I hate writing this down because it's just so...FAT...but lately I have been feeling, well, fatter. There is no doubt about it, I have definitely gained some weight recently, though I am too scared to get on the scale to find out how much. I can tell not only from how my clothes are fitting, but because I can actually feel the fatness.
Like I can touch a place that wasn't there before. A new fold, a new stretchmark, a new curve. And I can't stand it. To me there are different levels of fat. I can't quantify these levels, but when I see other fat people, I know where they fall on my internal level of fatness scale. And I have recently gone up a level (or two). I used to be on the upper range of acceptably really fat, and now I am no longer anything that can be considered acceptable.
I sort of just want to hide from the world.
I don't want to go out with my friends tomorrow night. I don't want to fly home and see people I haven't seen in a really long time. I don't want to meet this cute boy who I have been talking to and who wants to take me on a date. I don't want to do anything.
But I think I may have to do something about it really soon. Because I hate the feeling of getting fatter.
Does anyone else relate to the feeling of moving up a level in the range of fatness?