Thursday, August 10, 2006

The F Word

Yesterday, after getting gas, I went through an alley that shares the same space as a Jack in the Box Drive-thru and their parking lot. While driving through this alley, I was unable to get to the street because a skinny girl in a sports car was blocking the exit trying to get in line for the JITB drive-thru. But, she couldn’t. A fat woman in an old Volvo wouldn’t let her in...and this pissed the girl off to no end. From what I’m guessing, the woman in the Volvo came after the woman in the sports car and didn’t extend the proper “zipper” courtesy, (one car goes from one side, then lets the other side, then the other side...and so on and so on). But, I guess this fat lady really wanted her burger, because she did not consent to the zipper rule, thus making the skinny girl in the sports car roll her window down and start a yelling match. Being the yenta I am, I turned my radio off and rolled down my window. I wanted to hear what was going to happen, and I’m so glad I did.

The moment I rolled my window down I heard the young, skinny girl call the Volvo lady FAT. Yes. She said it. She used the F word. And how did the fat lady respond? I’ll tell you:

“Did you just call me fat? Bitch, I can suck dick better than anyone in the world can.”

Yeah, I don’t get it either. I don’t know what being fat has to do with sucking dick better than most...maybe because we like to eat??? I don’t know. But, there really isn’t a good comeback when people call you fat. You can’t look at the person and deny it. What do you say?

My friend Beth weighs around 200lbs. She holds it really well though and I wouldn’t mind being stuck with her body for the rest of my life if I had to switch with her. And, here is the thing about Beth: she always gets called fat. It’s odd. Strange even. I’m much bigger than her, but no one ever really calls me fat to my face...behind my back, most likely, but never to my face. But Beth is a target. If she driving and cuts someone off by accident or doesn’t let a person into her lane, the fat bullets come whizzing at her. Once we were at a gas station and these group of girls from Beverly Hills High School were getting gas in front of us, Beth asked them to move their car because they were taking up two spots and we couldn’t get her car in to get gas. Their response? “Fuck you, you fat bitch”. This happens more often than not to her. And Beth really never has a witty comeback, because what are the witty comebacks for being called fat? There are none.

I go out of my way to avoid conflict so that no one will call me fat. I once had to lie to my old bosses wife about his whereabouts, (his demand, not mine), and that led her to yell such profanities at me that she sounded like she had Tourettes Syndrome. But, she never called me fat during her rant, and to this day, I’m still in shock over that. But, what would I have said back?

I have this feeling that the next time someone calls me fat, I’m just going to say something like, “Yeah, I am” or “ What about it?”

Is there any sort of good comeback when someone calls you fat?


Anonymous said...

"You're point?"

Anonymous said...

The larger lady in the drive-thru was clearly being rude..but the name calling..not nice.

I guess a good comeback to the skinny girl would have been:
"Yeah, fat enough to squash your fat mouth." (or you could go with skinny ass instead of fat mouth).

randomfatgirl said...

"You might be skinny, but you're also a fucking moron...when's the last time you heard it's smart to fuck with someone bigger than you? Come here bitch and I'll show you what this fat girl can do..."

That would be me anyway. But then, I'm mean. LOL

Kate said...

Stolen from an old thread on Big Fat Blog (some slightly modified):

"Wow, hunger really does make you bitchy."

"It's from all the babies I eat during Satanic Rites."

"I don't think that monologue really shows your range"

"Were you in opera before? Your projection is superb."

"Flunked out of charm school, huh?"

"It's so sad that no one ever loved you enough to teach you some manners."

"Have you ever considered rhinoplasty? 'cause your nose just got in my business."

“I'm glad I was able to help you feel a little better about yourself today.” (I’ve actually used this one.)

“The only time fat kills is when I have PMS.”

“And are those people in your head talking to you *now*”

“[A woman once] directly approached someone who'd just hurled an insult relating to her appearance. First, she flummoxed him by asking if she could shake his hand; then she proceeded to do so. Then, while he was still gaping at her she thanked him politely and told him it was her ambition to shake the hand of every arsehole she ever meets in life. And then she walked away. “ (I’m dying to try this one out! Thanks, BuffPuff)

"I beat anorexia."

"In America there are a lot of people who would rather risk death than disapproval - I don't happen to be one of them."

And a few of my own:

I'd rather be fat than rude/ignorant/a bitch/you.

“Your social filters seem to be clogged.”

“Dreadful, isn’t it? - but I use food to sublimate my sex addiction.”

“I used to be a serial killer/pedophile. Gorging isn’t as satisfying, but it’s legal.”

“I tend to comfort eat when surrounded by judgmental harpies.”

"And you're mean-spirited."

"At least I'm not as ignorant as you are."

"What's your point?"

"Fat?! ME?!! How mortifying. Why hasn't anyone ever told me that before? I'm so embarrassed. Excuse me, I have to get to the gym..."

"I'd call you a skinny bitch, but that would be an insult to dogs everywhere."

Anonymous said...

when they call you fat... you call them ugly.
I can't believe you didn't know that!

Anonymous said...

