Wednesday, June 28, 2006


I wanted to start off with, "Ann Coulter is a cunt", but that just doesn't seem right. "Anne Coulter is a psychotic manipulative bitch". Ehhh, that has no oomph. Plus, its not fair to cunts or bitches. So: Ann Coulter is what's wrong with America. Perfect.

Coulter angers me to the point where I can't keep my mouth shut, even if I'm by myself, prompting me to yell at the TV set or magazine article. I basically think everything she says and stands for is part of the faux Republican sound byte machine, and that none of it really makes sense if you think about it logically. She loves pissing people off, and the fact that I am even writing this about her would probably make her smile. Or neigh. Whatever horsey pundits to when they are pleased.

In case you are not familiar with her, some of her notable quotes are:

- "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."
- "It would be a much better country if women did not vote. That is simply a fact. In fact, in every presidential election since 1950 - except Goldwater in '64 - the Republican would have won, if only the men had voted."
- "Frankly, I'm not a big fan of the First Amendment."
- "God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees. God said, 'Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours.'"
- "There are a lot of bad Republicans; there are no good Democrats."

Those are just a few of my favorites. And, yes, she really said them.

And it's not that I have anything at all against a strong, outspoken, controversial woman. Even if she is a staunch Republican who throws the word liberal around like it's a code word for Nazi. I just can't stand that everything she stands for and makes her money from is protected by the civil liberties she would see thrown to the wayside. How can this woman hate the First Amendment?

I detest almost everything she stands for, and yet, I had no reason to write about her on this blog until I realized she vilifies fatties along with liberals, Arabs, gays, women, and immigrants.

First, she managed to insult arguably the most well know chubby Jewish woman of the last 15 years by saying that it makes sense to liberals that, "President Clinton saved the Constitution by repeatedly ejaculating on a fat Jewish girl in the Oval Office". First of all, Clinton saved the Constitution by cigaring Monica? How did he do that? It doesn't make sense to this liberal. And what does fat or Jewish have to do with her point in that comment? Why did she even have to mention Monica's size? Does it somehow make it worse that Monica was over a size 12 when she lifted the married Presidents spirits inside the oval office? It sounds like if Monica had been a svelte shiksa, Coulter would have been less offended that the President was cheating on his wife. But Coulter just had to add that Monica was fat AND Jewish. The nerve of the President to have such bad taste: A fatty and a semite!

And then I read that Coulter thinks, "[The] backbone of the Democratic Party [is a] typical fat, implacable welfare recipient". That just perpetuates the myth that the poor are fat and lazy (and therefore democratic?). America is fat, not just liberals. And, again, I must ask what including the word Fat added to her inane comment.

I also have to add that Coulter capitalizes on her thin blond looks by wearing the miniest of skirts and posing for almost scandalous photo shoots. There are rumors on the Internet that she is bulimic or anorexic. I don't know if those rumors have any truth to them, but since I doubt anyone would listen to her or read her book if she were overweight, maybe she vilifies fatties because she knows her pathetic career would be over if she ever gained weight.

But then again as a fat, Jewish, voting, pro-choice, queer friendly, feminist, liberal, pacifist I am glad that the First Amendment protects Coulter's freedom of ridiculous speech. Because if she were put in an equine insane asylum like she deserves, who would remind me that Ann Coulter is what's wrong with America, and not fatties (or liberals).

Monday, June 26, 2006

No, Never Ever...Don't You Even Think It!

When you're single, it's always hard when your best friend finds love. Sure, we're happy our friends have found a bit of happiness, but we're also, (come on...face it) pissed off. It's a scary mixture of jealousy, fear, and anger that can make you, an overall happy person, not so damn perky. And I am no stranger to this feeling. Actually, being the fat friend often leaves you the third, over-sized wheel on a bicycle built for two. I'm sure all girls have gone through this, regardless of their size, but for me, a fat girl, it seems like it would be harder because us fat girls have been taught from an early age that skinny girls get the boys and fat girls don't. I'm not saying this is Gospel or 100% factual, because it's not...but it sure feels that way a lot of the time.

Case in point: Laura (Previously mentioned skinny friend who obsesses about her tinykiness)

Laura has a boyfriend. Laura met this boyfriend about 3 years ago when I, too, was seeing someone. I was all for meeting this new boyfriend of hers. It would have been the first time we were both in relationships concurently. We could double date! But we never actually got to meet. As fast as her relationship soared, mine drowned. And I went into a "I hate men" phase that, if you haven't noticed, I'm still basically in.

