There is a civil war going on and it’s happening on super-market aisles and in restaurants across the nation. Fat girls are giving each other the stare down.
There are two things that fat girls do when they see another fat girl, they scan their target and then they ask the question that I, Emily, have asked myself probably more than a million times in my life, “am I bigger than her?”
I have my friends and family well trained. It’s come to the point where I don’t have to ask verbally anymore. A cock of the eye and my mother knows what I’m saying.
Am I fatter than that girl?
In an ideal world I wouldn’t be fat, but in this world I would settle for just giving another fatty a high five when I see her instead of making myself feel better by convincing myself that I haven’t gotten that big. And sometimes, I really don’t know.
I’ll stand directly behind a fat girl and see whose shadow I can see cast on the floor. I don’t mean this in a malicious way, but I question the other fat girls out there.
I recently was out shopping for groceries when I spotted a fat girl walking towards me on the aisle. She was in fact larger than me. I didn’t need a shadow to tell me that. And, as she passed me, she gave me the most devilish look I have ever gotten. I didn’t sleep with her baby’s daddy, I didn’t take the last bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, so what on heaven’s earth could I have done to receive a look like that?
Duh, I was “thinner” than her.
So, I’m putting it out there. I want this civil war to stop. We’re fat. I’m fat, you’re fat. I don't care if I'm 20lbs smaller because in our case, 20lbs is like the burger I had for lunch today.
So, next time you see me, or next time I see you, instead of giving me the stare down, give me a high five…maybe we could even come up with a secret fatty handshake.