Wednesday, December 02, 2009

"Oh, I didn't know" (Say it in a creepy stereotypical asian lady voice)

Should I save the whole hoopla about how we didn't write, but then we saw the error of our ways and now are going to write again...again? Yes? Good.

This is the story of Emily and Lindsay who innocently wanted to go get sushi at our favorite, favorite sushi restaurant. I wish it was as easy as it sounds.

I pulled up to Lindsey's home to find her on the phone waiting in front. Normal: she was just ordering our food. Not normal: her face. I got a big OMG!!! from outside the car. Apparently, she was on the phone with the owner.

Back story:

The owner of this sushi cafe is tiny little Japanese women who counts the soy sauce packages and has a camera hooked up so she can watch her employees when she's not there. She also runs marathons. Her restaurant also makes really good sushi. Real Crab! Spicy Mayo!

Anyway, seems as though as I was pulling up the owner was letting Lindsey know that she would, in fact, not be giving us our two orders of spicy mayo because mayo = fat. It's not as if I am discounting this fact. It is true. Mayo does make you fat. But, we're her customers. She charges like $2.50 per side order thus having an extra $5 made from just us. I don't remember what Lindsey said to her next, but it was something like, we're your customers, give me my fat mayo.

The owner had told Lindsey that she just got back from Japan and people are skinny there and she doesn't want fat customers.

Lindsey wouldn't go in to get the food. She was degradatated. Obviously I had to go in and get it. Great. I go in and try to act cool.

Back story II:

We love this place. It's our regular sushi place and eat there about once every three weeks. We know the waiters and up to this point, everyone has been normal and nice.

As I walk up to the woman to give my name her eyes widen. She knows who I am and she knows my order. (Why she didn't know this on the phone baffles me). And, you can tell, she's sort of embarrassed. And the only thing she can bring herself to say is:

"Oh, I didn't know" and then raises her hands width wise as if she's showing me what two feet look like and repeats, "I didn't know".

I didn't know you were so big on the phone! I would have kept you skinny but you're too far gone. Ok, she didn't say that but she might of well have.

Needless to say, we got the food and I put a ban on our place.

After 5 months and various attempts to find another sushi place I crumbled. I had to have it. I didn't care that I was funding her extravagant lifestyle, I needed my spicy tuna. Lindsey and I once tried to figure out how much we were actually giving this woman annually, but honestly, to tell would just way too shameful.


Steph said...


Anonymous said...

Wooo! Welcome back!

gd said...

So happy to see you pop up!
And fuck that sushi place.

Anonymous said...

Woohoo! I knew it was too early to cull you from my favourtites :)

Very restrained of you not to stick a broken bottle in the woman's face. Who made her the food police?

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you're back!!! Please don't leave again!

30 Dresses in 30 Days said...

Woo hoo, you're back. Yeah for google reader!!!

Anonymous said...

BBaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!!!!!!!!! And F-her!

kaponggyal said...

Yaaaaaaay you're back!!

Valerie said...

Oh gosh I just happened to look today and was so excited to see SOMETHING!!!! Welcome back!!!

nicki said...

Yay!! so glad to see a new post from you!!! Fuck the sushi nazi too, it's just so great to have you back :)

Anonymous said...

oh my goodness, what blatant fat hate! I can't believe she dared to do that!

Also - I am SO glad you're back. I read through your archives a few times and every time it had me in stitches. Please don't leave again!

Drew said...

You're back, you're back! Please stay!!!!!!!!!!!

And don't feel bad for going back to the sushi place. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, and I can put up with a lot when I find good spicy tuna rolls.