Thursday, March 30, 2006

Mortification!

There is a girl who attends my school who is either suffering from the most severe case of anorexia I have ever seen, or who has another form of illness. I have no idea what is wrong with her, but it is clear that all is not well in her physical life. And truth be told, I am obsessed with her...Yes, that sounds cruel and rude and hypocritical, but we here at Fatty McBlog aim at being honest, even if we sound like jerks, because sometimes the truth is rude and cruel and hypocritical.

Like I said, I am obsessed with her. She cannot weigh more then 75 lbs on a 5'6 frame. And believe me when I tell you that 75 lbs is on the high end of her possible weight. I watch her every time she walks past me. I constantly expect her to just fall over, unable to support herself or the heavy books she is carrying. And it's not just me...when she walks by it's like all conversation comes to a stop. Everyone stares at her and comments after she passes. I keep wondering if she is anorexic or has another illness because I have a feeling that her parents or doctor or friends would stop her from being in my very rigorous graduate program if she were so severely anorexic.

I feel so lame staring at her because it is the exact same thing that I feel is often happening to me: People staring because of my weight. But in this day and age, everyone is sort of used to what a fat girl looks like while, and I am willing to bet, most people aren't used to seeing anyone who is as emaciated as this girl is. Think Nicole Richie at her twiggiest minus 20 lbs. Her thigh is purely femur. Her arms are the most delicate twigs. Her face is skeletal.

Now, I have never actually spoken to her or had any contact of any kind. We have never shared an elevator or smiled at each other in the hallway.I am scared of her. And no, not because she is ill or tiny or anything like that. I am scared of her because if she is anorexic, then I shudder to think of what she thinks of me. I must look like a huge mound of quivering flesh to her, complete with rolls and chins and handles. I must be her worst nightmare. What if she looks at me and thinks to herself, “Thank god I don't look like that!”I know in reality she probably has enough on her mind that she never gives me a second thought, but still, I don't like to be in her direct line of vision. And that worked well enough ... until this afternoon...

I saw my friend Ana who recently had a baby (Super cute baby Milo!) and has since transferred into night classes. I hadn't seen her all semester, so I waited by the cash register until she was done buying her lunch. So, I’m standing there and Ana is getting her change and suddenly ...DISASTER!!!!

I somehow managed to knock the 75 lbs girl into a huge rack of chips sending her flying and causing her and a lovely assortment of Doritos, Cheetos, and Sun Chips to fall to the ground!!! I think she walked into my purse as I was adjusting my body and the force was enough to push her over and into a huge pile of calories!

What I imagine in my mind is that she was staring at this rack of chips, on the verge of buying a bag, asking for a sign not to fall to temptation and then a big fat girl (me) gives her a huge sign by knocking her into the rack. What if, at that moment, she was going to start eating again and I ruined that for her?

She looked stunned for a few second, but then she managed to get up and sort of stood there while I stammered my apologies, but all I could think about was that I (the fat girl) had just pushed a possible anorexic skeleton into a wall of chips! Serious mortification!

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know it shoudldn't be, but that was really funny! I actually laughed out loud. I hope the tiny girl is ok though.

Anonymous said...

It's just so funny to tell funny stories about people suffering from anorexia, isn't it? Gosh, you must feel so much better about your excess weight because you can look at someone else with even bigger issues with food than you! You get so upset when people say stereotypical things about fat people (lazy, don't care about appearance, etc.) but you sure don't stop and think about the complexities of anorexia before posting.

EatingAin'tBad said...

As a former anorexic, I want to reassure you that this girl, if she is anorexic and not instead suffering from some other illness, is not looking at you. From my own experience, I was too self absorbed and self focused to notice anyone else's body, especially when I was deeply into the disease which this girl, if she is anorexic, must be to be that small. I was so concerned with my own body and my fear that it was getting bigger that I had very little energy to give to anyone else.

I was in law school when this all happened and when I got better (thank god!) I started noticing this other girl who was really, painfully skinny. I have no idea what she weighed but she was all bones. I thought she might be anorexic because of the way she behaved (no real interaction with other people, no eye contact, baggy clothes all the time). I didn't know her so I didn't feel comfortable saying anything to her. I did mention my concern to the dean of students, though, because I felt that maybe the school could do something. I really don't know what happened to her.

If you have a person in your school's administration you feel comfortable talking to, you might want to mention your concern. They won't tell you if she's sick (at least they shouldn't) but that would put her on the school's radar.

Lisa said...

To Anonymous at 8:57 am:

I think you missed the point. She wasn't making fun of an anarexic...she was just telling a story. Also, I think, since reading the last two posts (which were great by the way!)that these girls don't care about the sterotypical stuff people say about fat people. These girls (I don't know which one wrote the story)don't seem to mind the rude comments people make about fat people. She didn't say anything mean about the girl, she didn't say anything in terms of making fun of her. Talk about building up something in your mind that really isn't there.

