Disagree to Agree

The possibility of Lindsey having her innards surgically rearranged to induce weight loss has been a topic of contention between us lately. First Lindsey wrote a post about why she is considering weight loss surgery and how strange it is that only her thin friends support it. Emily then wrote a post about why she is not in favor of WLS. Enjoy and let us know what you think...

Point: By Lindsey

I found something out recently about the people in my life--->only my thin friends and relatives are supportive about the possibility of me having weight loss surgery. To be perfectly blunt I really don't care what anybodies opinion on the matter really is because whether or not I decide to have any form of surgery is such a personal decision that ultimately it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. But what I do find interesting are the reactions I have gotten when I broach the topic. They range from the extremes of "I'll stop being your friend" to "That sounds like it could be amazing for you and I'll support anything you decide to do". And for the most part the reactions fall in line with how large the person I am taking to is.

You might think that the more overweight the person is, the more supportive they would be, but the opposite is true. My chubby, fat, obese friends have mostly expressed shock, scorn, and disappointment that I would ever consider "the easy way out". While my thin friends all think it would change my life for the better.

Why is that? It could be jealousy about the possibility of me losing weight while they remain the same. It could be fear that I would somehow change my personality, and consequently our relationship dynamic. It could be that they think I am judging their size because I am choosing to alter mine. Maybe my thin friends couldn't imagine life as a fat person and to them a surgery where there is a 1/200 chance of death seems like a reasonable alternative to being fat.

Emily, the surprise optimist, has threatened to cancel our friendship (editors note from Emily, this is a lie) if I get this surgery because she doesn't think that I have done everything in power to lose weight the natural way. She thinks the reason we are fat is because we have deep seated psychological issues which we should deal with with a shrink, Overeaters Anonymous, and a nutritionist before I even consider surgery. Do I eat too much because my daddy yelled at me? Because Melissa and Stacy were mean to be in 3rd grade? Because I secretly don't think I'm worthy of happiness? Because I'm scared to find out what else is wrong with me under the layers of fat? Maybe so. Personally I think everyone I know should be in a therapists office twice a week, me included, but I am sick of waiting for the "Aha!" moment where the light goes off and I can trace my food issues to a particular moment in September 1986 and from then on I make that ever illusive lifestyle change and suddenly drop 150 lbs. The thing is that Emily and I have been having the "why not just do it" talk for the last 10 years. And yet we never seem to do it. At least not permanently. I am ready to take a radical step for change. I want some results before any more of my 20's fly by be. Emily is still waiting for something, convinced that one day she will figure her shit out. I support her decision entirely, and I don't think she is crazy or wrong. The question is why is she threatening to cut me out of her life if I take a different path?

I think it is because fat people are beaten over the head with the fact that being fat is a character flaw, a sign of weakness, and so to have surgery and lose the weight that way is giving up and admitting that you can't control your own body without outside help, and thus having lost the weight you cannot proclaim to the world that you have honesty conquered your flaw, but instead you gave up and had a surgeon do it for you.

Think what you want, I think that's bullshit. Most people will lose weight with a restrictive diet and exercise. I am no different. I have dieted and exercised away 100 lbs on a few separate occasions. I know I can do it. I also know that I will gain it back. Does that say that I have no will power and am a weak person? Most people would say it does, but I refuse to see fatness as a character flaw because I am a good person, and hell, Hitler was a health nut. But I do need some extra help attaining and maintaining a BMI that this society puts so much emphasis on. And I am not considering surgery simply to look good at the beach, I am considering it because I feel like shit at the weight I am and I don't want to lose the weight only to regain it again.

What I think surgery offers is a fail safe, an internal check and balance system which guarantees that I can't eat too much of the wrong food which in turn will motivate me to exercise. Because I don't think surgery is the easy way out. I think for me it's like a step in AA where I admit that I have a problem, and that I need more than a little bit of help. I am not a naive or stupid person. I don't think that by having surgery all my issues with food or weight will be resolved. I actually think the opposite, that with the surgery my issues with food and weight will come to the surface, forcing me to deal with them or regain the weight. But I would rather me dealing with those issues as a size 12 than at a size 22. Once you've had the surgery you still need to keep a strict diet and exercise. If having a four hour surgery where my internal organs are rearranged is the easy way out, then I say bring it on...

Semi Counter Point: By Emily

Weight Loss Surgery doesn't bother me. I'm not against it, nor would I ever rule it out for myself. But, in this age of microwaves and Internet access, I think people rush into things without exhausting their other options, looking for what works at the speed of light. People have lost all patience. And to me, weight loss is nothing but two things: an understanding and patience.

