Thursday, September 21, 2006

RIP Long and Lean Jeans 2005-2006

I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. Most everyone here knows that Gap Long and Leans (which have now been discontinued! See Epilogue), size 20, are a staple in my wardrobe. They fit every inch of my body and even cover my big belly. My only problem with the jeans are the button.

I want to explain this the best way I can: When I'm sitting down for long periods of time, like when I'm at work, my jeans tend to role inward causing the button to harm my abdomen and create a bruise. It hurts. A lot. But, it's not like I can just stop wearing jeans. And, for those of you who say to get a bigger size, yeah, I'm not going to do that. So, what did I do? I came up with my own solution: I've been going into the bathroom at work, unraveling some toilet paper, folding it and stuffing it between my stomach and the jeans. I know...I'm a freaking genius.

These are the only problems I've had or see in the future:
1. The toilet paper isn't made for withstanding long periods of rubbing up against jeans and bellies...so it sometimes balls up and I find pieces of it in my belly button (side note: is my belly button so deep because I am sooooo fat?)

2. What if someone sees it? I don't wear short shirts. Maybe a Top Ten problem I have with being fat is that they don't make shirts long enough and therefore, you see nothing but front butts everywhere. I've remedied this by going out of my way to find shirts long enough and buying them in bulk.

Anyway, that is my plight. Toilet paper stuffed into my jeans like I'm some sort of weird scared crow. Fatty Crow?

Epilogue: Since the idea of this post, my good ol' long and leans have died...gone to jean heaven. Cause of death: Thunder Thigh Rubbage. I've been mourning their death for quite some time. Remedy: I bought a new pair of jeans...but GAP doesn't have traditional long and leans anymore so I had to get these jeans called Curvy. I don't know. I'm skeptical...they messed with my jeans. They messed with my staple. They have something called Long and Lean FLARE...but, trust me when I say, those are not Long and Leans.

Good news is that I think the days of stuffing tissue down my pants are gone. Seems GAP got wise to this and made a thicker waist band. Again, I'm skeptical.

Viva la Tissue!

35 comments:

JessiferSeabs said...

Thoughts:
1) can you still order the long and leans online? ebay? I had no idea they discontinued them. I'm surprised, frankly. Everybody I know loves those jeans.

2) Can you go to a fabric store and buy just a section of fabric (Something soft and nice) to put there instead of the TP? It would feel better, and if somebody should happen to catch a glimpse of it, they'd probably just think it was your undies!

Clara said...

Are you kidding me? They discontinued Long and Lean? Whatever for? They were my favs too! Dammit.
I hate the cuvy ones, they just don't fit properly, esp. for people with thinner legs. They seem to think that we all have thunder thighs and ghetto bootys. Sorry, but I am more of a rectangle.
You have brought sadness and confusion to my day. Now what jeans am I gonna wear???

Dani said...

The curvey jeans are actually cut less curvy than their regular ones if you look at the measurments O_o

Buffpuff said...

Fatty, say no to the pain! A bruised pupik is to be avoided at all costs.

Personally I think you can't beat a pair of boot-cut denim leggings with an elasticated waist - but then I favour dresses, long shirts or floaty salwar kameez type tops over mine, so nobody sees my front butt. Last time I was in the US, Avenue were making something along these lines.

lilfunky1 said...

I've also had problems with buttons on jeans, most of my problems stem from a severe nickle allergy which most buttons have, which causes horrible irritation/skin rashes to my stomach area, where it sort of rolls into the stomach and is in contact with my skin.

Really... all I do is unbutton the pants when I sit down at the desk. Remember to button back up when you get up to do something!

Anonymous said...

uuuuhhhhh why dont you just LOSE SOME WEIGHT? sometimes you post these great entries and other times you just whine about things you CAN CHANGE!!

Haystacks said...

This is the only post I have seen here that seems truly stupid. Buy bigger jeans. That is what everyone else does.

Puncher of Donkeys said...

I've found it much easier to wear mumus in the summer (light and airy, lovely floral patterns, ala Homer Simpson) and tarps in the winter (waterproof, the plastic keeps you warm too).

And they're cheaper than jeans; it's win-win

littlem said...

Suede patches for the Long & Leans, girls. A little luxury for the thigh rub until we raise enough hell that they START MAKING OUR D*** JEANS AGAIN.