Laura would come over and talk about her new boyfriend while I stewed in misery, but I'd still meet this guy...I had nothing against him...yet.

One day Laura went on a diatribe while discussing her weight. I usually tune this BS out because it's not that interesting and pretty offensive, but I heard her say something that put me in shock...she told me that her "super hot" boyfriend told her to never get fat. He had recently told her that her ass looked big and that she should never get pregnant because she'd get fat and how horrible that would be.

I had heard enough.

So, it's been almost three years and I have never met this boy. I refuse. I know, I sound crazy, but I can't help myself. I know this guy hates fat girls and while Laura puts up the fight that:

1. He really doesn't
2. He's seen pictures of me...he knows I'm fat, so what's the difference?

I still won't do it. It's not like going out in public where everyone might hate fat people but it's okay out in the world because thankfully, we can't hear the voices in others heads, (at least I hope not). This is hatred that I know about. It's a judgement that I can actually feel because I know it's there. And I won't put myself through that. Because it's okay for me to judge myself and hate myself for being fat...but, it's not okay for him to.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Oh yes, there were bikinis

I meant to write this post a few weeks ago, right after it aired, but I forgot. And being as I don't have tivo, I have to write this from memory (which, sadly, is pretty shot), but here goes...

The Learning Channel aired a show called Welcome To Fatland (which incidentally could be the title of my biography) that fits in well with their obese repertoire of the 600 lb Woman and The Half Ton Man. It made a lovely three hour block of shows dealing with really fat people, and it was a pretty damned good lineup of tv'ing for me. If you missed it, worry not, TLC tends to rerun shows constantly.

Welcome to Fatland was about five fat British people who are sent to a resort in Mexico that caters to really fat people. It has beds, showers, hammocks, and lounge chairs which are built for very large bodies. I suppose that is all well and good, but if I was going to a resort for fat people, the size of the beds and hammocks would not be the main draw. I mean, I am fat, but the size of beds and showers are the least of my concerns...I would want to be in a resort where the majority of people were fat (preferably fatter than I am) with fat employees. One of the things that bothered me about the resort, called Freedom Paradise, is that the show made it seem like the only fat people there were the British people brought there for the show! I think it's a great idea, but for it to work, there would have to be some actual fat people there. Incidentally, the website for Freedom Paradise makes little or no mention of their fat friendly ways, so if you are planning a vacation or honeymoon, read this synopsis for some basic information.

The British people are brought to the resort, and are told that they are going to be engaging in some size acceptance workshops where they can work on their self-esteem in between deciding whether or not to wear a bathing suit to the pool. And that's when things got interesting.

Along came Marilyn Wann, author of Fat?So!, a well known activist in the fat community, and their size acceptance coach. Marilyn entered the picture wearing a furry fuchsia boa type thing wrapped around her neck (disregarding the fact that she was in sunny Cancun), and before anything happened, I knew the turn the show was going to take. The five British people were Marilyn was like the epitome of what people hate about Americans. She was loud, fat, brash, embarrassing, and just sort of out there. It might as well have been a show about clashing cultures.

Marilyn proceeded to try to make the fat Brits feel better about their fat by alternately singing, screaming, "flirting", body painting, and synchronized swimming. Yeah, I don't know how Marilyn came to settle on that itinerary, but it was sort of disastrous. The Brits rebelled for the most part, Marilyn got her feelings hurt, and there did not seem to be that much learning or teaching or accepting happening. I mean, I think I get what she was trying to do, but in my opinion the best way to empower people about their size is not to embarrass the shit out of them. I felt bad for Marilyn, and it was almost painful to watch at some points. The British folks sort of sucked and had generally bad attitudes, with the exception of the young virgin cab driver who seemed really sweet and earnest, and did seem to grow as a person due to the experience at Fatland.

For me, the most poignant moment came towards the end when one of the women asks Marilyn if she would chose to be thin if the option were presented to her. After a pregnant pause, Marilyn says no. The girl later tells the camera that she doesn't believe Marilyn. I know that Marilyn's identity and livelihood are based around her large size, and that she accepts and embraces her fatness more than most people, but her answer did not seem very convincing to me either. Maybe some of our readers watched this program and can give me their interpretation of this encounter.