Results don't happen over night. We need to deal with this fact. Instead, we choose to ignore it and repeat nasty cycles. And then we get frustrated and then we turn to weight loss surgery.
This is the way I see it: Weight loss surgery and dieting are the same thing, that's a given. A restriction of caloric intake and a proper exercise plan will result in weight loss. It's just the way things are. When one chooses to have weight loss surgery, it's easier for them to restrict their diet because they can only take in so much food. It's recommended that they exercise and not surprisingly, the combination of the two cause a person to lose weight. Same happens for old fashioned dieting. Neither is easy. Weight loss surgery isn't an easy way out. Does it make it easier? Yes. Easy way out? No.

This is the thing that always gets me though, the psychology part of it. I feel that no one brings up that fat people all have a common thread...the addiction aspect of food. No one ever seems to bring up the fact that more than not, the reason we're like this is because we have an unhealthy relationship with food. We have an addiction and before we decide to lose this weight and change our lives, we need to understand the root of this evil.

I know that if I had WLS tomorrow I would, at first, have a rapid weight loss. I would feel that I was in a groove and I might, for a while, take better care of myself. I would exercise a bit. I would choose healthier foods and then my weight would level off and I would start my normal diet routine...I would stop trying so hard. And the weight would creep back on and I would return to old habits of not eating at the proper times of day, letting myself get way too hungry, starving myself to only binge later. And I would do this because I skipped Step 1 and moved right onto Step 2.

I also know that if I started a strict diet tomorrow I would, for a couple of months. have a healthy, steady weight loss. I would exercise and eat balanced, well proportioned meals. And then the weight loss would start to level off and I would get frustrated and I would start to revert back to my old habits.

So, what has to happen first? I need to understand my issues with food. I need to understand what triggers me to eat the way I do when I'm not doing so hot. I need to recover from my addiction. Horse in front of the cart people.

The Wheels on the Bus...Better Support Me

I started my new job not two weeks ago and I love it. It's cultural, it's sort of important (to those who need my services), and I've got the best views the city can offer...it's also on top of a ginormous hill. And, because of that ginormous hill, almost all employees are made to park their cars at the bottom of this hill, and take a shuttle up to the tippity top. Not so much a big deal...if you're skinny.

The shuttle holds about 20 people, two rows of two seats each. When I get a seat all to myself, it's awesome. What is not so awesome is the look on people's faces when I climb the three steps to get on the shuttle and find that I'm going to have to sit next to someone. I can hear the voices in their heads wishing that the fat girl doesn't sit next to them...and I'm wishing concurrently that I don't have to sit next to them. It's uncomfortable...my ass hangs into the isle. I try my best not to touch the person as a way of saying, "See...see, it's not so bad..I'm not that big...see!?" But what is really going on is my leg supporting all my weight like a tripod of some sort so I don't knock into the person on a turn driving up or down the curvy road.

And it works in reverse too. If I'm the one sitting there already, I can see the person scanning the shuttle for a space next to the skinniest person...no one has ever chosen to sit next to me...not that I'm complaining.

So, this is my plight. Fat girls and busy shuttles don't mix.

The Fat Girl Flea Market!!!

We here at Fatty McB spend a good deal of time complaining and whining about the lack of selection and availability of fat girl clothes. But now, in the spirit of sharing, we present to you the greatest event New York City has to offer in July: The Fat Girl Flea Market. For two days in lower Manhattan fat girls have a chance to buy clothes (both new and used) at very reasonable prices. Sure, we wish this was a permanent thing, and that fat girls had more opportunity to buy clothes year round at a wider range of stores with varying styles and longer shirts, but this is still an awesome idea. And while I have technically never been to the Fat Girl Flea Market, I am fascinated with the idea and I will make the utmost effort to attend this year, as should you all. Next step: Barney's warehouse sale plus size edition! Come one, come all. It's on!

Counter-Coulter

I wanted to start off with, "Ann Coulter is a cunt", but that just doesn't seem right. "Anne Coulter is a psychotic manipulative bitch". Ehhh, that has no oomph. Plus, its not fair to cunts or bitches. So: Ann Coulter is what's wrong with America. Perfect.

Coulter angers me to the point where I can't keep my mouth shut, even if I'm by myself, prompting me to yell at the TV set or magazine article. I basically think everything she says and stands for is part of the faux Republican sound byte machine, and that none of it really makes sense if you think about it logically. She loves pissing people off, and the fact that I am even writing this about her would probably make her smile. Or neigh. Whatever horsey pundits to when they are pleased.

In case you are not familiar with her, some of her notable quotes are:

- "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."
- "It would be a much better country if women did not vote. That is simply a fact. In fact, in every presidential election since 1950 - except Goldwater in '64 - the Republican would have won, if only the men had voted."
- "Frankly, I'm not a big fan of the First Amendment."
- "God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees. God said, 'Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours.'"
- "There are a lot of bad Republicans; there are no good Democrats."

Those are just a few of my favorites. And, yes, she really said them.

And it's not that I have anything at all against a strong, outspoken, controversial woman. Even if she is a staunch Republican who throws the word liberal around like it's a code word for Nazi. I just can't stand that everything she stands for and makes her money from is protected by the civil liberties she would see thrown to the wayside. How can this woman hate the First Amendment?

