Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Scaredy Fat

While catching up on some missed television, I came to the conclusion that being fat might kill me in more ways than the usual coronary, I can be killed because I'm too fat to out run a killer or fit through a tiny hole after an avalanche.

I know that the two things I just mentioned are probably the least of my concerns, but I can't stop thinking about what would happen if there was some sort of natural disaster and Darwin's theories pop into place. This life is simply survival of the fittest and well, I'm not exactly at my physical peak.

Lindsey has me watching the first season of Lost, which I'm enjoying and trying to get through at a nice pace. In one scene, a cave some people were sitting in collapses and they're trapped. The other people dig a tiny hole and they're rescued. But, I couldn't fit through that tiny hole. I'd die.

Also, let's say I was being attacked and had to out run my killer. There is no way in hell that I would be able to do so. I imagine myself running as fast as I could for about maybe 4 minutes and then just turning to the guy and telling him to just do what he has to do because I just can't run anymore...I also couldn't hide in any small spaces to avoid my attacker.

I know this all sounds dumb, but it's weighing heavy on my mind (get it, weighing heavy).


Anonymous said...

Lost is awesome and you girls are as well!

PastaQueen said...

Maybe you'd get lucky and your killer would be a fat person too. Otherwise, I would suggest you always hang out with someone slightly fatter and more out of shape than you. Then you don't have to outrun the killer, just the other fat person.

Anonymous said...

You wouldn't have to worry about starving to death, cuz you could live off your own fat

Anonymous said...

Keep it real. Big ups to fatties.

~loveme~ said...

haa haa... i love it

Ducky said...

I tell people I'm preparing for a famine or the next ice age...

Laura Bora from Bufadora said...

I used to say the same thing about just turning around and sayingm, "Oh for Christ's sake, just kill me, because I can't run anymore."

As of yesterday I know that I can run for at least 6 minutes at 2.6 mph, but that's about it. I just have to hope that whoever is chasing me will give up after 5 minutes. OR doesn't have a gun. I definitely can't outrun bullets.

My other fear is what if someone throws me in a huge canvas laundry bag tied with intricate knots and then throws me into the East River. I can't untie knots and am always asking someone else to untie them for me. Even if I did, my only hope is that fat floats and I can float down the East River until I get posioned from the toxins, run into a corpse -- which would skeeve me to death, or get run over by a boat.

Great. Now I'm all freaked out.

Starla said...

Heck, even when I was thin and at my most physically fit point, I couldn't run longer than maybe 5 minutes.

Seriously, in high school, it would take me about 9 1/2 minutes to finish running the mile. Needless to say I was always one of the last 5 students to finish that damn thing.

If I had someone trying to kill me, they are going to have to try and take down all 235 pounds of me, and let me tell you, you do not want to mess with 235 pounds of Starla when she is pissed. And I would be pissed if someone were trying to kill me.

Midknyt said...

If it's any consolation, I'm not only fat, I'm also only 4'10". So while I can run for a good half hour, I'm really, really slow, and someone who's really tall only has to walk fast. (Trust me, my husband has done so).

So you just need to make sure that you are in a horror movie with someone like me. Or, better yet, someone with really bad asthma. You can outrun them I bet.

As for tiny holes, in one of the Scream movies, or I Know What you Did Last Summer, or something, didn't one of the thin girls die by getting stuck in the doggy door in the garage door and then got her neck broken as the killer raised the door? I know that screams of realism right there, but think about it: you know you wouldn't have fit through that tiny hole, so you wouldn't have even tried, and then you would have had a fighting chance.

Or at the bare minimum, you wouldn't have had such an embarrasing death as getting stuck in a doggy door. See? Fat bonus.

AnabelleH said...

I've always thought that in a train accident woul prabably be left by the emergency workers: "Damn, she is too fat. Let's get the thin persons first and we'll return for her" Explosion and bam! I'm dead. (this applies to all possible accidents invloving large machinery: train, car, airplane, name it and I have a story were I'm left behind because I'm too fat to being carried.

Wendy said...

I say this with love. From one chubby chick to another, who I am quite sure is just as awesome as me (and that's pretty great, dontcha know!).

Considering that any of these, um, scenarios are very, totally, extreeeeeeeemely unlikely to occur, it sounds to me like, oh no, you have run out of all your favorite ways, and all the traditional ways, to beat up on yourself, and tell yourself how you are deficient! so being the creative soul that you are, you seem to be out looking for new, inventive ways to beat up on yourself. crazy off-the-wall ways to re-discover how much you hate your body, and how you have let yourself down.

oh, ms mcgee. you rock the house! you are funny and smart and honest and open. love yourself today, extra chub and all!

K said...

I used to have that thought about not being able to outrun the assailant, and I was never all that overweight; just unfit. I have short legs and I hated running and never did it if I could get away with it.

The good news is that although I will never be a "runner" something went click about a year ago, and since then I've gone, in tiny baby steps, from being able to run for about five minutes and wanting to die when I'd finished, to being able to run for 24 minutes, not wanting to die, and feeling peeved if I don't have my run. I only train twice a week. 24 minutes is not that much, but it's enough to come up with a plan of action, or get to a populated area, no?

If anyone had previously tried to convince me I would one day run regularly and enjoy it, I would have edged away from them as from a dangerous maniac.

SharonC said...

Gee what a negative view!

How about all the ways fat could SAVE your life? You might be trapped in the cave, and you might be the only one heavy enough to sit on the boulder so it moves and uncovers the entrance!

Or suppose you were being attacked and you were able to resist him trying to push you into an alley because you were heavier than him and you had more friction with the ground than he did.

Or the attacker throws you off a cliff thinking that'll finish you off, but you survive because your fat acts as padding.

Big isn't usually faster, but generally it's a heck of a lot more powerful!

littlem said...

Also this might interest you:

It's about Ann Wilson & her surgery.

In Tae Kwon Do we're taught that all else being equal, the elbow is the most lethal part of the body for self-defense. If you feel you can't run, use it.

Also if it's a robber, toss your purse/wallet AWAY from the robber and run as fast as you can in THE OTHER DIRECTION.

Six said...

Hey fellow fatties,

I read this article entitled "How to Win a Street Fight" and I think it had some useful information in it on how to defend yourself. Surely, it isn't the last word on self-defense, but it's a start.

Check it out:

Truth: Anyone can get hurt or be hurt. Thin people get hurt everyday, just as fat people do. Big, strong, muscular men get hurt, too, not just women. Don't let this psych you out and/or keep you from fighting for your life. Learn HOW to do the best with what you've got. Learn to use the best weapon you've got in a fight: your MIND.

SnowWolf102001 said...

Just found your blog...liked it...bookmarked it...will read more as you post

M said...

One of my friends has a great theory on this type of issue and why she wouldn't be kidnapped: "No one wants to try to lift 200 lbs of girl into a car trunk!"

Sorry I'm commenting on this so much after it was written, but I just found the blog recently!

Chelle said...

Well, Hurley from Lost seemed to last quite awhile!!!!
I always found it weird that he never lost weight on that island, after being there for so long, constantly exercising (running around everywhere) and not eating junk...
Thyroid problem, Hurley?
xoxox Chelle