Friday, June 16, 2006

Moving On...

Sometimes, I like to play a little game with myself called: "Can I fit through that?". It's usually me walking and seeing some sort of barrier that I'd like to squeeze through, but I must always ask myself, "Can I fit through that?" It's a great game to play when you are feeling frisky and curious like a kitty. But sometimes, it ends dangerously and usually involves me scraping some part of my body that bruises easily because I'm anemic, (for some reason, I'm always shocked that I'm anemic because I'm fat, seems that with all I eat, I should be getting enough iron). But, back to my game.

I play "Can I fit through that?" when I'm getting out of my car and the car next to me is too close, so as to not bang the car next to me, I have to maneuver like a snake. I also play it when someone is blocking a doorway and I have to find somehow to slither by without grazing them. I especially dislike playing this game with others. It's not fun to walk with a relatively skinny person and have them glide through two objects only to leave you doing that thing where you suck your gut in and contort your body in such an odd manner it makes your face go into funny shapes and whatnot. I hate that. But yesterday, I played the ultimate game of "Can I fit through that?", and sadly, I lost, badly.

While walking to my car from work I decided to take a short cut I've never taken before in all of my years here. And, if I learned anything from it, it's confirmed my belief that change is not always a good thing. While trying to get through between stairs and mid-height pole, I somehow misjudged my circumference, and in doing so, scraped the hell-o operator out of my back leaving me beat up and bruised. It was the kind of pain that left me wondering if I'd ever be able to breath again. If you saw the bruise, you would have thought someone beat me with Hotwheels tracks. Not a pretty sight.

Stairwell/mid height pole: 1
Emily: 0

I'm not taking this defeat lightly!

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

I play that game all day long! I am surprised by how many things I can actually get through.

Kivka said...

"If you saw the bruise, you would have thought someone beat me with Hotwheels tracks. Not a pretty sight."

I've seen those bruises. NOT a pretty sight indeed!

Midknyt said...

Have you tried the "At school" version of this game? This is where you try to get through the skinny rows of desks bolted to the floor, with a backpack and/or giant purse and/or textbooks, without knocking over anybody's stuff on their desks.

For the non-academic type, you can try something similar at the movie theater, trying to get to a seat in the middle of a row without knocking over your or anyone else's popcorn. Fun time for all.

I can't say I've ever ended up bruised though. I'm a big quitter in this game...I'm always afraid I'll get stuck, which would then force me to kill myself after the fireman set me free.

Sarah said...

But, have you ever ripped your pants doing one of these stunts? I have and my skinny friend looked at me in horror!

Anonymous said...

It's a great game to play when you are feeling frisky and curious like a kitty!!!

I love it!

Anonymous said...

I hate when I see skinny people fitting through things, and it's something so small that I would never even attempt it!

Maulleigh said...

When I was a kid, I used to be able to fit into these cage-like fence posts. One day, I got in and had a hell of a time getting out. Guess I'd grown without realizing it! *sigh*

Getting old is like that too. Thinking we can do something because we've always been able to do it: and we can't really do it anymore.

PastaQueen said...

You should do some spelunking if you like that game. At Mammoth Cave in Kentucky there is actually a section of the cave called "Fat Man's Misery." My family went on a tour there once and my dad literally had a panic attack when they announced the name of that section.

floradoragirl37 said...

Ive gone caving (spelunking) and I was around the same size of myself or maybe a bit smaller. I went with my boyfriend, and it was amazing! In certain spots of the cave, it's open very wide...the next thing you know you're trying to fit through something that only a child could fit through!
We went in the summer and I can honestly say that it feels like a freezer in those places...not to mention all the water dripping everywhere...lol! It was a lot of fun, but I was a lot younger then and I probably wouldn't try it now....sigh

Emma said...

I hate that game, and I will do anything I can to avoid playing it! Do you find that people in shops will barge you/brush against you? They misjudge how much room you need, or seem to think, "Well, she's fat, if she just lost weight I wouldn't be bashing into her right now. That'll show her to be a fatty fat ass!" Yeah, they do to me.

Anonymous said...

because I am squishy fat, I am pretty good at this game. Like an ameba, but I don't LIKE playing it when people are watching.

Tim said...

This was an awesome post and really hit home. I got my fat ass stuck in the sun roof of my car (long story) while crawling in from the roof (upside down)and my friends, instead of helping me, kept hitting my butt and laughing. it was all in fun and it was quite funny.

JessiferSeabs said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Tim, your post made me laugh out loud! Thanks!

I too have played this game, though I must say I agree with anonymous above: I hate playing it when people are watching. In fact, I go out of my way to avoid places with turnstiles because I'm always afraid I'll get stuck. Then I would have to kill myself like midknyt when they finally got me out!

Tim said...

hehe, glad you liked it :)

emily pound said...

My least favourite trying-to-fit-through/in things is at amusement parks. Because I have a 7-year-old, I have been subjected to endless humiliation and embarrassment because those goddam safety bars can just barely squeeze over my gut. The operator of the ride is always standing there, watching me squeeze in, going, "Okay?" I always feel like saying, "No, fuck it's not okay! Make these goddam things bigger!" Fuck! Like, what do they think, only skinny people ride these things? I dread going to amusement parks as a result and I can't wait for the day when she's old enough to ride them by herself.

I'm pretty squishy too though. Thank God.

Midknyt said...

Hey emily pound -

You should watch some Gabriel Iglesias. He did a stand-up where he talked about him and his other big friends going to amusement parks and trying to see who can get the most clicks of the safety bar and how woman working the ride panics when she sees them. It's pretty funny.

derick said...

Well i wish everyone the best of luck with their diets and weight lose efforts. I would to know how and where everyone looks for weight lose/ diet information ?

Hey! Fat Girl! said...

Oh goodness! I hope you heal up fast. I do that all the time. I hate it the most when there's an "average" person blocking the door and no matter how many times I say "excuse me!" they don't move. So I have to plow around them. This is particularly embarassing because I can hear them say "Fat Bitch!" under their breath as I walk on. Yeah, it's usually men.

Anonymous said...

I don't like that game. I mean, I'll squeeze through a tight space if I have to. But if I don't, I'll go around.

I have this one friend though - a skinny friend who is threatening our friendship if she doesn't shut up about her 'ice cream only on Sundays', GOD - who tends to MAKE me play the game. She never thinks about other people. Like, when she parks. She will ALWAYS leave herself room, and then act annoyed when I can't get out. I usually will force my way through, and have ruined clothes doing so, not to mention injuring myself. I don't know if I hate her or myself more.

T. Comfyshoes said...

I think what I especially hate is that because my weight goes up and down, where I used to be able to fit, now I don't, or else I find out I've been making detours when I could have fit.

And then there's the bruise on my tummy right now from I don't know what, but I know I couldn't fit through wherever it was...

Anonymous said...

My husband is my referee in this game. Usually he makes sure that where we go is wide enough to fit my fat self, and leaves me lots of space on my side of the car when he parks. It's nice of him, but it makes me sad too. I don't want him always thinking about how big I am.