I detest almost everything she stands for, and yet, I had no reason to write about her on this blog until I realized she vilifies fatties along with liberals, Arabs, gays, women, and immigrants.

First, she managed to insult arguably the most well know chubby Jewish woman of the last 15 years by saying that it makes sense to liberals that, "President Clinton saved the Constitution by repeatedly ejaculating on a fat Jewish girl in the Oval Office". First of all, Clinton saved the Constitution by cigaring Monica? How did he do that? It doesn't make sense to this liberal. And what does fat or Jewish have to do with her point in that comment? Why did she even have to mention Monica's size? Does it somehow make it worse that Monica was over a size 12 when she lifted the married Presidents spirits inside the oval office? It sounds like if Monica had been a svelte shiksa, Coulter would have been less offended that the President was cheating on his wife. But Coulter just had to add that Monica was fat AND Jewish. The nerve of the President to have such bad taste: A fatty and a semite!

And then I read that Coulter thinks, "[The] backbone of the Democratic Party [is a] typical fat, implacable welfare recipient". That just perpetuates the myth that the poor are fat and lazy (and therefore democratic?). America is fat, not just liberals. And, again, I must ask what including the word Fat added to her inane comment.

I also have to add that Coulter capitalizes on her thin blond looks by wearing the miniest of skirts and posing for almost scandalous photo shoots. There are rumors on the Internet that she is bulimic or anorexic. I don't know if those rumors have any truth to them, but since I doubt anyone would listen to her or read her book if she were overweight, maybe she vilifies fatties because she knows her pathetic career would be over if she ever gained weight.

But then again as a fat, Jewish, voting, pro-choice, queer friendly, feminist, liberal, pacifist I am glad that the First Amendment protects Coulter's freedom of ridiculous speech. Because if she were put in an equine insane asylum like she deserves, who would remind me that Ann Coulter is what's wrong with America, and not fatties (or liberals).

No, Never Ever...Don't You Even Think It!

When you're single, it's always hard when your best friend finds love. Sure, we're happy our friends have found a bit of happiness, but we're also, (come on...face it) pissed off. It's a scary mixture of jealousy, fear, and anger that can make you, an overall happy person, not so damn perky. And I am no stranger to this feeling. Actually, being the fat friend often leaves you the third, over-sized wheel on a bicycle built for two. I'm sure all girls have gone through this, regardless of their size, but for me, a fat girl, it seems like it would be harder because us fat girls have been taught from an early age that skinny girls get the boys and fat girls don't. I'm not saying this is Gospel or 100% factual, because it's not...but it sure feels that way a lot of the time.

Case in point: Laura (Previously mentioned skinny friend who obsesses about her tinykiness)

Laura has a boyfriend. Laura met this boyfriend about 3 years ago when I, too, was seeing someone. I was all for meeting this new boyfriend of hers. It would have been the first time we were both in relationships concurently. We could double date! But we never actually got to meet. As fast as her relationship soared, mine drowned. And I went into a "I hate men" phase that, if you haven't noticed, I'm still basically in.

Laura would come over and talk about her new boyfriend while I stewed in misery, but I'd still meet this guy...I had nothing against him...yet.

One day Laura went on a diatribe while discussing her weight. I usually tune this BS out because it's not that interesting and pretty offensive, but I heard her say something that put me in shock...she told me that her "super hot" boyfriend told her to never get fat. He had recently told her that her ass looked big and that she should never get pregnant because she'd get fat and how horrible that would be.

I had heard enough.

So, it's been almost three years and I have never met this boy. I refuse. I know, I sound crazy, but I can't help myself. I know this guy hates fat girls and while Laura puts up the fight that:

1. He really doesn't
and
2. He's seen pictures of me...he knows I'm fat, so what's the difference?

I still won't do it. It's not like going out in public where everyone might hate fat people but it's okay out in the world because thankfully, we can't hear the voices in others heads, (at least I hope not). This is hatred that I know about. It's a judgement that I can actually feel because I know it's there. And I won't put myself through that. Because it's okay for me to judge myself and hate myself for being fat...but, it's not okay for him to.

Oh yes, there were bikinis

I meant to write this post a few weeks ago, right after it aired, but I forgot. And being as I don't have tivo, I have to write this from memory (which, sadly, is pretty shot), but here goes...

The Learning Channel aired a show called Welcome To Fatland (which incidentally could be the title of my biography) that fits in well with their obese repertoire of the 600 lb Woman and The Half Ton Man. It made a lovely three hour block of shows dealing with really fat people, and it was a pretty damned good lineup of tv'ing for me. If you missed it, worry not, TLC tends to rerun shows constantly.

