A little while ago I told you all about Bill, my co-worker who's very large. I also told you that Bill was solving his fat problems by drinking shakes and eating one meal at night. Finally, I told you how much this bothered me and how much I wish he'd get off the shakes.
Bill's a really nice a guy...almost a father figure to me in the office, but during this shake fiasco Bill has been anything but nice. He's cranky, ornery, and pretty much miserable to be around. I'm no mathematician, but I know what this equation is:
Bill + Shakes = One unhappy fat man.
My co-worker noticed this too...so much that he emailed me to ask what was wrong with Bill. I wrote back "Shakes". Something had to be done.
After one of Bill's angry episodes my co-worker and I told Bill flat out that these shakes were not only making him miserable, but they were making us miserable, too. Bill took this information in stride and then asked what we should have for lunch. I've never been so relieved.
A couple days latter Bill's wife called. We've always been chummy and talked a little bit, but this time she asked me if Bill was still drinking his shakes. I didn't know what to do, so I did the thing I do best, I lied about food. Yes! Of course he's still doing the shake thang, and loving every moment of it. I'm not letting this woman know that part of the reason her husband is still a sumo wrestler is my fault.
I don't know how long I'm going to have to keep this charade up, and I wonder how long it's going to take his wife to realize that Bill is, in fact, not dieting whatsoever. My thoughts? Bill will go down as the only man in history to "cut" his calories down by 3/4 and still not lose weight.