There is no good comeback, you're fat--deal with it.

Kate said...

I'm fat - if it bothers you, you deal with it.

Anonymous said...

No, kate--it doesn't work like that. If someone tells you you're white--what are you going to say? you are white. If someone says you're fat--guess what? You are. What's there to say to the truth?

G. said...

Yes...and if someone tells you you're an arsehole--guess what? you are, what's there to say to the truth eh????????

PastaQueen said...

Along that vein, you can try to determine something true about the insulter that they may be insecure about - they're short, their roots are showing, they have a big butt - and make fun of that in return.

Sam said...

I don't think it's okay to say something mean back to a person just because they said something mean to you. It's really hypocritical and just extends the meaness.

Heather said...

My normal comback is usually something like "brilliant assessment, captain obvious" in a very snooty (madonna-like, pseudo-british) accent, and then continue as I was. It works on 2 levels. 1) it allows me to respond without coming down to their maturity (or lack thereof) level and 2) it's kinda funny to watch them try and figure out whether or not I've just said something that they should get insulted about.

It might not seem like a lot, but I've found that people who can't come up with anything more imaginative than "you're fat" are easily confused.

Heather said...

Kate: I like the "I'm glad I could make you feel better about yourself today" one. I may try that next!!!!

Stacia said...

Oh, there are plenty of comebacks. My favorite was when I was walking along a street, and two skanky (possibly drunk) girls were driving along, calling pedestrians fouls names. The "n" word for a black girl, "gay" to two guys walking together, and as they came up on a meek-looking fat girl I cringed. They leaned out the window and said, "You're fat!" The meek girl said, "What?" in a soft voice, and I started walking towards her, thinking these skanks would surely leave two fat chicks alone, knowing we could hurt them. They say, "You're FAT!" to her again, laughing.

The meek girl looked puzzled and said, quietly, "Uh... yeah... but you're a couple of stupid bitches." She looked genuinely confused that THEY of all people would call others names. I busted up laughing and the two skanks drove off in such a hurry they ran a red light.

Usually people don't say it straight to my face, but the couple times it's happened it was during an argument. I look them straight in the eyes and say yes, I am, and my opinion on the matter has nothing to do with how huge my ass is. I've never had to go further than that before the other person apologizes. (Not that they mean it.)

Anonymous said...

how bout saying, "Thanks, captain obvious! How long it take you to think that one up, you dog faced cum dumpster!"

Kate said...

No, kate--it doesn't work like that. If someone tells you you're white--what are you going to say?

Who on earth would ever point out that I'm white? (If anyone ever did, I'd probably just have to quote Stephen Colbert and say "I'll have to take your word for it; I'm colorblind.") Pointing out that I'm fat really makes about as much sense. Do they honestly think that I don't know it? I consider fat a descriptive no different than "blonde" (although that can be used as a pejorative, too), but when it's used as an epithet, it's no longer just "the truth," it's a weapon intended to wound. That says a great deal more about the person who uses it than its intended recipient.

For the record, neither my fat nor my race defines me, at least in and of themselves. Anyone who feels that he knows anything important about me based on my appearance is delusional.

Although I jumped in with the retorts, I seldom, if ever, use them. I usually just ignore anyone ignorant enough to use "fat" as a pejorative. My father was fond of saying that one who takes offense where none was intended is a fool; one who takes offense where it is intended is an even bigger fool.

Anonymous said...

I've always liked "I may be fat but you're ugly......and I can lose weight"

S. Lynne Fremont said...

My favorite comeback to "You are fat!" is:

"Really? Thank Goodness you told me because I NEVER would have figured it out otherwise."

peppa said...


This post is so interesting! You're right, some people are not that fat but always seem to have their slight fatness pointed out at them while others at a much bigger size will never hear this comment to their face. I've always wondered why this phenomena. I think that it has a lot to do with the way a person carries her/himself - a strong or particular personality can be reflected on a face, body language, gestures, sense of style, etc. A personality and strong exterior can be a person's best defence against random idiots. I've also discussed this weird subject with friends and we've come to the conclusion that it has a lot to do with 1. personality 2. body fat distribution 3. bone structure 4. luck.

You might be spunkier than you think!

Great insults!

Christine said...

Like somebody else kind of mentioned, I've always liked the "Yeah, and you're ugly/an asshole/a bitch. I can diet." response. Though I'm the first to admit it's immature and just as pointless as calling somebody fat.

I can't really remember the last time somebody called me fat. It might have been this loser in like grade 8. I barely remember what was said. I don't think I had much of a comeback. Oh, and I think in high school some kids called me fat. I was walking by the bus, and they said something. I didn't even turn around to look. But I was very hurt.

If somebody told it to me now, to my face. I'd probably just laugh and ask if pointing out the painfully obvious was the best thing their minds could come up with.

*shrugs* I'd probably still be really hurt.

mikey loves fat women said...

This one makes me think a lot and has me coming up with a bunch of ways to get even, make yourself feel good, and all that.