It's a dirty little secret that it really doesn't matter what size you are -- down to about 6 (10 to 12 empirically) -- you can still have thigh rub. So there.

"Front butt."

Well, I have nothing else to say.

*falls over laughing hysterically*

shaynapunam said...

I love wearing jeans--and do not anymore...since I had 2 C-sections, I cannot wear jeans...maybe, jeans skirts, because they are less tight. The button problem is also a problem for me, and waaaay more so since I had my darling babies. I am bummed because I did not even know about these jeans, and now they are gone!! I have always worn Lane Bryant Talls...anywhere from size 18-26, depending on the level of my fatness. Has anyone tried their new line of 7 jeans? I heard someone say they loved them...I do not want to even try them on right now because I would probably have to buy a 26, and that just kills me...

superhypermegacool said...

Know how that feels - just had to throw out my fav pair of jeans due to thigh rubbage, and it's true it doesn't matter what size you are - i take a 10! Finding a new pair of jeans always takes so long, and by the time they're your new favs, it's time to throw them out again!

Kate said...

I love Bill Blass stretch jeans. They come in several colors, in sizes to at least 24, and are very comfortable.

Anonymous said...

clara, I'm totally on the opposite side of your equation, where I need the jeans w/ ghetto booty but they never make the waist small enough. Someone should create jeans w/ "apple" and "pear" cuts.

buffpuff said...

Someone should create jeans w/ "apple" and "pear" cuts.

I tell you, they'd make a killing if they did.

Heather said...

My favorite jeans, wierdly enough, are Route 66 by KMart. The plus sizes have a bit of stretch built in and they have a darker shade of blue. The wash of the jeans also kind of looks like pinstriping (it's not exactly, but too hard to explain). In either case, the fit is perfect, and combine with the darker shade and the pinstripe effect, it makes me look and feel 20 lbs lighter! Not to mention, they are AFFORDABLE!!! Love 'em, love 'em, love 'em!!!

bloomie said...

Wow, what a great post to read as I'm wearing a new pair of jeans today that I have fallen in love with. Plus, I'm now in the range of fitting into the smallest plus size and the largest regular size, so I've tried a bunch of different jeans recently.

Wearing a pair of LB jeans right now that I love so much, I can't begin to describe it to you. This morning, my BF who never notices anything even commented on them. They're not the 7's and they're not the generic ones either, but they are great! Someone asked about their 7 jeans and I have a pair of them as well, but I like the ones I have on now better. Not sure if they're still making them.

As for other jeans options, I just read an article in the NYT's yesterday about a brand called Not Your Daughters Jeans, and they looked like a great brand to try out. They have reinforced panels that suck in your tummy.

There is a line of high-end, plus size jeans called spevoda or something. I can never quite remember, but I bet someone on this site knows.

GoBetty said...

Fatty, my husband wears out his crotches of his jeans all the time and I take them to the dry cleaners to be patched. Also, how are the Curvys working out?

littlem said...

"'Someone should create jeans w/ "apple" and "pear" cuts.'

I tell you, they'd make a killing if they did."


Hmmmm. FruityJeans.

(Don't laugh too much -- there is a sequencing program called FruityLoops and a lot of big, tough, misogynistic rappers/beatmakers use it.)

Girls, I know several designers here in NYC looking to make their names/fortunes. I think we should get on this.

Anonymous said...

why wouldn't you buy bigger jeans?

the same thing happens when a size 6 buys size 2 jeans, but who would do that?

stuffing kleenex in your pants is not healthy at all.

Buffpuff said...

Bloomie, although I don't have access to them here in the UK, I think the company you're referring to is Svoboda.

littlem said...

"the same thing happens when a size 6 buys size 2 jeans, but who would do that?"

You'd be surprised what a good media brainwashing can do.

bloomie said...

FYI: the rapper Nelly has a line of jeans called applebottoms, for girls with the larger booties. I have no idea however if they go into plus sizes.

BuffPuff, that's the name!

Friggas Own said...

Hi, first time coming here, nice blog!

It's heartbreaking when a pair of sexy jeans dies. I lost the zipper on a pair of straight legged size 22's I'd had for three years and found out that getting the zipper replaced would cost me the entire price of a new pair. Unfortunately, nobody has been making cute straight legged jeans since. Sooo sad! (I think these might have been slightly flare legged, they were like bell bottoms but sedate.)