Welcome to Fatland was about five fat British people who are sent to a resort in Mexico that caters to really fat people. It has beds, showers, hammocks, and lounge chairs which are built for very large bodies. I suppose that is all well and good, but if I was going to a resort for fat people, the size of the beds and hammocks would not be the main draw. I mean, I am fat, but the size of beds and showers are the least of my concerns...I would want to be in a resort where the majority of people were fat (preferably fatter than I am) with fat employees. One of the things that bothered me about the resort, called Freedom Paradise, is that the show made it seem like the only fat people there were the British people brought there for the show! I think it's a great idea, but for it to work, there would have to be some actual fat people there. Incidentally, the website for Freedom Paradise makes little or no mention of their fat friendly ways, so if you are planning a vacation or honeymoon, read this synopsis for some basic information.

The British people are brought to the resort, and are told that they are going to be engaging in some size acceptance workshops where they can work on their self-esteem in between deciding whether or not to wear a bathing suit to the pool. And that's when things got interesting.

Along came Marilyn Wann, author of Fat?So!, a well known activist in the fat community, and their size acceptance coach. Marilyn entered the picture wearing a furry fuchsia boa type thing wrapped around her neck (disregarding the fact that she was in sunny Cancun), and before anything happened, I knew the turn the show was going to take. The five British people were very...er...British. Marilyn was like the epitome of what people hate about Americans. She was loud, fat, brash, embarrassing, and just sort of out there. It might as well have been a show about clashing cultures.

Marilyn proceeded to try to make the fat Brits feel better about their fat by alternately singing, screaming, "flirting", body painting, and synchronized swimming. Yeah, I don't know how Marilyn came to settle on that itinerary, but it was sort of disastrous. The Brits rebelled for the most part, Marilyn got her feelings hurt, and there did not seem to be that much learning or teaching or accepting happening. I mean, I think I get what she was trying to do, but in my opinion the best way to empower people about their size is not to embarrass the shit out of them. I felt bad for Marilyn, and it was almost painful to watch at some points. The British folks sort of sucked and had generally bad attitudes, with the exception of the young virgin cab driver who seemed really sweet and earnest, and did seem to grow as a person due to the experience at Fatland.

For me, the most poignant moment came towards the end when one of the women asks Marilyn if she would chose to be thin if the option were presented to her. After a pregnant pause, Marilyn says no. The girl later tells the camera that she doesn't believe Marilyn. I know that Marilyn's identity and livelihood are based around her large size, and that she accepts and embraces her fatness more than most people, but her answer did not seem very convincing to me either. Maybe some of our readers watched this program and can give me their interpretation of this encounter.

All in all, the resort seems like an awesome idea, but it needs some more of the millions of fat Americans I keep hearing about to help it come to fruition. Marilyn needs to reconsider her approach if she wants to actually reach the people she is trying to help. And 4 out of the 5 British people need to remove the sticks from their up their arses. And I learned something about myself...I will watch/read anything that centers around fat people. Even if it sort of sucks. Even if it makes me uncomfortable.

Moving On...

Sometimes, I like to play a little game with myself called: "Can I fit through that?". It's usually me walking and seeing some sort of barrier that I'd like to squeeze through, but I must always ask myself, "Can I fit through that?" It's a great game to play when you are feeling frisky and curious like a kitty. But sometimes, it ends dangerously and usually involves me scraping some part of my body that bruises easily because I'm anemic, (for some reason, I'm always shocked that I'm anemic because I'm fat, seems that with all I eat, I should be getting enough iron). But, back to my game.

I play "Can I fit through that?" when I'm getting out of my car and the car next to me is too close, so as to not bang the car next to me, I have to maneuver like a snake. I also play it when someone is blocking a doorway and I have to find somehow to slither by without grazing them. I especially dislike playing this game with others. It's not fun to walk with a relatively skinny person and have them glide through two objects only to leave you doing that thing where you suck your gut in and contort your body in such an odd manner it makes your face go into funny shapes and whatnot. I hate that. But yesterday, I played the ultimate game of "Can I fit through that?", and sadly, I lost, badly.

While walking to my car from work I decided to take a short cut I've never taken before in all of my years here. And, if I learned anything from it, it's confirmed my belief that change is not always a good thing. While trying to get through between stairs and mid-height pole, I somehow misjudged my circumference, and in doing so, scraped the hell-o operator out of my back leaving me beat up and bruised. It was the kind of pain that left me wondering if I'd ever be able to breath again. If you saw the bruise, you would have thought someone beat me with Hotwheels tracks. Not a pretty sight.

Stairwell/mid height pole: 1
Emily: 0

I'm not taking this defeat lightly!

Stuart Little

After reading through the mediocre posting I wrote about the Wide World of Hogging, I decided to revisit the website of the last guy I was with who made me feel hogged.

Now, to put this into context, this is a guy who I have slept with a few times and who, after the last time made it quite clear to me that even though the sex was (quite) enjoyable, I might want to keep looking if what I wanted was a regular "thing", and the unspecified reason was, well, because I am fat.

