Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Desperate times call for...

I have been aware that there are BBW nights at certain clubs for a while. There is Club Bounce and Club XL and a few others, but I am sort of offended by the names! Club XL makes me want to cry! Even though I think they are a good idea, the whole concept still creeps me out really really badly. But I am still rather intrigued about what it would be like to be in a room full of men who are actually into my rolls...almost intrigued enough to actually go to one of these events (but not quite)!

I imagine a dark room filled to the brim with fat women dressed in as little as possible while toothless men masturbate in the corner. I know it won't be that bad...right??? Why do I think they will be toothless? I have no idea...but please don't get all offended in the comments section because it's just my imagination!

Have any of you ever been to any of these events? Are the men totally fatishistic?

I hate that I have to go to special meeting places in order to meet men! I feel like a leper! What I really want is to meet a man who likes me for who I am, and not because I am fat!!! Is that too much to ask?

Aren't there any cute fat loving Jewish men under 35 who read this blog?

I realize I sound desperate and complainy today, but my birthday is around the corner and I am feeling the pressure...

41 comments:

Anonymous said...

They freak me out too! I wish they didn't seem so "ghetto". I am in MN and they have a few here but I have never gone.

Anonymous said...

I say you two should go together...have one of you fly to meet the other and go...I'd love to hear the outcome!

Jenna said...

I think Club Bounce is a cute name.

Fitz said...

Has anyone been to any of those clubs?

Anonymous said...

This really hit home for me because I always assume that the men who go to those things are going to be really gross (toothless) and stupid. Maybe that's because I think that men who like fat women have something wrong with them or they just think fat women are an easy lay. Doesanyone else feel that way?

Christine said...

I think you should go. I mean, the worst that can happen is the men are creepy and you turn around and leave. But what if there is some really great guy there who you'll miss out on because of the fear that they're all creepy.

I think it's great that there are places for bigger women to go and find men that like the way they look, but in my mind, liking somebody for being fat is the same as liking them for being skinny. And I know I'm not the only one who sees a problem with liking women just because they're skinny. (Right?)

Creature said...

To be honest, they sound kind of scary. I agree with Christine. Although I, too, think 'Club Bounce' is a fun name... ;)

Anonymous said...

There's a novel, "Maybe the Moon" by Armistead Maupin, about a little person who works in movies. It's a very nice novel, but the reason I remember it is that at one point the main character, a two-foot tall woman, realizes that an attractive, normal-sized man is attracted to her. At first she's horrified, because she thinks that for him to be attracted to her he must be a fetishist. But then she realizes that if anyone who would be attracted to her would be considered a fetishist, but she does want SOMEONE to love her someday, the best thing she can do is to embrace that fetish and love the man who has it!

Now, I don't think it has to be a fetish for a person to be attracted to a fat woman. The heart wants what it wants. But if we big women are going to automatically assume that anyone who is attracted to us has something wrong with him... well, it's going to be a very lonely world for us. Worse than the one we already face.

Regina said...

Every person who is attracted to another human being IS expressing a preference for that particular physical body, if only for the duration of that interaction. But girls who look like Cameron Diaz don't agonize about what kind of freak would be attracted to them because we as a culture have normalized our attraction to women who look like Cameron Diaz. But there's really no difference in the objective value of a preference for Cameron Diaz or a preference for Camryn Manheim. NO DIFFERENCE. It's just within the context of our American paranoias and misogyny that we create the difference and label one as fetishistic or freakish.

Anonymous said...

Big guys don't go to those clubs too? Or do guys in general don't go to clubs? Ehh, I don't know anything about clubbing to begin with...and would never go to one either, eek.

Anonymous said...

Big guys don't go to those clubs too? Or do guys in general don't go to clubs? Ehh, I don't know anything about clubbing to begin with...and would never go to one either, eek.

Anonymous said...

Oops, sorry for the double-comment, bleh.

Anonymous said...

As a bloke who fancies fat women, i'm not sure i'd go to one of those things for pretty much the same reasons - i don't want to come across as someone who is just after getting laid with a fat girl - i'd rather just meet someone i like randomly, and if they are a bit overweight, then that's a bonus.

That said, i guess you have to find someone at least a bit physically interesting to take any interest in them in the first place, so i guess going somewhere guaranteed to be full of the kind of women i find attractive might not be such a bad idea, as more women gives a higher chance of meeting one i enjoy the company of i guess.

