Thursday, August 17, 2006

Don't Believe The Hype!

I finally have the evidence I need to prove that bitch from the third grade wrong...I am not a cow!

In an effort to lose weight I tried the hip new "Scared Shittless by Wolves Diet", and I am sorry to report that it did not work. I spent a week huddled with other fatties in fear of being eaten by the villan of Little Red Riding hood fame in the hope that I would be too scared to eat, but to no avail. In fact, the constant huddling and general lack of movement must have lowered my metabolism, which, combined with the fattening Little Debbie snacks in the suitcase I was huddling with, caused me to actually gain 4 pounds over the week long ordeal.

Though I may not have lost any weight, there is a bright side: I may in fact not be a cow. Plus I wasn't attacked by wolves like some of the unlucky bastards stationed on the perimeter of the fat people huddle.

18 comments:

Sam said...

HILARIOUS

Jillonthehill said...

I don't usually leave comments, but this posting was really funny and showed the absurdity of some of those fad diets out there. It reminds me of a scetch they might do on The Daily Show. I actually laughed out loud!

Anonymous said...

You really tried that?

Kate said...

Too funny!!!!

NicoleW said...

Oh, good grief. I'd laugh except that I'm half-afraid some obesity researcher out there really will get the brilliant idea to try this one on humans. "Gee, if it works on sheep and cows ..." Sigh.

mikey loves fat women said...

I wouldn't call this a scientific study or anything, but I have read in several places that there are NO known instances of wolves killing humans in North America. I like to think that's true and as I notice that wolves rarely wear ties I think it might be.

On a totally unrelated note: does anyone besides me find those "word verification" letters to quite often combine in oddly suggestive ways? Just wondering.

littlem said...

I'm not even going to click on the link -- I'm afraid to look.


Mikey said:
"On a totally unrelated note: does anyone besides me find those "word verification" letters to quite often combine in oddly suggestive ways?"
Mikey, have you been spying on me while I'm typing?
Hee.

mikey... said...

littlem: I don't think so, unless you're me, too. Ain't synchronicity rough? :-)

Puncher of Donkeys said...

They should probably use something more aggressive on humans...like bears or zombies.

The alternative would be to put the Little Debbie snacks on top of a mountain; first come, first serve.

Or combine both. Bears chasing you as you try to get to some snack cakes? That's sure to burn some calories.

Anonymous said...

perhaps it would have worked better if you'd got into the mindset of a sheep/cow more - be the bovine! you could try mooing (or bleeting, and possibly wearing a wooly sweater) :-)

Was very amused by this installment of fatty mcblog - keep it up ladies.

Kate said...

Puncher of Donkeys (love the monniker, BTW), that was a funny reply. Please, please, PLEASE, tell me that you're not one of the Tucker trolls who was here before.

Mikey, I don't get "suggestive" word verifications, mine are invariably 8 - 10 letters long and all bizarre consonant combinations.

Heather said...

This reminds me of a joke....if you'll bear with me, I'll share it.

An overweight man (we'll call him BOB) sees a sign at a weight loss clinic, "lose all the weight you want, $1.00/pound. GUARANTEED". So he goes in and plops $10.00 on the counter. "I want to lose 10 lbs". The woman takes Bob into a back room, tells him to strip down, and sit on the bench. A few minutes later, there's a knock on the door. A hot blonde chick comes in wearing nothing but a teeny t-shirt that says "if you catch me, you can fuck me". Well, Bob jumps up and starts running around after her. After a bit, he catches her and does the deed. Sure enough, when he weighs in, he is 10 lbs lighter.

The next week he goes back and gives them $20.00. They once again lead him into the room and have him strip and wait. Pretty soon, there's a knock at the door. This time, the blonde is accompanied by an absolutely stunning redhead....both wearing t-shirts that say "if you catch us, you can fuck us". Bob starts to chase them around. It takes a bit longer but eventually he catches them both and goes to town. His weigh in shows another 20 lbs gone!

Bob vows to go back the next week and get down to his goal weight. He goes back to the clinic and hands them $30.00. They take him back to the same room. He strips down and sits on the bench....he's getting very excited (in more ways than one). At the door he hears "KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK". Then the door opens....it's a HUGE gorilla wearing a t-shirt that says "if I catch you, I can fuck you".

Laura said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

All the comment needed for the post and the other commentors.

Love you guys!

ps. Very suggestive word verification...

fckp - could be?

Anonymous said...

While I loved the post, the degree to which I despise ranchers' narrow-minded, scapegoating,centuries-long campaign against predators is even greater. "Some of my sheep die--kill the wolves!" "Some of my sheep look maybe a hair underweight--kill the wolves!" "My wife's doing my buddy and George Bush is in the White House--gotta go shoot a wolf right now!" Geez.

Puncher of Donkeys said...

Oh I admit I'm a fan of Tucker Max. I think he's a good writer and entertaining.

I also think everyone has their own issues and they should probably be mocked (I'll just keep mine in a dark, dusty closet).

I guess I'm an equal-opportunity "hater."

W.C. Fields had it right (look him up...genius)

Regina said...

Brilliant.

Kate said...

I didn't mean being a fan of Tucker Max, I meant being one of the fat-bashers from TM who had made themselves known and despised in earlier Fatty McBlog threads.

Just for the record, I've probably seen every W.C. Fields (as well as every Mae West) movie ever filmed?

Anonymous said...

You gals have a future in comedy!