Tuesday, August 02, 2005

I'm A Weight Watcher!

Well, not anymore...but I've joined Weight Watchers maybe 10 times in my life. Weight Watcher meetings, or the WW as I call it, are one of the funniest things to attend. Almost like a comedy club, only with a higher cover charge. I'm not saying this because it's a bunch of fat people sitting in a room. I'm saying this because of the happenings that go on while you're there. The desperateness, the denial, the recounting of a whole weeks worth of eatings, is enough to write a novel about. But, I'll give you just a small taste of what is truly brilliant about the WW.

The people watching is worth the weekly fee. I love people watching, I know Lindsey does too. But, the people watching at the WW is some of the best. And some of the things these people say are priceless. For example, a woman once started talking about how she misses her chocolate desserts but has overcome that craving by freezing berries and eating those. FREEZING BERRIES. The only craving frozen berries would overcome for me is if I was actually craving frozen berries. Frozen berries are in no way equivalent of chocolate. And what did the people do when she told them about this amazing chocolate craving discovery? Shook their heads like this was the best idea ever. What did I do? I stared at the woman like she was a dumb fuck. I would have thought it was more ingenious if she had told me to only eat half of the chocolate bar instead of the whole thing. In that case, I would have nodded in agreement and told the stranger next to me that this woman had a good point. But, frozen berries are not going to help me put the See's Candy down. Not today, not tomorrow.

I've always had this fantasy about going to a meeting and bringing in food with me. I got this idea after a woman sat down and started to eat an apple. You should have the faces of the other group members. This woman somehow made this apple look as if it were a cheeseburger or prime rib. I've never seen anything like it. It was a damn apple. It was then that I wanted to bring something in that wasn't as healthy and nearly as fat free. I want to bring Fettucini Alfredo with me to the next meeting I choose to attend. I'd like to sit in the middle of the group and very casually take a huge bowl of fettucini alfredo, sprinkle some parmesan cheese on it and start munching down. The closest I've come to committing to this was bringing a Coke to the meeting, non-diet. I got one stare...maybe because it was a regular Coke, but maybe because it was 10 in the morning. I'm not really sure.

I hate the weigh in. Nothing is worse then having a skinny girl weigh me in. It's really not like they've ever been fat. Losing 20lbs at the WW and then getting a job there really doesn't impress me. Give me a woman who used to weigh 300lbs and now weighs 150 and I'd be perfectly comfortable. She knows. She's been there too. We can relate. But, Ms. "I lost the 23 lbs I put on with my pregnancy" really doesn't do it for me. Either do the skinny girls that go to Weight Watchers. I've told Lindsey before and I'll tell you. I feel the WW should break their groups into weight classes. That way, I don't have to see Michelle, the girl who weighs 135 try to lose that 3lbs she put on after Spring Break in Cancun. Can I get an AMEN?

If I ever actually decide to lose the weight and put my heart and soul into it, I know I'll be joining the WW again. I like their approach. I don't like how when you see a picture of someone who lost 200lbs on Weight Watchers they remind you that "results are not typical". I don't really need to hear that considering I'm living proof that results are not typical. But, if they want to give me a years free membership and a lifetime supply of their Fruities (their 1 pack = 1 pt fruit chews that will pull out your fillings), then I will try to make the results as typical as me craving chocolate instead of frozen berries.


daniel said...

hey, this group must be funny! I would like to take part in some, but I'm skinny and tall man... no way for me to get into... but I really would like to meet some plump and fat friends, all time talking about diets, but going to eat just after the watching session!

Daniel, from Brazil

Mr. W said...

the only diet i'd really need is a beer diet... is there something that can replace that? i think not... but it's a totally different problem anyway.

Becca said...

I think you guys are great! You're funny, realistic and know what its like to live the fat girl saga!

Kudos (not the milk chocolate granola bar) to you!!

Glib Gurl said...

AMEN!!! The annoying skinny chicks - as well as the weekly fees - are what keep me from returning to WW at present. The only thing I can say in defense of the thinner participants is that many times they are in maintainence . . . I have a friend who lost over 100lbs on the program and she still goes to meetings religiously. To look at her you'd never know that she used to weight almost 300 lbs!

Anonymous said...

You can always do WW online and skip the meetings, as I have. Lost 60 lbs.

Haystacks said...

I must of lost a damn pound laughing at the fettuchinni thing