Midknyt said...

I understand the staring thing - there is a woman who is a cashier at a grocery store in town, and she is all bones. Everytime I see her working I'm amazed that she has the energy to be working. I don't know if she has anorexia or some other disease, but her face is so thin that you can see the entire cheek bone - like the little boney part that attaches to the skull and everything, with really dark under her eyes. I worry about her, like why no one has taken her in for treatment, or if she is that ill with some other illness, why is she still working?

As for how you feel about the girl looking at you and thinking that the anorexia might be a good thing. I was in a bulmia therapy group, and I was the only one in the group who wasn't actively binging or purging, I just still had a lot of food issues to work out and my therapist suggested the group. Well, I was also the only fat one. I actually broke down the first day and told the group that I hoped I wouldn't hurt any of their healing, because the only one who didn't binge and purge was the only fat one, and told them I had always been fat. But it worried me. So I can see where you are coming from.

As for the anon above, get some therapy. It was a sharing of an embarassing story. It wasn't a mocking of the thin girl, and you either need to lighten up or you need to see somebody about your issues.

Toni said...

I encountered someone who I thought was anorexic at school last quarter. Quite tall, 5'11" maybe, but even her size 0 jeans were hanging off of her. I thought about saying something to her but how do you approach a stranger about seeking help? Would that lower her self esteem even further? Would she take the advice of a larger person to heart?

Lobstar said...

Toni, why on earth would you consider approaching someone you don't know about ANYTHING? As someone who's many times been on the receiving end of unsolicited diet or exercise advice, I can assure you that nothing a stranger has ever intimated about my size made me want to do anything except slap said stranger.

Likewise, not everyone who is extremeley thin is anorexic, just as everyone who is fat doesn't necessarily sit on a couch all day eathing Ho-Ho's.

My closest friend from high school who was always quite thin once lost a lot of weight and everyone thought tshe was anorexic. Turns out she had a rare intestinal condition. And no matter how many people she assured that the weight loss was part of her disease, the comments and dirty looks didn't stop. People anonymously sent her articles on anorexia and made snide comments. As if the stress of her illness wasn't enough, now she had to deal with the stress of defending herself against the idiots around her.

Judging a person a person you don't know is wrong. And saying something to a stanger you're judging is plain stupid. Even when you see a 500-pound woman on the street, for all you know she recently lost 100 pounds. Even when you see someone super-skinny, she could eat more than you do every day.

Stephanie said...

I always love your insight because you say the things that we (well some anyway)think but never say in fear of comments from people who don't understand (see some of the above comments, HA).

I can't help but stare and wonder what people's lives are like sometimes. Whether they be ultra skinny, super fat, unusually tall or short or otherwise. It is human nature to look at those that differ from us.

On top of that, I always love that you can put some humor (intentional or not) into situations that are embarassing!

Majora said...

To the person who wrote this, "Anonymous said...
It's just so funny to tell funny stories about people suffering from anorexia, isn't it? Gosh, you must feel so much better about your excess weight because you can look at someone else with even bigger issues with food than you!...

Go you go around looking for reasons to get mad and outraged?!

She wasn't making fun of anorexia.

You should read more carefully next time.

I hate when people get all uppity for no reason!

I was severely anorexic for 4 and half years. And yet I managed to see this posting for what it was...a funny story...

haxabubbla said...

Just one thing: cheers to Lisa for giving us a way to identify Anonymous commenters. There are way too many of them here now.

Jan said...

I've been in the same position at the gym actually. I'd see a woman, who appeared to be in her 40s, running for hours in the treadmill (like, she'd already be there when I arrived to change, and then almost 2h later she'd still be there) and she was thinner than any celebrity anorexic you've ever seen. I've only seen comparable thinness in holocaust pictures. I wondered if the trainers in the gym shouldn't talk to her, but then I thought that it would cut into the gym's business. I decided to say nothing, but it seriously depressed me to see her. I joined a new gym.

Regina said...

To All the Anonymouses: why are you afraid to attach anything identifiable to your comments?

GoBetty said...

I would be wanting to talk to the thin person... for some reason, I would try to strike up a convo.

~loveme~ said...

dude... its funny... i feel for the anorexic chick whatevah her problems are, but that was funny! It sounds like something that would happen to me!

Anonymous said...

Sometimes people are just skinny, accusing them of being anorexic makes them feel as freakish and isolated as fatties. I have a family friend who has bad kidneys and because of it is very thin - her diet is very limited in order to preserve kidney function.