He was always really nice to me while we were together. This wasn't one of those hogging experiences where he degraded me and called me fat to my face because, even though I have low self-esteem, I have a pretty high self worth. A strange mixture to be sure, but I do that I am pretty damned awesome in a multitude of areas, just not the one area (weight) which seems be the end all be all for the worth a woman in some people's eyes.

I am pretty sure I made him feel self conscious about his own meager weight gain since the last time we had slept together. I think I made a comment about how his new belly was really fucking hot, and I could tell instantly that it was a mistake to say it and that if I (a lowly fat girl) was commenting about it, then he had better do something about it.

Now, I do not normally visit his blog. It bores me, it's contrived and has a feeling of superiority that I feel is unwarranted. Not to mention that some of it is poetry which good or bad I always hate. But, because of the hogging article I checked in on his blog and lo and behold the latest entry was about weight - his new slim frame and that of a fat girl at his gym whom he has labeled "A train".

I have a nagging suspicion that it was my comment to him that was the last straw which made him get his ass to the gym. And for some reason I think that's really funny. Crunch gym should hire me to stand outside and call people fat - I am apparently an awesome catalyst to motivate people to go to the gym!

I think I am really bitter about the way he treated me - maybe it's just that he was really good on paper - hot, semi-interesting, at least half Jewish, and good in bed. And if I wasn't so fat, we could have ended up differently. Or not. I do know that he is a supreme narcissist and has some issues of his own and that I tend to blame all of my problems on weight, but seriously...am I that awful that I am unworthy to be anything but a hog?

And why do I still want to sleep with him?

He looks way hotter with some weight to him. Oh well.

Hogzilla!

Emily sent me an email today Subject: Enjoy! with a link to this article. I would suggest you read or at least skim it before reading this post. The basis of the article is a practice of certain men in Cleveland(?) called "hogging" or "sweat-hogging" which basically boils down to men who go to bars and find "desperate fat girls" to give them head in the parking lot, or take home to have sex with only to leave as quickly and quietly as they can in the morning because to them fat girls are not worthy of a morning after.

Most of the article is pretty disgusting and disturbing, and the only thing that makes me feel slightly better about it is that the men interviewed seem like caricatures of men who I would never like to meet anyways: beer guzzling yokels who have bad grammar and missing teeth and probably value the 2nd amendment over our other civil liberties.

The article provides such lovely images as tricking a fat girl to come over and have sex with you as your friends hide out in the closet and giggle as you mount her doggy style and ask her to call you Mr. President, to which she obliges because she is so fat and lonely and pathetic that she is grateful for any kind of physical attention from a man.

Hogging is made out to be some sort of underground tradition, a boys club type of activity that is passed from generation to generation, something you do to boost you self esteem or because you don't want to go home alone.

While I have no basis on which to make this claim, I think that the actual act of "hogging" is not a widespread phenomenon as a conscience activity. I doubt many men end the night thinking, "It's almost closing time, time to go hogging!". Yet, I can't help but feel that many of the cruel and humiliating activities that the hoggers do is an exaggerated example of the way many men feel about sleeping fat women.

I think what made me so sad about it was that they would use tactics like being mean and degrading to the girl, to actually get the girl. The fact that a girl would go home with the guy after he repeatedly put her down speaks volumes about how sad some fat girls act and feel about themselves. I cannot help but wonder what triggers a larger girl to go home with such a guy and uphold the stereotype that fat girls will take it when they can.

I know that many of our readers seem to have had a different experience with men then I do, but I find that (some? most?) men:

1. Might sleep with a fat girl but;
2. Won't be seen with a fat girl in public and will most certainly not;
3. Tell his friends that he has been with a fat girl.
4. View fat girls as easy prey and expect her to be thankful for opportunity to suck a mans dick.
5. Will enjoy or even prefer sex with a fat girl but won't admit it to himself or others.
6. Will leave before it could even be considered morning.
7. Many won't even view fat women as actual women but as large objects of ridicule.

Hogging is obviously gross and demeaning, but at least they are somewhat honest with themselves. Maybe it's just my current state of mind, but after reading this article, I can't help but wonder if most sexual encounters I have had could properly fall under the category of hogging...and yes, that does say something about the men I have been with.

Or is hogging just a frat boy way of rationalizing the fact that he went home with an overweight girl because the skinny ones wouldn't give him the time of day?

Sibling Flabory

I came across this article in the LA Times today and I wanted to share it with all of you. I have some opinions on it and I wanted to get your feedback. The article was about two morbidly obese siblings, a brother and a sister, who each choose to have the lap band surgery. The article describes their journey and compares their weigh loss success.