What you have here is (collectively) an adversary who has no clue, someone who says "fat" just like they'd say "stringbean" or "four-eyes" or whatever stupid thing comes to their (again collective; otherwise immeasurable to us mortals) minds first...

And I know very little about these people and am no psychologist or psychiatrist or anything with an -ist, but I'm pretty sure they say these things for at least one of two reasons:

1) It's all they have.

2) They can't wait for the euphoria and superiority their little noggins'll stuff them with upon your reaction.

They expect you to react with something like, "yeah, but...". They must; this explains why no reaction at all confounds them so. Remember: these are VERY SIMPLE people.

My thoughts as regard comebacks would first be: don't bother. And of course I'd bother and wish I hadn't, so I offer this: Only respond in a way which, to a smart person, would make no sense.

Baffle the idiots, in other words.

"You're fat!"

Try this: "You are the goods of a multiconglomerate". Smile when you say it, and it'll REALLY piss them off because they'll know (because they know nothing) that it's either something very sincere or something very damning. Even though it's nothing at all. Or is it? :-)

I'd imagine any comment with an un-dirty sounding multisyllabic word will work; try something with "geodesic" or "irradiated" (don't forget the ir; very important) and always deliver it with a smile and avoid prepositions (?) like "Well..." and of course "Yeah, but..." and I swear you'll have the oiks (thanks, Buffpuff) just about exactly where you want them.

Just some ideas; I'm sure others'll come up with better.


jen said...

I think it's interesting that your friend, who stands up for herself and her rights, gets called fat and you say you avoid conflict and people don't say anything to you.

Maybe people expect anyone who doesn't wear a single-digit size to cower meekly in a corner so no one gets mad at them and calls them the F word?

I like the quote about "Other people's opinions of me are not my concern."

No witty comeback is really going to take the sting out of the F word for me.

littlem said...

Now, you all know that I'm snarky.

If I'm feeling particularly "Bring It On" that day:

(sweet smile) "Oh, I see the lobotomy worked, since that's the best you can do. Tell me, when are they planning to proceed with your vasectomy/declawing?"

Sweet Mikey -
"You are the goods of a multiconglomerate".

*falls over laughing*

oh said...

This is an interesting subject!

In all of my years of school this far I don't think I've haven't been called fat except for one occasion. A guy on my bus decided to bother me, which was extremely funny because he was a scrawny little thing. After humoring him for a couple of minutes I beat the crap out of him. Since then he wanted badly to befriend me. *shrug*

Haha, littlem! I use lobotomy insults all the time, they're a personal favorite of mine. I also like ones that have to do with the other person getting a nasty form of cancer...

FatMom said...

I like: I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can diet. Or, I've used: I'm fat?! What?! Gawd, I had NO idea. Thank you for telling me. Though, thank God, I've never actually been called fat by anyone besides my doctor. And that's when I told her I had no idea I was fat! (Like I didn't know at 220 pounds?!) Thanks for the enlightenment!

Stacia said...

At least my current doctor doesn't say, "Did you know you were fat?" like I'm an idiot.

I don't think "fat" is a bad word, personally. I call myself fat a lot, and interestingly it was the skinny ladies who got uncomfortable about it. They'd occasionally ask me to not use the word. The last therapist I went to said he thought "fat" was a bad word and he hated it when I called myself fat.

Uh, I AM fat. I wouldn't call someone else "fat" because I know some people get upset about it, but it doesn't bother me one bit. When it's hurled as an insult during an argument or conversation, the intent is obvious, but like I said before, the size of my ass has nothing to do with my opinions or beliefs. Except for my opinion that my ass is large.

Coley said...

How about...'Shut up or I'll sit on you'

C x

buffpuff said...

The last therapist I went to said he thought "fat" was a bad word and he hated it when I called myself fat.

Good grief. Projection much? Thus proving the point that most therapists are in more need of therapy than the vast majority of their patients.

I'm also with Peppa re the way one carries oneself. People regularly used to make disparaging comments about my weight when I was younger, thinner but very apologetic about my size. Since I became more accepting of myself and resolved to stop carrying myself like a victim, people very rarely fuck with me. However, reclaiming the F-word doesn't mean it can't sting on the odd occasion someone does decide to use it as an insult – though I also think how much it stings largely depends on how well or in what context the person who hurls said insult knows you.

The last person who said it to me was a total stranger - an extremely beligerent drunk who decided I was in her way when she wanted to get off the bus. I was more upset about being screeched at right in the face by someone radiating pure, unfocused violence and with breath that could strip paint, than being called "a supid fat bitch" in front of a packed-out bus, but I remained completely comback-less nonetheless. All I could think was that there must be something going down in her life to make her act so obnoxiously and I figured whatever it was would probably be waiting for when she got home. I'm a great believer in instant karma, me.

Prior to that the last time anyone used fat as an insult was about 19 years ago; a man I'd been introduced to socially in a work-related situation. He made some unkind comments about my size after trying to offer me some unsolicited, (and entirely inappropriate), financial advice. I think this constituted hitting on me in his universe and I think his wrath came about because I rebuffed him. Having been in his tedious company all evening I found that a lot easier to deal with.

haylstorm said...

