Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Arkanfat or North Fatolina

It's pathetic how much I let my fat run my life...

Last year I had a friend visit New York who I hadn't seen in nearly 2 years, and I pretended to have the flu so I didn't have to meet up with him just so he couldn't see ... HOW FAT I HAVE GOTTEN!!! I did that for no reason! It's not like he's an ex boyfriend or anything!

And now I am faced with the same thing yet again! I have another friend coming out to NY and I am basically setting the situation up so that I don't have to see him. I mean, he knows I'm fat!

Being fat sucks! No one EVER says, "Oh my god, you gained so much weight! You look great!" ... well, they don't day that unless you are Lindsey Lohan or one of the Olsen twins. In fact, no one says anything at all ... like they don't notice the 40 extra lbs.

If so many fucking Americans are obese these days, then why is Emily my ONLY fat friend?!?!? Maybe we need to start a new state: an all fat paradise where I could wear tank tops and get a boyfriend ... we could rule with a pudgy fist! And then anyone who came to visit would be on notice that I am fat, and I wouldn't want to crawl into a hole every time I had a friend visit. Hmmm....

34 comments:

GoBetty said...

I just read your blog - about the last 20+ posts. I am at work so I gots to speed read and shit. Lissen, I was size 18 but now am 12. Have you checked out hoodia? It kills your appetite and doesn't make you crazy. Shit works. Peace.

hopefulloser said...

I don't remember now, which one of you had the job interview with the magazine?

Whatever came of that?

I had avoided a ton of people too, when I was at my heaviest. All my friend are thinner than I am too.

I know I've changed physically over the past year but I'm still with you emotionally.

z. said...

"we would rule with a pudgy fist!" That's going to make me laugh all week.
and yes, it sucks

Anonymous said...

I avoid people too. Worst one for me is meeting fellow employees who work on the other coast but are in town for a few days -- I get the idea they're never going to take me seriously again if they see what I look like.

Midknyt said...

I can't imagine avoiding a friend because I was fat. Yeah, I'm pretty fat. They know I'm fat, I know I'm fat, and anyone who has ever seen me has gotten the clue that I'm fat. What the hell difference does that make?

I seriously suggest you get some help to improve your self image. You shouldn't be letting your fat rule your life. It shouldn't be this all-consuming thought in everything that you do. Yeah, there are problems with being fat, and you're completely right, no one comments on the 40+ extra pounds, but that's a good thing.

You can wear tank tops and get a boyfriend without needing a fat state. I'm 4'10", 250 pounds, wear a tank top whenever the weather permits, and I just got married a few months ago. A lot of the problems you are having because you are fat are not because you are fat, it's because you are so unhappy with being fat. I wouldn't want to date somebody who avoided their friends because of what they looked like, even if they were thin.

floradoragirl37 said...

Midknyt,
you basically said exactly what Ive been feeling. I am also a big girl but I still wear what I want. I am getting married in June. I think that the posts are becoming very negative, and Im very concerned for these girls. It's easy to complain about something and not do anything about it. If I ate a 5000 calorie salad, Id be throwing up for two days. I am just starting to feel like if you are so unhappy, change it! You won't be dissing the fat community in any way if you take care of yourself.
I say this out of concern, and I hope that you take it that way.
I am a plus girl, and I have a serious medical condition. I can't let that stop my life. I don't think you should let fat stop your life, either.
please take care
Jennie

Deborah said...

To Floradora and Midknyt,

Get a sense a humour and stop telling people how they should feel.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Deborah. Writing is a creative process and they are expressing their feelings. Dont tell people how to feel.

Also, they haven't asked for advice. Why are you giving it?

I agree that they sometimes sound depressed, but they will do something about it when they want to. Just like everyone else.

chubby Heather said...

Some fat girls look better in tank tops then others. Even at the same weight. It depends how you are built and where the fat is distributed.

~loveme~ said...

lets all pick a state and move there... how bout hawaii? we should get the awsome state!!

GoBetty said...

Another thing (not telling you what to do, how to feel, just putting it out there yo!) - I play hockey a couple of hours a week. I live in a cold climate and women's hockey is pretty common. Some of my friends, all model skinny, decided to put together a team. I can skate a little and was chuffed when the invitation was extended to me. I jumped, said "I'll be the goalie ya'll". Being big helps, and you don't gotta wiz around so much.

The physical nature of the game sometimes gets my heart pumpin, which is great.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game! PEACE FATTIES. I am you and you are me.

GoBetty said...

And anyone who wants to see some size 12 knees check my shit out at http://www.gobetty.blogspot.com

Those are some hockey bruises I got from some cold bitch on Sunday night. I made the save but she slashed my lower thighs.

And I don't know what the fucking fuck I weigh anymore because the bathroom scale lies. I know I just anthropomorphized (whateves) the scale, but I am not joking, it lies. I was stuck on 190lbs for the longest time and I was like, damn, how can that be, that's so depressing, but my clothes continued to not fit more and more and more so I must be around 175 now. But that could be fiction of the James Frey variety.