Something really bothered me about this article though and I think it had to do with the fact that they point out so many times that the brother had lost a lot more weight than the sister because his diet was more militant than hers. While he stuck to proteins and veggies, she would indulge in her cravings and therefore, lost her weight more slowly. The brother worked out at a gym everyday while the sister tried her best to not talk herself out of walking on the treadmill for 10 minutes a day. The brother was married with children while the sister was single.

Maybe I felt so strongly about the article because of the brother/sister dynamic. I have an older brother myself, but he's not fat. Actually, he's a perfect. 6'1, 195lbs. And, I think it's always been a strange dynamic between the two of us. He's always so in control of his weight and diet (I see how he restricts himself), that it makes me wonder what he thinks of me. I know that siblings are different creatures...but I find it so strange that one can possess so much control while the other one, well, has no control.

Does anyone else deal with sibling rivalry in terms of weight?

So I'm Mean. Wanna Fight About It?

Everyones favorite tall skinny girl Laura made my day and didn't even realize it. I know I comment on her a lot on this blog, and while she doesn't know I actually have a blog, I think the ribbing is fine. (Get it? Ribbing! Because I can see her ribs!).

Laura, for those of you who don't know, is my 5'11, 125lb., friend who drives me crazy on a daily basis because she complains how fat she is and how she shouldn't have put non fat milk in her coffee because, "it's really just a waste of calories." Why am I friends with her? Not sure, refer to previous posts.

So, Laura made my day when she emailed me pictures of her mother when she was our age. And guess what? She looked just like Laura! And guess what else? She don't look like that any mo! She's fat now. And guess what that means? Laura's got nowhere to go but UP!

I can just imagine it now. Laura and I when we're 60 years old...me either bed ridden or normal looking, depending on how my life actually turns up and Laura...FAT! I almost want to invest in a time machine so I can make this happen pronto!

I emailed Laura back saying something fake like, "Oh, wow, you guys are like twins!" When really I wanted to scream from the roof tops:

"You're totally going to be a fat ass like me! HAhahahahaha"

The Famous Bowls!

I prefer to eat at home as apposed to eating out in a restaurant. I know that many fat people feel similarly. In my case, it's not simply because I am a fat girl and I hate when people watch me eat because I feel constantly judged, but because the way I eat is peculiar and complex and I can execute the act of eating in a more precise way when I am at home eating alone.

In one of our first posts Emily wrote about the art of preparation. She wrote, "Lindsey says I do an excellent job, but I feel she is far superior to me. She takes her time, gets things set up in perfect order, and has precise execution. It's a dance if you ask me. Preparing our food is a time honored tradition. I'm not talking about the actually preparation of the food, the cooking, the cleaning...I'm talking about preparation after the preparation.Take sushi for example. Sushi takes a lot of preparation because the ratio of food to sides is high. Sushi has the soy sauce, the eel sauce, the incredibly amazing spicy mayo and the ginger. Each of these sides must take their place in an assembly line of goodness. Same goes with any feast that includes sauces. Sauces are of most importance. Fries, sandwiches, salads, etc., all need sauces, different sauces, combined sauces, sauces, sauces, sauces. Some sauces are dressings, some are dipping, but all are sauces and all make or break a meal."

I couldn't have put it better myself!

I went out to dinner twice in the past week with friends, and while I love my friends, I know I would have enjoyed the actual meals more if I had eaten them at home. I feel really self-conscious preparing my food in a restaurant, yet I know that my meal tastes better if I take the time to create the perfect bite with the right amount of sauce, meat, carb, veggie, etc.

Which brings me to my point: KFC, a restaurant I loathe and would never eat at has created a genius product...The Famous Bowl. Now, I basically dislike KFC with as much passion as one can muster against a second tier fast food restaurant. Yes, I have a reason, but believe me that's an entirely different post. In general, I don't eat fast food (maybe once every few years), but I still have to give a shout out to my new obsession which I will never try, The Famous Bowl.

The Famous Bowl is, "Freshly prepared with layers of your KFC favorites - a generous serving of our creamy mashed potatoes, sweet kernel corn, bite size pieces of all-white meat crispy chicken, topped with our homestyle gravy and 3-cheese blend. All the KFC favorites you know and love served in a convenient easy-to-eat bowl"!

It's like KFC packaged the way I eat and is selling it to the general public. Their layered bowl of goodness is basically designed to allow one to create the perfect bite with minimal preparation! So, kudos to you KFC, you've won this round!

Just Wondering...

A few questions for our readers:

1) Who is our fan in Dubai? You check on our blog a few times a week, and I really want to know who you are and how you found our site. Are there many fat people or fatty lovers in Dubai?

2) Why do people keep finding us by googling "Are bananas fatty?" Answer: NO! Why do so many people wonder about that? Is the American educational system in such disrepare that we don't know that bananas are a nutritious food???

3) If you hate fat people, why do you read this blog?

4) How many of you are fat or overweight?

5) Are any of our readers men?

6) How many of you have had the duodenal switch surgery?

