Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Fatty vs. Fatty

There is a civil war going on and it’s happening on super-market aisles and in restaurants across the nation. Fat girls are giving each other the stare down.

There are two things that fat girls do when they see another fat girl, they scan their target and then they ask the question that I, Emily, have asked myself probably more than a million times in my life, “am I bigger than her?”

I have my friends and family well trained. It’s come to the point where I don’t have to ask verbally anymore. A cock of the eye and my mother knows what I’m saying.

Am I fatter than that girl?

In an ideal world I wouldn’t be fat, but in this world I would settle for just giving another fatty a high five when I see her instead of making myself feel better by convincing myself that I haven’t gotten that big. And sometimes, I really don’t know.

I’ll stand directly behind a fat girl and see whose shadow I can see cast on the floor. I don’t mean this in a malicious way, but I question the other fat girls out there.

I recently was out shopping for groceries when I spotted a fat girl walking towards me on the aisle. She was in fact larger than me. I didn’t need a shadow to tell me that. And, as she passed me, she gave me the most devilish look I have ever gotten. I didn’t sleep with her baby’s daddy, I didn’t take the last bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, so what on heaven’s earth could I have done to receive a look like that?

Duh, I was “thinner” than her.

So, I’m putting it out there. I want this civil war to stop. We’re fat. I’m fat, you’re fat. I don't care if I'm 20lbs smaller because in our case, 20lbs is like the burger I had for lunch today.

So, next time you see me, or next time I see you, instead of giving me the stare down, give me a high five…maybe we could even come up with a secret fatty handshake.


hopefulloser said...

according to my husband i should have "am I bigger than her?" tatooed on my forehead.

i went into torrid the other day and now that i'm getting thinner I was getting daggers left and right. i thought i was going to get my ass kicked.

I'm still in need of at least one X on my labels, so if we don't embrace the handshake or high five, I'm going to have to wear defensive gear.

Augustus said...

Don't kid do it too. I was walking through Home Depot looking for some kinda Alpha Male hardware tool the other day and this huge guy literally came grunting past me. The thought my Id immediately kicked into the forefront of my brain was, "well, at least I'm not as fat as that guy."

The other thing guys have is what I call the "shirt/no shirt rule." When we go to the beach, the public pool, the river, whatever, we scan the crowd to see if there's a guy there bigger than us with his shirt off. If there is, then it's okay for us to take our shirt off.

Trust me, it's not a gender thing...


TSC Girl said...

Stop reading my mind dammit!!! LOL

~pal~ said...

ow... i thought i was the only one who wondered that!!

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S said...

Finally a fellow fat girl who admits that many of us do this! I am guilty as charged of looking at other fat girls too and comparing. I cannot tell you how many stare ups/downs I've exchanged with other fatties on the subway trains. I'm guilty as charged. I enjoy reading your blog. I share some of your experiences, yet I know you do not speak for all fat women. You provide a snapshot into the lives of fat women and what we experience. I do have different views on what is ok to wear (i.e., sleeveless shirts which I wear with pride). Nonetheless, I respect your views and enjoy reading this blog regularly.

mainja said...

i used to play the 'am i fatter than her' game. now i try for the smile of solidarity. sometimes that works. sometimes it's met with suspicion

dani said...

The reason I play the "fatter than her" game is because I suffer from severe body dysmorphic syndrome. I literally have no clue how big/small I am. It does help me, but I do realise it is incredibly rude. =D

Clarice said...

Duh, maybe I'm totally clueless, but knew nothing of this game until now. And I never knew that other fat grrls were staring me down or anything.

Since I became comfier with myself, however, I've always made it a practice to flash the "smile of solidarity" at other tubbos. If I can do it gracefully, I always offer a compliment, too, anything from "I love your scarf," to, "Wow, you look so beautiful in that red sweater." Makes us both feel good. Try it.

Anonymous said...

So true!

I think I've got a little body dysmorphia going on, too, because I constantly eyeball other girls to see who's bigger and/or smaller; always on the quest to drop that 30lbs, to get back down to a size 10/12.

I remember one day being in a supermarket, purchasing lunch. I think I may be been dieting, because I just grabbed an individual fruit tray. The cashier looked at me pityingly and said, "You're beautiful, and don't ever let anyone tell you that you're not." Now, at that time I was about a size 24 or 26 and nearly bursting at the seams of my Lane Bryant smock. I knew I wasn't beautiful (aside from the 'beautiful face' caveat) but it did make me feel a little better UNTIL I realized she only said it to be nice.

You can lose all the weight in the world- I was down to a size 8 dress- and still feel like a fatty on the inside. Until you deal with the inner fatness, it doesn't matter what is on the outside because you'll never see it!

I read this blog from a link on and have been checking in since!

Haystacks said...

It's funny, when I meet another fat girl I feel instantly bonded to her. For all I know she could be satan in a dress, but for some reason I intrinsically feel we are on the same side.