And we don't have Lane Bryant here.

Jules said...

I have a friend who was always chubby and I hadn't seen her in about 2 years. Before I picked her up at the airport she told me on the phone to expect that I'd see a big difference, that she'd gained a lot of weight. Which was true, but didn't make me love her any less.

I myself, battling only ~20 lbs, have avoided going to the doctor for the last 3 years because of the extra weight. I finally went and have a full physical booked in 2 weeks, which I'm nervous about, but at the same time it felt good to finally not be avoiding the doctor (ie my health!) because of being overweight.

Always the Bridesmaid said...

I've been lurking around, thoroughly enjoying y'all's site for the past few months... but I haven't been compelled to leave a comment until today.
Although you ladies often hit the nail on the head with your insights and anecdotes, never more than today -- at least for this reader.
Thank you so much for putting into words the ickiness I feel whenever I have to face those who knew at me at my smallest (and although I hate to say it - it's true -- my cutest). I gained a bunch of weight in college, and am now dealing with the after-effects -- strangely enough, it's not the effects on my body that are the hardest to cope with, but the ones on my mental and social well-being.

Even though we can all rage at the society-enforced notion that "fat is something to be ashamed of," and promote being "big and beautiful," it's one thing to say it, it's another entirely to mean it wholeheartedly.
I agree with Deborah's comment above... no one can tell you how to feel; or how to deal with the myriad issues that come from dealing with weight stuff. Thank you for giving voice to a particularly painful side effect of fatness that I've personally been dealing with for awhile now. Your site kicks my huge, misshapen ass!

floradoragirl37 said...

The only reason I said what I said (and I never realized how vindictive people can be when someone is trying to help) is that Im concerned. I do not want to tell people how to feel, but its better than you poor sad sacks that sit there and whine and complain about how it sucks to be fat, but you don't want to help yourselves. I have been attacked on many different topics when Im just giving my opinion.
Just a lot of angry fat people out there.

floradoragirl37 said...

BTW: I don't find anything humorous in these posts. I find them very sad and I would never want to laugh at someone else's misfortune. I don't think someone else's fatness is funny. I think some of what is said is funny, but those who choose to tear people apart for wanting to help should get a life.
Now, feel free to tear me apart like a bunch of jackals because I don't share your particular "sense of humor".

Anonymous said...

Flora,

Why do you visit this site?????

littlem said...

Hey - can't we all just get along?

floradoragirl37 said...

I visit the site because I, not unlike yourself, enjoy most of the posts. I apologise for my anger here, and I shouldn't have written what I did, but I feel very misunderstood here. Most of the posts are humorous, and enjoyable to read. I just get alarmed when I hear about someone not wanting to meet a friend because they're afraid to show their "fat".
I know that no one wants my advice, I only do it because I care. I am not an enabler. I just want people to understand that there are choices in life. If I offended someone Im sorry.
There has been a lot of anger here from the commenters. I, like you have feelings and I don't wish to be told off every time I post a comment. If you mistake me for not having a sense of humor, you are totally wrong. I have a great sense of humor, but laughing at someone because they're depressed about their weight doesn't seem the right way to go.
Have a great evening, all
Jennie

Sue said...

I skipped my 20 year reunion for this very reason!

Jill said...

This post, and the comments, really highlight what I dislike about the “fat acceptance” movement: It tells us that we are terribly vain and/or selfish for wanting to change. It evolves from a protest against biases into a bunch of overweight people with the obvious message of “Please don’t lose weight because if you do, I will be alone in my fatness. And I hate my fatness but if you help me validate it, I might be able to live with myself.” It doesn’t acknowledge that not being overweight just feels better than being overweight. Don’t get wrapped up in that. It isn’t a rejection of your current self or an undermining of your value as a human being to decide to lose weight.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree with this more: "A lot of the problems you are having because you are fat are not because you are fat, it's because you are so unhappy with being fat. "

Seriously. This is the only life you've got and you guys seem REALLY UNHAPPY. And you have a choice, you know? Either choose to be happy with your body or choose to change it. Stop wasting your life hiding from people because of how you look. Either accept that you look how you look, or CHANGE HOW YOU LOOK.

deborah said...

According to some of these comments, people should either be perfectly conent or silent.

Back off. Sounds like some of their postings are hitting too close to home. It's a lot easier to tell them to be happy or change then to do it yourslef.

They shouldn't have to accept being fat! But it is also a hard situation to change. Saying, "Either accept that you look how you look, or CHANGE HOW YOU LOOK" sounds simple, but it's not .... so wither accept that these girls are sharing their true feelings, or stop reading and giving unhelpful advice!

Anonymous said...

Dude, I know it's not simple. I lost 50 pounds last year. It was REALLY HARD. And I needed a kick in the ass to do it. That kick was realizing that this is IT for me. I'm not getting any younger and I was tired of getting fatter and whining about it without doing anything about it was begining to drive ME crazy.