7) Are there any topics you wish we would write a post about?

If any of you are interested in answering any of these questions, feel free to leave a comment in the comment section or email us.

Lindsey Called Me Fat!

I've been looking for a new job for quite some time. And when an exceptional offer came my way, I knew I had to take it. But, it's hard. I've been at my current job over 3 years. I love the people here and I do basically no work at all. But, Baby Emily needs to get all growed up.

To make things a little easier, because it's not so easy to leave a job you actually enjoy, I made a pro/con list and I'll give you a little taste of it.
PROS

• Benefits...at the present moment, I receive NO benefits and pay my own health insurance which is a very large bill because I am very large myself.
• Commute...this job is considerably closer to my home
• Opportunity...This is America after all, land of opportunity! I'm basically in a dead end job now, viva la opportunity!
• Salary...It's a hike up from what I make now, but not by much.

CONS

• The People...The people at the new job are, to put it kindly, the most boring, old, unfunny, skinny people in the world. My job now is full of characters! Joy!
• Taxes...Right now I get paid "under the table", which is nice!
• Fatties...There are basically no fat people there. I swear! I looked. I found NOTHING!
• Food...I'll miss my lunches here. Everyday a different place to eat, ah, how I love it. They have a cafeteria, but that's not the same...or is it???

I forgot to mention one thing...My friend Laura...skinny ass Laura...works at this place. So, I emailed her and asked what exactly they serve at this cafeteria. So, she emailed me a 5 day menu that the institution puts out on their website. I, of course, then forwarded that email to Lindsey. This is how the conversation went, via email.

Me: What did you think of the Menu?

Lindsey: It looks good.

Me: I know, I'm totally going to take the job now.

Lindsey: Because of the menu?

Me: Yeah! Cream of Asparagus Soup on Mondays! Cheeseburgers everyday!

Lindsey: You're fat.

Well, thanks Lindsey! I just needed something to push me over the line and help me make a decision. So, that push just happened to be about Cream of Asparagus Soup, so what? Right?

Let's Give It Up For Lindsey!

Today, our very own Lindsey is graduating from Grad School. I wanted to give her a big shout out for a job well done. Think of all the things Lindsey can do for us! I vote that we send her to Washington DC and fight for fatty reform across the country. But, that's just me.

Anyway, Congrats Lindsey! I'm very proud of you! Sorry you have to wear that gown that makes fat girls look like walking camping tents!

Someone Tell Me I'm Not Horrible...Please

About 90% of the time, I use the handicapped stall. I would never, ever, in a million years do this in front of an actual handicapped person, but, I'm always afraid that a handicapped person is going to come in while I'm in there and have to wait. I do this mostly at work because, well, that's the only public restroom I'm usually in. There are two stalls. One is a normal stall and one is a handicapped stall. And, I swear that even if I was 110 lbs, the non-handicapped stall...is small.

I use the handicap stall whenever I can because they're bigger and, therefore, it allows me to maneuver better. I admit it. But, I feel badly. I'm in no way (knock on wood) handicapped. I'm just fat. So, it's wrong right? It's wrong that I use the handicap stall to do my business in because it's bigger and therefore I'm more comfortable? Right? What's the verdict here?

Must...Eat...Last...Piece...

I think I'm finally getting this whole, "I'm eating too much" thing and I've decided to focus my blame, not on me of course, but on America! Yes, although 100% of what I do to my own body is my own fault, I like to shift the blame from time to time and this time America gets the brunt of my anger.

The portions are OUT OF CONTROL. And, because I'm not one to back down out of a challenge, if a 10 pound plate of food is placed in front of me, my lord I will do anything to cross that finish line. I must finish what I eat, no matter what. This, sadly, often leaves me feeling ill...but sort of in that good, "I just gorged myself with deliciousness and love" kind of way.

I bet if I only ate half of what was presented on my plate, I'd lose at least some weight. Wasn't there a commercial that stated this? What is it about me that makes me think I must finish what's on my plate. Why am I a member of the clean plate-ers club? I know I'm not breaking any new ground, but I wish I could get my focus on and restrict myself. But, if I could restrict myself, I wouldn't be such a fat ass in the first place...ah, such is life.

Meet My Fat New Best Friend

I went to a wedding last weekend for a cousin that I don't ever see and who might weigh 98lbs. The wedding was nice, but, what I realized and saw was much better than any chocolate covered strawberries they were serving. (Tangent: Have you experienced the wonders of a chocolate fountain? I'm having one installed in my home ASAP). My cousin, all 98lbs of her, had a lot of fat friends. And, her fat friends had even fatter friends. And therefore, I'm giving up on dieting and, in turn, getting new, better, fatter friends.

Lindsey and I weigh the same, give or take 5lbs. So, when we're together, we're basically just two fat girls walking around. This is why I shipped her to New York. But, if I had a bigger, much fatter friend than me, I'd look awesome. Skinnykins almost. Sign me up!

