If there is one thing I hate, it's having my picture taken. I'm not, what the model's would call, "photogenic". It's been plaguing me my whole life. Even when I was at my thinnest, (6 years old was an awesome time for me), I still didn't photograph well.
And now it's even worse, because every time I take a picture it appears as if a marble, (my head), is resting nicely atop a watermelon, (my body). Stick a carrot in where my nose should be and you could call me Frosty because I do a lovely impression of a snowman. And, of course, every time I take a picture, I have to have that moment of initial shock where I ask, "Am I really that big? Because I don't feel I'm that big". Guess what? I am.
I think the picture above perfectly replicates every single picture I have taken from 1986 to the present. Usually I'm clothed, but you get the drift. And, to be fair, I only squeeze my pannus in private. And I only look nauseatingly full half of the time.
Usually, in group photos, you will find me in the back looking like a floating head. The back of a group picture is prime location for fat people. It's an ideal spot because you can still be in the picture and camouflage the rest of your body with other people's bodies. To put it mildly, I will go out of my way to void my body out of any picture ever taken of me. And sadly, this is why there are really no pictures of me in recent times.
While over at my brother and sister-in-law's house one day I made a comment about how, all over their house, there are pictures of her and her sisters and no pictures of me. I was joking around of course and this led to them taking a horrible picture of me and my brother and placing it in prime location for people to see how fat I am. Skinny people will put up the worst pictures of you because they don't see the difference between a good fat picture and a bad fat picture. To them, you're just fat. In the right light and in the right black clothing, one can almost look skinny fat...that's a good picture.
So, until I can afford to have every picture of me ever taken and photo-shop it so my head is proportional to my body, I will forever be, the marble and the watermelon.