. To take TrimSpa seriously and get the serious results you want, you may also have to take some serious cocaine, but the results are worth it. You could be just like ANS and be flashing people your new serious boobies on TV.
Seriously.

bettina said...

eatingain'tbad Why your sarcasm? I think you opted to misunderstand my point. A serious weight loss regime does not entail pill popping the latest fad product. The macfatty girls seem to be quite intelligent. So it really boggles my mind as to why they would take these products in the first place. Everyone knows that fad diets and "miracle" pills do not work. The number one factor in losing weight is changing your ways, having and sticking to a goal, followed by good nutrition. I was pointing out that they do not seem to want to be serious about changing their *behavior* so how can they expect to see results?

Neekeela said...

Hillarious story and I have a similar one. A few years ago my sister and I took some pill whose name escapes me (not as trendy as TrimSpa or Hoodia as we were PO'!). I took 4 a day quite religiously for 3 days, didn't lose any weight, and instead because a raving lunatic. I felt to angry and angsty and frustrated ALL THE TIME. NO more jolly fat chick. Still hungry, still fat, but now CRAZY. My sister, who is also my long distance best buddy, had similar reactions and stopped at 2 days. We couldn't understand why suddenly we were so pissed off. Then I took a good look at the ingredients and realized it was 100% caffeine. It was like drinking 10 cups off coffee a day after nearly a lifetime of not even drinking diet soda (I don't even drink tea). No wonder.

As for everyone's comments about how you should stop being fat or diet or take it seriously--I say, whatever. Do what you like when you like to do it. It's not like you don't know how much it sucks to be fat--heck, isn't that part of what this site is about? The frustrations and amusements of not looking like everyone else and being the poster child for "all that is wrong in America"? We all hear about the health risks and issues and whatnot, but I trust that the two of you are very funny grown ups that make decisions to the best of your abilities. Who am I to lord over you and your losing or not losing of weight? Sheeet, my sis and I paid $50 for a bottle of caffeine pills that made us raging bitches for 3 days. What do I know?

Anonymous said...

exactly neekela, what do you know? ... playing with your health is such a blast I'm sure.

lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

guh... anna nicole is hideous looking no matter at what weight.

divaboots said...

Have you ever seen those TrimSpa ads on the NY subway system? They make me laugh because in the "before" picture, the people look all happy and active. In the "after," all they're doing is just making model faces. It's like an ad for a pill that turns you into a tool.

GoBetty said...

Something about Hoodia worked for reals. I tried Trimspa in the past and nothing happened. But with Hoodia, I had no hunger. Then when I lost a few pounds I got excited and determined. It didn't do the work (I did) but it helped. Just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

I would caution against trying any diet pill before consulting with a doctor. Many people mistake these easily accessible drugs as safe since they are often martketed as "supplements" and are sold in nutrition stores. Four years ago my aunt had an allergic reaction to Dexatrim Natural. At 54 years old, she had never been diagnosed with a any type of allergy, food or otherwise. Dexatrim Natural contained numerous ingredients (it has since been re-formulated), the ingredients are listed on the website http://www.dexatrim.com/product_tea2.asp
My aunt had an allergic reaction to one of the ingredients and asphyxiated. She was in a coma for a week before we made the tough decision to take her off of life support beacuse of extensive brain damage. During the autopsy the medical examiner tested everything that could have possibly attributed to her death, including her last meal and the Dexatrim Natural pills. His conclusion was that she had an unknown allergy to one of the many unfamiliar components of the diet pills. Upon more research he discovered that there were other deaths related to the drug and more people that had experienced adverse allergic reactions. My uncle did not want the added grief of a lawsuit or trial against the company, but the doctor still vowed to at least get the drug take n off the shelf. It indeed was and Dexatrim Natural has been reformulated. The new ingredients can be found here
http://www.dexatrim.com/product_tea.asp
The hardest part is to realize how unnecessary it all was. My aunt was not even very overweight (a size 8-10). She was just trying to lose 15 lbs. Please be careful when trying any of these. I can assure you that vanity will never be worth the consequences.

GoBetty said...

Word, anon at 8:07 am. Sorry to hear about your Auntie.

Anonymous said...

Never tried hoodia, but my doc gave me a prescription for phentermine and I lost 23 pounds the first month. Delicious.

Izzy said...

Wow, this post really seemed to bring out the crybaby-bitch in a lot of people.

I miss the classic, ephedra-filled Xenadrine. I lost eight sizes with it and have yet to gain them back four years later. (And yes, I check my pulse regularly -- no arrythmia yet!)

Miche said...

I wouldn't bother with Hoodia. I took what someone who knows confirmed was the real deal, and I felt twice as hungry. I still have half the bottle.

I am thinking about doing WW, but the idea of having to count points just feels obssessive and weird to me.

GoBetty said...

Miche, send me your half bottle of hoodia please. Thanks babycakes.

Miche said...

gobetty, if you're serious, shoot me an email at emparker27@yahoo.com with an address and I'd be glad to.

LaLa said...

OMG! That is exactly what happened to me. Except I tried the hoodia patch, and I swear I ate more than ever while using it! I literally could not stop thinking about food! FYI: This is my first visit here, and so far, I feel right at home. Finally...people I can talk to, who really understand what it's like to be fat, and still have a sense of humor about it. Right on!

bestmotoroil said...

Great article! Hoodia works in 87% http://www.hoodia-hq.com - weight loss, hoodia, diet news.

Haystacks said...

It is all a fucking scam. They are con artists. Liars! liarsliarsliarsliarsliars.....

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOD!!! This honesty is SOO refershing My research into the whole Hoodia phenom, has led me to beleive that its nothing more than yet another middle-marketing scam. Example; I had just finished reading some crap on DESERT Burn where one consumer who was royally ripped off, actually took the HOODIA she had purchased to a lab and paid to have it analyzied. What she learned is that DESERT BURN contained mostly sawdust and some cancer-causing agents. Further, AMAZON.COM took it off of their website because so many consumers were complaining about its ineffectiveness. Now, what's ironic is how among all the 'unbiased reviewers' who regularly contribute glowing reports of 'organic purity' accompanied by 'certificates of authenticity' to these "TRUTH IN HOODIA" web sites, are also the ones who write in to endorse these ineffetive, often dangerous products, are clearly distributors of the products themselves and therefore financially rewarded by duping others. COMSUMERS: READ REVIEWS AND USE YOUR HEADS WHEN YOU GIVE THESE PEOPLE YOUR MONEY!!!!!!! They are poised to rob you blind with no remorse. They are criminals and will be dealt with as such. THEY SUCK!!!!! They are no better than those Nigerian 419 email scammers "Dear God-fearing Woman, the recent death of my esteemed uncle, Barrister Ifelta Thi has left me with the responsibilty to distribute to a COMPLETE STRANGER the sum total of his $2.5 billion estate TO YOU!!!!!! Now, all I need is your credit/bank account numbers and you'll be rich!