Anyway, more about the wedding. It's safe to say that even the fat girls had fat friends...it was like fat girls in descending order. Each fat girl had a fatter girl to accompany her.

At one point, a girl who I would estimate to be around 210lbs started dancing. She was sort of shy about her dancing...until her bigger (I'd say around 315lbs) started dancing with her. Then, and I could tell because only another fatty can, that her self esteem was boosted because she knew she looked better dancing than the fatter friend that had started dancing right next to her.

This idea is pure genius. Therefore, I'm putting it out there that I'm on the hunt for a new, improved, fatter Lindsey.

And, to Lindsey: I'm sure you understand why I'm doing this. Maybe you could get a fatter friend and then, maybe I could see you again because we'd look skinny together compared to our newer, fatter best friends. Love ya!

Harder HARDer!!! yes yes YES! RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!!

I am in finals right now, and I am majorly stressed out! I can feel the stress in my entire body, but I think most of it has accumulated in the upper right portion of my back. I keep doing that thing where you try to contort your body so your back cracks and suddenly you get a moment of pleasure when everything pops into place, but it's just not happening...I NEED a massage.

I used to live with this one particularly hilarious/crazy/lovable Russian Girl who constantly offered to give me massages, so of course, I let her. She would do this thing where she would stick her elbow in the knots in my back and the pain and pleasure were exquisite! It was like a schadenfreude back orgasm. But I haven't live with her in quite a while and I haven't had a back massage since then.

Yesterday during my 4 hour final I kept wanting to get up and ram something hard into the spot on my back that is bothering me, but that would have been insane. Today I decided I needed to get a massage, but I can't bring myself to so it. Why? No, it's not the money. NY's Chinatown is very accessible to me, and they offer cheap massages (not all of them with "happy endings!"), but I cannot bear the thought of taking my clothes off in front of someone right now. Especially in Chinatown, all of the masseurs are tiny Chinese women who have no problem talking shit about huge American who expect to get massages. Why do I care what they think? Why do I expect one of then to call me fat to my face?

A few months ago Nicole Kidman was on Oprah and she told Oprah that she had been a massage therapist in Australia. Oprah then asked her if big fat people ever came to her for massages, and what Nicole thought about that. Nicole said that, yes, big fat people did come to her for massages, and yes, she did in fact (only sometimes) think nasty thoughts about them as she gave them their massage.

Now, of course, Nicole Kidman isn't going to be the one massaging me, but I can't help but think that whoever does is going to be intimidated and disgusted by the size of my back. Lately I feel like I have gotten so fat that it is getting in the way of things I want to do in my everyday life. I am so stressed out!

On a side note and slightly related topic, here is what a professional, the student adviser from Massage magazine said about actual masseurs who are obese,

"Now, about obesity. If there is one deal-breaker in massage school, I’d have to say it’s obesity. I’ve done my best to work with obese students, and it rarely works out. Why? Because, as I’ve said, massage therapy is an athletic profession. If you come to it slightly out of shape, well, we can work with you and get you ready. But if you come to the profession out of shape and obese, it’s going to be tough on you.

For one thing, with the high ethical standards we have regarding steering clear of inappropriate client body contact, it is very difficult for an obese massage therapist not to lay part of her body on the client while working. Usually, with obese students, I have to constantly remind them that their bosom or belly is touching the client. It is embarrassing for the student, the instructor, the client, and fellow students.

Body mechanics can only do so much when oversized bosoms, bellies and arms make inappropriate contact with the body on the table.

If you are obese and seriously thinking of becoming a massage therapist, I will tell you the program will be tough for you, if not impossible. Before you start the program, why not use it as your incentive to get down to a healthier body weight? Then you can dive right in with strength and confidence."

Wow. I guess the moral for today is to try not to let your belly or boobs touch someone inappropriately today!

Desperate times call for...

I have been aware that there are BBW nights at certain clubs for a while. There is Club Bounce and Club XL and a few others, but I am sort of offended by the names! Club XL makes me want to cry! Even though I think they are a good idea, the whole concept still creeps me out really really badly. But I am still rather intrigued about what it would be like to be in a room full of men who are actually into my rolls...almost intrigued enough to actually go to one of these events (but not quite)!

I imagine a dark room filled to the brim with fat women dressed in as little as possible while toothless men masturbate in the corner. I know it won't be that bad...right??? Why do I think they will be toothless? I have no idea...but please don't get all offended in the comments section because it's just my imagination!

Have any of you ever been to any of these events? Are the men totally fatishistic?

I hate that I have to go to special meeting places in order to meet men! I feel like a leper! What I really want is to meet a man who likes me for who I am, and not because I am fat!!! Is that too much to ask?

Aren't there any cute fat loving Jewish men under 35 who read this blog?

I realize I sound desperate and complainy today, but my birthday is around the corner and I am feeling the pressure...