I'm having a bit of a personal crisis. I have a baby shower to go to. Actually, I have two baby showers to go to and I'm the host of one of them. That's not the crisis per-say, the crisis is what I'm going to wear.
I recently raided my closet in an attempt to throw everything and anything that didn't fit out. I'm left with 3 t shirts, 2 pairs of jeans and 47 pairs of drawstring fat girl sweats. None of these are suitable for a baby shower. My heart rate increases just thinking about it and yesterday, while I was at work, it really started to freak me out. I'm about to go to a baby shower with nothing to wear and all the ladies that will be there are a size 6 and under...and they're all tiny. I don't know how my sister in law (who the baby shower is for), could find such tiny little friends, but, I'm starting to not like her for it.
I called Mary up and made an emergency plan to head to Lane Bryant after work. I had looked at their website and thought I could put something not too horrible together. I was pumped. So, when we got there, I picked up some items and headed for the dressing room. (Note to all the ladies out there, the LB has some really cute oxford shirts right now).
Anyway, I'm trying things on realizing that I'm no longer a size 20 when the girl in the next room starts celebrating and screaming to her shopping buddy.
It went like this:
"Stacey, I'm in a 16! Can you believe it!"
"Aw, Sam, I'm so proud of you, that's so awesome!"
And then I went in my head:
"Can't I just shop in fucking peace!"
I mean really, I just realized that my size 20 skirt was too damn tight and that I would have to be bumped to a size 22 and I was in a mini-depression from it. Last thing I needed to hear was two girls bragging about their awesome weight loss. And they kept going on, and on and on about all this weight loss. Weight loss this, weight loss that, drinking cranberry juice, fruits are nature's candy...blah blah blah.
I know I sound bitter. I know the girls weren't bragging, but were actually really proud of themselves. If it was me, I'd do the same. But, it wasn't me. And there I was 2 sizes up from what I thought I was and I was sad and nothing was fitting me right and I had visions of skinny girls in flowing skirts and tank tops pointing and laughing at me.
I must also add that they sell size 16 clothes at the Gap, etc. So, I don't think they should be allowed at Lane Bryant because it makes me feel badly. I know it wasn't a personal attack, but if they didn't sell a size 16 that wouldn't have happened, catch my drift?
I've decided that to look my best, I must be as comfortable as possible. So, I've decided to wear some jeans and if I can find a cute top, I'll try wearing that too. Actually, I've decided that I wanted to wear a cute polo, but the only polo's that fit me are men's polo's, so that sucks right off the bat. Seems that I can't keep up with the Joneses if I'm fat and I'm just going to have to accept that. How fucked up is that!