My response when it is a skinny person calling me fat is, "Oh please, you couldn't even fill a hug."

LME said...

When my sister was in college, a guy in one of her classes asked her if he could "borrow" some paper, but more like sort of snapping his fingers at her, like give me some paper, woman.

And she said no, because he was being such a dick.

And then he called her a fat bitch.

And then she said, yeah, but I'm a fat bitch with paper.

Something along those lines might have been nice in this case.

Yeah, I'm fat, and I'm still not letting you in.

Anonymous said...

It's so funny that this is a topic, because yesterday at work a (now former) aquaintance told me I was too fat in as many words. I was sitting finishing lunch, talking with a friend when she sat down and a little while later said I should not eat so much, and said she'd noticed my weight gain in my face-(?).

Now, do I need to be told that I am gaining weight? Is it not the first thing I think about when I get up and the last thing I think about when I go to bed? Do I not have enough stress battling this in my own head that someone else needs to add to it? I have an eating disorder and it consumes me. And if I had not recently come to terms that being fat is not something to be apologetic for, I would have softly smiled and kept my mouth shut.

So anyway, I didn't call her ugly or anything, just asked her in front of everyone why she thought she could say that, and then I told her it was over between her and myself and then gave her a wide thin smile. Then I had a friend back me up. Then she spent the rest of the day trying to make me laugh. But the reason I was most pissed is because I know why she did it and it's bullshit. When I'd left work to get my slice and coke her man was outside and when I said hi to her he looked me up and down. And to do that - because of that - my friends, is bullshit.

LME said...

Also, I live in NYC. I have seen girls be called a "fat bitch" by guys on the street and in the subway and at bars who are, and I'm not even kidding, like a size 4.

Heather said...

I tried posting this already, and for some reason it didn't come up. If for some odd reason it was simply delayed (and therefore I posted more than once), I apologize!!!
LME: Yeah, but I'm a fat bitch with paper

Freaking hilarious!!! I love it!!!

Now here's one to ponder (relating to anonymous at 7:55). I have had coworkers make kind of snide references to weight around me. Not an out-and-out "you're fat bitch". Something more along the lines of "Come on, you know you want another one" (if we're having a pizza party or someone brings in donuts). Or someone discussing the "fat cow" they saw in the bar over the weekend. They're not saying it in a confrontational tone of voice, so to react in a confrontational manner would only serve to make me look silly. And I honestly think (with a few exceptions) that the people making these comments aren't actually trying to be rude. And in those cases, I feel the need to speak up and say something, but I am actually at a total loss for words, which I wouldn't be if someone was blatantly being ignorant or confrontational.

Any advice?

bloomie said...

This doesn't happen very often anymore, although it did happen a few months ago when I was jogging and lifted my shirt to dry the sweat off my face. But I was JOGGING and an old, FAT man I might add said it to me. I went off the handle and said what did you say and then uttered some curses at him. That however isn't how I usually go.

I usually go with a very opinionated/haughty "your point" "so" or "that's the best you can come up with" or "you think I didn't know." It's not the words really, but the delivery of them. You have to make sure that you don't cower in front of them, b/c that's whats the worst. Giving them any sort of power.

Anyone see in her shoes when the skinny sister calls the "fat" sister fat and the fat one laughs and goes, you're my sister and the best you can do is fat! Come on, be original.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, this is something that happened last year at my grandma's funeral. I flew in from London and my cousins hadn't seen me in awhile and i had lost weight. They actually said to me, "I wish your grandma could see you, she would be so proud." To which I responded "I'd like to think my grandma would have better things to be proud of me than my weight." My skinny sister got very mad at me for being so rude to them. Hello, my grandma, they were being rude to me!

exangelena said...

When I was a size 4, 5"4 and ~120 lbs in high school (a year later I wear the same size although I weigh a little less), I was eating a birthday cake someone brought to class and a guy told me "don't eat that because you're too fat already". And then I was really disgusted because he was always hanging around with size 0, 5"1, 90 lb tiny little girls. I wish I'd thought of a variation on that "yeah but I'm a fat bitch with paper" comment. That's priceless!

GoBetty said...

Man, this entry made me sad and depressed. I just am sad that people go around being cruel to strangers... And then we sit around and figure out why or like what should be our comebacks...

FatGrrl said...

I try to get the phrase 'bony-arsed' in whenever I start hearing the F-word being thrown around like a weapon.

As an aside, a friend of mine once told me how love handles are absolutely essential to great sex - they make it comfy. On the topic of the bony-arsed girls, she added, "Hey, if you wanna fuck a twig, fuck a twig. Or a mayonnaise jar - it probably feels the same."

Now when I see the skinny girls criticizing my body with their eyes, I remind myself that they are nothing more than mayo jars.

JessiferSeabs said...

Well, the only good comeback is an oldie but a goodie.

"I might be fat, but you're (stupid, ugly, mean, whatever). I can always diet, but you're stuck with it."

Sam said...

If someone ever calls you a fat bitch, just say, "Hey, I'm not a bitch!"

