Someone Doesn't Like Us -or- I Want a Muffin Right Now

So, it finally happened, we got our first official piece of "hate" mail today! I can't believe it didn't happen weeks ago. I feel like we have officially joined the blogging community now! (Why is it that negative comments make me feel welcome?) I am shocked that all of the other comments and emails we have gotten have been really positive and supportive, and I feel like a lot of our readers get what we are doing here and what our posts are about. However, it seems that more than 4 of you are reading this blog, and the 5th person does not recommend Trident. We got a rather cold email regarding what a reader views as the message of our site. This posting is not just a response to her, but a general "thesis" about what the message of our blog is .

This is what her email said:

When I briefly visited this site, I could not figure out what the point of it was. My impression, possibly superficial (I am a bit pressed for time today), was that it seemed to suggest that everything in a fat person's life is about the inconveniences of being fat. I know that is not true of myself and not true of many other fat people I know, regardless of how large they are.

However, whatever the purpose of the site, it would seem more appropriate to use photos of yourselves on the site instead of photos of other fat people,especially if those photos show the fat people in rather unflattering poses.And in addition to being more appropriate, there is a liability question in using photos of people without permission - if they decide to take legal measures, it could get to be rather a difficult situation for you folks.Generally speaking, photos of individuals might not come under the "fair use" protection.

Finally and this is only my opinion but in answer to your quest for feedback, you might want to ask yourself, "will this site create awareness and respect for fat people or will it reinforce the stereotypes of fat people we hear about in the news all too often?" I don't know what the answer to that question is, but speaking ONLY for myself, when I visited the site, if it was supposed to make me respect fat people as productive,BEAUTIFUL members of our society, I somehow missed the point - this could have been my fault, t'is true but if I missed the point, perhaps other visitors might miss the point also....
Best, Emily's Least Favorite Person Of the Moment

There were actually links to, funnily enough, weight loss and obesity surgery links at the end of the email, but I didn't include them because of the "liability" issues involved...but how funny is that??? If everything about being fat is positive and there are no inconveniences, then why include that at the end?

First off, and because we fully appreciate constructive criticism, we did take down the pics on the site. Girl had a point. If you want to see pictures of fat bellies or a pannus or before and after weight loss pictures (my personal favorite), I recommend typing those keywords into Google, sifting through the random stuff, and having yourself a picture fest...

But back to the point:We have a few things to say in response to the email...First, this is OUR site. It's a site about us and our life experiences largely pertaining to being fat girls. We are not role models. We are not a typical "fat acceptance" site. We are not here to make a statement about all fat people.What we are doing is giving you a little piece of our lives. We are honest, sometimes brutally so, but we are going to continue telling the truth about our lives, and if you don't like the message, then I guess it's time to move onto the next blog that is giving you what you want to hear.

While I did just say that this isn't a "typical" fat acceptance site, I want to say that I do believe this blog does represent a form of fat activism. I think that by writing about our fat lives, whether the writings be positive or negative, we are giving a voice to fatness. No, not all people will like what our voices are saying, but just getting our experiences out into cyberland is, in my opinion a feminist and revolutionary act.

We aren't going to tell you that we like being fat, because we don't. On the other hand, we aren't doing anything to rectify our fat problems, so we live daily as fat girls, and are trying to live the best lives we can. LET ME CLARIFY SOMETHING: We are not a healthy or curvy size 12, 14, 16, 0r 18. If we were, let me tell you, this would be a much different blog. There is a difference between societies' obsession with thinness and it's need to label the size 10 models in the Dove ad's "plus sized", and feeling old and broken at the age of 24 because fat and gravity aren't friends.

Neither of us feels like we are at our ideal weight. And, neither of us want to be skinny, but we aren't satisfied with the state of our bodies at the moment. There are fat sites both advocating obesity and/or spreading the fat and proud message. To the fat and proud, I say, "right on"! We, however, are not proud, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that either.

The email seems to saying that being fat isn't an inconvenience. I’m calling her on her bullshit. Not a day goes by where I am not inconvenienced by my weight, be it emotionally or physically. If I weren't fat I wouldn't have to:

• Make sure there is enough room between me car and the car next to me to make sure the door opens up wide enough for me to get out or in.
• Actually have to evaluate a chair to make sure it won’t break or is big enough to accommodate me.
• Shop at specialized stores which are really expensive and hidden at the back of the mall.
• Worry that the elevator is broken.
• Worry about telling someone off that has cut me off on the freeway because how horrible would it be if they called you a “fat bitch”.
• Pretend that I'm on the phone with a friend so the person taking my meal order won’t think I'm actually eating all of that!
• Worry that I'm breathing too heavy.
• Loathe shopping with my friends because I can’t participate in the fun of the try-on room.
• Lift my folds of fat so I can clean under them.

So, "will this site create awareness and respect for fat people or will it reinforce the stereotypes of fat people we hear about in the news all too often"? Create awareness: Yes. Create respect: You tell us. Reinforce stereotypes: Maybe.

But we’re not here to fight anyone’s fight. We’re just here to write some funny stories about what has happened to us and how we feel about this modern society where, yes, being thin is in. We’re not here to upset anyone or to enforce a stereotype. But, we won’t lie either. It’s hard being fat. But, as long as we are fat, why not make the most of it.