After reading through the mediocre posting I wrote about the Wide World of Hogging, I decided to revisit the website of the last guy I was with who made me feel hogged.
Now, to put this into context, this is a guy who I have slept with a few times and who, after the last time made it quite clear to me that even though the sex was (quite) enjoyable, I might want to keep looking if what I wanted was a regular "thing", and the unspecified reason was, well, because I am fat.
He was always really nice to me while we were together. This wasn't one of those hogging experiences where he degraded me and called me fat to my face because, even though I have low self-esteem, I have a pretty high self worth. A strange mixture to be sure, but I do that I am pretty damned awesome in a multitude of areas, just not the one area (weight) which seems be the end all be all for the worth a woman in some people's eyes.
I am pretty sure I made him feel self conscious about his own meager weight gain since the last time we had slept together. I think I made a comment about how his new belly was really fucking hot, and I could tell instantly that it was a mistake to say it and that if I (a lowly fat girl) was commenting about it, then he had better do something about it.
Now, I do not normally visit his blog. It bores me, it's contrived and has a feeling of superiority that I feel is unwarranted. Not to mention that some of it is poetry which good or bad I always hate. But, because of the hogging article I checked in on his blog and lo and behold the latest entry was about weight - his new slim frame and that of a fat girl at his gym whom he has labeled "A train".
I have a nagging suspicion that it was my comment to him that was the last straw which made him get his ass to the gym. And for some reason I think that's really funny. Crunch gym should hire me to stand outside and call people fat - I am apparently an awesome catalyst to motivate people to go to the gym!
I think I am really bitter about the way he treated me - maybe it's just that he was really good on paper - hot, semi-interesting, at least half Jewish, and good in bed. And if I wasn't so fat, we could have ended up differently. Or not. I do know that he is a supreme narcissist and has some issues of his own and that I tend to blame all of my problems on weight, but seriously...am I that awful that I am unworthy to be anything but a hog?
And why do I still want to sleep with him?
He looks way hotter with some weight to him. Oh well.