Buffpuff said...

Heather, I always endeavour to speak up of someone is insulting a fat person in my hearing. If it's thoughtlessness rather than outright provocation, I'd suggest something along the lines of "Y'know, as a fellow fat cow I'm finding what you're saying about the fat cow you saw in the bar just a tad offensive."

LME - I adored the "fat bitch with paper" comeback. Made me laugh my head off.

Obesio said...

I am quite familiar with the pain of being called fat. Unfortunately, I tend to think that any attempt at a witty retort is likely to fail and just make you seem even more pathetic. When someone says something deeply offensive to me, I have found that the best response is to simply fix them with a steely gaze of anger and disgust. If that fails, you can beat them with a garbage can cover a la Sonny Corleone.

Anonymous said...

My favorite response is "Is that the best you could come up with?? You have nothing intelligent to say so you revert to stating the obvious? If that's all you've got then don't bother."

Kate said...

Obesio, a lingering gaze of pity works well, too.

Anonymous said...

Is this fake?

mikey loves fat women said...

fatgrrl: you are a genius who speaks more truth than you know... love handles rock; mayo jars are trash. Recyclable, though.

Simone said...

I don't mean to be a downer...That said, you know what's coming... When someone comments on my weight -whether it's someone barking out of a passing car, usually a frat-boy type or a disheveled vagrant ('cause they DO say stuff), my first instinct is to become really depressed. I tend to take things out on myself. Unhealthy, I know.

I shouldn't let it crush me but sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't go outside all day.

But I've gotten tougher. I look out for my safety but I stand my ground more these days.

mikey loves fat women said...

Simone, et al: when the comments you hear are kind or at least supportive or otherwise commiserative, they might mean something.

Evil comments mean nothing; they come from nothing and end up there. I totally get the hurt you feel from them, but...well, I don't know where to go here.

I see a lot of comments which basically exclaim a lot of pain brought on by someone's words. All I can offer you is this: you are smart people and you settle for being offended by words. That's not so smart.

I know it sucks to hear nasty shit; I really do. But the people saying it are idiots. Each and every one settles for the easiest thing because they can't face anything else. And fat women (and, I suppose, men) are something else.

So I have no answer but this: when some idiot dares to mention your weight, tell them this:

"Mikey thinks go fuck yourself!"

Because I do.

Sorry for being crude, but it felt right. Adapt verbs as necessary, with my blessings.

mikey loves fat women said...

Upon reflection, I must change something.

Make it "Mikey SAYS go fuck yourself!"

Says it all; apologies to the tamer ears among us.

Maddie said...

You know what I find interesting? I'm 5'3" and weigh 385lbs and I have never been called fat to my face...and this is the thinnest I've been in almost 10 yrs!!! Even when I was over 500 the only time I ever heard anyone say anything directly about me was a young girl asked her mother if I was from the carnival our county was having! Her mother got that "I'm sorry" look on her face and walked away... But since this is about what to say when this happens I'll tell you all the one I've wanted to say...."OH my God I'm FAT!?!? No wonder my Victoria's Secret modeling carrer never took off. Thanks for telling me!" use it in good health!

sue said...

I've never had someone call me fat, thank god, but I've had people insult me before - who hasn't? I don't try to get into a pissing contest with them, it just devolves into ugliness and trashiness.

The pitying look thing that someone mentioned upthread - man, it totally works. Whenever, and I mean WHENEVER someone says something insulting, I just try to look highly amused and pitying. I usually add a little condescendingly amused chuckle and head shake (as though they are just pathetic and so beneath even my anger), and look them up and down and chuckle again and let me tell you, it INFURIATES people. Whatever insecurities they have, they assume that's what you meant and it really hits them where it hurts. Sometimes I add an "OOOOOOOOOK then" with more amused chuckling, and all they can say is "What? What? What, bitch?" And that's the cue to walk away. Not a good idea for dealing with life and people in general, but if your goal is to be kind of a bitch and really piss someone off, that'll do it. Every freaking time.

buffpuff said...

"Mikey says go fuck yourself!"

Hey, we can have t-shirts printed in the authentic spirit of 80s 'Frankie says relax' retro nostalgia!

Can I have a shocking pink one?

I do like the failed Victoria's Secret model comeback and Sue's superior, amused little chuckle. I also think if someone chooses to throw a "you're fat" into the conversation/debate to discredit or unhinge you when you're in full flow, a swift response of, "You think?" or, "Yes. Yes, I am", immediately followed by, "anyway, as I was saying..." could prove quite effective too.

Shae said...

I've always been big and have been lucky. When I was young, high school even, I don't remember many incidents. Maybe one or two. And the only time a 'friend' said anything to me I was smart enough to shake it off because it came from her insecurity of being fat, but not quite as fat as I was.

And one time in high school I was arguing with this guy and I was flinching almost waiting for the 'fat bitch' to be thrown in there. But he opted for big-tittied bitch instead. I couldn't argue anymore. I was too busy laughing my ass off and he was so pissed. So I guess I would say laughing, shaking your head and walking away is a good trick to try too.

