There is a girl who attends my school who is either suffering from the most severe case of anorexia I have ever seen, or who has another form of illness. I have no idea what is wrong with her, but it is clear that all is not well in her physical life. And truth be told, I am obsessed with her...Yes, that sounds cruel and rude and hypocritical, but we here at Fatty McBlog aim at being honest, even if we sound like jerks, because sometimes the truth is rude and cruel and hypocritical.
Like I said, I am obsessed with her. She cannot weigh more then 75 lbs on a 5'6 frame. And believe me when I tell you that 75 lbs is on the high end of her possible weight. I watch her every time she walks past me. I constantly expect her to just fall over, unable to support herself or the heavy books she is carrying. And it's not just me...when she walks by it's like all conversation comes to a stop. Everyone stares at her and comments after she passes. I keep wondering if she is anorexic or has another illness because I have a feeling that her parents or doctor or friends would stop her from being in my very rigorous graduate program if she were so severely anorexic.
I feel so lame staring at her because it is the exact same thing that I feel is often happening to me: People staring because of my weight. But in this day and age, everyone is sort of used to what a fat girl looks like while, and I am willing to bet, most people aren't used to seeing anyone who is as emaciated as this girl is. Think Nicole Richie at her twiggiest minus 20 lbs. Her thigh is purely femur. Her arms are the most delicate twigs. Her face is skeletal.
Now, I have never actually spoken to her or had any contact of any kind. We have never shared an elevator or smiled at each other in the hallway.I am scared of her. And no, not because she is ill or tiny or anything like that. I am scared of her because if she is anorexic, then I shudder to think of what she thinks of me. I must look like a huge mound of quivering flesh to her, complete with rolls and chins and handles. I must be her worst nightmare. What if she looks at me and thinks to herself, “Thank god I don't look like that!”I know in reality she probably has enough on her mind that she never gives me a second thought, but still, I don't like to be in her direct line of vision. And that worked well enough ... until this afternoon...
I saw my friend Ana who recently had a baby (Super cute baby Milo!) and has since transferred into night classes. I hadn't seen her all semester, so I waited by the cash register until she was done buying her lunch. So, I’m standing there and Ana is getting her change and suddenly ...DISASTER!!!!
I somehow managed to knock the 75 lbs girl into a huge rack of chips sending her flying and causing her and a lovely assortment of Doritos, Cheetos, and Sun Chips to fall to the ground!!! I think she walked into my purse as I was adjusting my body and the force was enough to push her over and into a huge pile of calories!
What I imagine in my mind is that she was staring at this rack of chips, on the verge of buying a bag, asking for a sign not to fall to temptation and then a big fat girl (me) gives her a huge sign by knocking her into the rack. What if, at that moment, she was going to start eating again and I ruined that for her?
She looked stunned for a few second, but then she managed to get up and sort of stood there while I stammered my apologies, but all I could think about was that I (the fat girl) had just pushed a possible anorexic skeleton into a wall of chips! Serious mortification!