I don't mean to sound flippant or unhelpful, and it's not like I don't sympathize, because BELIEVE ME, I really do -- but you may be right. It IS time for me to stop reading, because it's really frustrating to read about someone who is smart and funny and cool but totally miserable about an aspect of life which is basically under her control. I SO like both of these girls. I think they're AMAZING. But they're making me sad.

All the best, girls. Really. I think you guys are wonderful writers and you deserve all the happiness in the world.

floradoragirl37 said...

Really,
I totally understand. I just think that misery truly loves company here. If someone offering a different opinion, we are told to get lost. I just think that its silly to sit there and complain about your weight, but say "well, Im not going to change it because Im lazy".
I know that a lot of people don't like to hear that, because it puts the responsibility back on their shoulders about their problems.
I know its tough to make changes, but it CAN be done!
and as far as the pity party goes, how do you think people with disfigurements feel? People who have been in fires or have lost limbs? Do you think that just because you are fat that you corner the market of "woe is me"
GET OVER IT!
If you don't like my opinion, too bad. You can stuff it.

~loveme~ said...

wow... just... wow...

Anonymous said...

I just want to throw in because I struggle with ambivlence about losing weight and identify so much with Emily and Lindsay.

How can one accept oneself if the ENTIRE WORLD is against you and tells you that you're ugly, "less than", and a weakwilled slob? -- I don't actually agree with that assessment of me but it's nearly impossible to deflect all feelings of shame and say, "Kiss my Fat Ass WORLD!"

I want to be loved and respected for who I am and above and beyond my body. I am vilified by strangers and the media because of my body. I do not even want to be in my body. I feel like this body is some fat suit and the zipper broke and I'm stuck in it.

The point is I share that feeling of shame. I have friends who are much thinner than me that won't even wear shorts all summer long because they're ashamed of their legs. Another won't wear a bathing suit -- she swims in a SUN DRESS because she's too mortified for the world to see her cellulite.

It doesn't matter that these friends of mine are beautiful, fun, and well loved. It's the SHAME that they feel, and the judgement of others that they fear for something that "they should" have some control over. Their size.

I have been in a holding pattern as far as weight goes...I'm attempting to lose weight for the first time in almost 10 years -- 10 years ago I lost 90 pounds and gained it back slowly. I had figured after such a crushing failure to keep the weight off that perhaps I'm meant to be fat.

I won't let my fat get in the way of my life. I get dressed and undressed in front of my man in full lighting. I wear shorts and tank tops despite what my limbs look like. I will meet people I haven't seen in a long time, because hey, this is who I am RIGHT NOW.

In my heart I believe that I will lose the weight because I already HAVE. I know it can be done.

I also want to lose the shame. I don't know if that can be done.

I wish I had what it took to say, "Fuck you world! I'm fat and I DON'T CARE!" because I DO care. I care.

PippaPasses said...

Wow...thanks, Anonymous. I think you expressed what a lot of us feel.

z. said...

c'mon! you have very little in life that it's secure: your birth and your dead. And in the middle? you will be able to complain. period.

Maybe you want kids, but maybe you won't have them. Same with the husband, wife, car, pet, job, house, whatever. None of those things is a given. Maybe you want to get to the other side of the street but there is the possibility you'll be crushed in the middle. The only certainty is that you will be able of complaining.

So let the girls complain, it's their god given right.
And I second the commenter that reminded everybody that they are not asking for help, so stop trying to save them.

floradoragirl37 said...

Im not trying to save anyone. Im just voicing an opinion. I thought this was a free country where people can have their own opinions. I have only said things in anger because I feel hurt when people stamp all over me for having an opinion. Frankly, I do understand how hard it can be to lose weight. I have dealt with it most of my life.
I do wish the bloggers the best of luck, but if having an opposing opinion isn't cool, then what good is commenting?

Anonymous said...

Oy, stop whining and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! You're both witty and bright but being fat, whining about being fat, obsessing about what other people think about your fat, avoiding people because of your fat, not getting laid because of your fat, etc. SUCKS! Fix it and change your life. Only you have the power.

Flame away angry fat people! Just know that by flaming me you're only affirming my statement.

Anonymous said...

Not to flame your fire, anonymous from above...but, you stink! Try to be nicer. And, I've read through these posts, and these girls do get laid, so, mark that one off your list.

Fat in Australia said...

The 'you can change it' people can go take a flying leap! What do you expect us to do, wave a magic wand?

I had a family member accuse me of stuffing myself on a daily basis recently! I don't overeat, & I only eat when I'm hungry.

The unfairness of the world's accusations astound & bewilder me.

Anonymous said...

floradoragirl37 wrote a rather nasty column in a local paper. It basically blames everyone and everything for being fat - except the person who is fat.

No one is against fat people. What people are against is NEGATIVE fat people who constantly cry about being fat. That sh*t gets tiring!