My jeans wear out in the thighs too. I've been thinking of taking this silicone powder lube Monostat makes for chafing and smearing a little into fabric in the thigh area, see if I can reduce friction. If it doesn't help, I'm reasonably certian the silicone will wash out. I'd test it out on a scrap of jeans fabric first to see if it makes the colors bleed or anything.

I can't wear belts because they bite my tummy when I sit down. I don't know what to do about the jeans-button thing, keep us posted if you find a new solution, please.

Kate said...

they were like bell bottoms but sedate

I believe that's what the industry calls a "boot cut."

McGee - I suggest a bit of polar fleece. It's thick, soft and it won't shred. You can buy a quarter yard of it for a couple of dollars.

OOOH! - A vowel!!! I got an A!

Sue said...

The Lane Bryant Seven jeans are awesome. They are very forgiving - they don't look like they have stretch in them, but man do they stretch. I lost a bunch of weight, and the size 18s I bought fit me from 233 all the way to 185. And I felt like they fit really well all the way down. And they look nice. Good stuff.

Dolley said...

Friggas Own, if you have a pair of jeans, or any other garment you love, and "it would cost as much to repair it as the entire price of a new pair" - it's worth spending the money to get the garment you love repaired. Because the issue is that you can't replace it with an identical garment, because the identical garment isn't available. You're paying to get something irreplaceable fixed. You might also want to check around at a couple of places to see if there's a range of prices for putting in zippers - either you didn't pay much for the jeans, or the repair/replacement costs are a bit high for that operation.

Whatever. I had a jacket that I bought second-hand for $25 that looked fabulous. I eventually needed to replace the lining, and I didn't feel like doing it myself. I took it to a drycleaner's, and they said $60 to replace the lining (this meant taking out the lining, making a pattern from it, making a lining out of fabric which they provided, and putting the lining back in). I said thank you and how soon can I have it? I spent more to replace the lining - more than twice what I'd paid for the jacket - and it was well worth it. Especially for those of us who are hard to fit, fat or thin, it's worth what it costs to prolong the life of a garment you love, something which fits well and is flattering.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only person here who thinks "Long and Lean" in a size 20 is some kind of sick joke?

Tara said...

The Avenue light denim jeans rock, they are the only kind I wear. They stretch, they don't dig into your skin. I stopped wearing jeans for years until I wore these things, now I have about 15 pairs of them.

Tara

OneFatIndianChick said...

Hey there..discovered your blog thanks to www.dietgirl.org

I thought I was the only wierd one who like reading about the 'before-after' weight loss stories and watching all those ppl come on Oprah.

Anonymous said...

I will admit that this is the first time I have read your blog, and I have spent an incredibly boring day at work reading from the most current and working my way backwards. I must say that this post is effin hilarious!!!! The thunder thigh rubbage was so funny that I was actually laughing out loud in a somewhat obnoxious manner. Of course, that cause some of coworkers to actually come into my office just to make sure I had not finally gone completely mad due to prolonged exposure to my tiny office and florescent light bulbs. Keep it coming girls, I love it!!

Anonymous said...

short shirts are nothing but a hassle, and as such I simply buy mens black tee's :]... they are not fitted.. which i really Dont mind, and they usually go past the top of your back pockets.. not to mention usually cheaper too...

Anonymous said...

OMG! I cannot believe I stumbled on your blog...! I am actually online trying to search for the Gap Long and Leans, size 10, circa 2005-2006. Funny (but sad)story. I was seeing a hot guy, slept with him on and off for a year-he lived about 45 minutes away, left my FAVORITE PAIR OF JEANS at his house one weekend, he ended up being gay, after multiple, desperate attempts to rescue my all-time fav jeans, and one border line psychotic stakeout, he has not given my jeans up! I swear he's wearing them! Anyway, I'm on the hunt. I've wasted hundreds of dollars trying to replace this hole in my wardrobe heart, but to my despair, nothing could ever replace my Gap Long and Leans, size 10 long!! I feel your pain!

Anonymous said...

The GAP site shows it as available..or am I missing something here??

http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=15675&pid=328804

Anonymous said...

check this - its still there!
long lean jeans

Anonymous said...

find it here
women's long jeans