All in all, the resort seems like an awesome idea, but it needs some more of the millions of fat Americans I keep hearing about to help it come to fruition. Marilyn needs to reconsider her approach if she wants to actually reach the people she is trying to help. And 4 out of the 5 British people need to remove the sticks from their up their arses. And I learned something about myself...I will watch/read anything that centers around fat people. Even if it sort of sucks. Even if it makes me uncomfortable.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Moving On...

Sometimes, I like to play a little game with myself called: "Can I fit through that?". It's usually me walking and seeing some sort of barrier that I'd like to squeeze through, but I must always ask myself, "Can I fit through that?" It's a great game to play when you are feeling frisky and curious like a kitty. But sometimes, it ends dangerously and usually involves me scraping some part of my body that bruises easily because I'm anemic, (for some reason, I'm always shocked that I'm anemic because I'm fat, seems that with all I eat, I should be getting enough iron). But, back to my game.

I play "Can I fit through that?" when I'm getting out of my car and the car next to me is too close, so as to not bang the car next to me, I have to maneuver like a snake. I also play it when someone is blocking a doorway and I have to find somehow to slither by without grazing them. I especially dislike playing this game with others. It's not fun to walk with a relatively skinny person and have them glide through two objects only to leave you doing that thing where you suck your gut in and contort your body in such an odd manner it makes your face go into funny shapes and whatnot. I hate that. But yesterday, I played the ultimate game of "Can I fit through that?", and sadly, I lost, badly.

While walking to my car from work I decided to take a short cut I've never taken before in all of my years here. And, if I learned anything from it, it's confirmed my belief that change is not always a good thing. While trying to get through between stairs and mid-height pole, I somehow misjudged my circumference, and in doing so, scraped the hell-o operator out of my back leaving me beat up and bruised. It was the kind of pain that left me wondering if I'd ever be able to breath again. If you saw the bruise, you would have thought someone beat me with Hotwheels tracks. Not a pretty sight.

Stairwell/mid height pole: 1
Emily: 0

I'm not taking this defeat lightly!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Stuart Little

After reading through the mediocre posting I wrote about the Wide World of Hogging, I decided to revisit the website of the last guy I was with who made me feel hogged.

Now, to put this into context, this is a guy who I have slept with a few times and who, after the last time made it quite clear to me that even though the sex was (quite) enjoyable, I might want to keep looking if what I wanted was a regular "thing", and the unspecified reason was, well, because I am fat.

He was always really nice to me while we were together. This wasn't one of those hogging experiences where he degraded me and called me fat to my face because, even though I have low self-esteem, I have a pretty high self worth. A strange mixture to be sure, but I do that I am pretty damned awesome in a multitude of areas, just not the one area (weight) which seems be the end all be all for the worth a woman in some people's eyes.

I am pretty sure I made him feel self conscious about his own meager weight gain since the last time we had slept together. I think I made a comment about how his new belly was really fucking hot, and I could tell instantly that it was a mistake to say it and that if I (a lowly fat girl) was commenting about it, then he had better do something about it.

Now, I do not normally visit his blog. It bores me, it's contrived and has a feeling of superiority that I feel is unwarranted. Not to mention that some of it is poetry which good or bad I always hate. But, because of the hogging article I checked in on his blog and lo and behold the latest entry was about weight - his new slim frame and that of a fat girl at his gym whom he has labeled "A train".

I have a nagging suspicion that it was my comment to him that was the last straw which made him get his ass to the gym. And for some reason I think that's really funny. Crunch gym should hire me to stand outside and call people fat - I am apparently an awesome catalyst to motivate people to go to the gym!

I think I am really bitter about the way he treated me - maybe it's just that he was really good on paper - hot, semi-interesting, at least half Jewish, and good in bed. And if I wasn't so fat, we could have ended up differently. Or not. I do know that he is a supreme narcissist and has some issues of his own and that I tend to blame all of my problems on weight, but I that awful that I am unworthy to be anything but a hog?

And why do I still want to sleep with him?

He looks way hotter with some weight to him. Oh well.

Monday, June 12, 2006


Emily sent me an email today Subject: Enjoy! with a link to this article. I would suggest you read or at least skim it before reading this post. The basis of the article is a practice of certain men in Cleveland(?) called "hogging" or "sweat-hogging" which basically boils down to men who go to bars and find "desperate fat girls" to give them head in the parking lot, or take home to have sex with only to leave as quickly and quietly as they can in the morning because to them fat girls are not worthy of a morning after.

Most of the article is pretty disgusting and disturbing, and the only thing that makes me feel slightly better about it is that the men interviewed seem like caricatures of men who I would never like to meet anyways: beer guzzling yokels who have bad grammar and missing teeth and probably value the 2nd amendment over our other civil liberties.

