Thursday, January 19, 2006

Fashion Forward!

I have a new business venture that I would like to start, but of course, I’m not going to, so, I’ll let one of you wonderful readers make millions of dollars while I, Emily, sit and stare.

Placing your napkin on your lap is for skinny girls without boobs and stomachs to block their laps. I’m not a sloppy eater, and I don’t eat in a rushed manner, but I will say this: I drop food on my boobs maybe 4 out of 5 times I eat. My shirts are always stained and well, it’s just embarrassing to stain your shirt at lunch and have to live with that until you get home. I call my boob area my Shelf. And, what I want to become the new fashion, the new hip thing is:

Designer Bibs!

I really think that if Chanel and Gucci made these bibs “cool” then, I could save a lot on new t-shirts.
MAKE IT HAPPEN PEOPLE!


















UPDATE (sort of)!!!! For more proof that this is an awesome idea, I must mention that I just went to the dentist (see story above) and I managed to keep my shelf clean while spitting mass amounts of blood into a sink and into napkins...the second I get home to eat, food, all over my chest region. Go figure.

14 comments:

~pal~ said...

HAA HAA!!!
i love it!

Purl said...

I really want a bib! My grandmother showed me the type that people have in nursing homes, but I want something that looks much better!

I've been tempted to buy a barber's cape...

T. Comfyshoes said...

Your other option is to wear low-cut tops so that your shelf consists mainly of skin, which you can go into the washroom and wash off.

Another advantage is that if people are staring at your chest, they will 100% overlook, among other things, your tummy, bum, hips, and thighs. I've scientifically tested it. I know it bites into my feminist cred, but it works.

Midknyt said...

I too have looked for ways to protect my shelf, as everything I own has a nice boob stain. Of course, you know if they did become designer, then it would probably be uncouth to have stains on them anyway.

One tip for in the home - I wear an apron when I cook, because things seem to gravitate towards my clothes. When I sit down to eat, I "forget" to take my apron off, jack it up to my chin, and viola! Instant bib and no one is the wiser. :)

Anonymous said...

two word, shout wipes! a big girls best friend. i carry them with me at all times. it has saved many a blouse.

Rob said...

If you're dropping so much food on you how are you so freakin' fat?

Anonymous said...

because looking at people like Rob always makes you vomit a little and the body's natural defense is to protect the "rack" area from being seen by potential rays of stupidity.

cherree said...

ok, the comment above makes no sense...

anji said...

Now, would these come in different sizes? And kind of fit around the boob? Or a one size fits all?

I even had a breast reduction, and I STILL manage to get food on my boobs... hehe... Good luck with whoever gets the patent on these!

j_mail2003 said...

I am in a minority of men that LOVE all the curves? case in point

- "they will 100% overlook, among other things, your tummy, bum, hips, and thighs." - earlier post

I LOVE all those body parts the most! Please all of you big beautiful women out there dont try to distract from your "biggest" ASSets for any reason! You are all so beautiful, but i guess you gals all know this already. Oh!, the idea of wearing low cut tops is a great one! more cleavage to admire!!!

I love your blog and hope you women find men that appriciate you for who you are, beautiful inside and out! ;)

Anonymous said...

I would like it if you guys would clone yourselves, thereby constantly providing me with a steady stream of new things to read.

Let me know when you get that one ironed out. You are both maaahhhvelous & I love that.

cor said...

that is an awesome idea :)

Kiki said...

I agree. I always end up cleaning off my shelf

Anonymous said...

No, see, try eating something crumbly (coffee cake, toast, a toasted sub, potato chips) and then see how much fun you have digging half of it out from under your boobs. I've never hated how my bra lifts and separates more. I had crumbs nearly in my armpits. I hate not having a shelf. Everything falls through!