Don't know - suppose the worst that happens is it is full of toothless weirdos and you just go home again - no harm done. Nothing ventured nothing gained and all that.

Anonymous said...

Teeth are overrated.

Anonymous said...

I have a similar double-standard regarding fantasy and SF fandom. I'd like to meet more people who like to read fantasy and SF and discuss it intelligently. But will I go to a con?

No, because I think it will be full of obsessive geeks. But if fandom makes you a geek, then I am a geek. So why am I anti-geek?

I think it's that old chestnut again; not wanting to be part of a club that would have someone like you as a member!

Anonymous said...

I wish they had something like that in PA where I live.

The men here think they are God's gift to women and I've been snubbed by fat/thin/young/old/you name it men.

They're all holding out for Victoria's secret models or Pam Anderson.

I would go if I were you. If it's bad, then you have something to write about. If it's good, who knows!

Kris Ardent said...

As someone who met her freak husband on the internet, I can relate. Why must it feel like there's a stigma attached to doing something that's likely to lead to meeting someone you like who likes you? What's up with that?

Maybe you have to trick yourself. I told myself "if someone as cool as I am is looking to meet a man online, then perhaps, just maybe there's a cool guy counterpart out there thinking exactly the same thing." It totally worked.

Go! Even if it's just to post to us about how awful it was. But maybe you'll meet someone who thought the idea was creepy too, and went on the off chance he could meet someone as good as you.

Dolley said...

And you might even be pleasantly surprised in other ways. The heart does indeed want what it wants; you may find out that the man of your dreams was in a car accident as a teenager, and that you don't care so much about the number of his teeth, after all.

GoBetty said...

Fatties, I love you. The Cali one of you should fuckin go man! You might meet the jew of your dreams. At the very least it will give you something to write about. Please please please give it some thought.

If I was out there I would do it with you. Get all dolled up, have some drinks, stay for an hour or whatever... Please go. Please write about it.

Anonymous said...

I actually got up the courage to go to a BBW dance in NJ all by myself. It was one of the best things I ever did. I initially went hoping that I would find a man, but quickly realized that it might not happen. The ratio of women to men was 5 to 1. Slim pickings and I admit some of the men were pretty scary. The women on the other hand were very friendly and fun. I felt so comfortable and had so much confidence when I went. My favorite part is being able to dance and let loose and not be self conscious because everyone else was large too. I went to those dances for years and made several good friends and even dated a few guys. And low and behold at one Saturday night dance the most loving and wonderful man walked into my life and now we are engaged. Give it a try. It can’t hurt. It will boost your confidence and you will probably meet some new people.

Regina said...

1. So NOT every guy at a BBW event is unpleasant.
2. Clearly people have had positive experiences at such clubs.
3. If you don't have fun, you'll have a good story.
4. Your readers are waiting to hear that story!
5. What's to lose by checking one of those places out for 30 minutes?
(I met my current boyfriend on a dating website. I say try anything!!)

Anonymous said...

Feeling the pressure??? Girl, what are you turning 45?? Please, we're in the year 2006...

floradoragirl37 said...

Hey, girls
I just want to let you know that I see cute, nice looking men with bbws all the time! I don't think there's anything weird about men liking bigger women.
I think you should go... It will be an adventure. You may just find someone you really like, who accepts you for the way you are. You may even just meet some new friends, If I was single and there was a club for bbw, I would definitely go.
You can bring a friend along if you feel uncomfortable going alone. Who knows, you may have the time of your life!
Take care,
hugs, Jennie

Coley said...

I felt the same way as you but my sister pointed out that if they are freaks then what are you saying about yourself? Why is someone who wants you a freak? Why are you so freakish?

Why not see them as enlightened and yourself as gorgeous?

People like all sorts. Why try and get a guy who fancies skinny girls when you're not? Its just a waste of time. There are guys who go for blonds, redheads, big boobs, little boobs, shorties, tall girls. All in all they are a bit like us you know! I know I prefer a chunky guy to a skinny one. Does that make me a freak? Or toothless?

Anyway I joined a bbw dating place online and met a fab guy. Its our 3 year anniversary soon! Yes he prefers fat girls but really he just prefers me!

Give it a go I say.