The article provides such lovely images as tricking a fat girl to come over and have sex with you as your friends hide out in the closet and giggle as you mount her doggy style and ask her to call you Mr. President, to which she obliges because she is so fat and lonely and pathetic that she is grateful for any kind of physical attention from a man.

Hogging is made out to be some sort of underground tradition, a boys club type of activity that is passed from generation to generation, something you do to boost you self esteem or because you don't want to go home alone.

While I have no basis on which to make this claim, I think that the actual act of "hogging" is not a widespread phenomenon as a conscience activity. I doubt many men end the night thinking, "It's almost closing time, time to go hogging!". Yet, I can't help but feel that many of the cruel and humiliating activities that the hoggers do is an exaggerated example of the way many men feel about sleeping fat women.

I think what made me so sad about it was that they would use tactics like being mean and degrading to the girl, to actually get the girl. The fact that a girl would go home with the guy after he repeatedly put her down speaks volumes about how sad some fat girls act and feel about themselves. I cannot help but wonder what triggers a larger girl to go home with such a guy and uphold the stereotype that fat girls will take it when they can.

I know that many of our readers seem to have had a different experience with men then I do, but I find that (some? most?) men:

1. Might sleep with a fat girl but;
2. Won't be seen with a fat girl in public and will most certainly not;
3. Tell his friends that he has been with a fat girl.
4. View fat girls as easy prey and expect her to be thankful for opportunity to suck a mans dick.
5. Will enjoy or even prefer sex with a fat girl but won't admit it to himself or others.
6. Will leave before it could even be considered morning.
7. Many won't even view fat women as actual women but as large objects of ridicule.

Hogging is obviously gross and demeaning, but at least they are somewhat honest with themselves. Maybe it's just my current state of mind, but after reading this article, I can't help but wonder if most sexual encounters I have had could properly fall under the category of hogging...and yes, that does say something about the men I have been with.

Or is hogging just a frat boy way of rationalizing the fact that he went home with an overweight girl because the skinny ones wouldn't give him the time of day?

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Sibling Flabory

I came across this article in the LA Times today and I wanted to share it with all of you. I have some opinions on it and I wanted to get your feedback. The article was about two morbidly obese siblings, a brother and a sister, who each choose to have the lap band surgery. The article describes their journey and compares their weigh loss success.

Something really bothered me about this article though and I think it had to do with the fact that they point out so many times that the brother had lost a lot more weight than the sister because his diet was more militant than hers. While he stuck to proteins and veggies, she would indulge in her cravings and therefore, lost her weight more slowly. The brother worked out at a gym everyday while the sister tried her best to not talk herself out of walking on the treadmill for 10 minutes a day. The brother was married with children while the sister was single.

Maybe I felt so strongly about the article because of the brother/sister dynamic. I have an older brother myself, but he's not fat. Actually, he's a perfect. 6'1, 195lbs. And, I think it's always been a strange dynamic between the two of us. He's always so in control of his weight and diet (I see how he restricts himself), that it makes me wonder what he thinks of me. I know that siblings are different creatures...but I find it so strange that one can possess so much control while the other one, well, has no control.

Does anyone else deal with sibling rivalry in terms of weight?

Thursday, June 01, 2006

So I'm Mean. Wanna Fight About It?

Everyones favorite tall skinny girl Laura made my day and didn't even realize it. I know I comment on her a lot on this blog, and while she doesn't know I actually have a blog, I think the ribbing is fine. (Get it? Ribbing! Because I can see her ribs!).

Laura, for those of you who don't know, is my 5'11, 125lb., friend who drives me crazy on a daily basis because she complains how fat she is and how she shouldn't have put non fat milk in her coffee because, "it's really just a waste of calories." Why am I friends with her? Not sure, refer to previous posts.

So, Laura made my day when she emailed me pictures of her mother when she was our age. And guess what? She looked just like Laura! And guess what else? She don't look like that any mo! She's fat now. And guess what that means? Laura's got nowhere to go but UP!

I can just imagine it now. Laura and I when we're 60 years either bed ridden or normal looking, depending on how my life actually turns up and Laura...FAT! I almost want to invest in a time machine so I can make this happen pronto!

I emailed Laura back saying something fake like, "Oh, wow, you guys are like twins!" When really I wanted to scream from the roof tops:

"You're totally going to be a fat ass like me! HAhahahahaha"