So, I thought every fat girl had it, but according to Lindsey, she doesn't have one and therefore, not everyone does. What am I talking about? A brown belt. No, not like karate. Like, on my skin. I've dubbed this discoloration my brown belt for a long time, and after a talk with Lindsey yesterday, (whose computer is down and out), I realized that not only have I given myself this brown belt, but I've deformed my body.
My brown belt lies at the belly button part of my stomach. It looks, well, like a brown belt of some sorts. Lindsey, being the detective she is, finally told me that the reason I have a brown belt, is because my pants are too tight and therefore they are rubbing against my body and leaving their mark. And, because my pants are too tight, I've basically deformed my body. But, this didn't make any sense to me. I can button my pants and therefore they fit, right? Wrong. This seems funny to me because I've always had a problem with fat girls wearing clothes that don't fit. I hate seeing shirts where it looks like the buttons are holding on for dear life or pants that have a horrible popover of flesh. I didn't think I had this problem ever. I guess I was wrong.
What I have done is taken a lovely fat belly and made it into two fat bellies. I call them my 1st floor and my 2nd floor. My tits are the attic and well, my nether regions are the basement. I hate my 1st and 2nd floor. I wouldn't mind it so much if it was just a one story home, but a two story house, I'm not so thrilled with. Because I've worn tight pants, I have molded my body into having this 2 story home, like a balloon that has been squeezed in the middle and the markings and shape are left. Is it too late to mold my body back into a 1 story home? I don't know. But, I guess it's time to say goodbye to the Gap online section next time I need a new pair of jeans.
The thing I didn't understand about the way my pants were fitting was, at first, they were/are too tight, but, after a few initial squats, (yeah, you know what I'm talking about), my jeans would loosen up and after a few wearings without washing, they go on without me having to hold my breath in. So, I figured that's how pants are supposed to fit.
Cue the sound of the "Wrong" buzzer.
Because of this theory I had, I'm now left deformed and discolored. As a fatty, I should just know better...but now I'm basically screwed.