C said...

"fatishistic"

Totally need to find a way to work this into my regular vocabulary.

Anonymous said...

what if the skinny girls who "think they are fat" go?

Anon said...

Um, yeah. At what point is one a BBW and given authorization to go?

Kris Ardent said...

Maybe there's a scale at the front door? Or a water dispacement tank for accurate BMI measurement?

Lisafashionista said...

Believe me, you aren't the only one who feels this way. I wrote a blog about it on my MySpace blog, which is different from my blogger blog....but I am digressing.

Basically, bbw clubs (and the word bbw) freak me out. If you want to read about it, you can go to http://myspace.com/beautypluspower and go to the entry for Monday March 13th.

Smooches, Lisa

ps. was trying to write you fan mail too but can't figure out how to email you! I run a site for plus size women called Beauty Plus Power and would love to have you ladies contribute to it.

littlem said...

"Now, I don't think it has to be a fetish for a person to be attracted to a fat woman. The heart wants what it wants. But if we big women are going to automatically assume that anyone who is attracted to us has something wrong with him... well, it's going to be a very lonely world for us."


Nail. Hammer. Bang.

Plus, the music could be kicking. And we want a report.

Anonymous said...

Why would it be a problem if skinny girls went?

They should be able to go with their friends.

Plus there is no "line" at which anyone can definitively say who is fat enough, so it's best to just welcome everyone (these clubs do) and assume that the skinny women are there with their friends and it's not that they think they're fat.

Trust me...skinny girls who think they're fat still differentiate between themselves and BBW's.

saucyintellectualtart said...

Please let's not confuse a preference for fat with fetishizing fat.

saucyintellectualtart said...

ooops....didn't see those posts that made the distinction.

people 'roun these parts got smarts on 'em

BBWInTheCity said...

I went to one of these clubs once in London. I felt like a lot of the men who came to the event were what I describe as BBW-hunters. They are there with there cheezy little suits trying to catch as many big women as possible in one night. Obviously younger men were chasing the older more established women. It seems like everyone at these places are out for something...self validation, money, one nigh stand. . .

Neekeela said...

Like everyone else, I say go. It's not just us fat girls who have to go through crazy lengths to meet interesting men. Isn't there at least one episode a week on the TV sitcom circuit about how hard it is to run into someone fabulous? And--they're on TV and skinny and look like what everyone thinks beautiful looks like. If they have problems, what about the rest of us? I say go! If anything, you up your chances of having a wacky experience and who can say no to that?

Anonymous said...

Wow, some of you "BBWs" seem quite finicky. You get mad when men say they find you unattractive ... but when guys who find fat attractive come forward and say they like the extra cushion, they get accused of having a "fat fetish" that is somehow dehumanizing. Just can't win, can ya?

I mean, do skinny girls sit around worrying that guys interested in them have a "svelte fetish"?

Georgi said...

Oh screw all the societal bs. I'm 18, I'm flabulous, and I'm having way more fun than a lot of my thinner counterparts. Even better, I get to skip a lot of the stupid assholes tryin to hit it and quit it. Of course, there are some, but still. I've found that no matter what, men just like us, but the confidence thing definetly plays a part in it. I love my curves, and since men love me, they can't help but love em too. We're contagious ladies, lets show the world how its done!

Georgi said...

Oh, and I almost forgot, most of the women I've talked to who have gone to club bounce, or club XL absolutely love it!! I'm planning on going sometime myself. You only live once.

Kate said...

"Flabulous." What a great word, georgi!

Buffpuff said...

I mean, do skinny girls sit around worrying that guys interested in them have a "svelte fetish"?

No. If they're confident, they will take it for granted that people will be attracted to them because the media, health and fitness industry, clothing manufacturers and society in general have contributed towards convincing them that their body-type is socially acceptable, ergo sexually desirable.

If they're not confident, chances are they will pinch imaginary inches, play with their food and whinge about feeling fat because the media, health and fitness industry, clothing manufacturers and society in general have done a bang-up job of convincing them they're not thin enough.

Anonymous said...

I think instead of going to BBW clubs you curvey ladies should go to HEALTH clubs. I was a fat guy I'm not afraid to admit that. I lost 60lbs after a year of working out and eating right and now feel like I have an oppertunity to meet any woman I find attractive/interesting