M.E. said...

My line for any insult always is....

"You have acne of the soul."

Short Fatty said...

I think it's unconstructive to be rude back to the mean people. The world needs more kindness and humor, so why don't we be turn the meanness around and disarm the mean people?

I think the best way to respond is with humor. I am extremely-super short, and people call me "shorty" or "shrimp" everyday. But I never take it personally, I just enjoy being short.


Person: "Hi Shorty!"
Me: "Hi Tally!"

Then we both laugh.

So, maybe if people say, "you're fat", we can just say, "you're thin," in a cheerful, matter-of-fact way. Or, "I'm fat because winter is coming."

peppa said...

I don't really don't mind being called fat as an insult! When someone criticizes fatness, it usually means that the person doesn't "see" another "flaw" to criticize (but no, I personally do not view fat as a flaw). I'd rather insult someone by referring to their ideology and/or behavior: "you fascist" "narrow minded dweeb" "what an uncouth individual" "always a follower, never a leader" or something of that sort. I've only been called fat within earshot twice, but by people that I knew and back when I was much bigger and more sensitive. One time a priest from my parish greeted me with a: "Hello fatty" this left me shocked, but coming from a fatty himself it didn't bother me that much, but then again, I didn't say "hi" back. The other time a little boy, my nephew's friend, said to him: "Your mom is fat" I was more shocked and annoyed at being confused for a mom of a 6 year old than being called fat! Haha (since I used to pick up my nephew from school the little boy thought I was the mom). Fat is just a feature; that some people view it a personal flaw is sad and disturbing but not surprising in our shallow culture. In my travels I've noticed that some cultures are much more accepting of fat women. I've actually had to remind some people that I'm fat, instead of hearing a reminder from them! I once met a guy who was the skinniest dude I had ever seen, he was like a punk-rock skinny, wore skinny pants and all. He was after me for a while and though he was nice I didn't have feelings for him; but he was kinda stubborn and he insisted despite my objections and one time when I had nothing else to say I told him, "Hello! can't you see that I'm fat??! And you're super skinny!! I mean, how is that going to work out???" He replied: "That's another good reason why we should be together, our differences compliment each other" aaahh.

Misti said...

Every now and again some idiot will make a comment about my weight. What always amazes me is that they shouldn't be making comments because they have their own issues (maybe that's why they have to make fun of others).

Anyway, a friend of mine gave me the best comeback ever (but I haven't used it yet)and it's, "I can lose weight, but you'll always be ugly."

Anonymous said...

Just respond with:

Eat a burger you skinny bitch!

Anonymous said...

Or this one:

Get your ass to bathroom and throw up your lunch you hungry bitch!

mikey loves fat women said...

Buffpuff: I too noticed the Frankie Goes To Hollywood resemblance... about twenty seconds too late:-) As for the shirts, go for it. I'd buy one myself. It would come in handy in so many different situations! And of course I'd be cool with changing "says" to "say" if necessary. :-)

Anonymous said...

Say something to the effect, "I may be fat....but you're ugly. At least I can loose weight. You're stuck with that ugly face for life. How unfortunate for you!"

M.E. said...

All of your comments made me think of the last time someone called me fat to my face. In high school (many moons ago)the kid with the locker next to mine said 'Whatchu looking at chubby?' When he came up behind me and startled me.

I said nothing, but some other kid who I had known for many years previsouly made him find me and apologize to me in my homeroom.

It was such a liberating moment.

But, I feel guilty about hating on the mean kid now because shortly after high school he died from mouth cancer. Strange fact, eh?

Who knows, but I do want to add that is has been a great discussion.

Anonymous said...

Confuse them and say "I might be fat, but yoooooou are humongous!". I don't know if any of you have seen Little Britain- if so, say it in a Marjorie Dawes stylee accent.

Stacia said...

Ooh, I thought of another comeback... I can't stop! Heh. Anyway, I discovered quite on accident that if someone calls you fat, the biggest insult you can lob back to them is telling them they're fat, too.

A guy who lived below me in an apt house used to scream at residents from behind his locked door. His usual harassment of me was saying I was fat. Since he always hid when he was harassing us, I didn't see him too clearly but I was sure he had a beer gut, so I told his friend, "Why is HE of all people calling ME fat? He's got a beer gut!" It got back to him and he was so upset, it really hurt his feelings, and I hadn't meant it as an insult, I was just bewildered.

So even if someone isn't fat, I've been waiting to be called fat so I can look at their butt and say, "Uh, yeah, well you're not that skinny either!" and see what happens.

Anonymous said...

'rather on the stomach than in the head..'

Heather said...

BuffPuff.....---suggest something along the lines of "Y'know, as a fellow fat cow I'm finding what you're saying about the fat cow you saw in the bar just a tad offensive." -----

I like it....short, sweet, and to the point.

I have found out the I get less fat comments now than I did when I first gained weight (and I am actually at my heaviest now). I'm sure some of it has to do with my own self esteem. When i first gained weight, I was so mortified that I'm sure it showed in my demeanor and made me a target for bullies. These days, I am a more confident person and know that my size does not define me as a person. I carry myself with pride and I dress in outfits that show off my figure rather than walking around in baggy, stretchy, sweats and t-shirts.

