I love the pictures that are sometimes found in health books where a skinny girl is looking into a long oval mirror and the reflection that stares back at her is of a dumpy chunky girl who's belly is poking out of her panties. I know skinny girls who claim to see themselves like that. It's called body dysmorphic disorder, and it is common among anorexics and bulimics. Sometimes I don't know if my skinny friends really feel that way, or if they just want me to tell them they aren't fat, which honestly I find incredibly annoying because to me anything less then 215 lbs I consider "not fat".
On occasion, I find that I have inverse dysmorphia, which really is just another type of dysmorphia, just one that isn't illustrated in text books. Sometimes I feel like if I was illustrated, there would be a fat girl with her belly hanging out in front of the oval shaped mirror, and staring back at me would be a curvy yet not lumpy and much smaller girl. Now don't get me wrong, I never ever EVER think I am thin or skinny or even "normal" or "average" size, but on occasion I do think to myself, "damn, I'm not THAT fat".
But sadly, at some point later in the day, reality sets in, and a reflection from a store window or a picture that a friend snaps of me on their cell phone camera (to my great displeasure), reminds me that, yeah, I am that fat. I mean, seriously, if you wake up in the morning and you think to yourself, "fuck, I wish those size 18 jeans still fit", then no matter what the mirror tells you, you are fat.
And I really do wish those size 18 jeans still fit, cause they were really cute... (Thanks Gap Online!!!)
Thursday, August 11, 2005
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9 comments:
Speaking as a male who has always prefered fat women (I odon't even understand why, it just happened that way). I find your blog both honest and refreshing.
Rock on!
I totally understand the idea of 'inverse' body dysmorphia. I can't help but think of myself as average, as not-lumpy and 'normal.' And then the damn pictures reveal my hips have grow to be a yard across...
God, I love your blog.
Another inverse dysmorphic here. I honestly see myself as being the same as when I weight 150lbs . . . sure, the extra layers of belly fat and the increasing clothing sizes tip me off to the change, but I really *think* that I look the same. Weird.
Mine is just called denial! Grin
You know, I have a pair of size 18's that I've hidden away because I loved them soooo much.
I try not to think about them...most days.
:-)
What about in dreams? When ever I have one of those dreams where I can see myself..I'm not skinny by any means, but I'm probably about a 12. I don't remember ever being a 12.
yeah, i have that reverse thing too... i have been told 'but you don't act like a fat person' WTF?
anyway, in my head i look different, and sometimes i am surprised when i look in the mirror, taken aback for a second, then think 'oh yeah, right, i remember now'
For a required speech class I took in college we had to critique a video of ourselves giving our speeches. It was so traumatizing! I actually had to fast-forward through it because I couldn't believe I actually looked and moved like that. So yeah, add me to list of inverse dysmorphics.
And you blog is hilarious! I got here via a link from Big Fat Deal.
YES! I do not see it. I look skinny and hot to me. I would want to get with me! But then someone takes a photo and shows it to me and I'm like WHO IS THAT MONSTER WITH ALL THE CHINS?
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