I'm sure there are people out there who snicker about my weight behind my back, but I have not met very many people who do so to my face these days.

And those who DO say something to me directly don't have the power to hurt me that they used to. I figure that they either a) have low self esteems themselves and need to try to knock other people down to feel good about themselves or b) they have an overinflated ego and honestly feel that they are better than me. In either case, I feel sorry for them b/c they will be very lonely people in the long run.

floradoragirl37 said...

It's hard to find a good comeback when it happens at that moment, so its great we're discussing this!
How about, if someone says to you,
"Hey, look at you! You're fat!"
Why not just wink your eye, get a little smile on your face and say,
"Why, aren't you just a cheeky little monkey!"
Not very insulting, but it will leave them wondering for days after

Kate said...

Anonymous 1:23 - Thanks for the link. Interesting article.

Lil said...

Ok, this is my theory about Beth: I think that Beth at 200lbs is getting near the "normal" weight range and as a result she probably induces more comments from skinnys that she is still just NOT one of them. Or, Beth could just appear naturally more apologetic about her size, thus making people feel more justified in pointing out the obvious to her.

BigAssBelle said...

"Did you just call me fat? Bitch, I can suck dick better than anyone in the world can." Ummm . . . I beg to differ ;-)

But seriously, this made me laugh out loud. Thanks, I very much needed that at the end of the day.

I am like you, it seems, because I have rarely been bothered by my size, even when I was much, much fatter. I am wondering if what Lil said above is true ~ maybe Beth appears more apologetic? Incites that oh-so-charming human attack instinct?

Anyway, love your stuff. Still laughing. Thanks so much. lynette

BigAssBelle said...

bothered by = bothered about my size

leslie thompson said...

As a former teacher, whenever I got called a bitch, my response was "I taught you better than that. Go whip out a thesaurus and find a more interesting synonym!"
It always confused the hell out of them and made me chuckle as I was filling out a referral. As to being called a fat bitch what about "gee, how did you come to that amazing deduction?" "Wow, it took you how many years to figure that out; I'm soooo impressed." Leslie

Kate said...

Leslie, you made me laugh.

When I was teaching and one of my little darlings used the term "faggot," I would make him (it was invariably a him) look it up. Knowing that he was calling someone a "bundle of sticks" took all the joy out of that particular insult.

Anonymous said...

Did he know that he was referring to the bundle of sticks people used to light to burn homosexuals alive? Do you even know that?

It seems to me that would add MORE sting to the term "faggot," knowing what it means.

ev said...

(Hi, I'm new here...I read all the time but I've never commented. Yay!)

I read this post on Friday morning and thought back on my entire "plus-sized" life and couldn't really remember ever being called fat by anyone. I don't even really remember being the subject of playground teasing as a kid, so if it did happen, it must have been pretty unremarkable. Perhaps I have led a charmed life in this area.

Anyhoo, Friday night, I went to the gym, which is in a fairly busy little mall. There's a constant stream of cars right outside the gym.

When I left, a nice lady stopped to let me walk by. I had just Precor-ed my butt off for almost an hour, so yeah, I was a little tired and perhaps a big laggy. But still, I don't think the guy in the manhood-replacement-sized SUV behind the nice lady really had to tell me, "If you walked faster, you wouldn't weigh so much."

I know he wasn't calling me fat per se, but the sentiment was the same.

What a funny coincidence, eh?

By the way, my gut reaction to the guy was, "Ehhhh, f--- you." And honestly, it bothered me for like two minutes, and then I was over it, which surprised me. I always try to not let stupid people make me mad, because it's a big waste of my time, and knowing that they have to live with their miserable selves is enough payback for me.

Kate said...

Did he know that he was referring to the bundle of sticks people used to light to burn homosexuals alive? Do you even know that?

I have read that, but it's not part of the collegiate dictionary definition. I figured that it was better just to stick to what was in the book. The point was to discourage the use of the word.

Melissa said...

When someone calls me fat...which I definitely am, I say, "Great Eye Sight!" If they retort with some obscenity, I go in for the kill with..."and you matter to me why?" Not really insulting nor mean...just the plain truth, if anything my tone does seem harsh but I don't really care.

littlem said...

"manhood-replacement-sized SUV"

Now that I've enjoyed myself, I just wanted to check back in to mention to everyone posting and commenting that I think this is a very mature, sophisticated discussion about a really sensitive subject. It's about fear, and self-esteem, and the psychology of bullying and how to deflect it, and I'm really impressed with how brave people are being here. (Yes, although I am mostly a smarta** -- we all have our way of dealing...)

Rock on, you all.

Anonymous said...

I've just remembered that a friend of mine used to preempt any smartarse remarks when food/second helpings were being proffered by quipping, "Ooh, yes please! A boy's gotta stay fat somehow".

Buffpuff said...

Oops! That above was me, by the way.

Littlem, I think the main reason this has been such a mature, sophisticated discussion is because, for once, we've been left alone to ponder over the psychology of bullying without having to take time out to deal with it personally during the course of the thread.

littlem said...

Amen, Buff.

"left alone to ponder over the psychology of bullying without having to take time out to deal with it personally during the course of the thread."

You, however, are usually mature and sophisticated as a matter of course. Is it a UK thing? :D

buffpuff said...

Nah. Sadly we have plenty of crass, ignorant arseholes over here too.

Kate said...

Nah. Sadly we have plenty of crass, ignorant arseholes over here too.

Yeah, just check out the arsholes at the Daily Mail.

Anonymous said...

My fav retort is: Yeah, well, I can lose weight. You'll be a moron your entire life."

GeeKMom67 said...

FAT?SO! I personally think that it's time we reclaimed the word fat. There was a time when queer was flung out as a big, biting insult and now it's used as a way for people to describe their sexual identity. Fat still has a hard sting, because of the society we live in, so it will be challenging. Hang in there my fat brothers & sistas' :) My snappy come back: 'Yeah, I'm a fat bitch...what of it?' They are left stunned in their own stupidity. All of a sudden they can't move forward because you have taken the worst insult they can fling and I have taken the bite out of it. HA! Try it sometimes.

Princess said...

I am 5-10 and weigh about 215. I have been at this weight for about 10 years, ever since I went on medication that made me gain 50 pounds in 4 months. Only once have I been called fat at this weight; I was more likely to be insulted at 170 than I am now.

My best friend and I were all dolled up for a night of dancing. We were walking by a group of men when one looked at me and said "Damn you are FAT." My lower lip started quivering and tears came to my eyes. I looked at my best friend and she said "uhhh Kim, he just called you PHAT, relax a little girl". I nearly fell over laughing with her.

What others think of my size matters not to me at this point in my life. How I feel about ME is what is important. I feel good; I am smart, funny, kind and loving. I attract similiar people in my life and I find myself very fortunate. My mom is a WW leader and reminds me daily that even though some of us carry a little extra on the outside, what is on the inside is truly what is beautiful. I am a firm believer in momma knows best.

Love and Consideration people.

fat-fat said...

I think the best response is to just smile and stay calm.

Why don't we show the "morons" how fat people are dignified and mature, by being smily and friendly back to them, instead of joining the immature name-calling?

The "morons" are obviously insecure and unhappy people if they need to insult us to feel superior. we should treat them with kindness, so they too can learn to be kind.

Let's spread more peace and good will, not more hard feelings.

Kate said...

I just remembered one of my favorite scripted retorts to a fat-basher. It was on Touched By An Angel (yeah, I know, it's way to treacly for my taste, but Mom loved it and I frequently watched it with her). In one episode, someone called Della Reese's character fat. She retorted "I have a big heart; it needs lots of room."

Anonymous said...

I think it is shitty and childish to call someone names, especially mentioning weight or race or whatever. It is just rude and ugly.

Kate said...

Anon 2:22 - I wholeheartedly agreee. Unfortunately there are a lot of rude and ugly people in the world.

MarketEs said...

I may be fat, but at least I'm not a mean-spirited, superficial, high-strung bitch.

Alana said...

Once when I was walking ahead of a group of drunk people, I heard one of them yell, "That's a huge bitch!" I turned around and replied, "What, are you some kind of fucking detective? You can tell I'm fat from five feet away? Or is one of your friends blind, and so you needed to let them know?" This has always gotten a laugh from friends when I've repeated it, although the drunk people responded with greater angry--probably because they were drunk. Either way, I don't think being witty is always necessary, as long you say *something.* I just never want to be the quiet fat girl who accepts insults on the streets because she deserves it. I want people to understand that they are not going to get away with making comments on my body while I walk down the street. This goes for positive comments as well as negative, because Lord knows I get more catcalls than I do insults, and either way it's just not okay.

Anonymous said...

I actually have noticed that the more weight I lose, the less inhibitions people have to call me fat.
I think it has some to do with my self esteem (I used to praise myself on being big and pretty and tune out anything negative anybody would ever say - now that I have lost some weight I am not used to seeing my body change), the way you present yourself (if I wear 'grown up' nice clothes people - especially kids - seem intimidated). I also think when I was bigger people didn't even notice me. I was so used to blending in that people just looked through me. Maybe society also prefers to ignore really big people. Having said that - even after losing weight - I am still really big.
But I am very sure they will call me fat even if I am only 20 pounds overweight - cause it's the most obvious thing to make fun of. If I was male and would wear tight pants they'd call me "fag". They always need something to make fun of. If I'd have big boobs they'd call me vulgar names. That has always been like that and always will be like that.

If girls call me fat I like to look them up and down with a look of disgust and say 'God - what were you thinking when you put that outfit together?' since I am usually better dressed than the skanks that like to call names. If it's a group of young men I say 'How sweet - young, gay love!'. I love gay men and am by no means homophobic it's just the one thing that really embarrasses young men/boys.

Anonymous said...

I personally like "I can go on a diet but you'll always be ugly."